Bhram – An Illusion(Part 2)
I must say I did not know it would be so long before I wrote my next post. But I have been extremely tied up wrapping up “Bhram” and starting up the three new projects which are to go on the floor soon. “Bhram” has had its share of problems but that is part of the process and I have enjoyed every minute of it. There were times when I cursed the circumstances, but looking back I know I would gladly do it all again. For it is all I know how to do. My ‘life’ is on pause when I am not working on a film. Television keeps me sane. At least I am doing something that resembles what I love doing most.
Sometimes in quieter moments, I wonder would it not have been wiser had I looked upon film making as a job and not as a passion. I get the answer a heartbeat away.. I cannot change my grain. Whatever be the cost or severe the struggle, however elusive the final destination.. I could not have willed it any differently.
In the early days, before I had an opportunity to join the fraternity of ‘filmmakers’, I shot portfolios in order to ‘finance’ my learning of the craft which required buying expensive books, seeing films, film rolls and supplies for my darkroom.
Much later making ad films with minimal budgets, I recall walking down Mumbai roads holding cans of film in my hands, to save on cab fares. This was before I made the ‘Gandhi ‘ ad which got nominated at Cannes but got me no work worth the mention.
Getting a job as an asst. Director was difficult..to say the least. I did got any help from my family owing to my ‘rebellious’ ways. I began to hang around editing rooms, thanks to an asst. Editor friend. I spent my days watching others edit films on noisy moviolas. The musty ‘smell’ of film is fresh in my memory to this day, and will remain so. It is the smell of passion. The smell of sex. Of creation. It is missing in the non-linear editing platforms of today. But you can still enjoy it if you visit a film processing lab.
There are invaluable lessons to be learnt in the editing room. Sadly many aspiring filmmakers believe they can learn all by being on the sets and do not get involved in the editing process. This is a grave error. In an interview Director John Frankenhiemer was once asked: ‘ If required which department of a film could you leave to someone else?’ He replied: ‘ I would have to be personally and completely involved in the scripting, the casting and the editing. The shooting I guess I could leave to someone else.’
It is extremely difficult to get the opportunity to direct a film. But then anything that’s worth doing is not easy. One has to ‘get’ there……with your passion and dignity intact. I have been through the grind, almost ready to fall and also seen many fall by the side. Sensitivity is your ‘gift’ and also your ‘cross’. I have seen fortunes built upon heartbreaks. Some however succumb to the rigours.
My father Surendra Kaul wrote ‘Namak Halal’. I still have the hand written pages with every scene including the “I can talk English, I can walk English….”. I and my mother remember laughing to tears when he narrated the ‘Daddu’ scenes etc., But my father never let us see the tears he must have shed silently when his name never featured in the credit title for the script of the film, which went on to becoming one of the greatest successes of all time. What he was paid was a pittance to say the least. He died of cancer in 1997. His contributions to many great films remain unknown. Of that another time.
A filmmaker is someone who makes films. Not someone who talks of making films. I have not yet made a film after my heart. My first film was but wasn’t to be. Everything else I have done since has been to someone else’s design.
So what should I do? Stop doing that which I love most? Perish in the frustration of not being able to make the film I want to? No. I have chosen to do the work offered to me and make it my own. I have always done it to the best of my abilities, in the given circumstances. In the end it will always be mine. There is one thing a true filmmaker can always do, no matter what. He can always leave his signature on his work. That’s what it is all about. He can always tell his story through the stories of others.
During the making of ‘ Jaadu’ (my 2nd film) I made the blunder of refusing 3 films offered to me only to ensure that I give this film my all. Unfortunately, the producers went awry with their plans and the film got shelved. I was left with nothing except my dreams lighting up the darkness ahead
I turned away from films, promising myself to make one again only when I had complete control. I decided to produce/direct on television until that happened. I refused to think of it as a ‘smaller medium’ simply because it also translated as creativity. I made ‘Sadma’ the first ‘psychological’ thriller which was linear and not episodic. It went on to getting lofty TRP’s in the first few weeks itself and a Screen awards nomination as Best director for me. No. I did not win it. The person who did was not featured in the nominations at all, but had recently been appointed as programming head of the then leading television channel.
Soon after ‘Kaash’, for Sony was the first serial with songs, I am asked for tapes of which even today, shot totally outdoors at a time when it was unheard of on TV. My friends thought me to be insane since I took a unit of 60 to far off Chakrata in U.P. and shot sometimes just one scene a day..carrying cranes & huge lights etc.,far away atop the mountains. I treated it as I would have a film.. which also left me financially in a tight spot and friends feeling vindicated that their warnings weren’t heeded. But a venture that I gave my name to had to be backed by my honesty as a professional. It was for a long time used as a yardstick by Sony bosses.
