Drona - A Groan(a)
iView Author: Oxy ( Bengaluroo, India)
Email: oxymoronic [at] in [dot] com
Drona - A Groan(a)
All I wanted to do on my day off was catch Drona and Kidnap back to back. I saw few young girls coming out laughing and giggling after the noon show of Drona. Oh, girls usually do that whenever you bring in any super-hero. But, soon few middle aged people followed and they were all smiling and giggling too. Few to themselves and others in a loud growling fashion. I was confused. I had not read any review whatsoever of it anywhere. And people’s reaction intrigued me more. This usually is the case when the movie is supremely entertaining or devastatingly horrible or its RGV Ki Aag. I used to believe there is just good or bad cinema until I saw RGV Ki Aag. Yes, RGV Ki Aag is another category in itself.
I was getting restless by now and could not wait to unravel the mystery behind the laughs and guffaws.
Movie starts with a voiceover introduction of what you are about to see (go through). It gives a short synopsis of who-the-heck Dronas of history were in form of comic strips a la Chandamama or Amar Chitra Katha (remember?)
Cut to some European country. A young boy (Aditya played by Abhishek) is having frightening dream. He complains his Aunt about it who is sleeping with her husband and beloved son. Any resemblance so far to Harry Potter, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley is purely intentional. Aunt ridicules Aditya and shoos him away. Aditya also called as Slow motion ki aulad by his foster mother is very disturbed and whiles his time looking out of the window. Comes a flying object which is blue in color. The boy is too naïve to shout ‘UFO, UFO’ so gives a sheepish smile. The object lands on his stretched palm and voila it’s a petal.
Another scene. The most hideous scoundrel of all time Riz Raizada (Kay Kay Menon) with a Mohican-Cum-Tower-styled hair and 2 irritating puppets in tow makes his own clone and straight away kills the clone. I am still interpreting why? He wishes to get hold of the Amrit so that he can be Amar forever but not before destroying the world. And you were thinking Big Bang Theory will end the world. Sigh!!! Anyways, so this Amrit ka secret is only with Drona. Riz has killed the earlier Drona and is in a lookout for the heir.
Next scene. The morose Slow motion ki aulad is now a young man with unkempt, grumpy look and hands in pocket (always). The petal still floats around him. It’s his birthday and he goes to see the great magician Riz Raizada performing in neighborhood. One look at Aditya and Riz knows that this gloomy man is Drona. He sends his army (death-eaters) behind him. Death-Eaters? I told you, any resemblance to Harry Potter is intentional. Ok, so death-eaters chase Aditya.
Enters turban woman (Sonia played by Priyanka Chopra) who saves Aditya. He is baffled. She narrates the history, geography and biology of who-he-is and what-he-is ending the story with an orgasmic look on her face. He maintains same expression. Death-eaters reappear. This time she saves him by speeding up in a race car. Any resemblance of high-octane car chase to ‘Fast and Furious’ is intentional too. Soon the death-eaters catch the duo and each death-eater pulls out a sword. SWORD??? You got the best race car for the chase and you pull out sword to fight? Whatever happened to the guns…??? So, Sonia madam pulls out knives from every corner of her body and fights back. Abhishek (who is still baffled with happenings around) suddenly realizes he is supposed to be the man wearing pants and gets strength from nowhere and throws a big iron gate towards the villains killing them at instant. Sonia Madam is amused, smiles a Kodak moment. *Click* and that’s her second orgasmic look.
30 minutes into the movie and bingo; Drona is everything I mentioned above. It was turning out to be extremely entertaining and was giving a tough competition to RGV Ki Aag and not to forget the profound logic that went into everything so far in the movie. I eased myself in the seat beaming to myself, ‘Abhi toh shuruaat huii hai’.
