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Warning: This is not a review. This is an extremely personal letter to K - the protagonist of No Smoking. No one forces you to read, leave alone comment!
Dear K,
Hey! I saw the film they made about you. It’s about your smoking habit, they think. I don’t think so. It didn’t have an email address to reach you so I am posting the letter here.
You know, when I was getting into the auto rickshaw to get to watch No Smoking, a madman followed me. I ignored him and he started to follow all the way into the rickshaw. The other side of the rickshaw was blocked as well. The driver was a bit stumped and took time to react, he thought that man was with me, but I panicked for I didn’t know him. The auto rickshaw man took charge and began hurling the choicest abuses at once. I was glad!
Well, I just assumed he was mad, because he ‘looked’ mad. He did what he felt and I was so sure he would hurt me that I feared him instantly. But, I didn’t have the time to ask him his story, you know I was getting late for the film – nothing more important than saving time and money, right?
I just let him be, The madman. Anyway! I didn’t have money for a multiplex so I saw the film in an economy hall in Bandra with an audience that sat through right till the end…at least till the last credits rolled. Some of them were so surprised that they had actually enjoyed the film till the interval. After that, they couldn’t relate with you and didn’t want to try. Some did. Not all.
I understand what that Baba did to you. I mean, I’ve grown up in a family of rather protective moral guardians. We are confused culture north Indians for heavens sake, displaced, migrants, mongrels, whatever. And by now I am sure, that at least, I, lead a double life! One which is ‘mine’ and the other which is at ‘home’.
Ever since I remember, someone or the other has been there to tell me what is right because it’s a jungle out there – outside ‘home’. When I ignore them, someone else pops up to show me the way. ‘My’ way usually runs in the opposite direction. But, then you know, one day, I left ‘home’. I got a chance to leave and see a new world, a world I didn’t know about.
I just kept walking on, till my naïve mind was bombarded with knowledge from everywhere and it made me angry, bitter and mean, because it all made sense. I went very deep into a dark tunnel and from there I tried to communicate between the two worlds, it just didn’t work.
No one had the time or patience apart from those who loved me. No one cares K, we know that. Why should they anyway!
But, it also taught me, that for me, it was important to come back home because I can cut myself out of their lives, they don’t seem to cut me out of theirs. Serves me right!
By the way, I don’t see you as arrogant, a bit naive maybe and compared to Baba you are an innocent man K. Obviously you couldn’t make head or tail of what was happening to you, neither could I. All I saw was that it messed you up, like my tunnel messed me up. But, did you go through so much torture just because you couldn’t let go off your wife? To some people you may seem arrogant but you’ve proved that deep down you are highly emotional! Now is that good or bad? I mean, she’s the most wonderful woman, doubling up as your fantasy. Do you really love her, you abuse her in comic book bubbles all the time (and that got a lot of laughs by the way!) or were you scared you’d be lost without her. You are a confusing guy! But she stood by you right through the end.
And your friend. Never trust friends, life’s only about loving your parents after all. But come to think of it, maybe he wanted to remain friends with you so he got you on his side by referring you to the same place, not because he was selfish. And then when you got out, you became selfish too, just like him. No wonder you are friends.
And then what about your family? You’ve created your own high rise, but what about them? You love them but you don’t live with them. You can’t be your brother’s doctor, right? But I assume you’re paying for his treatment. But, remember he is ill because of you! Or didn’t he have asthma already? But, then even the illness didn’t kill him, none of his suicide attempts killed him and we know what did, a freak accident. Don’t feel guilty K. Life’s like that.
And what about that Baba of yours; he’s an animal. Just look at that man. Agreed he’s a sea of knowledge giving Hindu Shastras, then why is he hiding from the world fleecing people? Maybe they don’t respect his knowledge outside his kingdom. But like this - killing off people, their relatives, that’s criminal. He’s so inspired by archetypal ‘hindi’ film villains that get back to the hero by kidnapping his girlfriend or mother. You are so Indian K. You live in this country, not your highrise and you know it.
