Film Titles Galore
iView Author: Jonivestal (Mumbai, India)
Email: jonivestal(at)hotmail(dot)com
Film Titles Galore
Ever since I stumbled upon PFC, I had been wanting to write my own blog. But like in most cases, I couldn’t come up with an apt filmi topic to write about. I did a feature film as a production assistant some few years ago and there were some funny incidents related to it when I travelled to and fro from Allahabad where most of the shooting took place. This post would have suited PFC but then I had already posted something about it on another blog site and since PFC rules didn’t allow reposting, well…
Ok back to the numerable nights I spent lying awake thinking what to blog about. And after tearing my hair out at times,I hit upon the idea why not write about Film titles. I have always been mesmerized by film titles since I became a part of the media world. Every day a number of titles get registered and while some of them are unique and yet hold recall value, there are titles which are based on song titles from earlier films which has a much better recall value since most of these songs have been major hits it its time. To name a few like ‘Bachna Ae Hasino’ from the film ‘Hum Kissi Se Kum Nahin’, ‘Rubaroo’ from ‘Rang De Basanti’, ‘Aa Dekhe Zara’ from Rocky, ‘Mere Khwabon Mein Jo Aaya’ from ‘Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge’, ‘My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves’ from ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’, etc. This got me wondering; what is it with writers, directors or the producers for that matter who chose song titles from earlier movies as their film titles including the upcoming Akshay Kumar starrer ‘Kambakht Ishq’, the source, a song from the film ‘Pyar Tune Kya Kiya’. Is it because there is a dearth of good film titles or is that the song titles are attractive enough to work magic for their films as well. While some titles do justice to the film’s story, some add a distinct flavor to the packaging, while some build up a mystery and rouse the viewers’ attention. And then there are some titles which has absolutely no relationship with the movie storyline. But then that is a different story…
So in a bid to demystify the reason, I have written a make believe scenario for some of the logic that goes behind in selecting certain film titles.
Mind you, this is purely a work of fiction and frankly any resemblance to any person or any film title is pure a figment of the reader’s imagination and the writer’s memory lapse!
Fade In
INT. – PARTY HALL – EVENING
A movie launch party is one. A celebrity crowd is gathered. Among them, film producers RAJAT BHAI, MANSUKHANI and MR. SHARMA, 3 middle aged men in various shapes and sizes, huddled together. Another bespectacled elderly producer ROBIN RAUT walks to the dais holding a mike.
ROBIN RAUT
I am proud to announce the launch of our 25th film under our banner RR Films and uniquely titled as always. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, ‘Nanna Munna Rahi Hu, Desh Ka Sipahi Hu’.(pause) Like you know, our hero is a common man who takes up arms to rid the city of its crimes and criminals. This is all I can say right now. So go ahead and enjoy the party. Cheers!
RAJAT BHAI
Bhai, aaj kal ke filmo ke title bhi ajib ajib hote hai. ‘Pyar Hua, Ikrar Hua’, ‘Sarkaylo Khatiya Baada Lage’, ‘Hum Kaale Hai Toh Kya Hua Dulhe Wale Hai’.
Subtitle: Brother, these days you have such stranger movie titles. ‘Pyar Hua, Ikrar Hua’, ‘Sarkaylo Khatiya Baada Lage’, ‘Hum Kaale Hai Toh Kya Hua Dulhe Wale Hai’.
MANSUKHANI
Ha bhai. Aaj kal achche writer bhi kahan bache hai. Title ka toh hume sujav dena padta hai. Zaroor Robin Raut ke writer ka yeh bakwas suzaav hoga ‘Nanna Munna…’ Ha ha ha.
Subtitle: You are right brother. Nowadays, there is a dearth of good writers. We have to suggest good titles. I am sure Robin Raut’s writer must have suggested such a corny title ‘Nanna Munna…’.
MR SHARMA
Aur ek hum teen hai jo hamesha hatke title use karte hain apni filmo mein. Hamesha ek nayapan nazar aata hai apni filmo ke titles mein aur log bhi pasand karte hai.
Subtitle: It’s just us who use unique and great titles for our films. There is always something unique, something different about our titles. Even the audience loves it.
MANSUKHANI
Tumhare nayi film joh tum launch kar rahe ho, uska title kya hai?
