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Bloody Aftermath of a popular movie
The title line should say it all & this article is about the scary aftermath once a movie becomes extremely popular & a big hit.
Consider this as the premise. Taare Zameen Par (TZP) was a well made movie with a very good cast (my opinion) and something that can be looked at again and again for time to come. Now the problem is not in TZP but the minute it became a popular cinema, we have had it. I am actually very scared to go to any parties or even homes of friends. I shall explain this scenario. I will be at peace with the world after a meal & relishing a nice dessert or a nice after dinner drink and suddenly there is a painting stuck in my lap and 2 gleaming (or 4 if the grandparents stay, 6 if others. you get it) adults want me to rave about this masterpiece done by their little one. Come on, you know you cannot say that its shite, you really cannot judge it; all you can do is ooh aah about this new MF Husain. Now comes the trouble. Once you have done this, you believe you are off the spot…No way; you are still very much on the spot. Now those gleaming class A morons will start to divulge the story of this kid (who by the way can either be 8 months old or 80 for all they care) and how he/she had shown glimpses of being an artist way earlier in life. Hold on…now…I never heard you mention this before you bloody fuckwits saw TZP. (Note to Self: Go home, ..No…Stop on the way, buy a pistol…Go home…Shoot oneself for having told them to go watch the movie)
This is the premise of my article today. We have had this really nasty condition in this country for many years now. I remember in my locality, Girls starting to play Hockey after Chak De, NRI friends of mine sitting in the US & trying to set-up an NGO and making a difference after watching Swades. All these NGO’s frittered away of course the minute these guys got some new projects or rolled into some hectic schedule. The girls who were playing Hockey have also dwindled to the ones who actually enjoy playing the game. In the south, tons & tons of really horrible girls tried their hand at Bharatnatyam when Naache Mayuri was released. Their parents did not come to accept that their kids are horrible dancers but felt that the problem was in them having both their legs. :-) I had to go through hell in School since all these fuck-wits would force the school to have their kids dance and the annual day in that year stretched to about 7 Days & 7 Nights :-)
I am sure you are getting the drift. The latest assault has been of Taare Zameen Par. A wonderful movie gone off the rails due to a new set of fans. I have guys who work with me coming and cribbing about how they were all dyslexic when they were kids and how they struggled. I work with about 18 guys on a day to day basis and out of these 18, nearly 10 were dyslexic. I try of course to tell them that having bad handwriting is not the symptom of Dyslexia but many other things. Kaun Saala in kuthon ko samja sakta hain No way are they willing to listen. They are just happy at belonging to such an elite club. Shucks, this sounds horrible but I really think we all want to belong somewhere and hence love picking up these affectations / hobbies after they are made larger by celluloid.
I am sure a lot of you have also seen this illness in your areas and Mohallas. Am sure if you have friends who have kids, then you must be in the process of judging paintings and must have lost adjectives as you have used them all up already. If you have kids, then you must be that friend :-) joking of course. Your problem/Kid is Big/Genius respectively !!!
Looking at all this positive energy and it coming out of my ears, I have decided that my first full length feature film, whenever it’s done, will be about nothing. Like Seinfeld. It will be the story of a loser who remains a loser. He tries his hand at everything and yes…you guessed it right, he loses. This way at least, I will be helping that average Joe since he will not have to judge any paintings or do some patient nodding to a friend who does some psycho babble about him/her and why they are like this.
The next time you are with a guy/gal like this, please do follow the following steps to ensure sanity in self when they go on this tangent:
- Buy a Gun…The larger the better Shoot the friend…But like in “I AM Legend” they can grow and it would be better if you shot yourself.
- If the country has laws against buying guns, then have a large packet of cotton wool & stuff it in your trouser pocket. (Note: The benefit of carrying a large pack of cotton wool in your pocket is that your Girlfriend is going to assume you are happy to meet her when she sees you)
- Plug your ears with the cotton but keep nodding sagely. Follow next point if it’s a traumatic incident, the point after next if its about their kids
- Imagine that hottie you really crave for died brutally in an air crash. That’s surely going to get a few tears. This is good for the “Healing” & the friend will be happy that they got a tear out of you for their story.
- Imagine that hottie you really crave for actually hitting on to you. That’s going to definitely get a smile and your friend will wax lyrical unaware of why you are grinning.
- Set a timer in your phone or watch for 5 minutes and at that time come out with an adjective if they are talking about their little geniuses, tch, sighs if they are talking about their troubled life yada yada
I am sure there are many more points from you all and would appreciate it if we could build a survival kit out of this to enable us to save ourselves from this onslaught the next time round a movie like this is released and it ends up becoming a hit.
