In Their Shoes
Parents, they never really leave us. They’re always there. In the book that lays face down, turned in the dust on the table. They watch over us. Replacing that rambling tree, its branches protectively splayed over your house. They still walk us and settle our playground squabbles. Like that blind mirror that sees it all but shows us only what we want to see. Their protective shield is all around. In the recomposed clouds and the rocks that shift out of our way. But this post isn’t about parents. It’s about children. Like always, I guess I’ll get to my point via a circuitous route. ‘What the hell is this post about?’ will be answered. Not just yet, so do humour me while I recount a little story.
Recovering from pneumonia at the age of seven, rusty breaths disintegrating in the winter air, I was feeling uncharacteristically restive and teary. Articulation was difficult, the answer to ‘what’s wrong?’ didn’t come easy, I really didn’t have the answer. My father then told me a story that I don’t think I can ever forget.
‘A little boy was out walking with his father. The boy seemed restless, irritable, even angry. He wouldn’t look up from the ground he kept staring at as they walked on. He wouldn’t answer his father’s question of what was bothering him, he didn’t know the answer himself. As they walked across the park, the father noticed something about the way the little boy was walking. He sat the child down on a bench and tied the lace of the kid’s left shoe. They began walking again. And suddenly, the little boy was looking up at the sun, laughing, his agitation and impatience gone. All that was bothering him was an undone shoelace.’
Perhaps there’s a deeper resonance, a larger significance to this story. Perhaps there isn’t, and I’m merely feeling nostalgic, perhaps I’m just missing my dad. I don’t usually find much concurrence or support among readers here, but I’m certain everyone will agree, this is what fathers and mothers do, they spot our undone shoelaces and tie them up and open up the curtains so the sun falls on our faces again. And showbiz dads and moms are no different. But oftentimes, to many (me included), that fastened secure shoelace is an unfair advantage giving wing to their progeny (also known as star-kids), while the rest of us crawl on our knees hoping to enter the movie-temple.
I have a group of friends who are born with this edge (also known as lineage, heritage, dynasty and so forth). Their talent is unproven. But they’re the chosen ones. And yes, oftentimes I am frail enough to grudge them this fortunate edge. When I decided to make a career in screenwriting, I had to walk the arduous road. No one knew me and I knew no one. My career-decision didn’t make front-page news. No doors opened on cue. No newshounds bayed for stories that chronicled my opinion on anything from hair-care to the diet and the ‘incredible single-mindedness’ that helped me lose 15 kilos in three months, regardless of what that has to do with being in the movies. No queues formed outside my door-step, no one was falling over themselves requesting the honor of ‘launching’ me. That pad remains reserved for rockets, missiles and children of Hindi film screen-gods.
I have another group of friends who are aspiring writers and filmmakers and actors (also known as strugglers), with no advantage whatsoever. Their talent unproven too. Their last names don’t belong to the first families (or the eleventh families) in showbiz. They have to cut through the wilderness, bear the bruises as mementoes and find whatever place they can under the sun.
I feel pretty certain at some moment that we all share the same dream. But some have a short-cut to reach it.
The question, therefore is, do we want to be wearing the snug shoes of the golden-kids and have a pass to that entry-by-invitation-only road to fame? Hell, yeah, say my Group II pals, at times when too many doors have been slammed on their faces, when they stop midway through the journey to an audition or a meeting with sudden despair, asking themselves ‘why the hell am I going, I’m not going to get the part/ the job anyway’, when they’ve kissed the ugliest toad that broke the camel’s back, amusingly gruesome imagery that turn of phrase, but apt really. Contrarily, ‘Nah, guess we’re better off’ is the rueful refrain on days of hope, when there seems to be a sliver of a chance that they’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel, when the dream of owning their success in its entirety without any concessions or allowances made to their tinsel pedigree (or lack of it) seems close enough to touch, when the producer’s son is passed over and they get the assignment. And they keep oscillating. It’s like Sophie’s choice, really.
