Khopadi ke Antariksh Ki Devi: Patala Bhairavi
Captain’s Log: 2.2.2201
The Command and crew of Explopod 9 finds itself in a unique position commonly referred to by gin’d up gumshoes as ‘nothing to lose’. If the crew were any more than a peg-legged scarecrow remains of a man and a fresh-faced beardless stripling, one could expect a mutiny. But as bad karma or plain good old bad luck would have it, Explopod 9 moves intrepidly through the darkest of times, space and dimensions with merely a crew of three, one of them of course, is yours truly, Captain Nine Point O as the service has so inhumanly denoted me. But henceforth- call me Tughlaq. For that was the name bequeathed to me by my poor mother, may her soul rest in peace, and it is the name to which I belong and which resonates in my heart. And most important, it is not something a piece of junk calculated out in bar code for me. Hear me aloud you tentacled wimps at Commandcentre 9, Tughlaq and his crew on board Explopod 9 declare anarchy. No longer will we be abide by the rules and the galactic gentleman behavior that you so deviously and with obvious stupidity spelt out in a 18 points memo titled ‘The Conduct of the 9’. I declare all paperwork void. I burn all codes of conduct in the embers of my heart. This bottle of Kraken XXX Rum I hold in my hand will be smashed on the EtherHull of the ship and I shall christen her like they did it in the golden age of the pirates, the times of Bluebeard and Davy Jones. I’ll smash my bottle on her and name her after the blood that rushes from my heart through my veins, after the girl who taught me the true meaning of voyage and discovery and adventure (sexually, subconsciously and otherwise)
Henceforth, Captain Tuglaq christens his pirate ship ‘Becky’.
Captain’s Log: 2.3.2201
This morning I wake with a sensation that pieces of titanium have been welded to my brain. The empty bottle of Spaceman Dave Single Malt in my right hand helped me gain some perspective. But it was not until I saw that the Commandcentre 9 flag on the ship’s mast had been replaced by a crudely hand-painted Jolly Roger and that the ship’s name on the EtherHull was crossed out and the word ‘Becky’ had been scrawled in its place that the full measure of yesterday’s drunken outburst stoked the fires of memory.
And guess what spacewimps! Captain Tughlaq abides by his decision.
Yesterday’s log must’ve been no more than a drunken rant but it’s the truth about as clear as Saturn’s moons in April. I must breakaway from the rules of the Federation and turn pirate for the sole reason that I do not abide for what the Federation has become. I signed up for the voyage into the Ocean of the Burton Subconscious not for the crew and my picture to be featured on the front page of ‘The Galactic Times’ and ‘The Daily 9’ but for the experience of venturing into the unknown and the warped. I wanted to be consumed not by glamour but by adventure, by thrills of the great beyond. Yes, ladies, gentlemen and the androgynous, I was in it purely for the kicks.
Great Grandpa Xhalid, one of the greatest adventurers and pioneers of the Galactic age, while lying on his deathbed told me,” Son Tughlaq, I give you but one advise that whether it be with the universe, life, cooking pasta or sex…. make it the stuff of legends. Nothing else really matters in the end. The mountains of Valhalla are as much the center of the universe as a woman’s snatch.”
Captain’s Log 2.5.2201
‘Becky’ has run out of all stocks of alcohol, opiates and pharmaceuticals. Today I caught the peg-legged Abu, once the cook now promoted for the lack of crew to First mate, licking the EtherHull for the last remaining molecules from the bottle of Kraken XXX I had broken against it. We travel in pitch blackness in the texture of pure static. Thee must be light soon or we shall perish.
Captain’s Log 2.6.2201
I was awakened by thudding noises coming from the cabin boy Jeremy’s room. I rushed there only to find Abu writhing on the floor like an upturned beetle and Jeremy glowering at him in hot spite.
“This mangy bastard came into my room,” the stripling explained,” and tried to get his way with me. I kicked him in his nuts so damn hard he’s probably seeing nebulas in his head by now.”
He had his fists clenched in his pocket as the teeth in his mouth and in his face I could see a man entering the soul of a boy. I kicked Abu in his face so hard that his one crystal eye popped out and rolled to one corner of the room. He howled in pain. Jeremy smiled. At that moment, something warm possessed me and I removed the sacred amulet of Worlechon that Great grandpa Xhalid had tied on my wrist and gave it to him.
