Dear Nikhil, Welcome to Club Bazmee
Chandni Chowk To China Movie Review
I loved Kal Ho Na Ho. Smart lines, great humour, sexy songs and that one great scene…pata ho tum meri kya ho……SRK reads on, Preity turns back, Saif doesn’t have any clue…..the camera slowly zooms into the diary…its all blank!
Salam-e-Ishq became Is Raat ki Subah Nahi (Nikhil was Ad on this one, if m not wrong) for me as i saw a late nite show at 11 pm. Salman and Anil’s story should have been in the dust bin, the rest four stories were great fun and it would have been a big mercy on our bums. It was desi Love Actually. And Chandni Chowk to China is bollywood’s Kung Fu Hustle. Ofcourse devoid of all the fun! So, Ladies and gentleman, Welcome Nikhil Advani, who makes a grand entry into the Club Bazmee via great wall of china!!
The recipe for this chinese bhel (ya ya u get that in my office canteen n its delicious) is Akshay Kumar as a bumbling fool for the Nth time, Deepika in double dose (ek desi, ek chini) and loads of glycerine! And like in Kung Fu Hustle, its about a village where people are suffering because of Hojo’s Gang ( like the Axe gang, here they are also dresed in black. but then black is very generic. isnt it?) Its about Siddhu becoming that chosen one with his talent of aloo-sabji churiwala. Its a mishmash of comedy, some kung fu, bachpan ke bicchde behein and a revenge drama. You can clearly see how the film was written….first half comedy, second half action, hero apna Akshay Kumar, Kung fu bhi naya hai, warners ka paisa hai and so we have a super duper hit film at hand!
The problem is its the same old Akshay doing the same thing what he has been doing in his last few films. Kung Fu is so little and so thanda, it bored me. And like in other Kung Fu films, the comic act never gels well with the action in this one. The opening stunt of Deepika made me sit up and notice and i hoped that it will go ahead somewhere. But that was it. And the villain Hojo (Gordon Liu) doesnt have much power, a killer hat in hand. That’s it. And the way he is killed in the film, it was a joke straight from santa-banta book! Kung Fu can be so boring, i could never imagine!
Deepika is looking stunning and her acting skills are the same as it was in her debut film. What else ? Fuck, almost three hours and i cant remember what to talk about the film. Oh ya, the way the characters jump from one scene to other and jump from one place to another, you would be amazed. They are here, there, everywhere, whenever wherever the writer felt like getting them. Missed the first 15 minutes of the film but the Chandi Chowk scenes are inserted so many times as flashback, felt happy that i missed it in the beginning.
And the worst part is the use of voiceover ( seems it was Ramesh Sippy’s though could not find his name in the credits)! What do you do when its a hindi film but half the characters are speaking Chinese! Well, its a difficult situation and may be voiceover was easy out. But it made the full dull, boring, killed the pace and was done in a way that made me feel am in nursery class. And not everyone is Morgan Freeman.
Songs are forced into the story…its like Ghai’s funda of one song after three reels and one joke after ten minute of every song. Songs are even used in the action sequences…making it much worse! And i dont understand why we make our action sequences look like video games! All zoo-jhoo-zhoop! You cant make out anything. Is it because they are choreographed so badly ??!! And one more time, i hear the homage to Gunmaster G-9, i will shoot myself. Enough of it! It feels great to celebrate Mithunda’s phillums but dude, how many times ? ( dasvidaniya, slumdog and now CC2C). Since OSO, everyone is paying all kind of possible tribute to 80-90’s good, bad, ugly cinema and this one also ventures in the same direction. Can I please have a story of my generation!! Jo beet gayee so baat gayee. Not everyone is Farah Khan. See how she made Sonali Kulkarni dance in woh ladki hai kahan in Dil Chahta Hai and compare it to Shiamak’s horribly done song in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi with some of the biggest names!
There were some great ideas…..Deepika as tele-shopping girl (what fun! its our tv generation), the hothoon pe aisi baat killer lips, the language translator earphone and the killer hat. But they are not used beyond introduction point.
And about Akshay’s acting skills, few minutes into the film, Akki and Mithunda are crying on each others shoulders. Look at both the faces. One makes you laugh, the other looks so genuine. You know, its cinema, its all fake, but I have always felt that to cry on screen, you need some honesty in your eyes, expressions. Otherwise, it doesn’t work. And its great litmus test to find out how much your actor scores where.
