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I am not much of a dreamer…pretty much affiliated to the stark realities of life ,I know life is no candyfloss…
…but if ever I had a dream it was always to spun this dream world around me…a dream world where everything was the way I wanted to be…the way I saw it…the way world is not and will never be…

So,I grew up to become more wiser (Gosh, Why did that happen…I mean life was so good when I was small , naive/innocent) and someone told me that “that such world’s only exist in movies and not in real life”…and yes the guy was correct and there started my love/romance with cinema/movies…down the line I realized that “a director creates that world that we see in movies”…OK,so my means to realize that world was to be a Director myself and give shape my stories…create this world.

Coming from a cinema challenged family my exposure to films was only through that rented VCR from my local Video Library (those VCR and VCP days…they were fun and I miss that charm and enthu ,where whole neighborhood used to be invited to watch a movie and generally 2-3 film cassettes were brought to watch at one go)…how excited I used to be…waiting for that Library guy to bring that VCR and cassettes to my house…for one day I was the proud owner of that VCR Remote.

…the hangover from a movie watched previous night lasted for two-three days.

Why do I get to watch only one movie in a month?

Why cant we own a VCR?

Why don’t my parents watch more movies?

Why cant I just go to a cinema hall to watch a movie?

In Short why cant I have life my way???
Well after passing school stepping in college,I just had my way…
…interest in Cinema grew more than ever in college life…never missed a single movie…grew a little bit more knowledgeable (why!!!)

And since then I am watching movies after movies after movies…hoping to slip back into that magical world , which I am so much in love with …but somehow that experience started to fade away…everytime I entered the theatre, with a hope of having that feeling back at the end of the show, disappointed I was most of the times…

year after year after year…and belive me now the experience is not even 10% of what it used to be.
My Thinking since past 1 year:

With so much junk around, I sometimes doubt myself…Do I love cinema???…Was its just an infatuation???…I mean I see movies after movies after movies…and feel nothing…they don’t move me anymore…I don’t remember anything from them, I just watch them once and trash them from my memory.

No longer characters seem to fascinate me…No longer visuals seem to impress me…No longer situations seem to move me…it all seems made up…all seems plastic.

WHY???

They don’t make good movies anymore…(partially true I think…)

Movies are not made from heart…(I agree)

I guess I have watched just too many movies and now I am grown kind of numb to them…(no I don’t buy that)

With so many other means of entertainment the interest has fizzed away as it seems “been there seen it all”…(this point makes sense)

I have grown up…and am no longer naive/innocent…it isn’t that same old curious world (to me)…

…my memory retention span has shortened “Thanks and regards to this chaotic life we live in”…(but is that a valid excuse I thought???)
My Thinking since yesterday night:

Well, I admit I was wrong…

Watched Departed last night…and thought how wrong I was…Yes I do love cinema…I just love it…this is something I want to do “all my f***ed up life”…

Watching this movie just ignited that lost spark in me…now that is what we call a thriller…now that is movie making at its best…that is acting at its best…that is direction at its best…that is climax at is best…that is screenplay at its best…hell , that is copying at its best (movie is straight copy of chinese flick Internal Affairs)…
My Thinking at the moment:
…films made from heart…made with passion…made with a desire to tell a story…will always strike a note with people (like me) somewhere…they will rekindle that romance with cinema all over again…they will always motivate people to live up to there dreams…

…and films like those will always be made (although in long intervals).

Regards,
Shitij

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