India, by the way! K is quite a complicated country to live in. No wonder we live off our films. We can’t live without conflict! We keep creating drama and living off it. We either celebrate impossible romantic love or we simply hate and abuse. First we abuse, then we get together and throw stones and after that we will kill. Oh! doesn’t that happen already, you watch the news right? We are so used to it by now.
I am glad you told your story, it opened up a lot of wounds. But everyone will have to search for their own healing. I am not surprised that someone might ‘hate you’. In fact, they’ll love to hate you. Let them live off that hate, should we?
Face it K. They are not interested in knowing you or even reading my letter, they are interested in themselves as it should be. They’ll hate you because they won’t make an effort to learn about you or maybe they never got a chance to step out of home, yet. Until, some day they reach a situation like you. When even for a moment, they become ‘you’. God help them if some day they do. They’ll go through the tunnel too.
Honestly, I went back there recently and you know what, your ‘demented’ film gave me peace, even if momentarily. Because it’s made at ‘home’ but it takes me back to what is ‘mine’ – the experience that taught me who I am and what the ‘world’ would like me to be.
For the last one month or so, I’ve been disconnected from systems and isolated from people because this is a painful time. It’s time to get back ‘home’ once again, such are the demands of finding an identity, earning a living and fulfilling responsibilities – basically selling out one way or the other, which was just the way it was planned to be. I am a weak human being. It is painful. I have reconciled to the fact that I was never meant to chase ambitions, but hearing out your story gave me peace. I don’t want to watch a happy film right now because life’s not always a bed of roses. I enjoy the torture. Maybe life’s made me tough, I can endure it and I want to show that off. I want to save that happy film for the time when I am with my people, not isolated like this. If I were at ‘home’, I would have skipped your story instead. Luckily, films stay and I will keep your DVD.
I don’t smoke or drink K but I still feel for what you went through.
Cheers,
Demented audience member
(Why give me western education if this is the India I am supposed to live in! or should I aim for a highrise somewhere far away from ‘home’?)
Ps1: I am almost on the verge of selling out, K but I’ll remember your story forever.
Ps2: I like your story K, it gave me strength to share mine.
Ps3: India’s becoming a marketplace, choose carefully what you buy, malls are only very recent here but they are here to stay.
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me too will keep the DVD.
More than anything, I find the story of the madman very interesting! Maybe you knew him during your “Sadma” period, and when you got back your memory, you did not recognize him, maybe when you left in the train, leaving him frustrated at the railway platform, which in turn made him a madman and he somehow caught the next train to Mumbai and accidentally saw you! Here is a love story in the making!! ;)
Machchar mere bhai, Machchar my brother, you are imaginative. I just put down what actually happened. Sorry, we haven’t met yet,wasn’t you right? hahahaha
It seems I will have to keep 2 DVDs…:)
Yeah…I always wanted to make Sadma 2. Well, If anyone knows Kamal Hassan, please help me…I know Sridevi, will speak to her… :D
the name will be
Sadme pe Sadma…
Smriti, we might not have met but we did speak to each other on the phone. And you don’t have to call me a brother in all the languages you know, don’t worry, I will not follow you into autorickshaws! haha!!
So, how was the madman like? Well dressed with glassy expressionless eyes? or was it filled with lust? How was he dressed? How were his clothes?
LOL @ Mohit! :d
smriti, lovely post. good to c smritivijalive! pfc…m loving it. never had so wonderful. one post swings to this side the other that side n it balances everything. Ozzie thnx again.
awesomen Smriti…welcome back…
@Machchar - I don’t remember speaking to anyone called Machchar on phone.
the madman - he was shrivelled, wore dirty clothes and was totally unkempt. looked towards the ground dragging his feet aimlessly, trying to make eye contact once in a while. i did look at him though. He nodded as if aknowledeging me. maybe thats why he followed me. he mumbled something i didn’t bother to hear. I dont know what he was thinking. But this was all a matter of about a minute, it was day and there were lots of people around.
thnx phoenixnu, thanks vasan.
