RGV and me
iView Author: Ashwin Singh (Mumbai, India)
Email: akas100 [at] gmail [dot] com
RGV and me
This is my first post for PFC and I thought it would be apt to write about the man who is responsible for transforming me from a part time movie watcher into a full fledged cinema fanatic.
My only inclination towards movies as a kid was watching them for timepass. I had an interest in acting but I never thought I could become an actor primarily because I didn’t have the looks. I had a wheatish complexion, thin body frame and a meek voice. How could I possibly become an actor? Back then my definition of an actor was completely different. If I was to be an actor I had to be Salman Khan but then I could never be Salman Khan and hence I could never be an actor. Guys with my appearance could at best become a part of the Hero’s college Gang. ‘Magar bade ho kar sab Hero hi banna chahte hain, side hero koi nahi’.
But all this changed. Four movies in the span of four years {1998-2002} completely altered my thinking and evaporated my complexes about myself. These four movies, their actors and above all Mr. Ram Gopal Varma gave me the confidence and belief that even I, with my average looks could become an actor. Satya, Kaun, Shool and Company acted as triggers that ignited my hidden passion for acting. I started enacting the scenes from these movies daily in front of the mirror and I just loved it. Watching myself enact a Manoj Bajpai scene from Shool in the mirror gave me more happiness than hitting a four in a cricket match. I had made up my mind that when I grow up I would become an actor and the person who will launch me would be definitely Ram Gopal Varma.
In the year 2003, RGV came out with a brilliant movie called Darna Mana Hai. It was fantastic according to me but it didn’t do well at the box office. Unperturbed by its failure, RGV announced that he was going to make another movie on the same concept titled Darna Zaroori hai{DZH} and declared that anyone could send him short scary stories and if the story was good enough, it would be included in DZH and the writer would be awarded a cash prize of Rs.1 lakh. This was the moment I was waiting for. This was the golden chance for me. All I had to do is to think of a story which was good enough to be selected and that would open the FACTORY’s door for me.
RGV ki film mein kaam paana tha
Story wory toh bas ek bahana tha
I agree that the above two lines are very cheesy. So were the stories I was thinking of or rather trying to think for the contest. All sort of stupid and inspired stories came to my mind but back then they didn’t seem to be as stupid as they seem to be now. Finally I settled for a story called “Kyun …Main mar Gaya kya”. Back then I thought that it was a fantastic story but now I think that it is the most idiotic and pointless story ever written. Nevertheless, since I didn’t have a PC , I wrote the story on a foolscap paper. I wrote my name and my telephone number {c/o} on top of the paper and like an idiot, after the end of the story I wrote this “18 years old”. I wanted to give the impression that inspite off being an 18 year old I could write such a great story. Look RGV how talented I am.
What an idiot I was?
The next step was to find his office address. Filmfare.com served that purpose but not completely. It stated an address in Juhu where I went only to be told that RGV’s office has been shifted somewhere to Mhada in Andheri. It was not difficult to find his office as he had a big FACTORY board on the outside wall of his office. Must say his office looked quite artistic from the outside.
On my first visit to the FACTORY I didn’t even have the courage to approach the guard outside his office. Somehow I gathered courage and as soon as I was about to approach the guard he shoed me away. I turned around and saw a SUV halting right in front of the door. I can never forget that moment. ‘Dil ki Dhadkanein tez ho rahi thi’. The door opened, he stepped out of the vehicle and the whole world stopped. The man whose work I revered the most, the man whom I always wanted to meet, the man who was going to launch me as a hero was standing right in front of me just a few feet away. I wanted to approach him but my feet couldn’t move. All I could do was just stand still and watch him in admiration. Just as he was about to enter the office, he turned towards me and smiled. He smiled and he entered the office. I couldn’t believe what had happened. RGV comes out of his car, he walks towards the door of his office and out of all the people on the street gazing at him equally desperate to meet him, he chose to look at me and on top of that, acknowledge me with a smile. It all felt so unreal. I decided to revel in the glory of the present day and come back the next day to submit the story.
The next day I was there on the same time as the previous day, I once again saw the same car in front of the door and RGV coming out of it. Even this time he looked at me but he didn’t smile. He walked straight into his office. Maybe he was in a bad mood. After he went in I approached the guard and told him that I was here to submit the story. He saw the paper in my hand and said “likha hua thodi chalega….aap ko type karke laana chahiye tha”. I requested him a few times and he finally relented. He told me that Ms Manjula was in-charge but since she had not arrived I have to submit the story at the reception. And so I did and walked out of the factory satisfied. It was a feeling of great accomplishment. Soon I was going to be called to his office. My gateway to Filmdom.
After three days, my neighbour whose telephone number I had given came to my house and told me that Ms Manjula from Varma Corps has called. I jumped out of bed and went running to the telephone. Never ever in my life I had felt so nervous. But then never ever I had got a call from Varma Corps either. However in the end it all turned out to be a damp squib. All Ms Manjula said to me was that the contest was already over and they didn’t need my story anymore.
