Sahib, Bibi Aur Kurbaan
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Some reviews have blood on them…
Down the drain...
I didn’t want it to be one one of those, but anyways, here goes. I am deeply saddened by the way Islam was shabbily portrayed in Karan Johar’s supposedly coup de grace, Kurbaan, directed by Rensil D’silva. Mashallah, I tell you!
I am particularly very partial towards Advertising guys making their Hindi cinema debut, a trend kicked off by Rakeysh Mehra (ROM) with Aks, where the villain spouts lines from the Bhagwad Gita.
“Na koi marta hai, na koi maarta hai,
Aisa main nahin kehta, tumhare Gita mein likha hai…”
My faith gained ground with Sujoy, Shashanka Sir & was further cemented by Abbas Tyrewaala, only to be ruthlessly shattered by Rensil.
What was the whole freaking point? One explanation that wouldn’t irk my socks off (being a SRK mega-fan) is that this was a teaser promo to My Name is Khan. Even if Kurbaan was that, to hell with all you guys behind this sham of a film.
There were few women in the audience I saw, wearing ‘Hijaab’ and for a moment I thought they had a bomb in their bag and rightly so, isn’t that exactly the point K.Jo and ‘family’ ended up driving in?
WTF! Haven’t we had enough of this already? What’s new? Fuck what’s new, even the older ones seemed way too dignified & sensitive in handling the issue.
I thought Khalid saab & Padmaja mam were way too scathing in their reviews, but now I think they were being only too kind. It seemed like a sorry excuse for being called cinema. I was warned well ahead, but someone who knew my love for Nauheed Cyrusi, said she is in Kurbaan. So I kicked my ass.
It’s another story they killed her in it and made her look scarier than RGV on a bad hair day.
Some films have luck in their casting.
This is one such film, may be thanks to the Dharma Production banner, the cast & crew of great caliber nodded to be a part of this teaser for My Name is Khan. So much talent & sincerity gone down the drain? Holy hell, in many parts, Kirron Kher reminded me of FK Sr. (RIP). And Om Puri saab… what was he doing here. How can I even dare forget Kulbhushan Kharbanda? Everyone is on a ‘Talent Wasting’ marathon. Hell why?
Some Sundays have bad luck on them.
I wanted to Jim Carrey’s Christmas Carol, but as fate would have it, I never got the ticket and ended up with a blasted brain.
Fuck you Veejay, as he was the one who said before I left to watch Kurbaan “I hope they don’t chop off ‘that’ scene.” I guess they did :(
Some films don’t have a good scene in them.
Not one single scene which could make me happy for one single moment. OK, the beginning was cool and all that, but the beginning ended before I could spell KJo. WTF. It was a bloody curry of cliches. Even the Bhanumati from Bannerghatta, sitting behind me could out-guess what’s happening next. And me? Don’t even ask. Damn!
Some films just suck big time.
So Kurbaan was one of them. Worst part, the whole audience laughed their guts off, every single time something happened which they had already guessed. People dying, bombs going off, identities being revealed, shit happening, whatever odd… No damn scene or thing could establish the gravity of the issue. Mundu.
Anyways, I take this opportunity to share with you dear PFC readers, my sophomore attempt at writing drama. The first one, Ashwamedha, was trashed by even the office guy whom we bribed to get him to see. Drat.
Without much ado, here is:
Shit Happens...
Sahib Bibi aur Julaab
A Keyrun Rao original
Fade in
Day / int / appt.
Ashish is banging on the bathroom door
His wife Chaitanya is inside
Ashish is yelling “What are you doing Chaitu?”
She says “Go to hell”
Ashish tries to push the door open
Wifey says to stay off
Ashish is almost sweating now banging the door
He says that he is sorry but she screams from inside “It’s too late Ashish”
Cut to
Night / int / appt.
Ashish & Chaitanya at the dinner table
Ashish tells Chaiitanya that he is sick of her cooking
Chaitanya says “Why don’t you cook yourself”
Ashish says “Of course I do cook, but will you ever learn to cook anything remotely edible food in this lifetime?”
Close up of a burnt roti & thick lumpy paste like Dal
Chaitanya pushes her plate and walks out
Ashish gets up & walk towards the sink & throws up
Cut to
Day / ext / park
Montage shots of:
The love birds sharing an ice cream
Ashish & Chaitanya at the park whispering sweet nothings
Walking hand in hand
Sitting at a bench
Chaitanya says “But Ashu I don’t know how to cook…”
Ashish says “Don’t worry darling, I will cook for us… as long as you love me…”
Cut to
Day / int / appt.
Close up of a ‘Divorce Notice’ lying on the center table
Ashish is prancing throughout the room very impatient
He walks up to the washroom and yells “What’s with the divorce notice?”