Cheers,
Deepak Venkateshan
19 Responses to “Bloody Aftermath of a popular movie”
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imo ..if someone after watching swades comes back to India..then it’s fine infact it’s great …but on the other hand if Parents after watching TZP force their child to be a painter or assuming their child has dyslexia due to his poor handwriting is outrageous ….are people that dumb that they don’t know what to take from a movie and where to draw a line …
True Anand..good point..dyslexia is not a common issue..so the repercussion will be uncommon too.Similarly feeling patriotic is an obvious outcome after watching CDI..hence its ramifications would be obviously obvious.:d
ha ha:d:d
you do not need gun
you need guts and courage
you bear with this kind of shit
because you need these people
if you have the courage to be alone
than all that you need is to tell him to shut up just once
and he will be gone.
but if you don’t have the courage to stay alone. you need him, and you will bear all the bullshit.
its your need for others?
‘the other is hell.’ - jean paul satre
(:|
very well said.. Infact one of my roommates is claiming to be a dyslexic since childhood, even since he has seen TZP
Your problem/Kid is Big/Genius respectively !!!
I loved it…
Deepak!
My sincere recommendation.
If you are in Bangalore, try NIMHANS.
If you are in Chennai try Kilpauk.
If you are in USA, buy a gun and do the needful.
Its high time that LOSERS got their due in Indian cinema…people like george coestanza are hard to find in our movies or serials..Andaaz apna apna was a notable exception…But I dont see ‘loser’ oriented movies coming in the near future with the economy booming and India finally showing some hope on the world stage.So for the time being we’ll have to satisfy ourselves with ‘losers’ who finally end up winning like the chak De! girls(I think two of these were boys but then I have always believed that Rakhi Sawant is a crossdresser).
BTW my survival tip when you are hounded by the species that has been so beautifully described by Deepak above is -
Recommend to them ‘The Big Lebowski’ and tell them the directors just won an oscar for their new movie(so they watch it for sure!).Also tell them to watch it with their kids(who I pray are misguided by the glorious slacker lifestyle they see in the movie). They’ll stop inviting you for dinner and will also make it a point not to leave their precious-dyslexic-who-happens-to-be-good-at-painting-nude-pictures child in your supervision even for a picosecond.
LOL! You mean I am not really a dyslexic? I guess I should try and return those art supplies I just bought! I was going to try the ukelele if the art thing didn’t work out.
lol! Arrogant as your posts appear to me(it’s easy to point out how stupid other people are, hai na?)…I can’t help but agree on this one. I remember my friend telling me that after watching TZP, he realized that he had the symptoms of dyslexia as a child (aside: this guy used to stand first in class!).
I couldn’t stop laughing.
Hello All,
I had written this piece as a humorous look at society, which I am also a part of but I have come to notice more and more that some of the comments not only are rude but border on the obscene.
I write a article but the comments are purely personal and this is not for me only but something that I have started to notice across all the boards. Its like there is an inner gang in PFC and the others. So the others can be really treated like shit here. This is not acceptable and I for one feel this forum will join those millions of sties if we tend to make it uni dimensional. Every one cannot have the same opinion and cannot be persecuted if he/she wants to look at life differently.
One really glad thing I felt was that there are people here who still have a sense of humor and got the article to be what it was ; a satire piece on society and nothing else than that.
I do not know why people make comments about me being arrogant or where I need to get admitted if I an in a specific city when the piece is essentially a joke. The next time round I write a article like this I shall put a peace symbol or something to indicate that its a joke and not to be taken seriously
If this rude streak continues, it will become more and more difficult to write or discuss and this is something we all as people who come in here need to understand.
This forum should be a place where any of us can talk about movies, our passion in this field and all things related to it. It becomes tiring if the comments are going to be of a personal accusation nature (this is bad because many of you do not even know me and the comments you make are highly personal)
I know am going to get further comments on how bad a human I am or how I am of a personal nature..So go on make my day,
To all those who enjoyed this article, I feel happy that our tribe of people who just want to laugh at life is growing and lets keep this look at life always on
Cheers, Deepak
Err… Deepak… I am confused. Which one of the comments were rude? I think all the 10 comments above yours were absolutely fine. Am I not reading too much into any of these? Some of them are open-ended but I thought that is humour too? I personally saw the humour in it and enjoyed reading it. Am sure most of the readers did too. Cheers.
@11
I really didnt mean to attack anybody.
LOL nice article and how very true..after Chak De many children in my complex started playing with hockey sticks..only to put them aside when india won T20 world cup..it was back to cricket after that and singing chak de songs whenever india played cricket !!
PS: i really dont think any of the above comments were rude..they were in good humour only..
But a newspaper actually wrote about the women’s hockey team not having decent quarters in Delhi and then they were put up in a hotel. Before no one would have cared if they had won - the Commonwealth gold was tiny story!
Dude! Chill out !
Peace!!
I thought the article was funny in a way and the suggestion also is humorous.If I had hurt you I am sorry and wont make such comments again (Swear to GOD :o. I thought it was a good natured banter. Anyways I had a great time laughing out loud at the article and suggested couple of my friends to have a read.:d
Next time around I will put smileys a plenty
lol Deeapk sorry if I came out too strong.
It really was humourous :)
I was wondering why no politician is killed after RDB’s release :d
@kcp
=))