So, the trend continues……Singh is King, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, Ghajini and now CC2C. Where will this stop ?Darshan Do Ghanshyam!! Last night, saw Bryan Singer’s Valkrie…history in thriller format. Not great but good, engaging cinema. And felt nice to see Tom Cruise doing it. Because anyone could have done that role. But with Tom Cruise, am sure there were many producers willing to put their money for this piece of history. Star values are all about making things happen, making it work which would not otherwise. And here, all of our biggest stars are in competition to beat each on the dumb scale!
Last year Warner Brothers had a small film…Saans Bahu aur Sensex. Wanted to watch it only because of Farooque Sheikh. Never managed. Am sure they must have all calculated everything this time…five city premiere, new territories, record number of prints, paid previews. But remember Tashan!! Even Rajshri and Yashraj lost their ever reliable formula. I think, the time is close. Enough of celebration of our collective dumbness! Darshan Do Ghanshyam!!
And Sridhar Raghavan’s name in the writing credits was a BIG disappointment! Or may be, the number of zeroes on the cheque were too many to compromise on the dumb factor!
In short, CC2C is MNC (must NOT see)!!
And ya, the idea of sequel is already there…Chandni Chowk to Africa. Whoever wants to fly, can go ahead. Am happilly waiting at Chandni Chowk with masakalli and maule mere maula…in non-stop looooop!!
Tags: akshay kumar, Chandni Chowk to China, Deepika Padukone, gordon liu, Nikhil Advani, shridhar raghavan, Warner Brothers
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
hahah..zhakaas…
For some eason i was expecting this film to be that crossover..India’s Crouching..I like Advani..his sens of humor was terrific in Kal ho Na ho and also in Salaa–Ishq..but i guess he needs Govinda r SRK to pull that off..
anyways..another dud..another friday..all boring!!
Taliyaan…. great review. Now all u slumdog haters, watch this and feel proud. And this is why slumdog will win! haha
Wasn’t Slumdog competing with apparently ‘better’ films? By your logic, Ravptor, SDM should beat Ghajini, SiK, and CC2C in Filmfare, but it has nothing to do with a victory at Golden Globes.
Darshan do ghanshyaam! he he. This will be my first Ad-vain-y torture I guess, have never gone that way, KHNH, SeI n all. Liked the way the music was done so thought it would be fun. But let’s see, I wanna see a few songs, Tere Naina esp.
It was only competing with one better film – revolutionary road. But nothing can match the first viewing effect that slumdog has, if you see it without using the scanner for testing microbes.
Anyways, lite baap. I am all for CC2C succeeding but in a good way. I just don’t want it to become a joke, which it may very well become.
No worries mite. Whenever a film disappoints us, there is always ‘Don’t go expecting too much’ to look forward to! ;)
I was looking for this movie only because of Shridhar Raghavan (liked his writing in Bluffmaster n Khaki). But, with Akshay Kumar, Warner Bros and so much of $$$ at stake, it was quite obvious that this will be another “dumb” entertainer, which is the trend lately. Seriously when will this stop?
Darshan do Ghanshyaam….
Nice one Pnu ji…
aila…Taran Adarsh give 1.5 stars for this movie. Will Warner Bros continue making Hindi movies?
Taran Adarsh has trashed this movie badly, in fact recommending Nikhil for a Razzie. Not that KHNH, was a great movie, but makes me wonder if even that was a fluke. Less said about Salaam-E-Yaawn, the better. God man, every seems to want beat down RGV ki Aag, kya ho gaya.
Kung Fu Hustle was seriously funny..even if CC2C is 5 pc of it..ill do fine..people are anyway going to watch it..make money in first few days..and over(same saga).Tashan must have so bad that even initial opening could not save it.
Saurav dont think, so i checked out the User reviews on India FM, and many of them are critical of CC2C. Even hard core Akki fans are feeling let down big time.
@ Ratnakar….
Ya true, even my coleague a hard core Akki fan, felt let down. She was sad, she didnt enjoy the movie. And then she came up with a line that is still hurting my brains, my heart, my intestines and even my BA**S “Sing is King was so much better”
But she said the same for OLLO too, ” SIK was a million times better”. This confused me.