Chaitanya says “You asked for it!”
Ashish says “To hell with the divorce, when will you come out of the loo?”
Chaitanya says “This is my revenge… why did you lie to me before marriage?”
Ashish says “I didn’t know that you will take it so seriously”
Chaitanya says “Well now you know Mr. Ashish Jaisingh”
Cut to
Day / ext / park
Ashish is proposing to Chaitanya on his knees with a ring in his hand
Chaintanya has tears in her eyes
They hug each other
Walk out of the park into the sunset
Cut to
Day / int / apptt.
Ashish is screaming banging at the door “come out you stupid woman”
Chaitanya says “yes, i was stupid to get married to a loser-liar like you”
Ashish yells “you know I can’t use the Indian loo”
Chaitanya says “Well, this is the farewell gift Mr. Jaisingh”
Ashish gets into the Indian loo and closes the door
Sound of the flush
Fade out…
SOME LOVE STORIES HAVE S*** ON THEM
Tags: 9/11, Islam, Karan Johar, Kareena Kapoor, Kurbaan Review, Rensil D'Silva, Saif Ali Khan
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
hahahahahhahaha…..
Dude ‘Sahib Bibi aur Julaab’ deserved a separate post…….
and a sequel too…….
great post buddy….as for Kurbaan seems like its doing worse than New York when it comes to critics as well as commerce.
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*I meant it’s not its
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Commerce, yes, but professional critics loved the movie.
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‘Sahib Bibi aur Julaab’, ‘I was warned well ahead, but someone who knew my love for Nauheed Cyrusi, said she is in Kurbaan. So I kicked my ass’ & ‘Bhanumati from Bannerghatta’
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I too share you frustration. I went to the movie after reading some reviews and was so pissed off with the movie that I have started suspecting the intentions of the reviwers. Firstly Raja sen doesnt review the movie;I guess he wants to make a movie and Kjo is what he is relying on and hence doesnt want to hurt him. Rajeev masand gives 1.5 stars to Whats your rashee which was a good move but he was looking for logic in the movie.and was very scathing towards it and then he writes about kurbaa
“Credible performances from its leads, and a nail-biting screenplay make up for the plot holes that threaten to eat into this otherwise engaging film.”
BALLS TO YOU. RAJEEV.
PLOT HOLES ????? THIS WHOLE MOVIE IS FLAWED FROM START TO END.
SPOILERS FOLLOW:
firstly,Kareena never calls 911 once she runs into the house. Any person in US knows thats the numebr which you have to call when in trouble and she has worked in USA
2) she never goes to work while saif is always at work.
3) she tries to call dia mirza to inform about the bomb instead of cops.
4) Saif blasts the car and cops cannottrace the car at all ?? Are you kidding me. Before that the cops are chasing him and they do not radio the info about the car to the headquarters ??????
5) vivek knows that they are going to blast the subway stations and he knows that there are no other sleeper cells and still he is curious to know what other stations are planned. Why not inorm the cops right away about it instead of waiting to get more info. Because kareena’s backless scene comes into picture because of that. If he had informed the cops and head them raid the house they would have got the other info easily. RIDICULOUS I SAY!!!
6)shootings on the subway and subway still runs with nobodyu pulling the emergency brakes or no cops!!!
7) cops know that they are targetting the subway and still all the subways are in operation….
ad there are many others which I have no patience in writing about and RAJEEV MASAND CALLS IT COMPELLING THRILER.
I remember he saying that My name is khan will be very good because he has seen the rushes. BS at its best.
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Also what happened to Kareena’s dad back in Delhi and the Qureshi guy?
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You got it to the point.
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This one is an excuse of a movie.New York comes across as very compelling before this.had a major sense of deja vu and irritation of course while watching this.I guess its a waste of time and energy to say anything more about this.
Magik- all the best for S,B & J
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New York? Compelling??? Must then avoid Kurbaan like the plague.
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tumhara article padke mein kurbaan hua…very entertaining!!
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dude ur a pathetic attempt at a review needs a wake up call! yes it has its loopholes but at least its not preaching and dares to call a spade a spade… Its very rare in Indian movies to tell the truth and Kurbaan shows both the sides pretty neutrally…
SOmeone has said ‘Whats ur rashee’ was a good film but this is illogical… Need I say more…
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Actually, if you want that sort of stuff, watch Khuda Kay Liye. It shows both sides neutrally, has some deep insights into the whole problem, and has a brilliant human story.
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yes Khuda ke Liye is a much better film than Kurbaan… But Kurbaan is heads over heels better than crap like Ajab prem and Love Aaj kal, the so called successful films.
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awesome when you say that Kurbaan is better than some movies you listed above. Though I have not seen Ajab prem I think I can say that by far Kurbaan is the worst among all you mentioned.