I was offered ‘Mano ya na Mano ‘by Ekta Kapoor. Previous to that the genre of horror./thrillers lacked respectability. They were slotted as Ramsay stereotypes. I experimented with stars of the small screen, realistically shot scenes, and emotionally peppered stories. It went on to being one of the firsts in the Balaji success story.
‘Shhh…Koi Hai..’ on Star Plus a horror weekly that often gave the Saas-bahu dailies a run for their money. I had attempted to create a matrix which I humbly accept went down well with the audiences. Supernatural thrillers were now an integral part of television programming.
I had by now realized that freedom and control could only be relative, never complete. There is tremendous dignity in ‘work’, while there is nothing more futile and degrading than waiting for utopia to find you. In my opinion all aspiring filmmakers should understand this, failing which they would be better off looking at options. There are several to choose from. One could open a wine shop or a medical store. If one has connections then having a petrol pump allotted is also most lucrative. The possibilities are endless..
To all of you who share a passion for filmmaking I wish to say: Just go do it. Do it whatever it takes. Any job that gets you closer to your goal. Circumstances will never be ideal. Conditions never right. Someday when you are making a 30 crore film you will still have reasons to crib and complain. When you are famous and powerful things will still never be totally in your control. Ask a Coppola. Or a Polanski.
Not so long ago one of my assistants, Kaustubh Dalvi, after having been with me for 10 years broke down uncontrollably in front of the whole set whilst telling me he had to leave because of a lucrative job in Star Plus and family coercions. He cried because he felt he was giving up his dreams. He asked me squatting beside my chair ‘ Sir, why is it that I have failed when so many of your Assistants have gone off to become Directors”? I could not bring myself to telling him that it is perseverance and only that which will ultimately pay off. All I told him was that he was welcome again, any time.
A week ago he died in a motorcycle accident. All I remember were his words ringing in my ears. Why had his dreams died a sudden death.. an unrequited passion. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent!
Total control is an illusion.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Speechless!!! Absolutely speechless!
The saddest thing in life is wasted talent!
Awesome
Bhram part3 ????
I somehow now get a feeling a lot has changed with you..though certain things still remain the same like an example of opening a wine shop or a medical store…there was never ever any doubt about your craft and signature style..now marinated with senstivity it must have become more delicious and savory..there was never an illusion about your innovative streak and professional excellence..just some grave personal misunderstandings..over a period of time, now I think I am in a better position to relate to your frame of mind..and i believe you also must have felt the same somewhere sometime Pavanji…As of now wish you the best for Bhram…rgrdz…dhieraj
loved the post…kep them coming
thanks for sharing that Pavan….it is the truth.The bigger you get, the harder you fall.I’d love to get some feedback from you on my post – ‘The most dangerous place on earth’.
best
xxx
Wow…what a post..Glorious comeback. Heart-wrencing stuff.
Pavan…good luck with Bhram…
You have such a talent to tell emotional stuff, why dont you want to make something on the scale of an emotional drama….if you see we havent had very many emotional drama’s in cinema for quite some time..last i can remember was K3G….
wow simply superb………………..
Now I want to watch Bhram made by someone (I didnt have any inkling of Pavan Kaul before this article) who can put his thoughts so lucidly.
Thanks Oz for the comment and for your perseverence in bringing it out of me.
Hi Sunny,
Yes..I am planning to write more regularly and definitely Bhram Part 3.
Hi Dhieraj,
Thanks for your kind words.
As far as sensitivity goes I dont really think there has been a change per se. Perhaps I am revealing more with each post.
Premal thanks
Viczee.. I will surely read your post and comment.
Hi Om,
In fact I began my career with stories steeped in emotion. I thought at the time that this is my forte. Somehow my thrillers took on a life of their own and I was taken along a path which I cannot say I did not relish, but yes it was different from what I had begun with.
Bhram, I can safely say is an emotional drama to an extent.
Varun Thanks.
Hi Omprakash,
I am glad you liked the piece. Yes and do see Bhram.
Pavan – this post was worth the wait.. Quite nice
“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent!”
True .. so friggin true !!!
Hi Kartik,
I can never forget Marlon Brando in “On the waterfront” saying…”I could have been a contender.. I could have been somebody….” This moment has affected millions worldwide including Scorsese who paid his tribute in “Raging Bull”. Talented people are special and when they sink into anonymity, it is truly tragic.
Though not on the film/drama front, I was in charge of motivating a team to do a work that most thought was less challenging and less creative. I told them just one thing ” Though we are potters aspiring to make Ganeshas, we have to first prove everyone that we can make simple pot making correctly first, even if it is a routine and a no brainer thing”. Luckily my team got the message and did the “routine” thing with a gusto and passion that soon the client was impressed and started giving them “Ganesha” orders. Perseverance and passion to even the simplest of works will pay off, while impatience rarely leads to success.
great sir, your post touched my heart.
btw i liked your SSShhhhhh….