Pronto, I was in for another surprise. The movie takes us to some rural India (I think it was Rajasthan) where a mother (Jaya marathi-nahi-aati Bachchan) suddenly feels some kind of air touching her that tells her in the language which now I know only she understands that her santaan has returned. She started this conversations-with-air in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and is continuing the trend. She comes out, sees her santaan from terrace and soon breaks into a song (keeping up the KKKG trend, you see). Mother B explains to Son B why she abandoned him and the entire flashback happens in form of comic strips. Mr. Director seems to be very fascinated with that idea. After mother stops the boring kahaani Riz appears and turns the mother into a statue. THANK GOD. Her mumbles were getting too much to bear.
Drona has all the secrets unraveled now. All he needs to do is find the way to get hold of ‘Horse’, ‘Sword’ and finally ‘Amrit’. The horse is described as something untamed so far which only Drona can tame. And when you see that untamed horse you will know that even Rajpal Yadav could have easily tamed it. The trail to find the sword goes through series of illogical puzzles. One moment is worth mentioning where they (Aditya and Sonia) are stuck as the clue says ‘Drona ki parchhai (shadow)’ something. They take ages to decode that. Aditya then slowly turns and says, “Tum Sonia. Tum ho meri Prachhai’. At this, Sonia Madam looks at him and gives another orgasmic moment to us. What a scene!!!
And after many such profound and thoughtful scenes/moments/dialogues, Riz is closer to getting the ‘Amrit’ after stabbing knife in Drona’s stomach. The blood falls on the barren land and follows a path and soon the barren land is blessed with greenery and day becomes night. The door to the ‘Amrit’ is visible and Riz gallops his horse towards it. Drona is still unconscious (not dead, how can he still be? think profoundly). Riz is running away and is now very close to the ‘Amrit’. Drona wakes up at that very moment, gets up with head hanging down and stands in that pose for 2 minutes. He then raises his head and voila there is a fierce in his eyes. The eye color has changed. It’s no blacker. It’s not remotely human. It’s silver, no, it’s all white, whatever but it’s scary for sure. Super-heroes aren’t supposed to flaunt that eye color Mr. Director. That’s for Zombies or vampires for your information. Riz is getting closer to ‘Amrit’. Drona is furious. He raises his right hand up in the air, makes a fist and Dhadaam. There goes the feeblest punch on the face of earth but earth gets circular waves and the waves start spreading. Waves reach the running Riz and he falls. Yes, he falls. A ripple from earth caused because of Drona’s punch make a running horse and a man on top of it fall. Wow!!! Hail to Goldie Behl. He is genius. Riz dies Drona wins. But that’s not the end.
Not shown how many years later but Drona is seen along with his now lively mother, without-turban wife and a son. Son goes to sleep and there is a look-alike of death-eater outside his room. The movie ends, you know what it means? It means our intelligent director is coming up with sequel soon. A SEQUEL??? I am off to enter a line in my will warning my offspring to stay away from anything that sounds Drona.
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PROJEKT iVIEW , Abhisheik Bachchan, Drona Review, Kay Kay Menon, Priyanka Chopra
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Aaila!! aisa kya..aisa kuch hua DRONA mein !! i guess all these directors are taking clue for RGV. They want to compete with him.Good!!
Serious flaw!!! Who in this world wants to watch Drona and Kidnap back to back?
“orgasmic look” Eeks can someone put a picture to the expression, i still could not relate to it. Last time, read about Shakti kapoor having the expression in Marte dum tak from the torture series.
Mother B should be rewarded for her alround performance as MP and as an actor as well !! Has she done everything as MP that she gets ample time to act in movies? Or does she deem movies as secondary money making factor? Sorry if this sounds hard..:(
Fab review out there. RGV must now be chuckling to himself with glee. Critics have found that there are movies worse than RGV ki Aag, which seems to be a benchmark.
Loved the review. I loved the scene when chauthi chaukhat ke basanti darwaje wala tells him ” sahi darwaja ya phir maut. No points for guessing that Drona opens the wrong door first,otherwise how would the audience know he is the superhero.
Comes out an ugly looking firang beast carrying a weapon last scene in Matrix reloaded breaks some cardboard walls to demonstrate his strength.
