Jai Bollywood Baba
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Couldn’t sleep last night, kept tossing and turning, worrying –
“Not even three weeks left for the release of Sankat City… 1200 sheep… the TV promos haven’t yet started… 1201 sheep… there’s no buzz in the media… 1202 sheep… nobody’s talking about the film… 1203 sheep… “
In the morning, I tottered to the washbasin, groggy and tired. When I squeezed the toothpaste tube, nothing came out. I squeezed harder, still no paste. I tried again, this time the entire contents spurted out on my face. Didn’t want to waste it, so I used my shaving brush to lather my cheeks, only to realize later, that I’d run out of blades.
I washed the lather off my face, brushed my teeth with some shaving foam, undressed and jumped under the shower. Bad luck again. The water ran out. I opened the flush tank, even that had run dry. Brought the fish tank in and used its H2O for a meagre bath. The soap slipped out of my grasp, flew right across the living room and hit the remote.
The TV came on, some local cable channel called ‘Sarvopari’. A rotund announcer with a lopsided smile was promoting BOLLYWOOD BABA – “… promos, posters, publicity, parties, premieres, who needs them anymore? Bollywood Baba is here! This is an open invitation to film producers and directors. Come to Bollywood Baba, have him bless your negatives and be assured of a surefire hit. Hurry, first 25 filmmakers will be blessed free of charge…”
I hurriedly noted down the address in the crawler, rushed to the lab, borrowed the negatives, hired a cab and took off for Khadakvasla. Reached there in double quick time and made inquiries. Someone pointed to a hill, “you’ll have to walk the rest of the way, he lives by that cliff”. I took the negatives and journeyed on.
I was not far from the cliff when I heard a rumble. It was a fleet of helicopters. They landed on the cliff. Luckily I was carrying my telescope. I took it out and looked. Cool Dudes emerged from the choppers, one of them holding cans of negatives, double the number I carried.
From the belly of the lake under the cliff, emerged Bollywood Baba. He parted the silver mane covering his craggy face, took in a deep breath and opened his wise eyes.
I couldn’t hear the conversation between Baba and the cool dudes, but it seemed like he was asking them a few questions, which they replied satisfactorily. Baba closed his eyes, brought his hands together and started chanting.
I looked on with amazement as a halo appeared around his head. And then, a magnificent rainbow materialized in the sky. It formed beyond the mountains far away and made its way through the clouds in a stunning arc, the other end gliding down to the cans. Their cans blessed, the cool dudes fell on their knees, thanked Baba, boarded the choppers and flew away.
A few minutes later I reached the cliff and called out for Baba. He emerged from the lake.
“Bollywood Baba, please bless my negatives too.”
“First, I need to know a few things. What’s the title?”
“Sankat City.”
“What’s the budget?”
I passed on the info.
He wasn’t impressed.
I explained, “It was much more than that, we spent the rest of it on social causes like ‘encouraging sports activities’, ‘employment schemes for the needy’, ‘renovation of heritage structures etc.”
His eyes lit up, “Wonderful, I wish more filmmakers would spend a part of their budget on social causes and service to mankind.”
“Thank you Bollywood Baba.”
I placed the negative cans on the ground, “Shoot the rainbow, Baba!”
“Not so fast. When is the release date?”
“26th June, 2009.”
“Darn, I just blessed a film that’s releasing on the same date.”
“Bless my film as well.”
“Can’t do that.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I am allowed by Almighty to bless only one release per Friday, I’m already through with my 26th June blessing. Sorry, you’re late by a few minutes.”
“I’m sure you can make an exception this one time. You see, I’ve put in my blood, sweat and tears into this film.”
“I wish I could. But I can’t. Orders from above. So long.”
He submerged into the lake. I waited for a few hours, but he didn’t return. It was getting dark so I picked up the cans and walked down the hill.
On my way back to town in the cab, I saw a glint on the shiny metal can containing my negative of reel 1. I looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of a shooting star.
But before I could wish, it had disappeared.
Success comes in cans, failure in can’ts !
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
if not in cans, then maybe in cannes?
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Lord CineIndra is with you sirjee… ‘dudes’ will have a tough contest! Jai Ho passion. Bloody Bollywood Baba, et tu Brutus!!!
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Sankat…Sankat..Ghor Sankat..but, success comes in cans…and we have tonnes of them..so no worry!
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success comes in cans, and failure in buckets!
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good luck for the movie, i m sure things will be fine and people will give the movie a chance; just as they did with 99
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You should have invoked Sage Agastya or Moses. Either one or both would have split the water or drank the whole water. Baba would have been forced to come out again.
How come 26 movies are releasing in three weeks? Thats more than 8 movies per week. Not to mention those movies which would do well and carry on for further weeks.
26 is always bad news. Remember 26/11, 26/7.