Captain’s Log 2.11.2201
Hope fades.
Captain’s Log 2.13.2201
After days of static, the radar picks up a distinct signal. We set course to travel to the origins of the strange cosmic vibrations. They seem to be an incantation of some sort. Reproduced below is part of the transcript of the signal.
ek suno ji parvati,
meri ek suno gora-rani,
iss jungle mein tu kya pavegi,
kanjdi ban-ban mar javegi,
hathi, chitaude, sher dahaude,
hathi, chitaude, sher dahaude,
asam ramau, dhuni ramau,
tandav kar-kar damru bajau,
gufa-bich mera hai derari,
abhi samajh ja hey gorari,
abhi maan ja hey gora,
mere bhoot ki mala gale pad,
meri khakkad mala gale padi,
unko dekh iss darr javegi,
mere sang tu kya pave,
koi acha kuwar raja ko dhundh,
koi roop kuwar raja ko dhundh,
tu rani banke baith mahal,
tu rani banke baith mahal,
ari samajh ja hey gorari,
maha maan jaa hey gorari.
bagad bam, babam bam babam bam bamlehri,
bagad bam, babam bam babam bam bamlehri,
bagad bam, babam bam babam bam bamlehri,
bagad bam, babam bam babam bam bamlehriii!
Abu goes into a trance and begins to revolve round his peg leg like a dervish.
Captain’s Log 2.15.2201
There will light very soon. But of what kind will it be? And will there be alcohol and opiates and women?
Captain’s Log 2.17.2201
By Holy Valhalla! Light! Bliding light. Beautiful light. Such unbearable lightness. The music. Oh the music of the Sirens’ harps! There is no contact with sentient beings, we have not traced the signal yet but Hope pours into the soul like the warmest whiskey. An year of pitch darkness and disease and civil war and death and now, such purity. We sublimate into half-beings, the other half is pure light.
Captain’s Log 2.18.2201
We’re flying under cloud cover. Now that we’re close to contact, the itch to land at once and touch the earth is unbearable but an experienced voyager would always advise a bit of caution when entering foreign lands. One can never be too careful. The crew and me stand on the deck and take in a bit of sun. A gaggle of geese flies by and Abu expertly harpoons one of the birds straight in the heart and reels it in. As he plucks the harpoon back out, the dead bird miraculously transforms into the naked corpse of a young man. Abu backs off in horror and I switch on my laser saber.
“Put your sword back,” says Jeremy,” I have read about this in my books. We’re in the legends of India.”
“Indian women, Indian women… Oh! I have heard stories about them from the sailors. We must land at once and ravage the place for all the pleasures it can offer,” said Abu, his tongue flapping, barely able to control the excitement of his shriveled loins.
I was about to issue the order to cast the anchor when Jeremy spoke.
“What we have been through, we survived for a reason. And now before we philander, we must complete what we came here for.”
“Don’t listen to the boy,” Abu screamed, his peg leg quivering like it would snap any second.
“Yes, you are right, Jeremy,” I said, “We cannot put the mission in jeopardy. We shall starve one more night. Tomorrow after we complete the task, we descend. Burton first, sex later.”
“I don’t understand why we have to starve,” said Abu, tongue flapping again, his unmoving crystal eye fixed on me even as his seeing eye stared at the dead corpse on the deck.
Captain’s Log 2.19.2201
I sat in the Chamber of Myths and allowed Jeremy to hook me in to the Myth-o-Scope. There was no anesthetic on board (Abu had used it all on himself) and Jeremy had to hit me hard at the nape of the neck with a kitchen pan to knock me unconscious. The Myth-o-Scope was switched on. In a few seconds, I morphed into a being of sound. My consciousness began to enter into the legend. At first it seemed impervious, my efforts bouncing off it in vain but later, I achieved contact and then sublimation.