Everybody is scared but not Sonya as she is still carrying the “orgasmic look”. Drona takes a step back beast runs, Drona maintains the shabby expression on his face, beast runs.
Dhadhaam …. next scene beast is flying in the backward direction.
Camera zooms in and there he is DRONA holding a punch(like a batsman holds his bat after a perfect straight drive).
The beast is dead.
SO much hype for just one punch …. Oh I miss Sunny Deol’s Ghatak & Ghayal days so much …
Really good review. I also committed the mistake of watching drona and kidnap, not back to back, one on friday and one on saturday. But i must accept, watching drona on friday helped me appreciate kidnap(for what it was worth)
I dont know how Behl even dared to make a movie like this. First scene when abhisek appears on the screen u wonder who is he playing, after a point you even forget the character he is playing and u just feel its abhisek on the screen.
In the first scene we see two kids of almost same age and when they grow up abhisek looks almost ten years older than the other kid.I think it has to do something with the drona power.
And anyone can please tell me what was the item song doing in the movie. After saving drona from the hands of the extras with horrible black costumes, while he is resting priyanka thinks of entertaining us with a dance number.
I think its serious competition to rgv ki aag and i wont be surprise if future generate put it higher than rgv ki aag in terms of direction and special effects.
:-)..Pretty funny review.
The problem with Abhishek is that he is trying to compete with Hrithik.He should accept that Hrithik has a better screen presence and can carry a film on his shoulders which Abhi cannot.Period.I think Drona was made primarily to showcase him as be a better superhero than Krish.He gained his foothold in the industry with multistarrers like Dus,Dhoom,Yuva,and Bluffmaster.He should stick to that.
Gosh, this review almost makes me want to see the movie. Thought it was just a mediocre offering, but now I think it may fall into the “so bad it’s good” category. Ha!
Beat this… Goldie Behl wants to make a sequel to Drona and wants to dedicate it to Shahrukh Khan’s son… ROTFLMAO!!!
@ANINDYA: It is silly and naive to think that Drona was made to ‘compete’ with Krrish, which was pretty pathetic itself- atleast Goldie tried to create an ‘Indian’ superhero, despite the other extremely contrived elements in the film. And I think Abhishek can definitely carry a film on his shoulders, though he is totally out of place in a traditional ’superhero’ mould. I am not comparing him to Hrithik, but based on both actors’ performances in various films so far, I think Abhishek has me impressed more. I have only liked Hrithik in Jodhaa Akbar so far. Abhishek was good in varying degrees in Naach, Sarkar, Guru, etc.
@Anindya, You’ve forgotten Guru. That was a solo-hero film and Abhishek was mind blowing in it. No one else in the Hindi film industry would have been able to pull off Guru.
@ Jahan, agree. Abhishek is far more impressive than Hrithik.
Oxy,
Drona is getting far more flak than it deserves. You could tell that a lot of work that has gone into the imagery and mythology of creating this particular character.
Drona has got some positive reviews,(biased reviewers such as Khalid Mohammed have to be ignored in this case). Check this link http://www.times.co.nz/cms/arts/film/2008/10/drona.php
Funny review.
Actly, i understood the movie only after reading this review
All
Thanks for the comments. I will reply to each in some time.
I couldn’t stand this retarded movie. I walked out in the interval. I pitied Abhishek for having to act in this movie and get ridiculed and also Mr. Bachchan for having to promote and support this movie.
@ Ajay, Haan vaisa hi hua. RGV certainly had an impact on the minds of this inflated ego (Read Behl)
@ Gony, I in the world decided to do so and in fact did so. For relating to the ‘orgasmic look’, you need to watch it.
@ Zia, Not at all. That wasn’t hard at all. No need to be sorry. Mother B and her whole clan are the most fake people on this earth. Whatever they do/say certainly is worth dissecting.
@ Ratnakar, RGV sure will be. After all, many movies are piling up in RGV Ki Aag category.
@ Rajan, that was some keen observation on two kids. Lol to that. Songs of any kind popping up from nowhere is a debate in itself.