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I passed on the info.
He wasn’t impressed.
Baba Ki Credibility pe DOUBT ho ra apun ko !!
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Why don’t you call upon Old Monk Baba?
If success comes in cans, what about Rajini Can’t ?
All the best.
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Vats Pankaj…
Satya sun-na chaahte ho? Toh satya yahi hai ki maine khud ek film (“G****u parbat ke Paandu Baba”) bana ke rakhi hai. 2 saal ho gaye…na saali release hoti hai na un-release.
Main khud, lake ke andar ja ja kar ‘The Real Maha-Bollywood Baba’ ka aashirwaad lene ki koshish karta hoon…par no luck, dhinchak.
(Angreji anuvaad:
What’s Pankaj.
Wanna suck the trooth? The trooth is that i have made a film myself (“Gus Van Saint of Khusman Parbat”) and sis-in-law it’s neither releasing nor un-releasing.
I disappear inside lake, time and again, to take the blessings of ‘The Real MahaBollywood Baba’, but no-luck, dhinchak.)
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@ Pankaj-
Hang on there, success will be with you for sure.
And yeah you’d better check with the monk for some reassurance
@ Magik-
we’d better get cracking soon on what we’ve discussed.
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What was this post all about??? these film makers just ‘USE’ PFC when their films are releasing… suddenly out of nowhere some pankaj advani comes n posts whatever comes in his mind… i hope his film’s script is not like his posts!!!, i’m sure he’ll vanish from PFC once his film is released…
PS : pankaj no offence meant… but this is regular on this site.. directors come, post, n when their films are over they go to hibernation…
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After reading this post and the previous one that was supposed to be the teaser, even i am a bit apprehensive over the ‘worth’ of the final product…
Bhavesh @ 10 – I second your thoughts!!
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@Bhavesh & @Manish
Whats your problem guys? Bhavesh everyone comes and posts whatever is there on his or her mind. Thats what PFC is for. I have never heard you utter a murmer when a Anurag Kashyap or a Sujoy Ghosh comes and promote their films. Dismissing someone just because he is not the usual ‘hype and hoopla’ guy is not the done thing. This guy has already made four feature films, the first one, ‘Sunday’ being a national award winner. I have seen his work. He is a guy, who I beleive is a complete original and never treads the beaten path. Probably thats why you have never seen his work. Let us all keep our ears and minds open and give new voices the space they deserve. If we are not able to do so in PFC, I beleive it defeats the very purpose of this fantastic platform. So take a chill pill guys, make yourselves comfortable and get set for the ride which is ‘Sankat City’.
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Bhavesh you have the democratic option of not clicking on the article or going back once you realize its not interesting to you! Why spoil others’ fun! A reading hit of 20-60 people, who comment, and an additional number of 100 who read but dont comment is not going to decide a film’s fortunes!
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@ Nirad n Vinay… i said no offence to anyone… like u i expressed my opinion i’ve been observing this for quite a long starting from anurag, dibakar, navdeep, n many more blog on PFC more often when their films are releasing… and they vanish once their work is done… so why not accept it that its just for their films n not d passion for cinema!!!
anyway.. its just my personal opinion that this post was just n just for d publicity of d film… he might be an honest n good film maker… all d best to him!!
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Seriosly boaring post yaar
even the title of the film seem to be goofed up – ‘Sankat City’… what ’sankat city’yaar,,,just for the sake of alliteration ’sankat city’- no particular meaning is shapes up in mind with ’sankat city’
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Success in cans, failures in cants ..
Humor at it’s best ..
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Aseem I find your response really out of place….did you by any chance used harpic to rinse your mouth as you ran out of listerine.
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so which is the other ‘blessed’ film releasing on the 26th?
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which is the other ‘blessed’ film releasing on the 26th?
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@17 Daisy Irani – lol!!
@14 Bhavesh – I agree in some parts with what you stated. You find some filmmakers blogging passionately for a while … then they get a life I guess
Pankaj’s post thus far have been interesting but we can all be certain he’s going to be AWOL after the “verdict” of his film comes thru… until his next project is in the “cans”
But I also think there’s some “peer pressure” among filmmakers to be seen here blogging and then get lost amidst all the noise. I mean you have some big names here and some who are just trying to get established, that could be intimidating… just my opinion of course!
Personally I feel the “consumer” benefits from this space – he/she has plenty of choices. But wonder how fulfilling it is for the filmmakers themselves who are trying to pour their mind out…
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All the best Pankaj!
God works in mysterious ways – even unknown to many babas and black sheeps.
So Keep the faith – either in GOD or in the mysterious ways.
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Yesterday, evening one FM channel were saying that
Nadiadwala’s Kambaqt Ishq ( Stallone cameo fame)
Kabir Khan’s New York
Imtiaz Ali’s Love Aaj Kal (Saif , Deepika Padukone)
all are releasing on 26 June !
