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This is an exclusive transcript of a short film that has already been selected for the award in one of just-for-the-heck-0f-it festivals even before the competition section films have been finalised.I know it sounds really paradoxical and contradictory as any Bollywood messed up masalas . But what to do. Thats how the world is. And thats how the script is:
EXT/INT.RENAISSANCE HOTEL. DAY

FICCI conference on Indian Film and Entertainment Industry is over.
Delegates have dispersed and we catch Yash Chopra ji(YC) and Ram Gopal Verma (RAMU) talking..It reminds one of Jules and Vincent’s conversation in Pulp Fiction, the way YC & RAMU are walking their talk, going through serpentine corridors of the hotel.

YC
Heard Michael Moore’s US Healthcare expose Sicko has already been screened on
Youtube when it is officialy scheduled to be screened in theatres on 29th June.

RAMU
Sick man. I tell you this is sheer extortion–sheer loot. What can Bollywood
do when its Godfather Hollywood is not immune to piracy.

YC
Earlier it was just the pirates of Dubai,Pakistan and Malaysia that were
bleeding Bollywood.The way things are turning,the way technology is being
hijacked,scare is not from The Pirates of the Caribbean but from a common man
who can turn pirate or its partner by just uploading or downloading.

RAMU
It’s downright killing man. These pirates of every shade,city,town and mohalla
are worse than dacoits of Chambal. To hell with democratisiation of technology.

YC
At least dakus had what is called honour amongst thieves. These pirates are
there just to plunder and pillage and make fast bucks regardless of the turf.

RAMU
In my version of Sholay Gabbar Singh is like that–no code of honor.

YC
I am told he’s replica of your own personality?

RAMU
Ha,ha ha! Rumours-plain rumours,and yes by the way, these rumours are another
bane of our industry.Like the one doing rounds about Adi and Rani.

YC
At times I get nightmares wondering what has possessed Adi.. kahin Koi Bhoot
toh nahin.

RAMU
With my kind of cinema anybody can be possessed anytime.

YC
You made Satya, Company, Sarkar dealing with underworld. Can’t you suggest
any measures to fight this menace.

RAMU
Of Rani?

YC
Of piracy you dumbo!

RAMU
Making movies is easier than suggesting measures to overhaul the system. You
have Deewar,Trishul, Kalapathar to your credit where the protagonist had the
will and power to take the goons on their own turf.

YC
Well he has changed his career–he is far far removed. He has become a far far
away farmer.

RAMU
I think he is sensible. With such fickle audiences and yo yo box-office it’s better
to keep a patli gali open.

YC
I am great fan of Mukesh Ambani.

RAMU
Ya?

YC
Ya.

RAMU
I thought Anil Ambani was your friend though a business rival.And Mukesh was
just a business prospect.

YC
Friendship is one thing–Business acumen altogether another.

RAMU
Even Anil is no less. It’s just the way family business got divided that Mukesh
landed with petroleum and Anil got communications.

YC
And you know Mukesh is the only Indian in the trillionaires club!

RAMU
So?

YC
And let me tell you between petrol and poetry–petrol will always win.

RAMU
What are you getting at?

YC
To communicate you may need poetry but to commute you need petrol and more
refined instincts.

RAMU
You mean commuting from one business to another!

YC
Yes, in that Mukesh scores and in refinement too. See his initiative into retail
with Reliance Fresh chain of stores.

RAMU
You don’t go ga-ga over anyone without purpose. Now what’s this with Mukesh?
Koi channel-shannel kholnay ka irada hai? I mean his cash and your content.

YC
Ha,no way!Arey,I am not content with the way things are going at YRF. So much
criticism of our movies, so much of uncertainty at the box-office,inspite of being
in the industry for more than fifty years now I feel like a dodo.

RAMU
And after making a fool of myself time and again I feel like, a sitting duck.

YC
I have decided to diversify and gradually give up entertainment and films
altogether.Let Adi decide what he wants to do with the legacy. I want to be in
retail.

RAMU
What are you saying? Is this some kind of a joke?

YC
No kidding. You know something. A consultancy firm A.T.Kearney has just come
up with the findings that India is number one in retail opportunities and growth
amongst 30 emerging markets. Second is Russia. China,our nemesis is number five.

RAMU
But why Reliance Fresh kind of retail?

YC
Atleast potatoes cannot be pirated and sold like DVDs & VCDs
of latest flicks as hot potatoes.

RAMU

You serious?

YC
(excited)
Yes, that’s the future man.We can’t ever conquer piracy. We can’t beat Jack
Sparrows of the world. But we can go bananas selling apples and aaloos from
Chinchpokli to Churchgate,from Cuffe Parade to Colorado.From Ludhiana to
London. This time Pulp is going to be better than fiction, I tell you.

A beat
RAMU
So what do you suggest?

YC
Join me.

Ramu stops in his tracks. Camera moves in and stays on his face as he
looks up.

EXT. MALL-HYPER STORE. DAY

Banner reads YRF (YASH RAJ FRUITS)
&
RGV (RAM GOPAL VEGETABLES)
VEGGIE VEGGIE FRUITY FRUITY

Camera pulls back and comes down as we see Yashji and RAMU cutting ribbon of their new retail store.
Fans are gathered all around to avail of an inaugural discount of Ek-Pe-Ek-Free.
They are really really happy and cheer wildly as this kind of an offer was not available to them in multiplexes when YRF and RGV were dishing out mashed and messed up movies.
They applaud and appreciate their idols’ transition from reel to real business.
Camera focuses on trolleys moving in, feet shuffling about- to fill potatoes and peaches,mangoes and mirchis as end credits roll in on a split screen.

FREEZE

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