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So as the film nears its release date, I am faced with questions I ask myself often. “Anish, whatever got into your head, to make a film like this”? A damn good question, I must say myself. Shouldn’t every filmmaker confront himself with a question like this.?
Let’s see….did I hope to make money? not really….however I hope I can validate my investment by recovering it…..
did I make it,because I thought it was important? yes,ofcourse, I knew it was important…I knew it was important enough for me to risk all the goodwill I have fostered over the years in this place…..

I was hurting….and making this film was my only way to finding some peace….A peace, that I will finally have, once the movie comes out this Friday….yes, a peace that will take over me, whether its ridiculed, or whether it earns $2 gross.
Somehow, the things that’s most important for any filmmaker, is to get his work ‘out there’…..so its not his anymore…so that its the worlds to own or reject….thats what he needs….

But coming back to the point…why did I make this film? I said I was hurting….what was I hurting from?….maybe I am too sensitive, I always have been….not good. Yeah, been way too sensitive you fuck,whats wrong with you?….but what the hell…I made a movie, I can stand by….I can make a movie….that I can live with….I can make a movie, that can be my legacy….thats good enough for me…
But wait…I haven’t answered my question yet…not completely….why was I hurting in the first place?
You know, as its is making a film is an emotionally trying experience….especially making one for a producer who gives a fuck about the people who are bending their backs, turning their lives upside down to make a movie for him….on one hand, working for a director, who is committed to his work…committed to his craft….but having to deal with a producer, who gives a fuck about what goes into making a film…that’s hard to deal with on a daily basis….a system that rarely acknowledges the creator….the storyteller…a system which makes a mockery of anyone who stands up to make a film of a lifetime….come what may…..no, no one cares for that here…..
The actors have their priorities….and the producers theirs…..the director here has the job of delivering the film….the fact that he does that at a great cost and risk to himself and his life.…is never acknowledged by either the producer or the actor….and why should they,right? WRONG! think again….or become a filmmaker to understand me.

Look, the scenario I am talking about is not an everyday thing. You cant count the directors in this place, who have a soul to go with them….very few…not even a handful….but there are a few special ones…
so when I see them fight and deliver…and when I see ‘people’ who don’t acknowledge that….atleast not in the manner I expect them to….then, Anish Kuruvilla gets very pissed….and he makes a movie… and yeah, that’s why I made ‘confessions….’
with true anger…..with anger at a system, which pegs a star above everything….a system which dis-regards the efforts of a sincere director….an audience, who can care a fuck about anything…..everything is so twisted…..atleast that’s how I see it.
and yes, before you ask yourself…I have bigger reasons than these too, but then I am not writing my autobiography here, right :)….
But I have lived a decade….in this place…and I have seen all, and heard all…and almost done it all….

Telugu cinema, is a twisted place, T for telugu cinema, T for twisted…..with twisted people running it….with twisted priorities…..and twisted stars, twisted plots….etc etc etc.

So I cant think of a more twisted film, than confessions…..to commemorate all the twistyness in this place….
Make way for ‘confessions of a filmmaker’…..a film, I can guarantee most non-filmmakers, non-idealists, might find hard to comprehend….most will find it opionnated…..and all will find twisted.

I better stop writing right now, before I twist this essay out of repair.
See you this Friday.

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