I haven’t managed to come up with a consistent answer, either. When I give my script to an actor and he doesn’t have the time to read it even after ten months and then a friend-with-connections gives the same actor another script (ironically written by me, too!) and the actor responds with an exuberant affirmative within two weeks, I wish I was the insider. When a privileged friend wants to work with a particular filmmaker and says nonchalantly, ‘Dad knows him/ her very well. I’ll ask him to put in a word or maybe invite them over for dinner’, I wish it were that easy for me too. When another insider friend is allowed multiple failures and given yet another chance, while I know that in similar situation, my number would be up instantaneously, I envy the advantage. When another gene-pool-enhanced friend remarks with grandiloquent angst, ‘I’m really depressed about the state of my career, I think I’ll travel to Europe and find myself’ while I thrash about trying to find a way out of my discontent, denied the luxury of soul-searching or self-finding while the rest of my life waits on hold, I allow myself to imagine how a role-reversal would feel.
But at the end of the day, I guess, every one of would choose to be what we are. Like that classic Marie-Antoinette moment that some royalty had when she replied to ‘How does it feel to be a Queen?’ with ‘As compared to what?’, we only know our side, we only feel our skin and we only sense the pinch in our shoe. Maybe it’s just the acceptance of denial, but could it be that it’s for the best? After all, if I’d chosen to pursue a career in the Indian administrative service, or my disadvantaged friends had sought academics or banking or stock-broking, we would’ve been on the other side, we would’ve been the privileged ones.
But there’s one thing that makes the sun sparkle on us again. Regardless of who we are – star-child or struggler, we’ll always have fathers and mothers who’ll tighten that errant annoying shoelace.
Concluding the story of my seven-year-old pneumonia-afflicted self, swathed in inexplicable crankiness, my dad just made me wear a jacket over my sweater. And that’s all it took for the tears to stop and laughter to ring out.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
^:)^ ^:)^ if there’s one thing KJo said right.. “it’s all about loving your parents”.. and yes, we all do go through those envious moments.. but some choose to paint themselves green with that envy, and others use it to push them forward.. the decision is up for grabs. the hands and knees may get worn out from all that crawling, but the rewards are sweeter and the journeys more fruitful, which is so much more than what those with tied up shoelaces can say.
bingo.. i could understand your post in first reading only..
great post… keep writing^:)^^:)^^:)^^:)^^:)^^:)^
beautifully written. very indentifiable and very moving. And thats because in some ways I am too in the same state of mind of which you’re talking about. Specially now when I have to take decisions about my career. so many times I wish If I also had the privilege of more chances, i wish i knew more people, i wish there werent any financial issues etc etc… but then i put these thoughts to rest the moment I realize that there are so many other privileges I have which others dont have. Yet the dillema survives, the problem persists.
But I am sure there must some solution of my problem/dillema too, may be its as simple as tying my shoe laces and just get ready to run.
I do realize your post was about much more than what I could identify with but it was a lovely read nevertheless.
beautiful post..touche..!
life does not come with an instruction manual….that is why we have parents..!
Very good.keep writing.GOD bless u
It’s the back-stories of you and your Group II friends that will light the path and the fires for those who have little but undying dreams in their hearts.
If not for you, for them, for all of them you came from nowhere, there would be little to look forward to, even littler to celebrate and almost nothing to inspire.
Walk on, light the path… we’re coming…
Moving post Bhavani
I guess some people are unlucky — they’ll have to tie their own shoelaces and walk ahead!!!
nice one- but do we have any star kids who ventured out from the safety of bollywood and tried to do anything else of significance?
I remember the hot bod son of Shashi Kapoor-the half-firang, who modelled and acted briefly before becoming a wild life photographer. Are there any more…?
P.S. As for myself, I come from a family of accountants and engineers and continue to carry on the family torch high in the same arena. Commentating on PFC is as adventurous as I get I suppose so maybe I should just keep my trap shut!
This is very good Bhavani….I really liked it and specially your points about parents….Thanks
A little nudge or a push,that dear Uday Chopra will get, from his dear parents, to do that next movie, will feel good to him.
I’ll a similar nudge, a similar push, from my parents too. Only they want to protect me, so that push will be away from the industry, so that I don’t scrape my knees proving myself.
So that jacket could keep you warm, or tie your hands.
