Infinite wait for immortality
iView Author: Salik Shah (New Delhi, India)
Email: kathspeaks [at]gmail[dot]com
Content : Infinite wait for immortality
When I was watching The 400 Blows, I was thinking about my own stories. The same thing happened yesterday during Ivan’s Childhood. At a point, I felt this is just the making of a movie. When I am watching a film, these days I am also thinking about making it. Want proof? I thought I was reviewing Ivan’s Childhood. However, the result turned out to be self-indulgent again. I hope you approve:
One of my highly ambitious stories was set in a historical backdrop of a nation. I was trying to bring a wholesome perspective toward its cultural and political failings through an unusual relationship between fathers and sons. I was still in the high school when I finished the ‘draft’ of the story — stories have now started to stop to end. I didn’t want to assault with excessive facts. So I had to stick with the highlights of ‘modern period’ of the nation — spanning nearly 300 years.
It was full of capitalized words here and there. When I went back to the story after four years, I realized they were meant for elaboration. I finally became aware of the inability of the written words to exactly capture what somewhere, somehow exists inside the human head. We don’t have time for too many words these days in any case.
I called the second story Part II two years after I wrote Father and Son. I didn’t know why I called it so. Now two years later, I think I know the reason. Part II was a sophisticated but more intimate take on the contemporary state of affairs involving a child. While the first story was about the father, the second one was more about the child. But I didn’t write the second story. It was difficult to write. I didn’t want to spoil it on the paper. I’ll come to this dilemma later here.
In both stories, a child is struggling to come in terms with his national past and horrendous present. Questions about his identity and his place in the world around him; questions about faith, revolution, people and politics; everything profound and depressing was there. But there were also finest moments of human triumph. The real goal of the teenager was to ‘correct’ history. I envy that vision.
I knew the first story could be great film but I hadn’t thought it could be possible for me to film it. However, the second story changed my life: I immediately knew that I couldn’t do justice with it if I didn’t film it. I was working at a media house then. I talked with some people. And I went to shoot with an amateur camera one night.
Upon the very first inspection of the shooting site, I was heart broken. The camera wouldn’t do. We didn’t have lightings. I wouldn’t get permission to shoot in the military area. The final acts that defined the movie were to be shot in front of the parliamentary house — and I was sure the confrontational nature of my work wouldn’t get approval from the authorities. I was going to play that boy, but I didn’t have soldiers of my own. While these were the main hurdles that I didn’t know how to solve (I was even ready to break laws for this work), the project was still just in my head but the problem was already out there: if I were to really shoot this, where’s the money?
The last two years were a follow up. Waiting, waiting. I’ve seen many directors in this never-ending wait but nothing that could beat my images yet. I don’t think I could be really happy until I bring these ideas to the screen. I have not lost the sight of my work. I have not taken any break. Sometimes I get tired of this 24/7 of work. I start questioning the purpose of art and its role in the society. At these low points, when I find movies like Andrei Rublev or Otto e Mezzo (films with optimistic endings), I feel better. The pain is the medium and the cure is also the medium. Woody Allen once said he would better waste his life making films, than indulge in any other occupation. I would better live inside my head — in all my perfection — than bow down to demons of the real world. But how long? Sooner or later, I’ve to come in terms with the reality. And that day doesn’t seem very far right now.
I am finally quitting my editorial career in May. I’ve seen enough of journalism — too much fuss, too many words. I am going to Mumbai in June. I am happy that I met right people. Actor-playwright Rudra Deep Chakraborty told me about his secret to success: “I met people who taught me scientific techniques of doing things… They were good people… and that’s why I am where I am today.” When I look back at four years of my career, I can see how important it is to make right choices and be with right people. There is too much to learn. But two years, I think that’s enough. Enough till I know I’m done. You’ve to learn to pat yourself on the back. There is barely any other support one can count on during such creative isolation. Being a filmmaker is all about growing up; it’s all about fighting unreal battles and overcoming them. I hardly have any other choices left if I want to be a filmmaker and not just a filmmaker or another filmmaker.
Tags: 400 blows, Andrei Rublev, ivan's childood, Otto e Mezzo, Woody Allen
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Wow -salik – Wishing you all the best!!!
Salik- All the best man! Keep pouring out your travels and travails out here…We are with you!!
hope u are successful with your endeavors. your story is kinda like mine right now. i hope i have the balls to just let go of everything that i have and pursue my dream of filming something extra-ordinary. Good Luck
Salik
Best of luck Buddy! I know from personal experience that you will do good where ever you go.
Enjoy your, Bombay Trip
Regards
Tajim
May is here. Did you quit?