The legend was of ‘Patala Bhairavi’. A tale of love like any other. Of a poor peasant boy and a princess. Of love. Undying, eternal and forever bloomed. Skeptical parents, foolish jealous uncles, a bleeding heart mother. Just as I was wondering whether our journeys on ‘Becky’ took us far beyond the Ocean of Burton Consciousness, I was witness to a strange ritual. ‘Jai Pataal Bhairavi’ chanted the evil tantrik. His den, dank and eerie, pillars of snake and wall hangings of skulls. The tantrik himself was a sight to behold- a handsome caped figure all dressed in goth black. His assistant stands beside him draped in tiger skin. In the pyre that burns, in a shocking moment, he cuts of his wrist and offers it into the flames as sacrifice. He winces not one bit but holds forth like the most dastardly of villains and through the flames of the pyre, arises a goddess, Jai Pataaaaaala Bhairavi!, and gives him her command- a sacrifice of a soul to attain the cornucopia of the Goddess’ blessings. The tantrik reclaims his hands from the flames while his assistant with a few strokes of a holy plant attaches the wrist back where it belongs. To search for the soul to sacrifice he looks into a spyglass fixed into a rotating cow horn. And through it he spots his prey.
The Burton, the Burton, I exclaimed. The aesthetic was there, the adventure was there, the lightness of touch and the play of darkness and light was present and the amazing tantrik- we were in the outer reaches, beyond Burton but we were still on course.
Later the tantrik lures the young hero into his den. It is an ominous night. Depraved souls howl into the moon and the dark illusions begin to confuse the mind. The tantrik sets the hero tasks of both the physical and the psychological, fantastic tasks. First the hero is tormented with the mischief of the demons and then a test by fire. The grin of the tantrik’s face is that glorious evil which Lugosi, Price, Lee and Karloff once made their own. After the trail by fire, there is a test of strength and then a passage through rotating shiny sharp swords. The hero makes it through the grind and the tantrik walks in from behind, his eyes reflecting the devious thoughts that his mind is working on. And then we witness the idol of the Pataala Bhairavi. Jai Pataala Bhairavi. An androgynous idol from the dark side with both bosoms and a phallus, haunting wide eyes and sharp growling teeth, evoking the nightmare of sleeping children everywhere. Just as the tantrik prepares to sacrifice the hero, the hero taking a bath in a pool faces off with a bloodthirsty crocodile and slays it only for the beast to turn into a celestial angel who warns the hero of the tantrik’s evil designs. As the tantrik lies against the altar, the hero beheads him from behind and claims the cornucopia of the Goddess.
But the story doesn’t end. Great evil is seldom slain from behind. The tantrik’s assistant once again breathes life into the dark lord and he steals the blessings from the hero and in true villain style, captures his princess. The lovelorn defeated hero travels back to tantrik’s land only to be caught and tortured mercilessly in front of his beloved, The tantrik laughs that laugh of the children of the night. It is not until a friend frees the hero and a fantastic fist fight happens in a flying palace that the evil of the tantrik can be subdued if only to ensure a happy ending.
NTR as the hero may exude an Errol Flynn charm but S.V. Ranga Rao as the tantrik is the deep shadow from the otherworld which is where the Burton belongs. ‘Pataala Bhairavi’ is a beautiful legend buffeted as much by a sense of the dark arts as by a sense of heady adventure and romance. Director Kadri Venkata Reddy who spins the tale does it with a grace and lightness of touch that is truly lacking in the modern times other than for the few Burtons. You may even add Joe Dante and Jean-Pierre Jenuet and Marc Caro to the list. If anything ‘Pataala Bhairavi’ reminds one of the ‘Thief of Baghdad’, less polished, more meandering but as exotic and with far more love in the heart.
Jai Pataala Bhairavi
Captain’s Log 2.30.2201
Abu was right about the Indian women and for a moment, I thought my senses had found its eternal chamber of delights. But in her beautiful arms, when legend threatened to turn to domesticity and when bliss began to turn into comfort, the compass of my heart that I have trained under the great Xhalid began to grow restless. It spoke to me of worlds that I had yet to see, strange beings and visions and stranger workings in the souls of men. We had to move on. The adventurer’s heart is like a falconeer’s arm. The only ecstasy it feels is at the moment of flight. For that ecstasy, our lives are spent.
We came to the legends of India as ‘Becky’ and left as ‘Girija’.
Jai Pataala Bhairavi.