Pavan Sir just awesome article ^:)^^:)^^:)^^:)^^:)^
Pavan: Rather than to say “Welcome again” few threads of poetry seem more appropriate.
Its so sad but so true abt wasted talent and it happens all the time. Is it luck or somethinglese?
Did Dr Satish Alok write for this situation only-
” Jinko Akash ka ek tukra nahin milta
pata nahin unhe par kyon mil jate hain” [Those who dont get piece of sky, why they are given wings to fly]
because sometimes we do all the hard works but get no results and finds this Sh
Hey Pawan,as KK said it was worth the wait. Plz do keep on writing regularly if u can manage.
one of my struggler friend is struggling with a big dilemma these days…whether to say good bye to his struggle n settle down with a job or continue…day before yesterday, while discusing the same issue…he told me that one of his common friend finally is very happy. he is going to marry his girlfreind, got a job with one of the big channels n gonna settle down now. but everything sudenly came to an end. he was no more. it was disturbing news. somebdy dreaming about so many things n suddenly its all over.
yesterday…i was with the same friend of mine…had taken print out of this post n was reading at home. that freind spotted the name kaustabh in the post…asked what m i reading…told him n then we realised its the same common freind who is mentioned here. its really a strange n small world.
N never knew about ur dad’s contribution to the film. Plz do write more about them. evrything that the world needs to know.
V P Jaiganesh,
Finally bigness’or ’smallness’ is just perspective. Whether film making or idol making, the contribution of each craftsman is imperative, meaningful. Work is worship and if carried out with that intention, it can turn into a prayer.
Hi Shailesh,
Thanks.. I am glad you liked ‘Sssshhh”.
Hi Shatrughan..Thanks to you for being so warm in your comment.
Hi Rk,
Yes..life is not always rewarding in ways we expect or commensurate with the effort we have put in. But my thinking has always been that being in a journey is more important than reaching a destination. Living in the knowledge of having given your best in the worst of times is the only consolation.Finally we have to live to tell our tales to be an example to others. How we choose to say it is our choice.
I see that you are so interested in Shairi. I must tell you that the shair you quoted stunned me. This particular shair ” Khuda aur nakhuda mill kar dubo de yeh to mumkin hai..meri wajahe tabahi sirf toofan ho nahin sakti” was one which my late father in law, himself an esteemed poet, often encouraged me with. In fact he had written this on the first page of a diary he presented to me the year he passed away in 2004. Your use of it now, I see as if a message from him.
About Dad , maybe I will write a post on him some day, his wizardry at Mathematics, English literature, Cryptic crosswords, the quiet genius of the man.. I will write of it some day.
I have read your comment in detail Rk. All I can say is a heartfelt “Thank You”.
Hi Phoenix,
Kaustubh had come home just two days before he passed away. He was extremely excited now that he was to be getting married and had bought a flat. He spoke of the perks of the job but rounded off with his intention of being back in a year or two. Clearly he had only put his ambition on ‘pause’.
To all those who are facing a dilemma of making the choice, I would like to say that they should take a deep look at their needs and priorities and address whichever is immediate.
Hi Pavan: thanks for so elaborative response.
A post on your father is due since long. Since then I have seen two times Gon with the wind and both the time whenever Clarck Gable came on screen I was reminded of your promise to write a full post on your father and another one on your uncle.
hope we see the end of this wait soon.
If we may know, name of your late FIL, who used to be a poet also?
I will definitely write a post on my father and also post pictures which will tell you that he, if anything was handsomer than Clark Gable.
My father in law was Dr. Chandar Oberoi, a multi faceted, multi talented personality, about whom I will also include information in the post.
Great read Pavan ji. It has inspired me to think about my goals and reaching them. Aim for the stars but value every step that gets you there. Thank you Sir!
Looking forward to Bhram!
Pavan: that was truly inspirational though being grounded. As someone else said already, it was truly worth the wait.
PFC is rocking this month!
Hi Pavanji,
ur article was brilliant,very inspirational to be more precise,giving hope n reason to hang on for a little longer espclly when ur about to fall.Iam sure many like me will relate to it.However without sounding too cynical,just want to say that all of us are waiting for that’one chance’-to prove ourselves.Half our life goes into struggling to achieve that and keeping our sanity intact and if u achieve it,its another battle altogther to maintain it till you don’t quit or hang ur boots!(referring to an article written a few days back by anurag kashyap-big bad world of bollywood)
I guess for an actor like me ur article comes as a bible. Am still waiting for that one chance to prove myself and once i get it -ladai ka mazza hi kuch aur hoga /:)
Sir, I would like the see your video films like Scandal, Kalank Ka Tika, etc. I have heard allot about them. Hope u can arrange a DVD release of them or atleast upload them in any websites or as torrent files. I would like to see a post about those movies too. And sir you are a very inspirational person and so are your posts.