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heard the blue eyed boy of PFC … ANURAG KASHYAP was also involved in script for this movie (true ?)… ha ha ha i bet i wont get to see him gettig blamed for the potholes in the movie ….. ofcourse AK ‘Sir’ ji couldnt do such a blasphemy to movie making could he ;-)))).,,,Moving to a slight tangent Didnt AK call KJo and his brady bunch mutual masturbators on this very site …. i guess people do forget the grudges when good times come and join the bandwagon, dont they ….ha ha ha ….cheers to thy o’hypocrisy …your faces are many ….
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Anurag is credited for dialogues I guess. Besides, people unite when their cinematic sensibilities match at some level. I would stay miles away from Kjo brand of movies but Wake Up Sid has changed that for me.
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Neeraj
Dont try to be diplomatic, cinematic sensibilities. Money is something, which can bend the biggest of minds !!
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DA
You hit the right note. People in politics and Films are the most hypocrite. So dont bother yourself about it.
Listen the song form AKs latest movie Paisaa paisaa. It fits perfectly for the two communities !
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Heh! It’s ironic that somewhere on this blog itself AK once called Indians hypocrite.
I’ve nothing against it but before generalizing something one should look in one’s own girebaan.
In fact I found Khalid Mohamed’s comment more suitable when he had said recently that in film line 2 and 2 doesn’t make 4 always.
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I remember another incident and would like to bring in notice. once Anurag K has written a piece thrashing PVR and multiplex people against an incident when a couple of people were declined a show because of poor attendance, it was posted on PFC but was taken off immediately , reason, for PVR cinemas is one of the sponsors of the blog.
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What’s your point? That the guy is facing censorship?
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My point is when there is MONEY thing involved , one keeps aside his so called idealogy. Had PVR not been a sponsored blog , that post wud not hv been deleted ?
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OH, you’re indicting PFC here, making a more general point. Now I get it.
I’m fine with you guys accusing AK, but this one seemed utterly pointless, since it wasn’t his bad.
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Unless you’re saying AK himself took down his post. I doubt he had a choice.
Why don’t these things occur to me.
In either case, your point is appreciated, and I look forward to seeing which one it is.
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Yaar Ronak, put 2 and 2 together. He is neither accusing PFC nor AK. He is just indicating the power of money.
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Jahanpanah … you reminded ‘film line mei 2+2 doesnt make 4 aur ab bolte ho do 2+2 on cinema blog… blasphemy !!
(aise just kidding 
, saw both ur responses one after the other… aaj bahut 2 2 ka mood…. whats up sir…. CAT GMAT ki padhai ho rahee hai kya?)
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@PS
Ye 2+2=4 maine aapse he seekha hai. Aapne he apne kisi comment mein iska jikra kiya tha. Mujhe usi ki yaad aa gayi thi wo comment likhte samay.
…
No yaar, no CAT or GMAT as of now. I made a comment about 2+2 earlier so thought of using the same in this context also.
And yea, I love Mathematics.
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He is saying that someone fell under that power, didn’t he?
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He had wrong idea about the whole incident but what he said about the ideology is correct.
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Correction Yaatri. No one sponsors to run PFC. PVR had a series of blogs for their product that they paid for and that was that. Sponsored blogs are blogs that are paid for to promote a product or service on PFC, this helps us cover our costs. Regarding your concept about why the blog was taken off it can best be answered by the people involved. Lastly, it was not PVR, but Fame Nakshatra.
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Yaatri, I cant believe you would comment even when you dont have full knowledge. I will use your own example to prove you incorrect. Anurag had received a letter from someone explaining what this person went through at Fame Nakshatra. Ghabricha paus, a marathi film was being shown but the theatre folks didnt show the film even when there were more than enough people to run the show. The guy who went through this had this to say right here on PFC: “I had went for 7.45 show at fame nakshatra, at Dadar.We had arrived around 6 ,but they refused to issue us tickets,saying they will start show only if there are 15 people.Around 7.30, there were 20 people, when we asked them to issue the tickets.They said,they had cancelled show due to low occupancy.This inspite of the fact,that around 10 people we ready to but tickets at 6 pm.They turned away people who turned up at 6,they will issue tickets at 7.30.
The Manager, came around 8 after much persuasion,instead of starting the show, he told he had cancelled the show as not a single ticket has been issued.When we pointed out to him that the staff were not ready issue tickets.He said that he was not aware of that, he could not start the show, as he had to keep in mind interval, when people said they would watch movie without interval
he said 15 minutes of advertisement was important to him, that some stupid movie,which according to him would be anyway pulled of in one week. ”
.
