PROJEKT iVIEW : It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s… Amitabh Bachchan

PROJEKT iVIEW   | Talking-Points | August 3, 2007 at 3:33 pm         Print

iVIEW AUTHOR:
SKJ2 (Patna, India)

email: withheld

Well this email forward has been making the rounds and I thought it would be nice to share it with PFC… hoping it is taken with a sense of humor…

You may enjoy this when you are feeling low!!!

Here are some quotes … some of them are incredibly funny …….

Before the Heavens and the Earth, God created
Amitabh Bachchan…

Amitabh Bachchan can erase permanent marker.

When Amitabh Bachchan goes to donate blood, he
declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Amitabh Bachchan is the only one who can “try this
at home.”

Based on his anger and wrath Amitabh Bachchan
invented black. In fact, he
invented the entire spectrum of visible light.
Except pink. Shah Rukh Khan
invented pink.

When Amitabh Bachchan deletes files from his
computer, he doesn’t send them
to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.

On his birthday, Amitabh Bachchan randomly selects
one lucky child to be
thrown into the sun.

The book “Worst Case Scenario,” discusses ways to
run from many different
deadly animals. The page entitled “Running from
Amitabh Bachchan” simply
says “Good luck.”

Amitabh Bachchan survived abortion.

Amitabh Bachchan beat Stevie Wonder in a staring
contest.

Getting killed by Amitabh Bachchan counts as a
natural cause of death.

Amitabh Bachchan invented the spanish language
because he liked the word
“pantalones” and needed a language to use it in
context.

Amitabh Bachchan can predict the shuffle on his
iPod.

Amitabh Bachchan irons his shirts while he’s wearing
them.

On a high school math test, Amitabh Bachchan put
down “Violence” as every
one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because
Amitabh Bachchan solves
all his problems with Violence.

Giraffes were created when Amitabh Bachchan gave an
uppercut to a horse.

Ghosts are actually caused by Amitabh Bachchan
killing people faster than
Death can process them.

Amitabh Bachchan can build a snowman out of rain.

The last digit of pi is Amitabh Bachchan.

Amitabh Bachchan once fired Sir Alan Sugar
(UK Apprentice Reference. US= Donald Trump)

Amitabh Bachchan lost his virginity before his dad
did.

When Amitabh Bachchan jumps into a swimming pool, he
doesn’t get wet; the
pool gets Amitabh Bachchan.

Amitabh Bachchan is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When the Boogie Man goes to sleep he checks his
closet for Amitabh Bachchan.

Amitabh Bachchan can divide by zero.

Amitabh Bachchan’s penis is so big that it has a
penis of its own and it is
still bigger than yours.

Amitabh Bachchan has counted to Infinity… twice

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper
clips, but Amitabh
Bachchan can kill him and take it.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and
scissors beats paper, what
beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Amitabh
Bachchan.

Roses are red, violets are blue; I’m Amitabh
Bachchan, bitch.

Amitabh Bachchan built Rome in a day.

When Amitabh Bachchan does a pushup, he isn’t
lifting himself up; he’s
pushing the Earth down.

Amitabh Bachchan can slam a revolving door.

Amitabh Bachchan is so fast, he can run around the
world and punch himself
in the back of the head.

Amitabh Bachchan CAN believe it’s not butter

Amitabh Bachchan doesn’t throw up if he drinks too
much. Amitabh Bachchan
throws down!

It takes Amitabh Bachchan 20 minutes to watch all of
60 Minutes.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk.
When the Hulk gets mad,
he turns into Amitabh Bachchan.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Amitabh
Bachchan bites the heads
off of Siberian Tigers.

There are two types of people in the world… people
that aren’t Amitabh
Bachchan, and Amitabh Bachchan

Guns don’t kill people; Amitabh Bachchan kills
people.

There are no races, only countries of people Amitabh
Bachchan has beaten to
different shades of black and blue.

When Amitabh Bachchan has sex with a man, it won’t
be because he is gay. It
will be because he has run out of women.

