Ambiguous Shastra
naache mann mora magan trik dha dhiki dhiki
badra ghir aaye rut hai bheegi bheegi
naache mann mora magan trik dha dhiki dhiki
trik dha dhiki dhiki, trik dha
There is an old saying that, one can tell one’s personality by knowing the one’s personal music taste. If one has a classical musical collection then that person is classified as classy by the people, well, there is a minority group that would classify the person as snob, or, pseudo.
So Seth only has rich (semi-) classical songs in his iPod, as people often request to check out the iPod. You see, in his village nobody else has seen an iPod before, so people come to check out the iPod. They go shaava-shaava waah-waah when they see the iPod. They doubly go shaava-shaava waah-waah when they hear the classical songs playing on the iPod. Of course, he charges people; 100 rupees to hold the iPod and 500 rupees to listen to the tunes coming out from iPod. People flock from the nearby towns to see and hear the phenomena.
The craze had irked the Pandit of the town, as people have stopped visiting the temple, that causing his bijness to decline. So to get back his customers devotees he spreads a rumor around the village that iPod is evil – Bhairavi ka swarup hain – it will make you go deaf.
Hang on, this sounds a bit like “Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost”, or, sort of “The Blue Umbrella”. I thought I had cracked it finally – the above lines look so neat, but…. Anyway, never imagined “Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost” and “The Blue Umbrella” together in one sentence.
Socha nahin tha taqdeer yahan laayegi
Manzil pe aate hi jaan chali jaayegi
O, yeh to Sikandar ne bhi nahin tha socha
Aane se pehle khushi laut jaayegi
Humne socha tha kya, aur kya se kya hua
Jaa rahe hai aaj yeh zamaane ko bataake
Pandit was so agitated by all this that he packed his suitcase and headed towards Bombay. Well, he knew that there was no future in the village and the future money is in Bombay to be earned. The first thing he did was to give himself a new name – Numero Pundit. The next thing he did was to pay a visit to every single film producers, directors, actors, spot boys, etc where he told each of them that your film is going to be soooper-dooooper-flop if you do not change your name – the film name – pay attention to my advice on every aspects of filmmaking. Some of them kicked him out cos they already had a family numerologist but he scammed others successfully. He had made it.
Hang on, this has been done heaps of times – it ain’t that funny anymore…. but those above lines look so neat,…..
Numero Pundit got hang of the game and it made him more greedy for the money. The money earned scammed from the film personalities was not enough, to build his own empire temple. Hence, he started targeting the aam junta by selling merchandize – DVDs full of his gyaan but that did not make nuff money. So he went about finding new players and set his sight on the underworld players.
It was a struggle for Numero Pundit to sell his ideology – if you do not change your name according to me then you will be in jail, to the underworld players. But, there is always a fool around, and he found the fool in Thugwa.
Thugwa aspired to be the DON, but so far he had been failing to topple the current Don. He had tried everything but changing his name, which was suggested by one of his chammiya – who was bribed by none other than Numero Pundit. So Thugwa changed his name Phuuuugwaaaaa as recommended by Numero Pundit. Fortunately, it worked wonders for Phuuuugwaaaaa – his power increased immensely – but still he craved to be the DON. His confidence in Numero Pundit grew – he started to involve Numero Pundit in all his daily routines.
Phuuuugwaaaaa & co. were planning how to bump off the current Don and Numero Pundit did not like that. He requested Phuuuugwaaaaa to scrap the planning – as he thought it is waste of time and money – he found the idea of planning ludicrous, and re-change his name to Phuuuuguuuuwaaaaa. But Phuuuugwaaaaa could understand the reason behind the suggestion, so he was quite against it. In the end, Phuuuugwaaaaa changed his name to Phuuuuguuuuwaaaaa before taking his joshilee team to finish off the current Don.
He came back defeated – lost all his men in the battle. Now he was after Numero Pundit’s blood. He searched for him everywhere but he was vanished… Numero Pundit took the patli-gali to his home town…
….. the town was iPod craze-free, as now every one had their own iPhone. So there was no phenomena in the town.. people were visiting temple daily. But now, he could not back to the temple, as his place was taken by… So he became a film critic for infamous BollyHungaFM, to enlighten and educate and entertain the readers.
Hang on, this is not going anywhere, there are no punchlines, no messages, no intellectually stimulating, no creativeness,……But everything above looks so neat.
bhid baad main kati patang ho gaya
jeene ka dhang bedhang ho gaya
samundar main aake mil gaya gali ka nala re
khud ko maar dala re khud ko maar dala
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
What nonsense ! … Sorry,…but dont waste peoples time like this ever again !
it’s sort of sunday/weekend supplement you get in paper… never mind
’side, there is a lot of time around in the world. and i am not intentionally wasting your or anyone’s time.
@ Goonda ! Forgive me ! Didnt take that into account ! I understand your perspective. Forgive my myopic analysis ! Cheers !
@ Goonda,… Apart from writing such articles, next time you are bored,…try watching DVDs, playing video games, listening to some music, cybering, picking your nose,…anything else u like !
is this also a story for a film. Will it also go in to the story bank PFC is building?
have you finished talking all about cinema?
nice!
no stranger. Did you not notice the Halla Bol review which was published today?
Anyway, have a read of this i hope it answers your questions in detail, if you find my answer to your questions not sufficient enough.
@Honhaar Goonda….
nothing to do with this topic…but your name reminds me of a mithun movie called goonda…have u seen it by any chance..it has got the best dialogues in the industry…:d
No Anand, I have not seen the film. However, the film was discussed on pfc.
HG:
quite like the idea of a small town iPod/Bhairavi owner shunted out of his village,
who then becomes a numerology goonda …..
it could DEFFY work as a short story for ‘d bank’! just a lil tweaking thats all.
Kavita…
this was just for a bit of …. naache mann mora magan trik dha dhiki dhiki….
:-D
HG, geeton ke bahane chhupi baat hothon pe aaye; badra ghir aaye….!! So this is what happens when you let your imagination go dhiki dhiki
Unfortunately, yes. You guys are lucky that I had scrapped the idea of writing something along the line.. “What would happen when a God gets heckled by a mortal (Honhaar Goonda)”
Goli Maar Bheje Mein
Bheja Shor Karta Hai
Bheje Ki Sunega To Marega Kallu
Kallu Mama
:-D
Goonda Bhai, what a coincidence, I was just listening to
Tushar…”O Papadwaale” is from Makdee..
ya indeed. The Blue Umbrella album carries those tracks – panga & chhutti hai, it was running in a loop tonight, moreover Panga is in the same league as Tesoo.
Hai Bhagwaan!!
Iss ladke ko kya hogeya hai??????