logo

Last fall as me and the gang of desis from Bombay were winding up our NY adventure we suddenly realised that we needed to do some heavy duty shopping. I wasn’t as concerned as the rest coz I had gotten admission to my place of study in LA and knew I’d be returning soon but for the others it was au revoir time.

So me and my buddy (code name Enigma) land up at Macy’s to ravish and pillage during one of their frequent sales. I for one never shop there coz I find the clothes too expensive and not really suited to my style of dressing. More about me later.

So anyways Enigma is eying a $200 pair of sunglasses and I’m trying to talk him out of it saying the money would be better spent buying some fancy electronic gizmo. He looks at my pityingly and says “Chutiya tu bahut bhola hain re. Yeh 200 merko 20000 dilayega”

Enigma used to work as a promo producer at at TV channel and had a solid body of work behind him but he wanted to try his hand at narrative so he came to film school. He discovered that his true passion still lay in promo producing while I discovered I loved camera so much more than directing.

I asked him to explain his cryptic statement and he proceeded to enlighten me. He said that when he got back home if he looked like a funky Amrica returned dude he would get better jobs and pay. I scoffed at his assertion and he just smiled at me knowingly. In addition to buying the sunglasses, he grew a Jack Sparrow type goatee complete with beads and got a tattoo as well. In other words total rockstar look.

He left for Bombay a few weeks before me. I wanted to shoot one last film in NY before leaving so I stayed back for a bit longer. When I eventually did return my Mom and Dad were relieved that despite my tales of having told them I was getting my back covered in a tribal motif tattoo I had done nothing of the sort. I’ve actually been meaning to get a tattoo for 10 years now but only the knowledge that I’d be bored within a month of it has prevented me for doing so. Having a short attention span does have advantages.

So after spending a week in Delhi with my folks I went to my adopted home Bombay coz I had an internship lined up and the prospect of working on Shantaram was making me act like a horny rabbit but alas the film got shelved in that iteration. When I land up in Bombay most of my friends looked at me in disdain coz apart from getting significantly leaner (thanks to organic foods) I looked pretty much the same. I think they were expecting cornrows or a mohawk with some body piercings. If not that then at least me wearing True Religion jeans or Hugo Boss shirts. They weren’t too impressed with wise ass t-shirts of naked women and Levi’s.

The common reaction was like what’s the point of going there if you haven’t done anything. They were gonna give up one until I regaled them with tales of my exploits, adventures and conquests. I think I somehow redeemed myself in their eyes but they would still rag me bout a pronounced NY twang in my diction which in my defense is unavoidable to pick up the manner of speech of the place of residence.

Now it’s time to describe my sartorial style. It can best be described as “homeless preppie” due to my penchant of wearing only Express, Gap, J Crew, Benetton and Levis and wearing them till they literally fall apart. I’m a proponent of the lived in look. I’ve been wearing ripped jeans since I was a teenager and took particular ironical delight when my parent’s colleagues and friends would ask them why they let me roam around in torn clothes. Ah the joys of youthful rebellion. If I had a dollar for the number of times relatives would offer to buy me a new pair of jeans if I would discard the old ratty ones, I could go out right now and probably buy a designer pair of jeans.

I have not owned a suit in my life and still do not know how to knot a tie coz I used to consider wearing a tie as a mark of slavery in my out and out heavy metal days. I’ve softened my view considerably now but as the opportunity for me to wear a tie is quite uncommon, I still don’t know to knot one. Doesn’t cramp my style a bit.

I have also in my youth sported a ponytail, mullet, shaved head, mohawk, mushroom cut, crew cut, spikes etc etc. You name it and I’ve had that hairstyle though I’ve been sporting a tousled look for half a decade now with the occassional crew cuts and shaved heads. Also my hair never looks the same on two consecutive days simply coz I almost never comb it and in whatever shape my hair dries out is the style for the day. Infinite number of permutations and combinations there. I shave maybe twice a week coz my skin gets raw if I shave daily and more importantly girls seem to prefer the non-chikna look.