Amitabh Bachchan was offered the role of Jack Bauer
on “24″ until the
producers realized he would save the whole world in
just one episode.

If Amitabh Bachchan were a cop, there would be no
Prison Break.

For Halloween, Superman dresses up as Amitabh
Bachchan.

If Amitabh Bachchan ran for President, he would need
no recount during the
election.

Amitabh Bachchan doesn’t sleep; he waits.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Amitabh
Bachchan. Amitabh showed the
bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself,
because it would be the
less painful way to die.

Amitabh Bachchan once visited The Virgin Islands.
They are now The Islands.

Amitabh Bachchan can win a game of Connect Four in
only three moves.

If you spell Amitabh Bachchan in Scrabble, you win.
Forever.

On the 7th day God turned to Amitabh Bachchan and
said, “So, what do you
think?”

Amitabh Bachchan isn’t hung like a horse… horses
are hung like Amitabh
Bachchan

Amitabh Bachchan hurts Simon Cowell’s feelings!

Amitabh Bachchan IS smarter than a fifth grader.

Amitabh Bachchan’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he
never cries…

Amitabh Bachchan broke his own leg, purely for the
sake of winning the
Paralympics.

If you look in a mirror and say “Amitabh Bachchan”
three times, he will
appear and kill your entire family… but at least
you get to see Amitabh
Bachchan.

Amitabh Bachchan once kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him
in half: the result was
Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Amitabh Bachchan is allowed to talk about Fight
Club.

Amitabh Bachchan has to register every part of his
body as a separate lethal
weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon
in 4 states

Amitabh Bachchan sleeps with a nightlight on, not
because he is afraid of
the dark, because the dark is afraid of him.

At birth, Amitabh Bachchan came out feet first so he
could kick the doctor
in the face; nobody delivers Amitabh Bachchan but
Amitabh Bachchan.

Oxygen requires Amitabh Bachchan to live.

To date, Amitabh Bachchan owns 47,000 pairs of
Cowboy boots. That’s because
every time he thinks of a new way he’s better than
Shah Rukh Khan he buys a
new pair.

In an average living room there are 242 objects
Amitabh Bachchan could use
to kill you, including the room itself.

Amitabh Bachchan got a perfect score on his Degree,
simply by writing
Amitabh Bachchan for every answer.

Amitabh Bachchan once tried to sue Burger King after
they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book
of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Amitabh
Bachchan, and those listed
in the book are simply the closest anyone else has
ever gotten.

Amitabh Bachchan wears cowboy boots, made from real
cowboys.

Amitabh Bachchan can speak in Braille.

Amitabh Bachchan uses Viagra as eye drops… so he
can look hard.

Amitabh Bachchan is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does
not eat animals until he
firsts puts them into vegetative state with his
fists.

Amitabh Bachchan does not use pick up lines… he
just says “now”.

Amitabh Bachchan drinks napalm to quell his
heartburn.

Amitabh Bachchan is Luke Skywalker’s real father

When Amitabh Bachchan visited the Vatican, he took
the Pope’s confession.

Amitabh Bachchan is currently suing NBC, claiming
Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Amitabh Bachchan can lead a horse to water AND make
it drink.

Amitabh Bachchan doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides
what time it is.

Amitabh Bachchan gave Mona Lisa that smile.

It’s no coincidence that the tattoo on Mike Tyson’s
face and the sole of
Amitabh Bachchan’ boot share the same pattern.

Children can piss their names into snow… Amitabh
pisses his name into
concrete.

Amitabh Bachchan can strangle you with a cordless
phone.

Bullets try to dodge Amitabh Bachchan.

The quickest way to man’s heart is through Amitabh
Bachchan’s fist.

If you play “Stairway to Heaven” backwards, you can
hear Amitabh Bachchan
bangin’ your sister.

The fork was invented when Amitabh Bachchan
absent-mindedly chewed through
his spoon.

In 1977 Amitabh Bachchan flipped a coin and said
let’s go with VHS (over
Betamax). 20 years later he flipped another coin and
said “DVD” (over Laser
Disc). Blue-Ray and HD manufacturers are waiting…