“Professor, it really is a Dead End!”

DPac
DPac   | Movies, Review, Talking-Points | May 24, 2008 at 2:44 am


Well I hope so!! LaBeouf’s rather innocuous line in the movie, appears significantly prophetic in the end.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Unless you are in some weird parallel universe with no media or internet, you already know – the whip cracking archaeologist is back! And the premise is we are supposed to be happy and lap it all up. I was all for it, lapping up the whole platter about an hour back. I am however left with an uneasiness. I don’t feel like retching after the meal, but i just don’t have the fulfillment of a tasty one either. Part nauseous and part filling, my quandary is topped up by the incessant raves I hear about this sumptuously bland installment.

I heard the Spielberg-Lucas-Ford triumvirate say over and over again that Indy wont be back unless they come up with that perfect gem of a script which they all like. Well if they were waiting 20 years to come up with this, god help us all.

You cannot accuse the cast of being short on exuberance and caliber here. Ford and LaBeouf look the part whilst Blanchett and Ray Winstone try to salvage whatever they can from terrible parts written for them. Its Spielberg who should deservedly get all the blame for the shallow mediocrity and superficial treatment. I guess this is what happens to a movie when it becomes a franchise. This is a rebranding exercise bordering on futility. Far less of a spectacle than the earlier three and shoddily so.

The very reason the Fedora wearing nutty Professor became a cult hero was due to a wholly entertaining 3 part franchise – which started 27 years back with the fun filled Raiders ,a rather clumsy Temple of Doom and an immensely slick and entertaining the Last Crusade. They stretched our ’suspension of disbelief’ to the extreme without breaking the spell, with funny interludes, spunky action, and amazing chemistry sprinkled favourably throughout.

Suspension of disbelief?? you need more than that to sit through the whole thing. I would ideally prefer the put-physics-up-ur-ass moments in the climax rather than as a regular day job. Savour this – escaping a nuclear holocaust in a lead lined refrigerator, swinging through the jungle ala Korak, surviving 3 of the biggest Argentine waterfalls in one piece and with your sense of humour intact not just Indy but the whole cast!

Maybe since we have been bombarded with every bit of Spielbergian plot cliche by every tom dick and harry during those 20 sabbatical yrs, he didn’t feel the need give this version a solid base or more possibly, like James Rocchi said, its more a case of reverse engineering.

“If we love the first three Indiana Jones films, it’s because they had great action, mythic objects of wonder and great comedy touches within big, well-shaped stories; Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull feels like it was reverse-engineered from that blueprint, as if enough action and props and comedy would then make a story.”James Rocchi

Well lets forget the nuked fridge, what follows is more Rajnikant than Indiana. Raiders and the Crusade had its ‘oh please, really???’ moments. but this adventure turns preposterousness at his head. The Indy i remember, always used to ease u in to those parts and everything meticulously done. The viewer is never left quizzical and always involved. Here you could throw in a Martian invasion and it would fit the plot. Oh wait! they did put that in!!

Spielberg’s obsession with the extra terrestrials continues with rather sloppy vigour. The man who started with close encounters with the ET and followed it up with a better still ‘Taken’, makes them furniture in the plot to say the least. Shyamalan must have sensed deja vu, when he was approached and subsequently refused this venture.

Twenty years also means, we have seen the Mayans before in much better garb and a more sexy pouting treasure hunter. You can get away putting Amrish Puri in some dangerous silly eye-soup eating palace and calling it India in the 70’s but now at least throw in a ‘parallel silly universe’ hypothesis b4 embarking on sillyland and alien presence. (India had banned the film, but will the Peruvians even be bothered?).

With subtlety being a casualty, one never expects lousy editing from the Master either – or maybe it was just Ford acting his age taking his own sweet time to run and dodge bullets. The CG takes over what was once great on screen chemistry between the characters. Where there was Mariam and Indy in Raiders and then Senior and Junior (conveniently forgetting the Temple of Doom here), the CG shots and the stunts cut into similar scenarios in the Skull. No Encore, it doesn’t even reach the crescendo after the initial act.

And please, i didn’t go in expecting anything other than funny and entertaining, (nope, haven’t even thought of using masterpiece and Indy in the same line ever in my life) but they better kill this one before he takes another sip from the Holy Grail and turns up again on a motor bike or with the whip!!

Tags: amrish puri, cate blanchett, dpac, george lucas, harrison ford, indian jones and the temple of doom, indiana jones, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, indiana jones and the last crusade, indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark, sean connery, shia labeouf, steven spielberg
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10 Comments

  1. kcp kcp says:

    I was so frustrated and sad that after going home, that night , I saw Lost Ark and Last Crusade, back-to-back…..only then did I feel better !!

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  2. DPac DPac says:

    i understand the pain kcp..;-)

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  3. Maximus Maximus says:

    Serves them right … Lucas and his ass sized ego threw Frank Darabont’s script right out the window … For what ? For this …

    I had the chance to read Darabont’s script .. It was AWESOME ! Just check the IMDB forums you can get it and read it for yourself …

    Lucas … your other release Clone wars looks like it was made by some Indian company ! Please bring in something new or just bow out …

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  4. DPac DPac says:

    @maximus..
    are u really addressing Lucas on PFC!!?? :-)

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  5. Maximus Maximus says:

    Just a rant bro … just a rant …

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  6. rick rick says:

    MAXIMUS,
    bro can u please give the link from where you read that script?
    i would have searched imdb, but the films page has more than a 1000 topics in it…
    it would be great if u can give me the link

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  7. Sree Sree says:

    Yup,
    it certainly was a let down. A totally cheesy movie from start to finish.

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  8. Ratnakar Ratnakar says:

    Goddamn it, wasted 8 USD on this movie. What the fuck was Spielberg thinking of? He tried to cram in everything from jungle adventure to sci fi to even a statement on McCarthyism. As for those live killer ants, gimme the snake pit any day. But where the movie lost majorly was the climax, total Dud it was. And Spielberg-Lucas took 2 years for this?

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  9. Ratnakar Ratnakar says:

    Sorry i meant And Spielberg-Lucas took 20 years for this?

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  10. DPac DPac says:

    eheh ratnakar,
    im flabbergasted at the reception it got from the media and ‘fans’…

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