Bollywood: The Worst of 2006
DISCLAIMER: All the films mentioned ahead have been Box Office successes- they are, however- in the writer’s humble opinion, pathetic apologies in the name of cinema. If you believe that:
- BO success translates into good cinema
- Rakesh Roshan is a brilliant director who makes radically different films
- Himesh Reshammiya is a musical genius
- (Gulp) All of the above
…you are well, advised not to go ahead. As for the rest- read and enjoy as I ridicule, mock, scoff and vent my anger on the worst in films in 2006!
Krrash!
It may be a poor joke, but then- isn’t that also what Krrish exactly is? I cannot help but gasp at how Rakesh Roshan openly flouts all possible forms of logic and so boldly and flagrantly makes a joke and mockery of intelligence, superheroes and the art form known as cinema- in the most grotesque manner possible.
Add to that Hrithik Roshan’s overtly earnest, naive baba in the woods act, Priyanka Chopra’s vapid acting, the worst superhero costume ever (horror of horrors- the shoes actually have laces), copied, unexciting stunts, awful clothes and shoddy SFX and you have a perfectly dreadful film.
And the worst bit- even the so called ‘intelligent, urban’ audiences fed on Superman and Spiderman lapped it up, making the film one of the biggest hits ever.
K-k-kabhi ham naa karna
I say it always and I say it again- Shahrukh Khan is an awesome actor- but he is also an easygoing guy. But given a challenge and a good character, he can, and has time and again, proved his true worth.
However, if hissing and hamming, pouting and shouting and twitching and bitching are considered great acting, Shahrukh Khan rightly deserves an Oscar for KANK. After his brilliant turns in Swades and Paheli, it pains to see SRK here, overacting big time- quivering lip, fake anger- all in place. In what could have been a compelling character, he chooses not to get into the skin of the character but to get under our skin, instead. A limp doesn’t always guarantee a great performance.
Wimpy Waifs
It’s amazing Rani Mukherji did not die of dehydration, however her constant onscreen weeping certainly almost made me die of exasperation. In KANK and Baabul, she cried so much, her tears could have caused floods in the Thar desert. After a superb year in 2005, I thought Ms. Mukherji could do no wrong. Gosh, how wrong I was.
However, as irritating acting goes, nothing to top Amrita Rao’s painfully timid performance in Vivah. Her affected dialogue delivery got on the nerves. For the first half of the film, she refused to lift her eyelids. By the second half, I could barely lift mine.
Not quite write
She was touted as the next big thing in the field of screenwriting. After all, Shibani Bathija had managed to impress both Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar to bag two of the biggest films of the year- Fanaa and KANK. Now one wonders how.
Both scripts were ridden with inconsistencies and convenient ‘coincidences’ and clichés, the glaring loopholes large enough for seagulls to fly through. Common sense was conspicuous by its absence and the logic was as thin as soup made from the shadow of a pigeon that has been starved to death. Certainly one of the greatest disappointments of the year, yet- brace up- we might see a lot more of her.
Sugar-free, please
Ladies and Gentlemen: welcome to the universe of Sooraj Barjatya- to the realm of Prem. In an age where our heroines have turned into deadly tigresses and cats (‘Mujhe junglee billiyaan pasand hai’- says Don), Soorajji brings us a meek, demure cow. In an age where dirt and pollution engulf our environment, welcome to the utopian divya vatavaran of quaint, idyllic Madhupur.
Yet for all its ‘purity’, there has never been a film that has suffocated and made me choke like this one. Vivah’s cloying sweetness threatens to kill. Sooraj Barjatya’s film is a caricature of small town India. The Bharatiya Sankriti facade of the film was so artificial it threatened to crack up and fall anytime, just like Amrita Rao’s pancake makeup.
Nose Overdose
If self-indulgence had a name, it would be Himesh Reshammiya. When he first sang in Aashiq Banaya Aapne, he sounded great. Now his voice just grates. It has become increasingly difficult to spot much difference between his songs and their lyrics. Notch up the volume a little high and you may find yourself at an ENT clinic. And the worst is yet to come in the form of Aap ka Surroor- The Moviee (yeah, that’s how it’s spelled- to emphasize the notorious nasal twang, probably). Himeshji, please have mercy and spare us the torture.
Move over Xerox
‘Music director’ Pritam brought us some great soundtracks this year- Pyaar Ke Side Effects, Woh Lamhe, Gangster among others. Pity, the he hardly deserves any credit for them. The way this man has ripped off tunes from all over the world, especially Arabian songs, strung them with Hindi lyrics and gotten away with it is disgraceful. Unlikely, but if all the original composers actually contemplated legal action against him, it would be sue-cidal for his career. That probably explains Dhoom 2’s lackluster music- maybe the poor guy’s music download engine just conked off.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
you are so rite abt Himesh Reshammiya…i just dont get it… all those songs sound the same…
JB: Respecting your freedom of expression:
When you keep Krrish on top as worst film of 2006. If it does not offend you, I feel to ask few questions
what expectations you had before going to watch Krrish?
Do you think kids of India also can be audience?
Why one shd compare with spider man and superman?
I remember much before its release Oz had mentioned abt laces in Krrish’s shoes. is that an issue for kids? the real audience of krrish?
Shyam Beengal once said that Amar Akbar Anthony is best children film. Do you find it wrong?
is not it better that we leave Koi Mil Gaya and Krrish for kids to enjoy, if they loved these films?
One of my worst of 2006 and maybe ever has to be Fanaa. ~X( – i really was like that. And there have been few more but I don’t care to even name them.