Poor chap…maybe he was hungry…such guys don’t hurt, they understand they will be beaten up mercilessly by the crowd if they do one wrong thing, and who knows how many times he was beaten up…
Next time you encounter such people…Not the well fed beggars at signals…people whose brain got fucked because of our system and are now just waiting to die, like this poor chap…even if you are in a rush…buy him a vada pav or if possible, something more filling for 10 rupees.
And don’t worry about getting hurt…Such mad people, who have been banished from our society are much safer than the well dressed Gateway of India killer.
Sometimes when I see other societies, which gives so much importance on the value of life, I wonder if I should regret being born in this country? Mera Bharat Mahaan aside, what is there to be really proud of? On one side we see so much of richness and how these people waste and on the other side, we see this society which can just survive for months on the leftovers of a day left by the rich but they don’t even get that!
Whenever I buy a ticket in Multiplex for two, I get guilt pangs and I think about that small lower middle class family with two small girls, whose fathers salary is just 4000 rupees.
Whenever I travel by air when I go to my hometown, even though I have enough time to take the train, I feel guilty that my one single trip will make one family survive for a whole month…
Why? Is this god’s will? Or all human beings not created equal? Why is there so much of pain everywhere?
Funny you say this Machchar…coz i was just watching Bruce Almighty
Or maybe that guy, when you made an eye contact with him felt something that he wanted to at least have one word with you as he must have totally totally lost hope of ever getting married, having a happy family with a wife, kids etc…and no girl ever would have ever looked at the mess he is in….maybe he just wanted to see you….to see what all he has lost in life…
@Macchar
Well inequality is a part and parcel of every society, guess can’t be helped. In every society, u will have the rich and poor, lower and upper middle class. But in a way i guess the inequalities are much more pronounced in India, because here apart from the class divide, we have religion,caste, region, language and what not.
But what sucks in India is not that inequality is not just restricted to the class or caste or religion or language, it has spread its tentacles to every aspect. The US has one of the highest rates of inequality, there is a staggering gap between a WASP living in the suburbia and a black living in a decaying inner city neighbourhood, as much as between some one in the Bay Area of California or Manhattan and some one living in the boondocks of West Virginia or Louisiana or the Deep South.
But the fact is the law is equal for all there. And its not a cliche. A WASP caught for drunken driving suffers the same punishment as an inner city black who has been caught. Nor does the law differentiate between a Californian or a Manhattanite or a country hick guy when it comes to convicting.
You know there is a memorable scene from The Insider, when the attorney Bruce Mc Gill shouts,
“This is not Kentucky nor N.Carolina nor S.Carolina, this is the sovereign state of Misissippi and Dr. Wigand’s deposition will go on record, whether u like it or not”. That one dialog sums up how much the rule of law is valued there.
We cant prevent inequality in toto, that would be reintroducing Communism, and we know what the results have been. But the least we can do is ensure that both the Nariman Point millionaire and the vada paav seller on Chowpatty have the same equal rights before the law, and thats where we have failed miserably.
Smriti, i honestly feel most lunatics are harmless. They live in their own dream world, and dont harm any one, in fact the poor souls have ruined their own life. The most dangerous bastards are the smooth talking, educated ones, with a crooked mind, and i would be wary of em, any day, any time. Look no further than Enron, living proof, that a Harvard education, does not guarantee anything.
Smriti,
Good post,Great read. k-3
This is for Anurag. I have watched your movie and liked it. But as a part of your audience, I want you to clear up some of the things you forgot to explain in the movie. Should I post ‘em here? Or can you contact me? I’m giving my email id -
apoorvkhatreja [at] gmail [dot] com
mr.kashyap,
do u mind me asking why you made no smoking. seems like this movie should have been made 10 yrs ago.Also are you trying to imitate david lynch?if so let me tell you you failed.