Subtitle: What’s the title of your new film that you are going to launch soon?
MR SHARMA
Joh bhi title hoga, unique hoga. Zaisi kahani hatke hai, waise title bhi hatke hogi.
Subtitle: Well whatever title I decide, it will be unique for sure just like its story line.
RAJAT BHAI
Main bhi kuch aisa hi soch rahan hoon.
Subtitle: Even I am thinking on the same line.
MANSUKHANI
Main toh apne writer se kahan hai ki do din mein apni naya title register karna hai. Film jald hi launch karni hai.
Subtitle: I have told my writer that we need to register the title within 2 days. I want to launch my film immediately.
RAJAT BHAI / MR SHARMA
Do din?
Subtitle: Within two days?
The duo look at each other.
INT. MANSUKHANI’s OFFICE – DAY
ASHISH, a bespectacled slim guy in a white kurta is seated opposited Mansukhani. After a long pause, Mansukhani looks up at him.
MANSUKHANI
Nahin chalega. Yeh title bilkul nahin chalega ‘Jaag Uthi Aurat’. Chee! Hamari film mein aurat koii sati savitri nahin hai. Ek Menaka hai. Samjhe. Title ek Menaka ke liye suit hona chahiye.
Subtitle: No no, this title won’t do. ‘Jaag Uthi Aurat’? Yuck. The woman in my film is not a saintly woman. She is a sly scheming woman and the title should suit this character.
ASHISH
Par sir, hamari heroine ka role toh ek positive role hai joh system ko badalna chahti hai…
Subtitle: But sir, our heroine plays a positive character who wants to change the system.
MANSUKHANI
System my foot. Ek garib aurat joh apne aurat hone ka faida leti hai aur business aur rajniti ke manch mein bulandi par chadd jati hai. Agar logon ko yahin dekhna hai to Star Plus dekhenge, apni film nahin. Title should show her as a scheming woman, samjhe? Janta ko attract karna hai theatre mein.
Subtitle: System my foot! She is a poor woman who takes advantage of being a woman and climbs the ladder of business and politics. If people want to see such a movie, they’d rather sit at home and watch Star Plus. So keep in mind, the title should reflect about her as a scheming woman. Then only the audience will come to watch our film.
ASHISH
Par Sir, hamari heroine toh…
Subtitle: But sir, our heroine is…
MANSUKHANI
Tum chahte ho ki serials ke tarah hamari film bhi sirf gine chune aurat dekhe?
Subtitle: Do you want our film to be seen just by a handful of women?
ASHISH
Nahin sir.
Subtitle: No sir.
MANSUKHANI
Toh ek achcha aur dhasoo title socho jisse aurat aur mard dono picture hall aaye. Yeh title jaldi socho aur woh bhi do din mein. Samjhe!
Subtitle: So think of a hard hitting and distinctive title that will attract both the male and female audience. I want it within two days, understand!
EXT. BUSY ROAD – DAY
JOHNNY, a lanky boy in his early 20s in casual attire is walking down the street, lost in his own thoughts. He is mumbling to himself.
JOHNNY
Itni achchi story likhi hai. A pilot falls in love with a passenger. Aur producer saab kehte hai ki aam janta connect nahin kar payegi us pilot se. My foot! Pure kahani ki ma bahen kar diya hai. Kehta hai personal experience. 1.40 ki last local ka driver falls in love with a lady in white who is presumed to be a ghost and walks along the adjoining track while he is driving the train. In order to attract her attention, he would honk his horn every night. Ab yeh kahani ke liye kya title sochu? Hmmm ‘Motorman’s Love Story’? Hmm ‘Ghost Who Walks… On Rail Tracks’, or how about ‘Ek Challis Ki Last Bhootni’? Hey bhagwan, give me a sign. Tell me the title so that I have my first film on screen.
Subtitle: I had written such a lovely story. A pilot falls in love with a passenger. And the damn producer says that the common man won’t be able to connect with the pilot. My foot! He has screwed my story completely. Says its his personal experience. The motorman of the last local at 1.40am falls in love with a lady in white who is presumed to be a ghost and walks along the adjoining track while he is driving the train. In order to attract her attention, he would honk his horn every night. Now what title do I suggest for this story? Hmmm ‘Motorman’s Love Story’? Hmm ‘Ghost Who Walks… On Rail Tracks’, or how about ‘Ek Challis Ki Last Bhootni’? Oh god, give me a sign. Tell me the title so that I have my first film on screen.
