Kaminey, ek ticket dena…
before. lol
after.lol
before.lol
after.lol
….Thus started my tryst with this movie, at the ticket window, only to be to be told “kaminey, ek ticket”. We grinned. The ticket guy & me. Now before anything else, I would like to dedicate this post to 2 of my good ol’ friends back in school. Abhishek A (stammerer) & Teena M (lisper). The names are unchanged, just to piss them off no end, if they ever happen to stumble upon this page, by any bad luck. Viva kameenapanti. LOL.
Guddu bhi main, Charlie bhi main.
Back in school, I was Guddu. I was the cliched fat boy who used to go to the music classes while the other guys used to sweat it out in the football / basketball ground. I used to be the singer of the school singing team, fully aware that I was the butt of the jokes cracked by the ‘players’ but my consolation those days was a girl who wanted to sing “dekha ek khwaab to ye silsilay hue” with me, for the annual competitions that we used to have back then. I don’t know for what specific reason, but she was a good looker so I didn’t mind. But that bleep wanted to make a footballer jealous, I found out later. Kameeni.
Now I am Charlie. Or trying to be. The pics of mine you see here will be some testimony, that I have come a long way from being a chashmish, who took off his spectacles during the class fotu to save being embarrassed & now this khalnayak dopey types, who took off the spectacles, just to be paid well, to do that for some print ad for some brand. Plus this misleading pic help me score many with the kameenis. Aah revenge.
That was about me. That was about Kaminey.
It would be outright khufiya on my part to tell you why to watch a Vifhal Bhardwaj film. And I am no khufiya. Watch this film yaar. For the sake of Indian cinema. For watching a story uncover which you haven’t seen, despite the Satyas & 99s of the Indian film industry. We have come a long way of course & how!
Back in those days, in school I had a maths teacher – Gyanesh Shastri. Saala kameena, used to throw the wooden duster at me, every now & then, as he knew I sucked at maths big time. Not that I am any better now, but still, nobody asks me to prove the ‘pythagoreas theorum’ these days.
Cut to the present we have Sir Vifhal Bhardwaj, he doesn’t throw the blasted wooden duster, but he does throw scenes at us. When you are least expecting them. What has it gotta do with the scene that just unfolded? Mundu! “Use your bloody brain, you idiot” as our maths teacher Sir Gyanesh Shastri used to lovingly tell us. So that. Yes.
Back to the days, when I used to stay with filmi strugglers, I used to be a part of their frustrated filmi discussions that were filled with juicy rumours that redeemed their unsuccessful outings in the film industry. One piece of gossip I clearly remember was that of Shahid Kapoor. The rumor rife then was that Shahid had conned his dad, Sir Pankaj Kapoor , to do the sorry film which went by the name ‘Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon’ (Hrithik – Kareena – Abhishek starrer) just so that he could vibe with Kareena & find a better footing in the industry. Now this is open to interpretation. Such are rumours. Kaminey faale. ;)
Now when I look at it in perspective, even if the damned rumour was true, by any means, it was worth it. The industry has done better with Shahid Kapoor than without. Okay, if you say dil bole hadippa, I will say WTF. It happens to the best of the lot, so let us not hold it against him yaar.
And Sweety. What to tell you. Aah, she was the receptionist at the 1st ad agency that I ever worked with. Ye main kya bakwaas kar raha hoon? Yea so Priyanka Chopra. Freaking convincing as the quintessential Marathi mulgi. Despite the many debates I had with friends (females) who felt that no one touches Madhuri Dixit with a barge pole as far as being Marathi is concerned, I just think they are plain jealous. KMP or kuwe mein pado for the uninitiated (fall in the well).
I ran outta the screening of Kaminey half-way through, after the interval. I could see Gyanesh Shastri Sir standing in the isles aiming his duster at me. I was missing scene after scene, unable to make 2+2=5. I felt the duster will fall at me any moment…. I needed to be more alert. At this stage in my life, I don’t need any dusters flying at me. More so, I did not want to show any disrespect to the auteur by claiming WTF, after every few scenes. Hold me guilty, I was a little tipsy to take all that was coming at me, from the legend-to-be, after a hard day at work, after some pints of impotent lager.
I sure will watch this masterpiece again, many times over, when I am more in my senses, more prepared & much more alert. When Sir Gyanesh Shastri would not be lurking in the isles aiming his duster at me. Then I will savour this moment of coming-of-age-cinema for all of us filmi keeda people or tweeps, as they call on twitter.