(the above captain’s log is from the Commandcentre 9 archives and it has been printed from the Log archives of Commandcentre 9 on the 5th anniversary of the disappearance of the command and crew of the ship formerly known as Explopod 9 and when last heard was named ‘Girija’. Captain Nine point O was one of our best. He my have lost his bearings but for the Federation he is what he always wanted to be- a legend and a pioneer. We would also like to thank Raj Comics for their excellent multi-starer ‘Medusa’ which can be purchased online here. Black magic lab from here and death star from here. And now a few words about ‘9’)
‘9’ began its life as one of the greatest animated short films of all time. As acclaimed as a short film these days can get, nominated for the Academy Awards and even better, one with a strong and fervent cult following.
original shot film ‘9′
from a single but enigmatic plot it was fleshed out into an 80minute film with characters and set in a pot-apocalyptic land that you have never seen before.
a list of characters and traits:-
Stitch-Punks
1, the oldest of the dolls, and their self-proclaimed leader. He is clever and sly, but also domineering, irritable, quick-tempered, and slow, if not unwilling, to trust 9. The Scientist described 1 as struggling out of his hands after his creation, and being stubborn and defiant. 1’s skin is fastened by many metal snaps. Voiced by Christopher Plummer.
2, a kind, delicate old inventor. He is fascinated by garbage, and loves to explore the wastelands and look for parts for his inventions. He is not in very good shape, always walking with a cane, and can only see with a lorgnette. The Scientist wrote that after 2’s creation, 2 began tinkering with the loose parts of the Scientist’s workshop. 2’s skin is fastened with many knotted strings. Voiced by Martin Landau.
3 and 4, curious but shy twin dolls. They are unable to speak, using flickering lights to communicate with each other, but when they need to explain things to someone else, their eyes turn into film projectors. They instinctively run and hide at the sight of danger. Both wear hoods. After the Scientist created them, they playfully romped around his workshop and read all of his books.
5, a healer, tutor, and skilled mechanic. He is the journeyman of 2, the great engineer and inventor. He is a diligent worker, a meek spirit, and a devoted friend. He is missing his left eye, which he presumably lost in a previous monster attack. The Scientist remarked that 5 was the first of his creations not to run off or explore the workshop; instead, 5 was very trusting of the Scientist. He has buttons on his front to fasten his skin. Voiced by John C. Reilly.
6, a wild and impulsive artist. He has visions of the past and future, channeling his visions through drawings to interpret them, which are accurate in predicting events and help solve mysteries that puzzle 9. The Scientist described him as being peculiar and unable to naturally fit in to his surroundings, judging from his expressive artwork that he sees the world differently from the other creations. Voiced by Crispin Glover.
7, a warrior. A rebel and a loner, she is fearless and brave. She is impatient and can be reckless and stubborn, but makes up for it with mobility and grace, caution of her surroundings, and calmness in dangerous situations. Her color has been bleached away by the sun. She uses a blade mounted on a long staff for fighting, and wears a bird-skull helmet. Voiced by Jennifer Connelly.
8, a giant, cumbersome brute. He is 1’s personal bodyguard and would die for him, though he is crude and mocking towards everyone else. He is strong and fierce, wielding two masterful weapons, half a pair of scissors and a kitchen knife used as a sword. 8 isn’t very clever and is easily deceived. Voiced by Fred Tatasciore.
9, the main character. Good-hearted, thoughtful, and sincere, he is always willing to risk his life to save others. Despite being a newcomer to the group, he displays leadership qualities that can help the others survive. He seeks truth in the history of the world and the dolls, and wishes to know the meaning of life. 9 has a zipper on his body to fasten his skin. Voiced by Elijah Wood.
and now the Machines, the wicked marauders of the Landscape
The Fabrication Machine, creator of the machines that ravaged the planet. It is run by the B.R.A.I.N. (Binary Reactive Artificially Intelligent Neurocircuit), an artificial intelligence created by the scientist for his country after a great world war as a display of the country’s wealth and science. However, the Chancellor of the country took the B.R.A.I.N. before it could be properly tested and created the Fabrication Machine to build machines for war. Eventually the Fabrication Machine snapped and was driven to wipe humanity off the face of the Earth.
The Cat Beast, the first machine 9 encounters. It is a very primitive creature driven by its hunting skills, using its long arms and claws to grab and attack its prey. Its head is a cat’s skull (hence the name) that has a red mechanical eye in one socket and a light bulb in the other, which it uses to see in the dark.
