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Arun Prakash (New Delhi, India)

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Mr W.Kumar travels to Bollywood,the year 2028, Part 2

‘ Kahani abhi baki thi’

This is the next part of the article - Mr Writer Kumar,an aspiring Bollywood writer finds out that he has travelled in time to the year 2028.
Kumar has just made friends with Shanti Devi,a multimedia channel reporter cum marketing executive and she has promised to take him to meet Shahrukh Khan,
and also accompany him to check out the latest releases at Multiplex 54 located just across the road from Juhu beach,Mumbai.
As they walk away from the beach Shanti Devi fishes out a tiny mobile phone from her pocket,calls out a name and speaks to someone briefly.She hangs up and turns
around to address W. Kumar
“Oh,dude…Kumar…we’ll have to check out the movies first…Shahrukh’s shoot has been delayed by a few hours”
W.Kumar looks disappointed.He was eager to discover that how SRK,who must be pushing sixty years now,is playing the role of a young Army Captain.
“Well…O.K..lets go to the movies then. AUDI-HOP, was’nt it?”
Shanti Devi laughs.She clasps Kumars hand and leads him towards an escalator.As they glide across and above the road Kumar notices an arrow sign pointing downwards which reads ‘Cafe Mocha’.
“Hey,is’nt that Cafe Mocha?I remember the PFC Mumbai group met here on a rainy sunday evening in 2007 for a newspaper interview….I mean 2027″
Shanti Devi stares at him” you carry a lot of frivolous information in your head.But did you say PFC…passion for cinema..the website..and much more now”
“Yes, I write in…er…used to write in…I mean…do you…”
“Well,I send in webcast comments once in a while…actually I want to be a movie reviewer…I also participated in PFC RONIN last year”
“PFC Ronin contest…its still on…?
Shanti Devi looks at him,exasperated”you’ve again said still on..ya..ya..I know you’ve been out of touch with cinema”
“Shanti…can you tell me who won PFC Ronin in 2008?”
“Are you trying to quiz me? Thats such a KBA type question”
“KBA..?? whats that?”
“Oh,dude…Kumar that stands for kaun banega arbpati”
“KBC…..KBA…that programe…its still on?”
“Shut up,Kumar”

The escalator descends and they step away.The 54 screen multiplex is in front of them.
A laser generated streamer runs ahead of them.It says’A movie every ten minutes’.
Another streamer now.This one reads’ what are you waiting for?’.
They walk into the multiplex lobby.
A few scantily dressed women come running towards Kumar.They grab his hands and start dancing to what presumably is a hit song nowadays.
Kumar frees himself from the dancers and runs back to the spot where Shanti devi is standing.
She has an amused look on her face.
“The face recognition scanner picked you up as a first time visitor here”
Kumar shakes his head.
“By the way,Kumar,where are you from?”
“Me,I’m from Delhi”
“Which Delhi?”
“New Delhi”
“Yes,but which New Delhi”
Kumar is perplexed.What has happened to Delhi?
He decides to change the topic.
“Lets eat…and I’d like to buy a new shirt too”
“Yes,you need to…your clothes are crushed..looks as if you slept in them”
“I did…on the train”
“What train….oh you mean the sky train from Delhi”
“Yes..yes…yes”Kumar realises its better to keep quiet.”Shanti,lets AUDI-HOP”
He hops a few steps.
Shanti is amused.She hugs Kumar.
“You’re so cute..after we audi-hop..and meet SRK..we’ll hop over to my apartment!”
Kumar is mildly embarrased.

Shanti Devi walks across to a ticket vending machine,inserts a five thousand rupee note and returns with two audi-hop tickets.
“Look, kumar we get to see each movie for twenty minutes …”
“Twenty minutes! ….Is that how you review a movie nowadays?”
“follow me,I’ll explain”
They walk towards one of the auditoriums.
The movie showing is MUNNA BHAI MARS CHALO.
Kumar and Shanti Devi step into a cubicle.Shanti inserts the audi-hop ticket into a slot.
A TV screen switches on.They get to see a three minute synopsis of the movie uptill now with a voice-over explaining the story so far.
“C’mon” says Shanti Devi”we’ll watch it from here for twenty minutes and then come back and see the rest of the synopsis”
“Hey,can’t we watch the entire movie?”
“Dude…where’s the time for that”