I am sitting at a cyber cafe and just realized that someone who sat here before me believed in ‘apna haath jagannath’. Ewwwww. Womit. Puke. Saali sab utar gayi. Kaminey.
Tags: Kaminey, Priyanka Chopra, Shahid Kapoor, Vishal Bhardwaj
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Freaking Fantaftic!!! Whatta analogy. Maan Gaye Uftad…
Make sure u poison Sir Shastri before u go for the 2nd viewing…
Keyrun bhai, can you pass on the initials of that girl who wanted to make footballer jealous??? m dyingggg to hear it..
bhai logon i was one the footballers in his skool..
i loved the mathematics teacher he is talking abt, Mr Gyanesh Shastri, ishi liye shayad i feel Keyrun Charlie toh mein Guddu..
Well Charlie u’ll have all the money n i’ll have priyanka..hehehehe!
u dawg! peronally mein i will tell.
HA HA…mera haath jagannath…
This is not a review..it is experiencing the cinema in full 4D …Looks like you puked words straight out of your heart…
Magik, good one there. Your reviews are always straight from the heart. I’d decided not to read any reviews of Kaminey, till I watch it. faala, control nahi hota. I’m reading each n every review here at PFC.
Magik mere bhai, is that you in the photugraph? That punk looks like Himesh on lemonade diet, man! :P
WTF bro! maine kya rape kiya hai tumhara?
bhai, amazing review, hv to watch it asap. hp to catch it in mumbai on sun, (if multiplexes r open by then).
.
apna haath… LOL.
Magik-
acha hua saale tu beech mein hi bhaag gaya.jab koi ishara deta hai to samajna chahiye- the way I tried to in the evening before you saw the movie 
but yes otherwise its really awefome to see your parallel along with Shahid’s Guddu/Charlie.Hum sab kaminey hain, aur tu sabse bada kamina, koi shaq?
no shaq, jus what da phuck. hahaha… thanks bro
nice entertaining read.
Hey dude..once again you proved me right. If you wud have reviewd this film, i wud have given you negative marks (like ganesh shastri).
I have heard a lot about the movie…but its unfortunate that its not released in Mumbai yet..(Swine flu)…hope to cartch it up at the earliest.
About Fahid Kapoor and his sorry films…he was a part of the dance troop in Taal (jab aag lage lag jaave) just to dance with Aishwarya Bachhan.
Anyways..it was a nice post (As usual)
All I can say in the end is…Meri doosti kamini…mere yaar bhi kaminey.
Ashu Bhai MAPRM Wale
<>
really machcha Magik, why da?
watchers will watch, no?
no-watchers shan’t (i can’t think of any who doesn’t want to).
this film hardly needs urging.
even the ones that did could jolly well have done without being pleaded for, i think..
sorry anna, by the time i realized the grave sin that i had committed, i had already lost two inches off my hardware!
Magik, it didn’t occur to me that some people would see themselves in this movie. Your piece adds a whole new dimension. The biggest hall at the Regal North Brunswick, NJ, was more than house-full last night (I guess some people snuck in). The audience sat rapt and applauded at the end. I hope it continues to do well.
thanks for the nice words ETu! Hope you also enjoyed the movie thoroughly. Viva cinema!
Magik mere bhai .. faala kya finma hai .. vatrafi picture hai ..
U hav to watch it fully bhai, it if awefome !!
And hard luck buddy abt the apna haath dude before you
In the after lol pic, you look like Shahid kapur with swine flu
kutte! kaminey! thanks much… this is as far as i could get with this dhalti umar and badhti kamar. made my day!
Confessions of a Kamina Mind
Nice Post bro !!
nice post magik…i watched it on sunday nice one…ab hum kaminapanthi chod ke isqhiya ko pakadne ka intezaar kar rahe hain…
thanks for the encouragement bro. i totally agree with you about awaiting ISHQIYA… its gonna be serious kickass stuff!
yeh to kameenon ki baarath nikla hai des main!!! :-) ;-)
The youth, the girls, the inside stuff, the transition and the analogies make this post of yours …. well YOURS. Lovely.
thanks bro shatik, appreciate your kind words… hope u watch the movie & enjoy yourself….
went to delhi for the extended weekend ….. 2 baar dekhi !!