A car suddenly brakes to a stop from hitting him. Johnny is still lost in his own world as he crosses the road. The driver honks his horn wildly.
DRIVER
Abe saale, dikhta nahin hai itni badi gaadi. Marna hai to railway track par ja kar mar.
Subtitle: Idiot, can’t you see such a big vehicle? If you want to die, try the railway track instead.
Johnny stops on hearing the word ‘railway track’. He looks at the driver who is honking wildly and this time at a woman crossing the road. She stops and looks angrily at him.
WOMAN
Bajao bajao aur bajao. Achcha tarika hai line marne ka.
Subtitle: Go ahead. Honk more. Come on. Nice way to woo a girl.
In the background, a song is heard ‘Mannubhai motor chale pom pom pom’. A grin spreads across Johnny’s face as if he can connect the song and the woman and the driver as he looks at them.
JOHNNY (yells)
Eureka!
He quickly dials a number.
JOHNNY (excitedly)
Sir, title mil gaya.
Subtitle: Sir, I have a title…
INT. KAPUR RESIDENCE – DAY
RAJESH KAPUR, a young man in his 30s is seated at the breakfast table and scribbling on a pad. His father, Mr. KAPUR, an elder man in his late 50s and his wife MRS KAPUR are animatedly gesturing and having a heated argument.
RAJESH (VO)
Yeh kahani ek aisa aadmi ki hai joh apni patni se kuch dino ke liye chutkara paana chahata hai. Woh kaiee bahane banata hai ghar se dur jaane ka lekin uski patni ek nahin soonti. Yeh aadmi ko tang aa gaya hai apni biwi se, par usse chutkara kaise paya? Woh koshish karta rahta hai. Kahani theek hai. Script ready hai. Pur producer saab ne kahan hai title zabardast honi chahiye. Hey prabhu, kahani ka title kya rakhoon? Hmmm kuch sujaav do bhagwan…
Subtitle: This is a story about an elderly man who wants to get away from his nagging wife for a few days. He tries very tricks to get away from her but she won’t allow him to go away. He is damn tired of her nagging ways. But how does he get away from her? He keeps trying and trying… Hmm nice story. The script is also ready. But the producer has warned that the title should be absolutely outstanding. Oh god, what title should I give the story? Give me a suggestion god.
Rajesh’s mother’s voice reaches his ears. He slowly turns around to watch them argue.
MRS. KAPUR
Main kuch nahin jaanti. Aap kahi nahin ja rahe. Retired ho, retired bane raho. Olympics main race nahin karna tumhe.
Subtitle: I don’t want to hear anything. You are not going anywhere and that’s final. You are retired, so stay retired in the house. You don’t have to run a race in the olympics.
MR. KAPUR
Par bhagwan, kaiee saal ho gaye apne doston ko milke. Mujhe unhe milna hai, rebonding kar na hai.
Subtitle: But darling, its been so many years since I met my friends. I want to meet them, bond with them again.
MRS. KAPUR
Ab is umar mein mujhse toh tumhari rebonding nahin ho rahi aur apne doston ke saath rebonding karna hai. Tumhari umar toh dekho. Ummar 55 ka aur ab bhi dil chahata hai.
Subtitle: At this age, you don’t have the capacity to bond with me and you want to bond with your friends. Look at your age. At 55 you still have the urge for adventure? Dil Chahata Hai…?
RAJESH (softly)
Ummar 55 ka? Hmmm no. Dil chahata hai? ‘Dil Chahata Hai. Wow yippie! title mil gaya!
Subtitle: 55? Hmm no… Dil Chahata Hai? Dil Chahata Hai? Wow yippie, I have found my title!
EXT. TITLE REGISTRAR’S OFFICE – DAY
Rajat Bhai, Mansukhani and Mr Sharma walk out of the office building, excitedly.
Mansukhani
Mera writer Ashish toh nikammah nikala. Aakhir kar mujhe hi dimaag lagana pada. You know I had to give my finishing touch kind of thing to his story. Aisa unique title socha hai… ‘Ek Chatur Naar’, a sly woman … Bolo kaisa laga title?
