Meanderings…
The last schedule of my new film is fast approaching. The office is like a fish market. I feel like the most important person on earth. The very next instant I feel small and insignificant. I am a bundle of contradictions.
Production staff scurrying around with reams of paperwork. Assistant directors trying to convince production that their requirements are all part of the director’s vision. You cant meddle with vision… Actors flocking the office. Many of whom are friends, many of whom I have worked with in the past. I try to avoid most of them as I am unable to offer them any work in my film. The casting is long over. The film is nearly complete. Yet they remain hopeful. Like me…
I sit back in my cabin isolated, oblivious and afraid. Afraid to face some awkward questions about my ‘vision’. Afraid to be reminded that this film is perhaps my last shot at glory. Afraid to face awkward questions from the producer. Afraid to face the angry accountant. Afraid to visualize the location. Afraid to think of how the actors will enact the scene. Afraid to imagine any spillovers in the already packed schedule. Afraid to think about how its all going to fall in place. Afraid to think that very soon all this is going to end. Afraid that maybe there won’t be a next time. Afraid of failure. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid of resentment. Afraid of jealousy. Afraid of anger. Afraid to face the disappointed actors. Afraid to face some quashed hopes.
A few days later…
I have been cursing myself through the entire journey to the location. Did I need to be so conscientious? Did I need to call a 6.30am shift? Am I hung-over from a drinking binge the previous night? Did I spend a sleepless night pondering over my fate? All I know is that I am sleepy and irritable.
Then, I arrive on location. 6.30am. Equipment is already unloaded. The generator is already connected. The make-up vans are operational. My lead actress had a call-time of 5.30am. Did she make it on time? Is she going to be ready for the first shot? Is the lead actor there? Is he ready for the first shot? And what is the first shot?
I walk up the stairs and am greeted by almost seventy-five smiling faces. All of whom have gotten up much earlier and all of whom have slept much later than me last night. Most of whom do not have a comfortable home like I have. Most of whom cannot even dream to have the life I live. Most of whom have stopped dreaming…
Suddenly I stand there, humbled. I stand there, overawed. I stand there, amazed. I stand there, thankful. What would I have done without this life? All despair dissipates. All fear fades. I am a film-maker. This is where my life begins and this is where it must end.
I pick up the script. The script assistant has marked out the pages of the scene that we will begin the day with. I decide to do the next scene first. My first assistant has the ‘I knew it’ look on his face. I am joined by the actors. We read the scene together. We read it again. We read it again. We change lines, try to make the scene conversational. I try to make the actors oblivious to the spoken word. I try to find motivations for moving my characters, for moving the camera. We rehearse the scene once. While we rehearse again I begin marking the various camera setups with my cinematographer. We agree on camera moves. We disagree, then agree on lenses to be used for each setup. We decide on a floor plan. I look back at my first assistant. A look of disappointment is writ large on his face. Then a wry smile. He has spent the previous evening devising a floor plan and shot breakdown for this scene. The cinematographer puts his hand round the assistants’ shoulder. ‘My sympathies, mate’…
As the day progresses, all thoughts of tiredness are far removed from my mind. All negative thoughts are stashed away in my cold, comfortable cabin. As one shot germinates from another, a scene is born. As scene after scene is canned, a film is born. Cigarettes are stubbed, cups of hot, sweet ‘chai’ are downed, my throat is hoarse from screaming. The magic words ‘Action’ and ‘Cut’. They are all I was born to utter. The illusion unfolding between these two magic words is my universe. This is the world I was born to rule. This is the kingdom I was destined to command. This is the only life I know and this is the only universe I want. These are the only friends I have and this is my true family.
Finally, the dreaded call ‘It’s a wrap’.
I am back in my car. Irritable, tired and mortal. In the chaos of this vast world – insignificant, insecure, unknown and uncouth.
Deep down, no one really believes they have a right to live. But this death sentence generally stays tucked away, hidden beneath the difficulty of living…
- Jean Baudrillard
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Hansal, welcome to PFC!
gREAT post to start, it moves along a curve like a film narrative. It covers the rich yet disorienting process of getting everything together for a shoot, the loneliness a director feels-arranging everything and going back to zero while its all over.