Laaga Chunari Mein Daaaaagggg….
I thought some background music was necessary for this post :D
Well,We all need a lil protection here and there.But whoever came up with all the cliched proverbs like “The finest steel undergoes the test of fire” probably knew what he was talking about.
@ Macchar
Maybe Laga Yash Raj ko Vaat would be a better title.:))
:d Ratnakar get the point, get the point buddy :D
Bhavani, how are you? We’ve been trying to get in touch with you for the longest time. Read in Midday a few days ago about your blog here. And saw the India Today woman profile on you. Lovely pic, you haven’t changed at all. But why did they mention that you were single eh?! ;)
I also heard that you’re starting shooting your film in June and your casting is all done. Is that true or all hush-hush? Danielle, is also in your biz, she’s editing some film. She mentioned.
Please write to me at this address, it would be great to catch up. The Alpha House is proud of their Head Girl!!!
Also, this is a lovely piece of writing. Mr. Machchar, why don’t you stop it already with your snideness and sarcasm? Evidently none of the others here share your sentiment.
Bhavani..success breeds success..many of us strive to make our place under the sun so that our next gen has it a little easier on this earth..many of us also do those compromises to make the next ones more comfortable..this is an evolutionary process that never changes at all..sort of proven..some darwinism here..you are in the process of proving yourself as a writer / director..if you are true to your work..there shall be recognition..positivity is the key here..
I see glowing tributes to your writing..so you are an achiever already..money follows achievers..so there’s issue there..hard work..yeah..I can tell you here that it is not any easier for the Bobby Deols or Fardeens or Eshas or Mimohs..the last word is talent and hard work..look at Mithun..or look at Ranvir Pathak..these guys don’t get the top of the line movies..but what they get they do well and are surviving well in the industry..
They say writers don’t do well in Mumbai..lowest end of the value chain..but look how Rajkumar Hirani did up Munnabhai series..he’s not a perfect director..but the plotlines??..they are very engrossing..so he is doing well..people are raving about Jaydeep and Anurag here..same thing again..
In fact, I wait for the day when people like you will make English language films from India and shall release it all over the globe..with good gritty content and compact filming..I know that day is not far away!!
Hey Neeta what did I say??!!! I thought the post was no nice and poetic that it actually deserved some background music for effect. Don’t get me wrong :D
Hey Bhavani,
Hope you make your films as beautiful as you make your posts sound… wish i had the kind of parents who would tie my shoelaces… freakin they never did so… no wonder lot of my friends call me a disturbed child…
;););) keep writing often… Love reading your posts… also i have this strong feeling that you can be a great writer, you really have a knack (i might be wrong with this word) to play around with words…
Star children get a lot of undue flack. I mean any monkey can work hard and become successful. All it takes is some intelligence and a postive attitude. The supreme foresight and Machiavellian manipulations of star progeny doesn’t get any credit. They could have been born to anyone but they were born to royalty. Was that just a happy coincidence? I beg to differ.
With acts of cosmic reach that would make your god envious, they were planning right from the time they were molecules. From engineering the meet-cute between the king and queen, all the way to the right sperm fertilizing the egg. They were strategizing and executing.
I don’t begrudge Einstein’s intelligence or the good fortune of the prince. All their hard work deserves the bejeweled silver spoon that they have up their arse.
I only wish I had had the foresight. I know somewhere another molecule is banking on my success right now and is maneuvering space and time for me to meet my sapnon ki rani, my baby mommy.
Fortune favors the prepared mind. I can’t believe I’m actually quoting from Under Siege!
Homer – If we were meant to be vegetarian why did god make animals so tasty?
Oye Dabbey…
I totally agree with you… wonder what we would have done with out Murgis, Bakris, Turkeys… Wish we non vegetarians could help serv the ‘Dog’ community also… Hey does anybody knows if Manekaji is a vegetarian or a fishetarian or whatever its called?
By the way the Bunglow next to my office in Lokhandwala has a single woman who lives with 46 Dogs, and i bet I am not kidding, she lives with 46 of them…
Dabba,
You’ve opened my eyes. I have resolved to now try harder when i am next a molecule.