Subtitle: My writer turned out to be a dumb ass. Finally, I had to use my brain. You know I had to give my finishing touch kind of thing to his story. I came up with such a unique title… ‘Ek Chatur Naar’… tell me what do you think of it?
RAJAT BHAI
Bahut hatke hai. Something new and different. Ansuni hai. Mera title bhi ansuni hai, very captivating. ‘Mannubhai Motorman Chale Pom Pom Pom’. Kahani ko ek dum suit karta hai. Film raato raat hit ho jaayegi.
Subtitle: It’s different for sure. Something new and different, unheard of. My movie title too is unheard of and yet captivating. ‘Mannubhai Motorman Chale Pom Pom Pom’. It suits the story to a T. The film is going to be a big hit overnight.
MR SHARMA
Tum toh jaante ho, meri kahani me ek aadmi hai joh apni biwi se kuch dinno ke liye durr rehna chahta hai, Uski biwi uske liye musibat hai aur uska dil chahta hai sirf woh chaar din fursat ke…
Subtitle: You know that there is this man in my story who wants to escape his nagging wife for a few days and have a good time. His wife is a nuisance for him and his heart wants just four days of solitude…
RAJAT BHAI (smiling)
Toh Sharmaji, title kya hai? Dil Chahata Hai?
Subtitle: So Sharmaji, what is the title? Dil Chahata Hai?
MR SHARMA
Nahin dost…. ‘Dil Dhoonta Hai…’ Hai na bada lajawab and unique title?
Subtitle: No my friend. It’s ‘Dil Dhoonta Hai…’ Isn’t it a wonderful and unique title?
Fade out
p.s. Let me apologise if my post degrades anyone directly or indirectly or hurts the sentiments of any writer, director or a producer. I had no such intention and have written this purely for the heck of it and not to point fingers or make mockery of this institution called ‘Mumbai Film Industry’. And if someone feels that I have hurt his/her sentiments, please accept my sincerely apology.
Tags: Aa Dekhe Zara, Bachna Ae Hasino, Mere Khwabon Mein Jo Aaya
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LOL. reminded me of the luck by chance scene where Rishi K, Sanjay K & Anurag K are discussing the script. LOL. thanks for the laughs.
A funny read, indeed…!! is post ke liye koi title socha hai kya, LOL..!!
@Magic – Thanks for your comment. Haven’t seen ‘Luck By Chance’ yet though I want to catch on since it got some good reviews. Anyways, glad you like the post.
@Manish – Thanks for your comments. I guess I slipped up on a suitable title for this post… will definitely think of one for the follow ups to this post… Thanks again.
hey, y don’t u poaste a link of the other blog that u r talkin’ abt… am sure even tht wud b a refreshing read!
@ Manish,
On the same lines, how is the this title…
“BADnaam hai kai” ;-)
Funny read indeed! Lage raho Jonivestal! You should have kept this title “Title mile dil khile” for your article! Lol!
A cheesy one from moi – “Naam to suna hoga” ;-)
@Magic – you can read them at http://jonivestal.rediffiland.com
@Bala – Nice one…
@Vinay – Nice one… Thanks
Hey! that was funny indeed.
Jonivestal- isi tarah, hanste,hansate raho
very nice post joni. u seem to be all set to write a great script itself. do that.
even ‘dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge’ was from an earlier song.
Jon Joni Janardan
Tara Rum pum pum pum
Great humorous read
Thanks for taking extra effort to translate the ’subtitles’. ROFL @ Ek Chalis ki last Bhootni.Outstanding creativity.
You may find [this article] contextual and interesting, which incidentally my first post on PFC too
lol
Cheers!
hey, i’d just been thru your blog. Thats a very good short story. U r a damn good writer man.
Hey that was damn neat..it was funny!
@Magik/Manish – Don’t know if you read the one about my trip to Allahabad. This is the one I mentioned in the Titles Galore article. This is the link: http://jonivestal.rediffiland.com/blogs/2006/06/06/My-trip-to-Allahabad.html
@Sourav / ~uh~ / Sethu / Balwinder – Thanks for your lovely comments. I hope I am able to better this in my next post. Cheers!