@ Rajan, and not to forget what you mentioned in the end. Trust me they won’t just put it in higher category, they might call it a classic.
@ Ankit, Bravo… what a description of it. Mazaa aa gaya. Sunny ‘mukka’ Deol has few movies lined up. But he himself has forgotten how-to-punch these days..
@ Arthi, Thanks.
@ Anindya, I disagree to that. Abhishek got a foothold because of multi-starrer but he definitely can pull off a solo movie. Guru for example. But sadly, that’s the only one till now in his kitty worth mentioning.
@ Ammu, ’so bloody bad that its awesome’ kind of movie it is.
@ Neeraj, heard that, heard that. He also went onto say something like this: “And all the children of our country who have to watch crime thrillers and sex comedies because fantasies are not made in the country. No matter what the outcome of Drona is at the box office, the sequel will most certainly happen,” . Run for our lives already
@ Jahan, I agree to you to a certain point only. I agree he carried Guru but Naach, Sarkar saw him in just one form. Gloomy, Silent with one expression throughout.
@ Raj, I am appalled after reading that review. The reviewer says Drona is a slick, 21st century tale that travels across continents but is profoundly and proudly Indian, not to mention, very, very musical.
Sigh!!! All I could make out of music was some gazillion instruments playing at the same time which sounded very similar to gazillion donkeys braying.
@ Sivakumar, Haha, is it? I am honored. Glad I could be of some help.
@ Manjushaa, Pity for Abhishek. Whoa!!! for that creature who unashamedly blabbering everywhere that the movie is his most ambitious project so far and it’s mind-boggling story and blah blah and more blah.
funny funny funny…why the fuck dumb ass guys like Behl end up wid all the money in wrld and childhood friend like Abhishek Bachhan is still a mystery to me…
@ sammy
Goldie’s father Ravi behl made movies like Nastik and Pukar with AB…..
and dont be so judgemental about someone just because his movies bomb….
u could call his movies dumb but calling him a dumb ass according to me is unfair…..
@ Ashwin
Nastik was directed by Pramod Chakravarty. Also Goldie’s dad was Ramesh Behl, and yes he directed Pukar, but even that movie was also a flop. His other movie with AB, Kasme Vaade however was a big hit. He also produced one more movie with AB, Indrajeet, which did not do too well.
Oxy,
Thanks for your reply boss. Just one thing, even one of our country’s most respected critic, Baradwaj Rangan - who is also a National Award winner, had some positive things to say about Drona. Anyway, a review is a person’s point of view; my only point is that the Bachchan family is facing a lot of flak from certain reviewers who have their own personal agenda.
@Oxy:
You don’t have to be appalled by any review, right. After all, a review is just an opinion. Also, it is an international review that one, and they will see it in a different eye.
And please, whoever compared it to Krrish is comparing chalk to, well chalk. Black chalk, maybe. I felt that Drona’s character was a bit, better etched than Krrish. Krrish developed all sort of super powers just at the climax of the movie. Lightning fast movements, X-ray vision. All these weren’t seen before in that movie. Conveniences of a super hero movie.
And some of the aspects of Drona was not all that bad. Heroes fighting with swords instead of guns. Come on, even Spiderman can easily take advantage of a gun. It’s just the character. Even I have to agree with Raj above. Drona seems to be receiving a lot of criticism it might not necessarily deserve.
PS: eyes completely white. Why should it be restricted to zombies? Also, Batman (in The Dark Knight) had a similar avatar.
@ Ratnakar..
my bad…….actually i meant kasme vaade…….
and ya nastik was directed by pramod chakravarty and produced by vinod doshi…
@ OXY
what u call ‘unashamedly blabbering everywhere’ is called marketing which i think is perfectly fine…..
And Drona is his most ambitious project in terms of budget.
‘gloomy, silent and one expression’ dont do justice to his good performances in Sarkar and Naach. he played the character the way they were written and thats doing a good job.
he even did well in Bluffmaster.
@ Zia
How many movies has Mother B done since she became an MP.
i bet u can count them on fingers.