It reminded me of the film logs of Sidney Lumet, Making Movies.
- Thank You Hansal… amazing flow taking us through the nooks and cornors of your journey that day… today is the annual Christmas bonus day at work… we are giving away the employees their annual bonus… the movie fanatic in me, I guess has received his bonus with your first page of your diary on PFC… Thanks a ton! ^:)^
Which film is this?
Hi Hansal
Welcome to PFC. Beautifully written..Made my day…
Kaalia – I think this is Woodstock Villa???
“The magic words ‘Action’ and ‘Cut’. They are all I was born to utter. The illusion unfolding between these two magic words is my universe. This is the world I was born to rule. This is the kingdom I was destined to command. This is the only life I know and this is the only universe I want. These are the only friends I have and this is my true family.”
Really loved these words. This is really a great post with nice personal angle. A warm welcome to PFC. Hoping to read more and more into your world.
ps: Oz-bhai,Anurag and Hansal posting two great posts on the same day.Reminds me of a film title “As Good As it Gets”. 3 Cheers to all those who makes PFC the best and makes readers like me relive their passion for cinema. ^:)^
welcome to PFC hansal! a great first post.. really takes me inside your world and identify with it.. hope we can expect more behind-the-scene stuff from you as well
do i hear kartik/manjeet getting their cameras ready? :-”
Wow! I reckon PFC will be greater in time to come (it already is great). Its almost surreal to read words directly from the men on the front line. let the show go on. :d
Wonderful post! Really enjoyed reading it. Look forward to more!!!!!!:x
Awesome post. Pleasurable voyeurstic journey for the cinema outsiders.
kem cho harshal bhai, welcome to pfc. 4 films already lined up. u sure have to give us insights on all of them. waiting for that piece
oops sorry fro the wrong spelling..hansal bhai..will get used to it…
Anurag,Suparn,Pawan n now Hansal…great going Mr Oz.
Hansal, loved ur writing style. Felt like you were talking in front of me or I was reading ur mind. Many of the few things that people never get to know about the filmmakers when they watch all those movies. Welcome to PFC, Mr Mehta!!
great post hansal..this is the hansal i know..love you man..welcome to PFC
thank you guys for such a warm welcome… its quite overwhelming.
and thanks anurag! remember the line you wrote for me – “aadmi to sab achche hai kulki, bas haare hue hai!”… love you.
Why you are so pessimistic!!
“Most of whom do not have a comfortable home like I have. Most of whom cannot even dream to have the life I live. Most of whom have stopped dreaming”
It seems you have good life, and look at the response to your post and you can easily make out that you have some admirers too!
Then why bro why??
Hey I go away for a few days and we have another great man amongst us. Welcome Hansal, and that’s a great first post. Impressive how you guys manage to take the time to write in such detail about daily happenings.
Wow Hansal …u really took us through the nagging self doubts and the high and low confidence swings that a film maker goes thru…
Welcome to PFC …and keep them coming
and Between .. is this woodstock villa ???
Great start, HM!
HM,knowing a bit of your natural endowment,yet loads of sharing to come Up on your different ideas.
Cheers!
woodstock vila posters:
http://indiafm.com/movies/wallpapers/12901/index.html
wah! Kya badhiya likha hai. Love you, my friend for your sheer transparency. Difficult task, but so identifiable!
Hi Hansal
Enjoyed reading this post. I knew about your maths, computers and director’s skills but this was a pleasant surprise.
Look forward to reading more.
Benedict :d
wallah, bro
all this you’ve written….sounds so familiar.all i can say is,all the chaos, all the frustration, all the grit, all the grime…everything that you have described about a typical day when we make a film, is worth that single moment of joy and ecstacy when we look into a camera and realise that we are capable of creating some kind of magic. this is what our lives are all about. and trust me…THAT IS FINE!
Dear Hansal,
Something making me feel bad for not keeping in touch with you. It’s been a long time. On top of that your above article made me even more emotional. I do remember all the days during Chhal’s production and every time you have appreciated me. Just feel like talking to you. Anyways I will see you when I come down to India, that may happen soon hopefully.
Very inspiring hansal..
puts me back on the track..
This is the way Filmmakers supposed to live .. In the schedule .. GREATTT