Now showing at a multiplex near you
We all know that the producers boycott of multiplexes has begun and there are no new releases scheduled through out April. We’re already a few days into the strike and it won’t be long before the entire month rolls by. This is awful news for cinema fans like us but there isn’t much that we can do about it. The film fraternity must be upset too, but I suppose this is something they had prepared themselves for. But what about the multiplex owners? Have they been affected? Well, business must have taken a hit. With the only new release not doing too well and the other films playing not drawing in the crowds, the scenario must be pretty glum.
Lets travel a couple of weeks ahead in time. It’s the middle of April.
The impasse continues. I comfort myself by saying that it’s just another two more weeks to go for the strike to be called off. A PFC author calls up and we discuss the strike and it’s effect on us. I told him that I’m dying to see the inside of a multiplex auditorium, it’s been so long. He replied “Well, just go and see whatever is showing there even if it’s..er..a movie named Drona. If you want to do something badly go ahead and just do it”.
He made it sound like one of those shoe commercials.
I told him “No,no I don’t want to go there. The place will be deserted, the crowds will be missing”.
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what the scene would be outside the multiplex. I imagined seeing an empty parking lot, where the chief parking lot attendant was teaching the art of maneuvering cars into narrow spaces to awe struck junior attendants. The ticket counters would be deserted, with the ticketing staff standing still behind the glass partition, like statues in a wax museum.
The kiosk selling cold drinks would be deserted, the solitary owner would be dusting the glass bottles and fiddling with the unplugged refrigerator cord. The friendly Raju pan wala would have some customers but he’ll be missing the one’s who order for those special pans and buy the most expensive brands of cigarettes.
The multiplex would have set up a small counter outside selling popcorn and soft drinks. They would be offering a free ticket against a purchase of three popcorn packets and two soft drink glasses. You might not run out of popcorn throughout the entire movie, but if you were to watch the movie with someone special you wouldn’t get time to do anything else besides cracking corn and burping out the cola.
OK, I told myself if it’s Drona playing then so be it. I have to make a trip to an auditorium inside a multiplex.
So, one afternoon in the middle of April, 2009 I found myself driving into the parking lot of my favourite multiplex. I’d decided that this time I’ll park right next to the exit gate and won’t hand over the keys to the attendant.
I was so wrong. I was greeted by a familiar sight, the parking lot was jam packed. ” Keys please” the attendant gruffly said.
“Is the strike over” I asked excitedly.
” Nahin, Sir”.
” So, what’s the rush for?”
” Sir, you want to park the car or shall I help you reverse it out”.
I quickly settled for the first option. The attendant asked me to step out. I watched in amazement, though not for the first time, as he maneuvered my car into a space in which I had presumed a Nano wouldn’t fit.
The tiled courtyard outside the multipex was crowded and so was the ticket counter. The pretty girl behind the glass partition looked up and smiled. I mumbled ” Thank god you’re not in a wax museum anymore, though you would have made a pretty mannequin”. She didn’t hear what I’d said, I’ll have to thank the thick glass partition for that.
I bent down and put my face into the small round opening in the glass partition and asked her if they were handing out free tickets or had the local MP organised free shows for his constituents ( elections are around the corner, do exercise your right to vote – This message is in public interest and is not sponsored by any political party). She ignored the wisecrack and said ” we are selling tickets for regular shows”.
” Regular shows? You mean the crowds are here to watch Drona?”
She looked down solemnly at what seemed to be a list and said. “ Sir, we do have one show scheduled today, but it’s all sold out”.
The shift manger had come and stood behind her. He knew me as a regular and came out to meet me. He cheerfully said ” All seats in our auditoriums are sold out right now. We’ve never had it so good”.
” Hey, you’ve got to tell me what’s happening here. What the —- are people watching”.
He smiled and handed me a printed pamphlet, very much like the weekly schedule that your neighborhood multiplex distributes. It read
NOW SHOWING AT A MULTIPLEX NEAR YOU
There seemed to be something written on the reverse but before I could read it the manager took back the pamphlet. I told him I was dying to get inside an auditorium.
He laughed and said ” There’s alot happening inside, which auditorium do you want to watch a movie in “.
I thought for a moment and replied ” Can I audihop?”
” Audihop? What’s that?”
” Oh, that stands for auditorium hopping. One day in the future that’s what we all will do…..”
” Sir, the future’s not ours to see, kay sara sara….you can hop in and out of our auditoriums…I’ll depute someone to take you around”.
He introduced me to a woman saying ” She’s our programming head and is responsible for the crowds you see here”.
” Chalo, dude” said the PH. ” Ten minutes is all I have”
I knew the multiplex had five auditoriums. As we entered Audi 1, I heard a very familiar tune, a tune which used to emanate from houses in the lane I used to walk down for an after dinner stroll. It was the tune from the once very popular TV serial Kahani ghar ghar ki.
” Is this a movie now? If it is I must review it for PFC”.
PH had walked into the auditorium ” Take a look inside, dude”.
I saw three rows of seats occupied by middle aged ladies, clutching what must be designer hand bags in one hand, and plastic bowls in the other. From the slurping noise I guessed they were consuming Gol gappa’s , also known as Paani puri’s.
PH proudly explained ” We’re organising ladies kitty parties and we show them six episodes of their favourite serial, back to back with snacks thrown in. We’re booked for three shows everyday, for the next fifteen days”.
” Chale, dude” she asked.
She led me to Audi 2. I heard a loud roar as the door opened. A cricket ball was flying across the screen towards a grassy knoll where it was caught by a young black woman, surrounded by a cheering crowd.