And Give me one good reason being an MP makes it inappropriate for her to work in a movie.
@Ashwin,
Gotta agree with you. And Bluffmaster is a very decent performance of Abhishek Bachchan. He is more natural than Hrithik, even though his range of emotions might be limited to the gloomy and silent one.
Hrithik might have a better screen presence, but rarely can manage anything that, really works. I personally feel that Hrithik tries too hard to act and it always affects his ability to convey emotion to the audience.
Gopi, I have a feeling that you have something personal against Hritik or want to purposely put him down ( refer your comment nos 25 & 29 ). Just to prove you wrong was that
Lightning fast movements were certainly shown tme and again. I think you were sleeping in the initial part of the movie ? X-ray vision not shown I agree but what the heck, you need to show everything that he does in the begenning ? Only these 2 points ? or some more to come ?
Krish was certainly a good movie. Hritik was a perfect cast for the character.
BTW I also liked Abhishek in Guru.
@kcp
Hrithik visited my place last evening and said my coffee and sandwiches were horrible. In that case, yeah I do have something personal against him.
Otherwise, what would I have “personal” against him. I write my views on an actor in a small comment board in the internet. My opinions against a host of others. Respect everywhere.
Fabulous review as always….I m sure I m not going to watch DRONA after this….
I have given 5 stars for your review
@12 Raj, even I liked Guru but I dont think it was an earth shattering performance from Abhishek.In fact a lot of credit for his performance in the film goes to Mani Ratnam.But to think that no body else would have been able to pull off guru is IMHO too much.In fact in guru Mithun’s performance was more natural.If I really liked Abhishek in a film it was Bluffmaster.
@ Raj, Yes I read Baradwaj’s review after you mentioned it here. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Bachchan family always faced some or the other flak. Some are justified though.
@ Gopi, Alright, sir. I am not entitled to be appalled also? Of course I can be. How would it feel to them (international reviewer) if we do that to one of their worsts? Well, not seeing it from different eye, why can’t a movie be reviewed as a movie without any biases. What you said is a clear cut case of bias.
And for Krrish.. Lol @ it that he got powers and all at the end of movie.. It ain’t about when he got power. It’s about the characterization which Krrish definitely had considering Koi Mil Gaya had done the job already. So, in fact Krrish as character was better etched out than Drona. Probably Drona-2’s character would be better etched out than Drona but certainly Drona’s character was not etched out at all.
@ Ashwin, Yes I agree that’s marketing. Marketing calls for a strategy and what would you call these people who change their stance every now and then. Now it’s a children movie all of sudden. And ambitious in terms of budget? I disagree. I can bet Abhishek did not mean budget by that ‘ambitious’ word.
@ Laksh, Thanks
@ Varun, Thanks buddy.
Hey Oxy, seems we have another classic this Friday, Hello, any plan to review that.
Anyway for starters i can’t stand Chetan Bhagat’s books too, in fact 5 Point Someone was way too overrated, so i don’t think i am gonna watch Hello.
@ Ratnakar, Hehe. I might. Well, I have mind full of colorful thoughts for CB guy and his books. So, I guess I will see the movie. And what’s with the conversation-with-god being scrapped off from the movie rumors told? Strange, thats the damn thing book was all about…
@ Oxy: I guess the ‘god scene’ was somewhat a comic element in an otherwise ‘very serious, message providing’ book,
@ Tanul, Oh yes indeed it was funny… Who on earth would believe on something like that..?? by thats the damn thing book was all about… I meant that’s the scene/moment which takes you by surprise.. the whole book was weaved in a way that you kind of start expecting something like THAT (weird) to happen..
Btw, ‘message providing’?
@ Oxy: Sarcasm man..!
Wah wah.. thanks for the warning. There was such a buzz in Media circles about this for YEARS.. Drona ban rahi hai, Drona ban rahi hai.. YEH banaya ??
@ Avdi: Haha.. dekho na kya bana daala aur ab sequel bhi banayenge.. Jai Ho!!!