Himesh is a disease which should be avoided.. he was a different when he launched and maybe thats why got attention but now he’s just repetitive and annoying like hell. But luckily for me, its not a problem at all to avoid.
But is Krrish a kid movie? :-?
ditto with you on rani.. i thought she could do no wrong either.. but then she comes out with kank & baabul.. and.. =(( :((
Hi RK, actually considering it was a Rakesh Roshan film I had zero expectations. However, I looked forward to good SFX atleast and decent masala entertainment. What I got was shoddy SFX and a boring film. I know what you mean when you talk of children as an audience, but then I think that is a different issue altogether. Though it flopped, even Vaah! Life Ho to Aisi was loved by most kids who saw it- now that isn’t any reason I should call it a good film. I appreciate a good ‘children’s film’ anyday- sample Makdee, but then Rakesh Roshan doesn’t really project Krrish as a children’s film. By the way, I am also only 16 at the moment, also part of Mr Roshan’s target audience you would say. It is just that I hate pretentiousness. I have nothing against ”masala” movies as such. I saw Humko Deewana Kar Gaye which was complete crap, but hell- I enjoyed watching it. Same goes for Adam Sandler movies and many more- dumb, but funny. These movies and their filmmakers don’t aspire for greatness. And I respect them for that. However, Mr Rakesh Roshan is a different kind of person altogether- he makes big claims- of taking Indian cinema to the next level, to an international standard- of making pathbreakingly different films, which is actually both laughable and sickening. Take a look at his interviews, and you”ll know what I mean. Why I mention Spiderman is that it is not very intelligent cinema, but is spectacularly made (and that does not just include SFX), has great acting and touches the heart. Krrish has none of this- it isunexciting, boring and in fact it’’s not even good looking. I don’t mind Rakesh Roshan making Karan Arjun or KNPH, but when he bites off more than he can visibly chew, lays a rotten egg like Krrish and cackles like he’’s laid a football made of gold, I do hold something against him. Superman may wear his undies outside, but he still makes Krrish look like an eyesore. Whoops- I think I have said enough- hope that convinces you. Thanks for your comment.
@ Jahan.. Zabardast Article Boss!!!! Thoroughly enjoyed it…
I had said this earlier somewhere..But, the lace on shoes of Krrish was actually a very fine example of continuity. If you observe it..Krishna comes to the Circus in a casual dress with sneakers…and then by-chance becomes Krrish…so, the shoes remain and so do the laces..
Excellent points about Shibani…agree with you to the Tee…
Great observation, Om- I must say! Thanks for the comment.
When our producers say that they have spent so many crores of rupees on special effects or what ever it never shows up on the screen. They just do it to get some sort of publicity and create enthu among the audiences and cash on it. There is one telugu Movie by chiru “ANJI” i think that movie had best Special Effects than any other indian movie till date. it took 6 years to make that movie. how ever movie was a big flop but i like the special effects.
I would recommend every one to watch making of LOTR)(lord of the rings) that will help every one to learn about “Digital Movie Making” and it will definetly blow you mind when you see where did peter jackson shoot the movie and how we see it on screen. I will prefer a simple movie like any nagesh kuknoors or some thing like Khosla ka Ghosla than any of SRK,Karan Johar,Yash Raj or any of the big banner movies.
Dude, wrong heading for your matter. You started with th line that the listing is for films and then you started mixing up performances and movies. Just as confused and lacking clarity as the directors and producers of Bollywood.
Yeah, Pritam is a music pirate! Has stolen so many of the Turkish singer Tarkan’s tunes
^:)^Jahan!
how i agree with your each word
but i think you forget to mention something about Ash in Dhoom 2.
her dialogue delivery can probably top Amrita Raos…hmm okay maybe not..but close enough
you also forgot to mention something about that Yash Raj movie Neal & Nikki…can someone tell me why Neal was wearing foundation and lipstick in that film?/:)
Sana, NnN was released in 2005…and Yash, I do say the worst ‘in’ films and not just the ‘worst films’. I have just said that the films whose names are mentioned, whether in reference to a particular actor, actress etc are all BO successes, though with the exception of Baabul, I admit.
Jahaaan … welcome to pfc … and ur just 16 ???
shit maan ..all u young cine-fanatics make us limp
Wonderful selection sir … ^:)^ ^:)^ ^:)^
too good … kick started my morning :-)
Jahan..only 16 :o.. fantastic job dude
.. i feel super old now :((
2005?? woops:-\
salaam vale kum baakshi saab:
well i havent watched any of the movies described here, but one movie i did see and it is not included in ur list of worst movies is
JO BOLE SO NIHAAL……..
MAA KI ****
JB: Hi, you would be perhaps Cine anlyst No 1 by you reaches 25 years age:)
Thanks for your views abt Rakesh Roshan’s films in general and particularly abt Krrish. There were lacking in script of Krrish rather continuity with KMG was broken but both films entertained kids. You are a mature person now if not by age then by thoughts:), so Krrish may not appeal you, if you are expecting some kind of intellectual satisfaction.
Abt Krrish being sequel of KMG, I also had question for Rakesh Roshan that in KMG Rohit becomes normal whenever Jadu gives him power and in the climax Jadu again comes in the vicinity of Earth to give Rohit special power but when we see Rohit in krrish, in flash back then we see him walking like mentally retarted Rohit. His walking etc shd have been like a normal person as was in KMG, after getting powers.
BTW, Singhania Group claims in their Raymonds ad:
Comeplete Man! Do we believe it?
Big claims dont necessarily take away the good things attached with a product, though product may not touch that big claim made earlier. Is not it.:)
Keep it up, :d