Pavan Ji.. This was Brilliant!!!!!!
Your these lines “There is one thing a true filmmaker can always do, no matter what. He can always leave his signature on his work. That
Amit, if as you say my post has ‘inspired’ you then just for that if nothing else my writing it has been worth it.
Thank you.
Hi Randramble,
I feel it is important to remain grounded at all times, more so for an artist, as only then can his work come from where it is ‘felt’.
Thanks
Hi Kalakar,
Thanks for your kind words.
I can sense through your turmoil as we have all experienced it in varying degrees.However, a suggestion..even though its natural to be cynical at times, yet curb the urge for cynicism.In the life of an artist it surely destroys inspiration which is the life force for creativity. You owe it to yourself to carry on till you achieve what you set out to do and then sustain it.Remember the world will not believe in you if you dont do so yourself. So tap the inner potential and carry on.
Cheers!
Hi Justin,
Your comment took me into a flash back to those days of which I cherish fond memories. The success of those 7 films and the fact that they are remembered even today does bring a smile to ones face. . Quite a few stars of today were introduced in those films like say Urmilla Matondkar in the film you mention ‘Scandal’.
I will try and upload them and writing a post on the making is an interesting suggestion..
Thanks a lot Justin for your warm words.
Hi Aspirant,
You have managed to capture the essence rather well.
There was a time when I was never without a book in my hand, reading from the works of great film makers and devouring the stories of their life, their struggles, their pain their achievements and reliving it. Somewhere I guess it must have helped to shape my persona, attitudinally and professionally.
In a forum such as PFC where future film makers visit to gain an insight into our lives, it is important that we who are in this profession, grant them a view which will offer suggestions for survival in this rather challenging world. I am only doing my bit.
The mindset with which we enter this milieu is important. Success is essential but not the sole defining influence in the life of a maker.
I just received a call from my DOP while writing this comment that some of my work was shown two days ago at the FTII-Pune to students. I am told that some of the snippets shown were those which I had shot almost 10 years ago and the students felt them to be contemporary. Timelessness is certainly worth trying to achieve.
Navneet was my Line Producer in ‘Bhram’..not my asstt. He and you I think were talking out of affection.
Thanks.
Pavanji, i can’t rememeber much about your first film Chor aur chand, but a good song “baat kya hai kaise kehde tumse raaz ki, thode se hum thode se tum dono ajnabee” where pooja bhatt and raghuvir yadav are fighting to eat vada pav correct me if i am wrong) beautiful picturisation. that song alone proves your mastery on the craft.
keep it up sir.
The songs I remember of ‘Chor aur chaand’ are ’sapnon me aana dil me sammana pyar kya hai mujhe tum batana’ by S.P.The shot of waves going back instead of forward to show that it was an imagination and Pooja bahtt dancing in a white dress with the waves underneath her feet was so brilliant I still remember the picturisation.And the second song is in the hills of darjeeling ’saanson ka kya hai pata’.very differently picturised..fresh and romantic. Looking forward to Bhram sir.
Awesome Post Pawan!!
I have been a Big Fan of yours since the ‘Mano ya na Mano’ days which truely attempted to change the face of Indian Television along with shows like Aahat(the intial parts).
Memories of Chor aur Chand linger on and will remain as rightly pointed out by many through the songs it had ( particularly Sapno main aana..Dil main samana..)..the images of Aditya pancholi riding a bicycle with Pooja Bhatt in the front will always remind us of the movie.
Regarding Shhh…, it was again a very good attempt and i still remember my BTech days where we used to watch thriller movies in a group trying to guess the suspense/murderer of the movie and placing bets on them.Shhh…was one of the few movies,where no one could guess the killer till the end ( as there were two of them).
It was inspired from lots of Hollywood Killer/slasher movies but the way you handeled the climax took the movie to greater heights.
Do keep up the good work, but i have a piece of advise for you ( Apologies if it sounds odd, its just a feedback from my end).
Please have a re-look on the way you do your casting, be it Chor aur Chand, Shhh…you have always casted people (like Aditya pacholi, Dino Morea) who are neither 100% STARS and nor 100% ACTORS..i belive that is what stops you from getting a HIT movie..your Movie making capabilities are unquestionable.
Warm Regards,
PerfectMisfit.
hello pavan sir.wish u the best for brahm.loved every bit of the post. cheers.
Hey hows you???
thats a very very touchy story
Hope alls good at your end
Lets def meet up soon though.
When r u releasing Bhram?
Im sure Vik n me dont wanna miss our BIG Bollywood debut
:d
that is sooooo depressing… Pavan ssshh the direction was ok, actin wise dino was hot, tanisha was not and the script was a copy of scream wuda bin better bein original… its easy 2 say go for your dreams, in reality too fuckin hard :(