” Are you showing Victory? It’s running to a full house?”
” Dude, it seems you aren’t a cricket fan. That’s the IPL match taking place in Durban. Kolkota Knight riders vs Punjab Kings eleven. We’re showing all IPL matches live. The next one’s at 8 pm. Want to book a ticket?”
A Punjab wicket fell. The Kolkota cheer leaders, who I remember had been chosen after a nation wide contest, began to dance. Their very short skirts flapped around wildly, it wouldn’t have bothered them as they were in South Africa and didn’t have to worry about any protests.
An arguement was taking place on the field. Someone standing next to me remarked ” It’s the multiple captains arguing amongst themselves”.
As John Buchanan ran towards them the camera focussed on a perturbed Shahrukh Khan.
” Lets go, Dude” the PH said.
Audi 3. I wondered what’s happening here.
” OK, this is a regular show, but with a difference. This for special groups of film fans. We’re showing Drona....”
” I had a sneaking feeling before I came here that you’ll be showing it”
“…The screening has been requested by the local film watchers association, and it’ll be followed by a discussion on what exactly went wrong with this movie”.
” Wow, I’ve got lots of friends who’d love to take part in such discussions”.
” Hey, call them over. We’ll give them free tickets”
I shook my head ” I can’t, they don’t live in this city and I’ve never met most of them, but we all have a common passion, a passion for cinema”.
PH had walked away by then, she was climbing the stairs leading to Audi 4 and 5.
The door of Audi 4 was wide open. A few kids came running out, and ran back in again.
” Let me guess, this show is for kids. Someone’s organised a birthday treat”.
” You’re close, dude. Someone’s organised a big screen viewing of their wedding and their kids first birthday party. They’ve invited all their relatives and friends over. So sweet na, hum sab saath saath hai”.
I peeped in and saw elderly men and women, their middle aged sons and daughters, their wives and husbands, their kids and friends. As the sound of dhol broke out on the screen a few of them jumped up from their seats and started dancing in the aisle.
” Hey Dude,it’s a private affair. lets go”.
We reached Audi 5. The door was bolted from outside and a muscular bouncer stood in front of it.
” What’s playing here? What’s this guy on gaurd for?”
” Dude, this hall has been booked by a couple and they’ve requested for complete privacy”.
” Kya baat hai. Privacy ehhe hehe. What are they watching?”
” Well…well they wanted to watch an award winning love story which had some adult content and starred Amitabh Bachan”.
I racked my brains and concluded they couldn’t be watching Nishbadh.
” Well PH, thats a tough one. What did you program for them?”
” I ‘ve screened The March of the penguins for them. It meets every parameter they’ve requested. It has a voice over by AB, it has a love story and adult content, you know there are scenes when the penguins make out, and it’s won some awards too “.
I just keep looking at her. ” I hope your customers share your enthusiasm. By the way, is the next show booked too”.
” Yes,it is. See those two young men sitting there. The one’s who are holding hands. They’ve booked this Audi to see Dostana”.
She waved at them and turned towards me. ” Thats all, dude. The Audi hop is over, Ab chalo”
” Great, you guys can afford to stay away from showing movies for a while”.
” No Dude, Movies are what multiplexes have been built for. All this will not last for more than a few days. She sighed and said ” I can’t wait for the strike to be over. I miss my friday mornings”.
” I miss them too, hope the uncertainty gets over soon”.
She pointed out to a film poster ” Look at that poster, dude. That’s the next scheduled release. It’s titled Kal kissne dekha, isn’t that ironical”.
Tags: IPL, multiplexes, producers boycott
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
@ Arun- hahaha it’s hilarious.But dont worry its not going to be all this bad.IPL is not yet a confirmed certainity.Most likely we might see english movies and regional movies ( atleast in the South & West) filling up the more of the spots for a while.And the elections are gonna start in the next few days so there won’t be much excitement @ the movies anyways.Check this link-
http://www.bollywoodhungama.com/news/2009/04/07/12725/index.html
A Marathi movie ( Me Shivajiraje Bhosale Boltoy) enjoying such an opening is an encouraging phenomena.But like you even I’m hoping the strike is over soon.Lets wait & see.
Multiplexes suck!
Single screens are the best – the thrill of waiting hours together for a Rajini movie ticket and the chase for the black ticket guy/lady and bargains with him/her till the very last minute of the screen opening and the rush to the theatre and get seated before the title sequence (who cares for the films division documentary and Richardson fruit drinks ad) and enjoy the cornfetti rain when thalaivar comes on screen is unbeatable experience!!
Down with multiplexes. more power t single screens!!
wELL COULD NOT HELP LAUGHING MAN.3 BOW TO YOU.
” I ‘ve screened The March of the penguins for them. It meets every parameter they’ve requested. It has a voice over by AB, it has a love story and adult content, you know there are scenes when the penguins make out, and it’s won some awards too “.
LOL too good…
Sai bol rahe ho sir!
Lekin ab dekho Frozen!
It’s going for a 1st May release, not Kal Kissne Dekha!(Ew)
a truly great post!
@Sethu, cinemausher,Sudhir, Jehan
Thanks for appreciating the humour.
I too hope the multiplexes don’t have to resort to such desperate measures, the sooner the boycott gets over it’s better for everyone,including us die hard cinema fans.
@Jaigenesh
Single screens are still the best but they’re disappearing very fast, all we’ll have left would be memories of movie viewing, just as you’ve described.