SO should i go 4 CC2C. I usually go for movies which she doesnt like.
:-)
@ SKS
In that case cud mean only 2 things
1) The movie is such a masterpiece, that Akki’s fans are not able to accept him in a new image
2) Or it must have been so bad, that even SIK looks like Gone with the Wind.
Take ur pick
This is from Raja Sen’s Rediff review
“Sample, if you will, this early contender for the year’s most bizarre dialogue: Kumar has been trained in Kung Fu, his arms turned into lethal weapons using something called the Iron Forearm technique. Soon he’s folding Deepika Padukone into these aforementioned steely arms, and saying [I translate, roughly] ‘I have Iron Forearms. Soon I’ll have Iron Legs, an Iron Chest, Iron Stomach,’ he pauses to look down pointedly, ‘and an Iron…’ Here he trails off as the girl coyly covers his mouth, saying ‘Enough’ with a smile.
‘Don’t stop me now,’ retorts he, ‘My entire body is now made of iron.’ She smiles, flutters eyelids, and breathily says, ‘Oh, mere Iron Man.’”
Geez Man, this movie seems to set all kinds of cinematic lows. Surefire candidate for Torture Series.
I had always suspected that KJo had a big role to play in how KHNH turned out to be, particularly the quick wit, the funny scenes, the way the songs were shot. Salaam-e-Ishq and now CC2C just confirmed that.
@ravptor
I am a slumdog hater,looking at promos i won’t watch CC2C even if you give free ticket.And i am yet to watch even SIK and No Entry , i am waiting for somebody to show it to me for free … just look at your own comments … you compare SM with CC2C standards and i compare it with “City of God” standards … that’s difference
Guys, salaam-e-ishq was not that bad ..agreed its was too long but apart from salman and anil story all the other stories were good enough ….
SKS@12, this is a logical question (= means ‘liked’).
So we have:
* She = Akki
* She = SIK
* She ≠CC2C
* She thought SIK > OLLO
* You ≠She
* You = OLLO (I assume from your tone)
So now can any wiz out there solve?
You = CC2C ?
P.S. “Darshan Do Ghanshyam” is a kick-ass title for a movie!
Have my tickets booked already. Sees like 215 bucks wasted.
Seems like anyone who delivered hits under the Dharma Yashraj banner are delivering turkeys outside it after cribbing that their creativity was being repressed inthere. After seeing evidence in the form of Salaam E Ishq, Kidnap and most probably CCTC, one can say that Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar were totally justified doing so.
I still think Nikhil Advani is a talented director. What was he smoking when he undertook this unthinkable mess of a script?
NA butchered my most loved genre.
In any Kung Fu film if the hero has to discover that one move which is his….it’s usually to beat that one move the bad guy has and he cannot be beaten….
Hojo had no signature move….hat throwing I won’t count.
If Siddhu can so powerfully evoke and execute the cosmic kick then why the hell were we subjected to that aata gunde wala cut aways in the climax…why the fuck he did not use that on HOJO?
The saddest thing in all this is…..JIGAR still remains a better kung fu film with Ajit as the grand master teaching the “Tiger Claaawwwww”
Vasan ur actually attempting to analyze it ??? Dude ! don’t torture urself more
I was about to fall for the fuckin publicity machinery and go for this movie. God save me… I happened to read PFC, indiafm, rediff and IBN and everyone has trashed the movie across the board. I am gonna save myself some 20 dollars and have some beer & fries and lay my ass in front of the TV and watch a nice old classic , this weekend, instead of watching this torture of a movie.:)
Bipin, try Where Eagles Dare or the Dollars Trilogy, watched Unforgiven yesterday again, that is what u call a movie.
i read this script three years ago in my company called Ramasamy, Samurai. sridhar raghavan of khakee wanted to make it here with shankar and rajnikant and aishwarya set in japan with jacky chan or some big japan hero as his guru. it was tom and jerry with kallari and yakuza. about a cowardly vegetable cutter who thinks he is a reincarnation of a big japanese warrior and many mistaken identity gags. It was a very funny script like austin powers with lots of CG, animation and comedy tracks and aishwarya in triple role of mother opposite jacky and two daughters! extremely commercial masala film with item on item. it never went ahead but idea sounds same as chandni chowk to china. plan to see cctc and see how it went so wrong!