WTF !
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@some bhavesh & savio – do you use crystal balls to look into the future? how much do you charge per session?
@akbar – no idea boss, i was too far to be able to catch the name.
@Uh – O M ! :-)
@Nirad – yaar toone to badi zor se daant diya!
@Bollywood Baba – chele ki jagah khaali hai baba?
@all – planning to stick around, though the frequency of posts would be lesser.
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@Pankaj – Just a question… once ur film is out and if (its a big IF) ur film is bad/not upto the mark would u accept the criticism on this site??? or will you go gaga like other film makers that – “publicity was not enough”, “i went through theatres and people were loving the film”, “my film have done really well in certain territory”, “it was for masses”, “it was ahead of its time” etc., etc.,
i could have asked u this question after the release of ur film but then ur answer wouldnt have been the same as today….
btw one thing for sure i’m now gonna watch this film first day first show!!!! n i’ll be waiting for ur blog once d film is out
all the best!!!
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Bhavesh, no offence meant but you shall always be the observer with this attitude. Whereas the others you observe will go ahead and keep on making good/bad films and writing good/bad blogs.
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start was good, but very long post (same as your previous one). we live in the age of twitter, remember? waiting for sankat city!!
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As of now the only other biggie on 26th June is
New York.Kambakkht Ishq is to arrive on 3rd July and Love Aaj Kal on 31st July.
Check this out-
http://www.bollywoodhungama.com/news/2009/06/09/12967/index.html
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Bollywood nahi bolaneka Baba!!!
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Keep the faith
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@pankaj – Good Concept! No offense but the Baba’s concept sounds more cool than the movie itself. I can imagine, what it takes to make a film of such a huge scale. I have made a few short films for my family audience it’s crazy sir. Hoping your movie does well.
Regards.
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To quite some extent I agree to what you said.. they come .. they say.. they go away.. its true for quite a names.. but then “apna kya jaata hai yaar” ?
See.. they have the passion for cinema thats why they are into this business.. We have the passion. hence we come to this site..
If this platform allows them to make thier movie connect with public and those public like you and me who loves and understand cinema .. whats wrong with that.. I as a reader get to know the pre release trauma.. inside stories.. trailers.. etc.. etc..
I agree Anurag Kashyap wont write a blog till his next will be about to release.. I am happy if he just write before release of “paanch” and not telling us what he is upto these days..
What u said is right.. but then “so what ??”
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To all,
I guess a director can only do as much to promote a film, the production house are the real guys. Once the post production done and the film is made and handed over to the producers – awaiting release – the directors as creative as they are tend to take the alternative guerrilla tactics – which is blogging cuz that all they can do to spread the word . Its all good. You cant judge a book by its cover- This is a platform and the one who uses it most effectively tends to benefit the most resourcefully. Nothing wrong in the big wigs promoting and the small tits siliconing… its all fair and square. script is the heart so pump it….
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wow !!
gr8 post…. i like ur creativity dude, all the best !!!!
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Though unbelievably funny i think your post throws up an interesting insight. Just making a good film doesn’t guarantee success these days!
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bhavesh,
do you celebrate diwali everyday? does an election happen everyday? why grudge a director his blog on the eve of a release?
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Trust in God and the Indian public. They are bigger and better than any baba. Any movie made by the director of ‘Urf Professor’ has to be a hit! Looking forward to the release. We will see it in full force.
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just watched the song Mr hua hai on tv. achchha gana hai. ab to bas release ka intezar hai.
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I was on SMS with baba for a long time yesterday and gave him a piece of my mind. He realized his mistake and is inconsolable now. He will contact you shortly. And if he gives you any more problems, you know how to contact me!
Dr Nisheeth, which channel did you see the song on?? Please do let me know, thanks.
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I really wish that some of the talented directors and writers would invest some time in TV too, so that we can get shows we are not embarrassed to watch and which would perhaps even get a cult following (e.g. Seinfeld) – just in our own language.
Going by the post, Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na and the reviews of Sankat City, you do seem talented Mr. Advani (and if I may say a little Seinfeldian, which got me thinking in the first place) and I wish you would really consider making television fashionable again.
To add to that, I would say following the American model of TV is the only way it should be done (having to make 4 episodes per week, the quality of every aspect is affected – emphasis should be less on quantity and more on quality).
Please don’t let TV remain a stepmotherly medium – in fact TV has the potential to be a medium of drama and documentaries of more serious varieties (serious doesn’t mean boring) which doesn’t interest a movie-goer who wants pop-corn stuff (if I were to quote examples of the kind of dramas I am talking about, I would say things like “Michael Clayton”, “Frost/Nixon” et al. You get the drift, don’t you?
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