Disappointment is too small a word for what I felt after that. Maybe there isn’t a word for what I felt after that. I wish Ms Manjula knew that it wasn’t about the story. I wish she knew it wasn’t just a story, it was my passport to the Factory.
It has been quite a few years since this happened. I have realized a lot of things since then. I have realized that I cant become an actor, not because of my looks but because I cant act. The silver lining is that atleast I received a call from Varma Corps. So what if they didn’t need my story and in any case it was bull shit. Atleast Ms Manjula was courteous and polite enough to call back.
This was my little encounter with RGV. He had a certain kind of a magic on guys like me during those days. That magic has gone missing. But the respect that I have for him hasn’t. I am an optimist and hence I wish and hope that the magic resurfaces and prevails forever.
Tags: ram gopal varma, rgv
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A touching story. It takes balls to be so introspective and self-critical on a public forum. I give you credit for being so candid, so open and honest about your experience.
There must be 100’s of us out there who have had similar experiences at one time or another… you’ve not only managed to express your own feelings here, but also ours… a refreshing read… obviously you’re writing has improved since those days
Well writen. Heartfelt. Hope the faith we all have in RGV is not in vain. All I ask is one more movie to remember… wouldn’t be greedy and expect more. So what do you do now Ashwin?
NIcely written. Quite disarming.
Nice one Ashwin.
Echoing Anand’s question – Mother, What Do You Do Now?? Where Are You?
How could you leave the essential present in a reminiscing of a cherishyed past? It better be good brother.. :-)
Loved it. As Tony said hundreds of people have such stories but there may be thousands who feel the way you did. The difficulty I have is that when do you let go of the dream? Should you? Why should you?
The “Do Be, Do Be” from Anurag has taken root and there is a feeling that it is not “Do” to “Be” but “Be” to “Do”.It is the lack of “be”lief in self that preempts the dream. This is a damning realization since it puts the blame squarely on the self.
And I wonder why I wake up in the middle of the night thinking WTF am I doing selling insurance for pet monkeys?
As you can see Ashwin, loved your post, touched a chord.
Deep blue,
That is the best job description I have ever heard. Next time someone asks me what I do, you know my answer.
You said it Deep Blue. Just the way it is.
wow…never expected such feedback..nevertheless it feels great
@tony mera naam.
thanx a ton man.Ur comment was very encouraging….
@Anand G
thanx a lot. yes i hope too he turns a new leaf and gives us a great one.
And i just finished me BE from Mumbai. All set to jump into the IT bandwagon. M not sure how good or bad it will be..but for the moment thats the only option…
@Inca and Zoombash
thank you guys..wish u all the best with ur endeavors….
@thani
Thanks for the appreciation and also for this line
“How could you leave the essential present in a reminiscing of a cherishyed past? ”
i am about to work in an IT company. Am not sure yet whether it would be good or bad as i havent started yet.
@Deep Blue Lotus
i appreciate ur comment and definitely echo what superdabba said about ur job description.
yes i agree one should not let go off the dream. But in my case it was practical self assessment. I had a very wrong view of acting when i wanted to become an actor. My acting skills are not much to brag about.
My interests though have shifted behind the scenes. i like to think of stories now all thanks to PFC. i made a short film called “The Envelope” last year for PFCONE and i am planning to make some more this year.
PFC Zindabad….
Hey Ashwin
I used to send stories to Sony TV,
For their TV series “Aahat”,
(Love spooky stuff)
sahi likha hai article
@Good one Ashwin,
Convert this whole episode in to a 5 minutes film. All your doubts will be vanished. You will play what you lived. Make RGV’s character, any film director/producer character. You have got the story. Though if you sit in the end thinking would you ever become an actor, then it would become a wanna be art film with a question mark in the ending. so convert it in to an inspirational one with more fighting spirit. Films are not only about actors and lead actors, they need many other people in different areas and one such area is writing which provides the backbone in the very begining. Story propells the imagination inside the mind of a director. He always needs a story to make a good film.
Lage Raho Aswini Babu.
Make it by any thing, Handy cam, Mobile phone camera, digital camera, or if you know animation then even that will do. But make it.
Nice one Ashwin and well written! Enjoyed reading it. Keep writing, both stories for directors and posts on PFC…
Ashwin, The way you have written the above post is a perfect three-act structure man, and it is an engorssing read. You know how to tell a story. Keep trying and all the best!!
@Shekhar
thats great yaar. Did any of ur stories were selected. If yes do write about. I used to watch Aahat a lot. Me too love spooky stuff
@ RK
thank you RK. Thats a wonderful suggestion.Ill definitely try to make it. just one question : what made u write Aswini instead of ashwin.I ask this because my official or rather registered name is Ashwini.
@ DazedandConfused
thanks a lot man.Ur comment is very encouraging.
@Anand
Thank you Anand. he three act structure which u were talking about was not intended but happened.Thanx for bringing it to notice.All the best to u too.