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Y’all have seen or heard of ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’ movie, so no point in writing another review and also, it is THE masala movie, that every B - director tries to emulate. However, I have a couple of questions about the movie and I would like to see today’s version of the movie.

Apparently, David Dhawan or some other director was meant to re-make this movie - it was in the news when we had the re-make frenzy period, that period is about re-kick-off with HimehBhai’s Karzz. Or that will put off audiences/makers from remakes. But wasn’t RGV’s Aag meant to do that?

Anyway, back to the film; the first question: The three kids were separated on 15th August but were they reunited after 22 years or 25 years? There is some inconsistent about the separation years; in one scene it is 22 years and in another scene it is 25 years. Was that due to lapse of concentration or was it done purposely - the figure was rounded off in one of the scene cos we do have tendency to give a round figure most of the time?

Second Question: The scene where Bharati (Nirupa Roy) goes missing, and KishanLal (Pran) takes his three kids as Robert’s (Jeevan) are after him - in that scene night and day oscillates like a yo-yo. What was that? Was it cos of bad camera work or those shots were shot at different times of day/night?

I am questioning those irrelevant scenes because apart from those scenes I did not find anything odd about this film. The story is a bit far fetched - but not odd. It could happen or could have happened to some family, but we would not know. Perhaps pace of the film was so fast that it didn’t give you time to realize any other odd scenes. Anyway, it is all irrelevant; I was just boring you guys, for a bit. And I really really want to write a very long post.

Now, I want to see a remake of this film. Before I elaborate on why I want to see a remake of ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’, I am going to tell you who I would have as director of this remake film and the cast. So let me put my creative / casting director topi.

We do not have Manmohan Desai kind of director even though we still make a lot of masala films. So I believe the remake would need more than one director to make the remake as good as the original. Perhaps RGV would be able to remake the film - if he shot the film like he did in Daud - and not concentrated on various shooting angles. But he would not. So that leaves him out of the race. Or even Imtiaz Ali could be a decent bet.

I would have three directors for this remake - one director who would look after all the melodramatic scenes - second director would direct the songs - and third director would direct the funny scenes.

For melodramatic scenes, I have <four>three</four> candidates: Farah Khan, Karan Johar, Yash Raj and Ekta Kapoor. I detest all of ‘em but melodrama is their genre and have to pick one from ‘em. Which one though?! Ekta Kapoor - she is queen of TV melodrama, but she would bring Saas - Bahu in it and also she would change name of the film according to her numerologist, so nah. Karan Johar - like Ekta Kapoor has a a thing for ‘K’ so he would call the film “Karan Kabir Kevin” (that would give a wrong idea to many people) and would have Shah Rukh Khan playing triplets, so nah. Yash Raj - he should retire or has retired. So we are left with Farah Khan - she is a fan of Masala movies from 70s era - and is good at making shite melodramatic scenes. I would give her the command for directing the melodramatic scenes in the remake.

I would not have a film director to shoot the songs in the remake. Because in most of case the choreographers or music video director are in charge of shooting a film song. And I don’t know any names, so I don’t know who would be better to film the jumping qawaali, the easter song, the subdued romantic song and the final song. Perhaps have more than one music director…

… I don’t know. But, I know, I would prefer if Anu Malik was retuning the soundtrack. I actually would not have the same tune from the original soundtrack but would keep the lyrics same. Basically, I don’t want album to be remixed, but getting a new tune. Perhaps like a cover version of the album.

Priyadarshan - I would have him to direct the comedy scenes and the final scene. Because he has a panache for making grand climax. And he has made some decent comedy films. David Dhawan was another choice but the guy cannot make a movie without any innuendo jokes or dance moves and this movie doesn’t need any of that.

Now moving to the actors.. cast….

Bharati. We do not have a actor like Nirupa Roy - well, only Kiron Kher comes close but she is loud and can only play Punjabi roles. Then there is Farida Jalal - she is too old for this role. I would have Rani Mukherji playing the role. Her time has come to give up a role of dancing around trees and play regularly a grown up mother. She is a good crier - she looks old enough - and that is all is required for this role.

Suresh Oberio for Mr. Ilahabadi role. Raj Pal Yadav for Taiyyab Ali role. Irrfan Khan for KishanLal role. Boman Irani for Robert role. Jeevan played the role of Robert in original and it kind made me think that he would have been good for Joker role - or perhaps - he was inspired by Joker.

The heroines didn’t have much of role in the film, so any today’s actresses could those roles. So I would go for Chitragandha Singh to play the role played by Shabana Azmi in the original. For Jenny’s role, there are many contenders: Kareena, Priyanka, Katrina Kaif, Bipasha Basu, etc. But Jenny’s role is made for Katrina Kaif. She has only a few lines to say - a couple of dance songs - and nothing else. And Ayeshia Takia for Dr. Salma role cos she looks close enough to Neetu Singh and I like Ayeshia Takia.

Shiney Ahuja can play Amar. There aren’t any other actors who could resemble Vinod Khanna. Akshaye Khanna would not be good for the role cos he would make weird faces.

Govinda came to me mind first for Akbar’s role cos I could not find any other actors who would suit the role and he could perform that jumping qawaali as good as Rishi did . But Govinda is too old. So Ranivr Shorey would be sufficient for the Akbar role.

Anthony has majority of scenes or pivotal scenes, so this role has to played by a big star. Shah Ruk Khan? Nah. Aamir Khan? Nah. Only Akshay Kumar is perfect for the role and he would do justice to the role.

However, this film cannot be remade in today’s era. Because we anymore do not have Beescoots Smugglers and hence we won’t be able to write the first scene - separation scene. The film needs to have Robert. If you redefine Robert then you would be redefining the entire film and that won’t be a remake; it would just be a poor copy.

Also Gareebi is not a big deal anymore even though we still have millions of poor people in our country. But, it is not a bid deal for our industry. Lower / Middle class characters have been entirely wiped out of industry. It is only rich or nri characters that work these days. Everyone wants a big house and a ferrari in the garage.

It is impossible to remake ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’ in today’s era, for the above two reasons.

Just think back…. last masala movie about brothers/sisters getting separated cos of some beescoot smugglers or at mela released in which year?

anahoni ko honi kar den honi ko anahoni
ek jagah jab jama hon teenon amar akbar anthoni
anahoni ko honi …

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