D&C
Indraneel, Surya, here’s hoping we live up to the hope. As for the plight of writers, here’s a little gem from Somerset Maugham :–
“The writer
Dabba, how true. But my double helix didn’t overlook the Machiavellian component, only chose to ignore it. Naive or not, I don’t think I’d have it any other way. I read this remarkable line somewhere, the Devil is a better ruler, he never lets his followers down. But the absence of sin isn’t necessarily a virtue. Nonetheless I’ll choose the lighter side of gray and stay with my envious God! So, what would you say is worse — unpreparedness or inflexibility?
And what d’you know, I’m a vegan too!
Bhavaniji, aapka normal day to day conversations with friends is also poetic or apun log ke jaise bhi baat karti hain? Like, did you ever say “Hey dude wassup” in your life? I am curious :D
BTW, I like the latest sprite ad! Sprite Bhujaye Pyaas
No disrespect to you but when I read you @27, I was like WTFFFFF!!! Helixes, Machiavvellas, Devil’s rule, Sin and Virtues, envious gods, inflexibilities!!!!! WHOA! MA PHD Eng Lit?
Guys, don’t jump on me and say that if I don’t understand, then don’t read…well..I just thought I will give my two bits…I am not ashamed to say I understand Munnabhai’s language but not Shakespearian.. (is it the right spelling?)
dabba…
KUDOS 2u
bhavani, havent felt the need to comment on your thoughts till now… irrespective of how ur words make me feel
but thanks for bringing another dimension to this place..
Maccharji, a mere B.Sc, no MA, no PhD, no English Lit. I speak the way spoken to, that was in reply to Dabba, I’m sure he’ll decipher the code. Munnabhai and Mumbai are home-ground, practising discretion, varna vaat lagana apun ko bhi aata hai…
The right spelling is ‘Shakespearean’.
Dpac, thanks.
Kya bola mami!
Lighter side of gray? I thought you were all about the dark side of the color spectrum…kidding.
As much as I promote being prepared, inflexibility is a sin in my eyes. Terrible things have happened in this world due to minds not willing to bend or stray.
People ask me why I won’t commit to anything and I say “I’m open to change.” No wonder I’m single…
I used to be vegetarian till i was like, 2 or something.
Dabba, do you know what my molecules were speaking to each other today? “Saala aaj bhi poora future ko drain mein daal diya!!”
Khuda nay drains tho isi liye banaya. bhavishya flush karne ke waastey. don’t mind…
@Bhavani,there was a chapter in Social Psychology titled Theory of Cumulative advantages and culmulative disadvantages..and our professor had this very interesting way of explaining it..He used to enumerate it by saying that a guy who studies in a municipal school can never compete with a guy from Doon school..The chances of Doon school guy whose father is himself a CEO or MD has better chances statistically of becoming a CEO or MD than a guy whose father is a peon in the same CEO’s organisation…The point is their is never a level-playing field and equality at that level is an utopia..It is a big limitation..But only a limitation..Till you have your own Jonathan Livingstone coming alive within you, you can’t break through these limitations(yes it is difficult but not impossible..mushkil hai namumkin nahin)..And maybe one is lucky enough to have parents that provide an environment for a Jonathan Livingstone to find wings and fly away from all those seagulls..So imo the way out is not to begrudge this advantage but accept it and then move on..And our industry is full of achievers who had no such advantage–from Amitabh Bachchan, Mithun Chakrovarty to SRK(who had even lost his tying-the-shoelace advantage)..Thnx for such a hearfelt post once again..
Krysh, hopes of equality and a level playing field in most such intensely competitive arenas are indeed utopian, even naive. It is survival of the fittest out there. I don’t think limitations or breaking through them are all that difficult. It is the absence of fairness that can sometimes get the strongest down. The brilliant star-kid deserves to be up there and certainly will, the talentless outsider deserves a return ticket back home and certainly does. But with the brilliant outsider and the talentless star-kid — certainties pretty much cease…
Don’t you think to expect certainty is sure shot way to disappointment..And also this sense of unfairness is because of lack of level-playing field itself!
