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When Johnny Depp donned Captain Jack Sparrow’s cap in the Curse of the Black Pearl, one was left somewhat similar to what one went through back in past, upon watching Travolta in “Pulp Fiction” or even Bollywood’s own Aamir Khan in “Rangeela”… stumped, thumped and bumped off the seats. The hair stood right up praising the Gods, being so kind and merciful to show U Turns, an actor rarely takes… in movies.

But by the time our Pirates crashed into the third part of this “getting torturous with every passing chapter” of a movie… you’ve had it. Add to that an approximately 3 hour movie with no one in Hollywood having the brains to invent the famous Bollywood word called “Interval” a.k.a. “Intermission” a.k.a. “Break”… no way Sir… how can they give a ten minute break to the audience for relieving themselves or rushing to buy a cool drink or munch the nachos or popcorn… how can they?

Why? I believe no one in Hollywood has yet to invent an answer. An open jaw with the eyes turned upwards, waiting for God’s diving intervention or perhaps Captain Sparrow himself to comeup with one of those cocky one liners maybe?

If you were under the impression that, idiots exist only in Bollywood… then with Pirates 3, you now shall be graced with a divine revelation…

Back to Pirates 3… it is nothing but a A class, trashy script, right out of Bollywood with a difference. It has a few hundred millions attached to it.

And without doubt it will be a big money churner. Why? Think “Krish” or KKrish or Krrish WHAT EVER THE SPELT NAME OF THAT MOVIE WAS DAMMIT!

Not only does the script go out for a toss but the team of Pirates seems to have accidentally identified the secret of Bollywood’s success.

MASALA.

It has action, emotion, comedy, tragedy, romance, fights, good over evil… yada yada yada…

Everyone is betraying everyone. Sparrow betrays Barbossa, Barbossa betrays Elizabeth, Elizabeth betrays Sparrow, Will betrays Barbossa, Sao Feng (Chow Yun Fat… oh why why why did you accept this crap thrust on you by stupid people) betrays Barbossa, and even director Gore Verbinski, seems to betrays the crap out of us… by shoving this movie down our throats in the name of “Pirates” wow what an adventure…

Adventure?

IF THIS IS ADVENTURE I’M FUCKING DONE WITH ADVENTURE MOVIES

If ever there was a sequel to the awful sequels of the Matrix… then the day has arrived… it’s Pirates 3.

Things get so confusing, crappy and corrugated that your brain just gives up on even simple things like… shouldn’t Jack be on this ship instead of the British Ship, how the hell did Barbossa land up on this ship… wasn’t he captured… what the hell is Will doing on this ship… wasn’t he on the last ship you saw a moment ago… WHAT THE HELL YOU TAKE THE BAG OF POPCORN AND DUMP IT ON YOUR HEAD ALONG WITH THE HALF FILLED BOTTLE OF COKE… YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE….

The only few moments that tie you down in the movie are the special effects and of course Johnny Depp… as for the rest of the movie - empty the nachos on your head and be happy your brains are still intact when you walk out of this one.

D Minus… O Lord I pray to thee, let there be no Pirates 4, for us to see.

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