The Winged Beast, a dragon-like machine. It swoops down on its prey on leathery wings, and its head and mouth consist of knives, saws, dental tools, and other razor-sharp weapons. It also contains a harpoon launcher on its tail to trap its prey.
The Seamstress, a serpentine machine with a broken doll’s face. It hides in the shadows and waits to draw its prey out before attacking, then ensnares its catch with red thread that it carries in a spool on its back. It is also seen using 2’s lifeless body as bait for the stitch-punks, causing a light to emit from his eyes which hypnotizes whoever looks into them.
RUn, Hide, Flee… All Hope rests in the
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
still wandering….receiving bad management signals…have prefed them as spam for the next times. have put few words as filters. the moment someone says ‘….’ or ‘,,,,,’ the transpod will fume blood red profanities along with random spaceplays of The Galactic Delight & The Marwari Sultanat, King Khan & The Shrines, The Bum Lahari Federal Squad to free the random imagination, Friends of Delecticus Cerebus and some hindi film chartbusters(for the kids you know).
The Bum Lahari Federal Squad- Aghornath, Kapal Kundala and the Maharishi..
count again. I heard a floating one about some fat molotov bluesman with a bony past and scrawny future doing the rounds. send them to the devil.
Now you’re talking the New Orleans Herb talk. Fat Molotov Bluesman burst out into cheap wine and his lady, Miss Pancrea Delerium got rich on his entrails. The Devil obviously is very good health and that explains the red.
Ya man, they are so cheap they even lease out the cheap wine to scare the occassional encyclopaedia salesmen and puny neighbours. Last I heard Shankar Mnemonic gave them a good post-230am-screamin’-abuse from his rooftop. But they still didn’t budge. You know ‘em.
But the party don’t start till Mad Dorai enters with Razorback Plexus. and then it’s blood, guts and tectacles.
This stuff is Kwaaaazzzyyyyy!
Wake up Sid, The dream is over!
Good one.. but out of the world!
whhaaaa happened?
If the short film is anything to go by, I am dying to see the film. I went into a hypnotic state watching the short film. Cannot believe animated characters can be written in such detail. By the way, I like your Grindhouse posts.
the short seems so complete in itself, it gives me jitters imagining it as full blown action-adventure… well, i guess we wait and see
Finally managed to read through the entire logbook, and awe-fucking-some it is!
Dear Tejas,
Henceforth I appoint you ’space cadet’. Now rise and look beyond the horizaon.
Captain Tughlaq
Aye aye Captain..this be the grandest day of me life..now where is my grog!?
Verily, young fellow. We hit the Brothels of Kargua soon and then it’s wine and orgy at tropical climates and zero gravity.
Rush captain and cadet, you have 9 days to go. and take me along, I am stuck in the machinery of the scientist’s crazy plans.
Anyways.. just wanted to point out.. (for folks who did not a the chance to know) the character on the “left-top” on the cover of a comic (medusa) that has been attached in this post .. is DOGA, the comic character that Anurag Kashyap is making his next movie on, and is being played by Kunal Kapoor.. I guess most of you would already know.. but still
‘m sorry, the post was too long , and way too many pictures in the middle so wasn’t able to read this post up (Specially considering that the pics were from raj comics.. something I read almost 8 hours a day at one point of my life…
Just wanted to point out.. (for folks who did not a the chance to know) the character on the “left-top” on the cover of a comic (medusa) that has been attached in this post .. is DOGA, the comic character that Anurag Kashyap is making his next movie on, and is being played by Kunal Kapoor.. I guess most of you would already know.. but still
‘m sorry, the post was too long , and way too many pictures in the middle so wasn’t able to read this post up (Specially considering that the pics were from raj comics.. something I read almost 8 hours a day at one point of my life…
point noted. DOGA it is. comic books are a common memory for many of us here, as you would have seen.
oh yeah … but unfortunately these comics are distributed in only the northern belt of the country … these days I am unable to find them even over there… its only at the railway stations that I get them… always believed Raj comics had the characters that could be made movi franchises on… but then maybe they were skeptical of being taunted as plagarists (a lot of the hero backgrounds are lifts from the english comics) … super eagerly awaiting DOGA!
I guess you can buy them online. Sid, do the honours.
yeah I did order a few of em online, but yaar, woh majaa nahi hai, that you have all kinds of coverpages in front of you, and you are like deciding which one looks better..