Hey Bhavani, I heard you worked at Stardust? Can you tell us about your experiences working there? The Gossip, the scandals, the whole jing bang? And did working there give you exclusive access to the who’s who of the Industry?
I am still waiting
Did working for Stardust in an important position meant it was easy getting your laces tied by others?
@21 I agree with Surya too… you can be a great book writer…
To quote Calvin “I don’t want the world to be fair, I want it to be most unfair in my favor”…and that’s how the mind works.
Yes its excruciating to see people with little talent get lucky…but really the world works on relationships, not talent alone. Star kids are cashing an old check. network for some time and you’ll be in the same place.
Of course, no matter how successful one becomes, there are people with better connectons/luckier…whatever….and its a tendency to focus on what one does not have. One could have been born in somalia…we never compare ourselves to people less fortunate.
Its pretty much a universal human thing….and to a large extent cause of much of human suffering.
As a writer you have been put in this situation so you can express it and help your audience solve it.
In the poen “Koel, Cactus aur Kavi” bachhan writes –
Kavi:
Jo sab maun bhogte jeete main mukhrit karta hun,
Meri uljhan mein duniya suljha karti hai.
Ek gaanth jo baith akele kholi jati
usse sabke man ki gaanth khul jati hai
my 2 paisa!
Hey Bhavani,
Have been reading your blog for a while and its the kind of writing and opinions our readers would really appreciate. It would be great if we could feature you and your work in our magazine, platform_ if interested do mail me on ssiganporia@gmail.com and we could carry on this conversation!
Shahnaz
Why is it that sometimes we read or think about a particular thing,and then something similar happens in real life too?
While taking a stroll in our nieghbourhood park last evening I found myself a few steps behind a couple.One was an elderly man who was shuffling along slowly and the other a middle aged woman who kept in step with him ,holding his arm.
Something was bothering the old man,he kept stopping and pointing towards his shoes.A few paces later he stumbled. The woman however, had a firm grip on his arm.Apparently one of his shoelaces had opened. The woman led him to a bench nearby,gently making him sit down.She dropped to her knees and swiftly tied up the open lace.
As I stopped for a moment, she looked up and gave that what-are-you-staring-at look.I had looked long enough to notice the similarties in their facial features,concluding they were father and daughter.
The woman then caught hold of her fathers arm again and they resumed their walk.
Bhavini, life comes full circle.
While we were dependent on our parents to tie our laces,there comes a time in the lives of SOME parents who need their children help to tie their laces. I write some because these are the small minority of aged people who suffer from various old age ailments,very much like AB’s character that you scripted in BLACK.
It has happened umpteen number of times and it happened again. Lot of times what happens is we tend to overlook brilliant things before us. The same has occured with me.When I read your post for the first time.. I could not frankly take the verbosity but somehow today I read your post again completely. Brilliant piece of work. Feeling kind of regretfull for having not read it earlier:P..but its just fine. Atleast it was a surprise at the end. All the best. May the force be with you!!:d
Arun, thanks for one of the nicest comments made on any of my posts.
I have been a regular vistor and the passion on this site is something. But like someone here mentioned, you bring a different dimension altogether. I have been a silent admirer of yours but now I have to say this. I think I’m in love with you, or maybe its your writing. But i don’t think you can remove you from your words, can you? (also helps to know you’re single, thanks for that info, neeta)! You are a brilliant writer whos effortless and has richness of detail.
Dabba, interesting theory. now if only some molecule would engineer a meeting between Ms Iyer and me, ha ha.
Bhavini, thanks for the words of appreciation.Comming from a writer as gifted as you makes it even more special.
@ 50 Arun Prakash –
Look up “Synchronicity” as propounded by Jung. Ask and you shall find!
Hey Bhavani,
I totally agree with Somerset Maugham, sorry couldn’t reply before as i was busy with the films shoot I am working on…
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The friend who goes to Europe to find himself/herself…and the individual who goes to find his parents again…..I wonder if they are facing the same issues…but since they dress differently and are looking in different directions, they don’t see and hear each other.
sareesh
quote -But there
You could have only one friend in the whole wide world with my name ! reply