So I meet Enigma within a few days of landing up in Bombay and he proceeds to inform me that he’s got a new job at the same company with almost triple the salary now and is handling projects with much bigger budgets as well. Earlier he used to shoot on SD but now had the authority to shoot on Film or HD budget permitting.

I was very happy for him and asked whether his new showreel helped in landing such a plum job. His reply was “No re. Just went in there all dressed up jhakaas and got the gig. ” Gheun tak indeed. Before you get the wrong idea, Enigma is ferociously talented and one of the sweetest people I know. I also realized that he was aslo much smarter than me in a few things. He’s also a comedic genius and I really hope he starts directing commercials soon.

I was humbled at his foresightedness and understanding of corporate showbiz politics. Though I didn’t know it another lesson was in store for me. I was interning with India’s best Key Grip and were working on a commercial which was being shot in YRF. Fabulous state of the art studio with superb soundstages. My boss asked me to get him a cup of coffee and I went over to the inhouse coffee shop. A grizzled old chaprasi started yelling at me asking my how dare I enter the hallowed coffee shop in the atrium.

I was bewildered by his response till I realized my appearance. I was wearing stained and dusty jeans with a cheap NYC souvenir t-shirt along with my battered workboots. Standard G&E uniform. Only an would wear spiffy clothes while handling tracks and dollies. Another guy dropped in and he gave me the complete head to toe over and perhaps also decided that I was just another below the line flunky. I could have yelled back at them in English interspersed with some choice motherfucka’s or called up my pal who worked in the corporate office to complain. Instead I tried to reason with them in chaste delhi Hindi.

After a few minutes of conversation I was told “Jyaada mach mach nahin karne ka. Tum jaise logon ko yahan aane ka permission nahin hain”. I was disappointed to face racism in my own county and while it had been a case of mistaken identity it was saddening to realize how superficially we are judged in Bollywood at all ends of the food chain. I got my boss his coffee from CCD and didn’t mention a word to him coz he would have raised hell bout it but I didn’t want to make a scene. Hilariously a few weeks later I had to meet someone inside the studio and as I walked into the atrium the same dude gave a loud salute. I had been wearing pressed jeans and a J Crew Oxford that day with a spiffy new haircut.

So my advice to all current and aspiring filmmakers is to look the part. Develop your own idiosyncratic style whatever it may be. A friend of mine dresses only in all black. Sam Raimi wears a suit whenever he’s shooting. DP’s seem to have a fondness for Cowboy Hats. I would probably wear one too ocassionaly if it hadn’t become a symbol of gay pride after “Brokeback Mountain”. Piercings, facial hair, leather, chains etc etc. Use whatever suits your fancy. If u wanna make it in Bombay you gotta look funky.

So the million dollar question is will I follow my own advice ? Well frankly no. I’m much too lazy to make a concerted effort to look stylish. I can’t see the point as my primary interest lays in undressing rather
than dressing. And I’m gonna be in LA for a while where the entire crew dresses like bums on shoots and dresses up while partying. I’m totally cool with that. Personal life is diff from professional.

But I guess somewhere deep down inside there is a sense of outrage at being judged on the way one looks. While attracting the opposite sex looks are most important but I mean what diff do looks make when lighting up a set or laying dolly tracks. And what’s really ironic is that most of these funky dudes couldn’t probably hold a 5 min conversation about cinema. Take away their Sarvodya membership and they would be blinder than a bat.

X2 is my fav superhero film yet and the most poignant moment comes when Nightcrawler asks Mystique……

Nightcrawler: Excuse me? They say you can imitate anybody, even their voice.
Mystique: [as Nightcrawler] Even their voice.
Nightcrawler: Then why not stay in disguise all the time? You know, look like everyone else.
Mystique: Because we shouldn’t have to.