They walk in and out of auditoriums.
DON 12, KRISH 6, BEEDI BHUJADO, DIL TUMHARA DHADKAN HAMARI,
THODI KUSHI KAFI GAM,
Kumar gets to see all of them.
Weary from the continous movie viewing,he sprawls onto a sofa in the lobby.Sitting there, a thought strikes him.
‘ What If I were to travel back to 2008 and narrate these movies to a few producers,passing them off as my own.
I could become a succesful scriptwriter over night’
He shakes his head slowly’ No, thats not ethical.I could’nt do this.Nevertheless,let me write down the story lines atleast’
He looks around for Shanti Devi,spots her.
“Shanti,can I have a pen and paper please”
Shanti looks aghast” Pen and paper….you want to participate in the on the spot painting competition for kids taking place in the lobby”
“No,I want to write down the stories of the movies we just saw”
“Kumar…you call yourself a writer…and you perfectly well know that no one uses a pen and paper after leaving primary school.Why are you so ignorant about almost everything? …where have you been for the last few years,dude?
“Sleeping”replied Kumar with a mischevious smile”like Rip Van Winkle”
“Not funny”said Shanti Devi”Anyway,speak whatever you want into my mobile and you can print out the text later”

Writer Kumar takes the mobile and starts speaking.

MUNNABHAI MARS CHALO
The Munnabhai series continue.Set in the near future,Munna is invited to Mars, now colonised by humans.His mission is to stem the decandence in Martian society and also help to make peace with a few troublesome aliens.He is assisted by circuit and also a Chinese actress ( millions of chinese now watch Indian movies).The climax has munna giving a jadoo ki jhappi to the aliens who have porcupine quills on their bodies. Ouch!
Never been hugged before the aliens get sentimental and abandon their villianous pursuits.

DIL TUMHARA DHADKAN HAMARI
A 4D animation movie about two hearts who fall in love.The villians are the brains aided or opposed by other body organs.Amazing special effects.

BEEDI BHUJADO
Inspired by an antismoking movie made almost twenty years ago,this is a coproduction with the ministry of health.Though most urban Indians have given up smoking,millions continue to puff away in the rural areas.A scary,hardhitttng story.It has been released in most Indian languages,including Bhojpuri.

DON 6
Dons tryst with the police forces of eleven nations continues….
Shanti Devi walks across to Kumar.
“Come on,dude….you can write in the rest later.Its our turn for A MILLION SHOLAYS NOW.”
“Is this a remade version of Sholay?”
“This is screened exclusively at this multiplex,its a tourist attraction too.
You can make your version of Sholay….you could be the actor…anyone can play a character from this movie”
Shanti Devi leads Kumar into the cubicle outside the auditorium.She asks him to stand in front of a camera for a few seconds.Then she presses a button on a TV screen nearby.A written text appears…unconnected words.
“Read them out”says Shanti.
Kumar does as commanded”What was that about”
“The camera has taken your videotaped you in various shots and angles.The words you’ve spoken will help the computer match your voice pitch and pronounciation”
“So”
“Would you like to be Jai or Veeru..”
“Jai or Veeru….you mean Amitabh Bachan or Dharmendra”
“Yes,your face will be morphed onto the character you want to be and the dialogues will be heard in your own voice”
“Wow…what technology”
“Whom would you want to be Basanti.Your girlfriend…or a girl you’ve fancied…”
Kumar looks at Shanti intently”The girl I fancy is in front of me”
Shanti Devi blushes”You’re so sweet,yaar…I can’t wait to take you to my apartment….I hope you’re comfortable with satin bedsheets.”
This time,Kumar is visibly embarrassed.
“What about Gabbar” he asks quickly.
“I’ll make that choice”replies Shanti”That’ll have to be my Boss.”
“And the rest of the cast”
“You could pick up faces from the actors bank here.They get paid everytime they’re chosen”

They sit down to watch this version of Sholay.
Halfway through Kumar gets up”stop the movie, Shanti”
“What happened” She presses a button near the seats.
“Its so unreal.Is this concept a hit?”
The projectionist,an elderly gentleman appears.”Is there a problem,sir”
“Can we view the orignal Sholay,please?”
“Thats a request I have’nt heard for a long time,sir”
The projectionist continues”Everyone comes here on an ego satisfying trip.couples,families,group of friends,they all squabble over the characters they want to play.Its a big kick,sir,watching yourself on screen,playing Jai or Veeru or Basanti or Gabbar”
He pats Kumar on the shoulder”For you sir.I’ll definately screen the orignal Sholay”
Shanti squeezes Kumars hands”You are so cool…there’s a certain old world charm about you…By the way,whats your real name”
“Whats yours Shanti Devi?”
She giggles”I’ll tell you when we wake up tomorrow….”
“Shhh…Amjad khan is on screen”
As the movie nears completion,Shanti’s phone rings.
“Dude…Kumar..Shahrukh’s shoot is about to begin”
“Lets go” Kumar leaps up from his seat.

‘Kahani abhi baki hai’

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