Nikhil Advani – One hit wonder?
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Ok, so KHNH was good. Just good, not great. Written and Produced by Karan Johar, does that have anything to do with it? I’m not K-Jo hater, but I was hoping that Advani would climb out of Dharma Productions immense shadows and prove on his own merit his skills as a Director…
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Personally found SEI to be long, contrived and boring. The 2 tracks involving the Khan boys were both grating on the nerves, which didn’t help.
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Now CC2C. And you have to wonder about the guy…
i havent seen CC2C but i was really looking forward to this one n now all the trash reviews …oh well
n i agree with Tony …a lot of KHNH might have had to do with Karan Johar atleast in the writing dept which is mainly why the movie was good.
@ravptor, only one movie in HW (Revolutionary Road) is better than SDM? Have you seen Milk, Doubt, The Reader, The Wrestler, Benjamin Button, Gran Torino, etc.? All those movies have better scripts and much better acting. Hell even Vicky Christina Barcelona is better.
I know people feel they have to pull for SDM because it has won awards but remember other mediocre movies like Titanic have won awards in the past. SDM is a timepass movie not a masterpiece by any means except for the music.
I saw part of CC2C online to see if it was worth paying to go to the theatre and it is pure crap.
Media has ripped apart CC2C like they did Singh is Kingh, Hey Baby, Welcome, Bhool Bhulaiya, Namaste London etc. Do I see a trend here? No matter what crap SRK produces (and OSO was the biggest crap ever), his movies are praised and declared hits immediateley. But poor Akshay, Abhishek, Amitabh etc. are never given a chance. Do these guys lack ‘media management’ skills or is our media trying hard to prove their secular credentials?
Got an SMS..it read..”Even 1.5 stars is lot for this movie”..
Why dont makers realise that its high time to make superficial stuff and drive the moive with star batteries..bring life into script..there should be some soul to it..
I believe the script might have been ok..but something must have terribly gone awry during
its transition to the screen.
@Ratnakar(11): Has it doomed at the box office or is it still raking in the moolah?
@ Raj, i think RNBDJ was not given a good review, and please man, dont come up with those Rediff style comments on secularism and all. If that was the case Salman Khan’s movies get the worst beating of all in the media.
@ Sourav, as per the latest reports, its performing well below expectations, so its turning out to be a huge dud.
Well I outdid myself again yesterday.On a break currently & wasnt supposed to be watching the movie so soon.Still couldnt resist the friday phenomenon & went over to see CC2C- FDFS.Man I wont say its all that bad- but certainly not worth the hype @ all.And please please please- dont make that supposed sequel- I’m dreading it already.I think Akki-the law of averages has caught up with you dude!!!
@ Sethu ur right, its not all that bad, its plain fucking terrible and retarded. I went to see this movie, because i am a fan of Jackie Chan’s flicks, but this seriously was an apology. Fortunately i saw it in a single screen, so did not waste much.
“Oh mera Iron Man”- What in the eff is that dialogue???
And i did not expect this kind of a muddled mess from Sridhar Raghavan.
Hey Phoenixnu,
:):) on second thoughts i was wondering how our machcha kartik krishnan would have ripped it apart with his typical love for the kind of language he loves ripping any film apart ha ha ha… but good one, after a loooooooong time enjoyed your post. Now heading for subrats to read…
Superbly criticed review… Love the honesty with which you take us through the film man…
Hmm..I thought the trailers were looking interesting in a silly way. But I guess Shyam Ghanshyam would be a better choice now :-)
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I agree with all the above ppl that K-Jo’s script played a very big role in KHNH’s success. The movie was real cool right till Mahi Ve song. After that it got killed. Now I can blame NA aaram se for that :-)
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Akki’s movie right from Namaste London, Hey baby, Bhool B, Welcome, Tashan, SiK, Jumbo have all been mediocre. It seems his preceding movie is always better than his current one. A rather dubious credit.
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For those who think SRK’s movies get high praise, well, RNBDJ, OSO, Don, KANK, Pahel had an average rating of less than or equal to 3 out of 5. Only CDI and Swades got decent ratings. So its nothing to do with any sort of bias to him or any other actor, I suppose.
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And yes,please no jaati varna vyavastha over here please! We are Passion-ites :-)