Anurag wrote a post on boycotting fame nakshatra because he wanted small regional cinema to be seen by all. He has written 2 posts himself on the film which I am sure you havent even seen it. He has written extensively about small little films. Now, he is not getting any money out of it. You know why he did that? Because of the same reason why anyone comes to this blog: Passion for cinema. I dont blame you because you were ignorant but I suggest you make an effort and bring an informed point of view.
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So, why was it pulled off? Or was it pulled off?
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Gade murde ukhadne se kya faayeda.
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Because it became a non-story. The parties had a private meeting and came to a private resolution. Because none of the involved parties would comment on it publically and no one wanted to write a follow-up blog post, it became an incomplete, one-sided story.
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Wierd mate DA… collaborations happen … and movies are made… Kurbaan as much as it is being criticised, was to the point and hard hitting, aur uske liye bhi gurda chahiye, irrespective of whether it appeals to you or not… FYI, I gues he is also playing a child abuser in Onir’s next movie… do you think he subscribes to that idea as well???
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anyways I have nothing against Kashyap and liked most of his work, but I am amazed that these questions arise today about him… not when he continuosly made bones about his struggles and problems he faced… nonetheless everybody does, and similarly Kashyap did, and of course he just put them up …. but why were there so many worshippers, he didnt ask for them… and finally Anurag kashyap has reached the point of mass celebrity, toh chalo, now lets de-construct him… what crap ya…. sawaal ya toh tabhi utha lene the, when his struggles made him carry the roark image …
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No I am not trying to pull down AK neither I can. I was trying to establish the influence of Money and Power.
Regarding that PVR blog, I take my words back if that was FAME, I might be wrong.
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I think we established that you are wrong. It was Fame. Do a quick Internet search, the boycot buttons created by PFC readers are still floating around on various Web sites…
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“might be wrong”?
You ‘ARE’ wrong, there is a difference between Fame and PVR based on which your conspiracy theory is based upon.
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Chal koi nahi yaatri … ho gaya…. but I stil wouldn’t agree 100% on money and power deal… ideology or own distinct style makes one popular, thats what one is paid for and given that power… jis din somebody loses their ideology for money and power then they lose it all … personally I’d say even if people like say AK or Vishal B make one or 2 om shanti oms an year make tons of moolah, and then make the other smaller but stronger movies in the following years wo the botherance of them failing… fair enuf na… whats says?
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You said it
“ersonally I’d say even if people like say AK or Vishal B make one or 2 om shanti oms an year make tons of moolah, and then make the other smaller but stronger movies in the following years wo the botherance of them failing… fair enuf na”
fair enough, and inference is because of MONEY thing, they agree to lower their standards and their ideologies. That was my point.
I had met Anurag once an he strongly said that he has written a few films just for monetary benefit.
On the same note, If YASH Chopra asks some director to direct a film , do you think anyone is Industry has courage to negotiate terms with him. My little understanding of cinema says “NO”.
Only a Gulzar saab can say NO and walk off from Billu Barber and not changing his lines, but these are one offbeat exaamples.
Last but not the least , I am not tyring to stretching the discussion.
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“fair enough, and inference is because of MONEY thing, they agree to lower their standards and their ideologies. That was my point.
I had met Anurag once an he strongly said that he has written a few films just for monetary benefit.”
Anurag is playing a pedophile child abuser in Onir’s film. Nobody wanted to do it. Anurag has been a victim himself but he still did the role because nobody is taking up this role and he thought this story ought to be told.
He writes a Jhoom Barabar Jhoom to earn money to fund his dear projects. In the same way that you are using precious *paid* office time to read this post and comment. Why? because you love cinema, dont you?
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@Neeraj
Yes, and that makes me and AK equally passionate about their passion.
I love your point , thanks
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+1 to the review …the movie is way too bad
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The Julaab story is hillarious…
It’s better than the movie.
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thanks guys. if all goes well, Sahib, Bibi Aur Julaab will premiere on apna PFC. Cheerz!
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The poster for SBJ was super cool, da! Good Watchmen/Rapidex English Speaking Course cover page/pulp homage there!
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What’s ‘apna PFC’?
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Hilarious and mean!! Comme d’habitude!!! What the bleep!! keep teh shit hitting the fan!!!
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seriously such complex issues needs a serious and honest efforts not ones where bare back of heroine is tauted as USP of movie.
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http://www.thevigilidiot.com/2009/11/21/kurbaan/
Supercool!!
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Indian loos dont have flush! Whats with Keyrun Rao. Something about Aamir’s wife?
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Sorry about Keyrun Rao! Only when I saw the PFC one submissions did I realize that its an actual name
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loved the ‘non-linear’ narration of julaab buddy … kudos
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a very entertaining and true article and an interesting story too!! ek par ek free!! ;)
nice job buddy
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Thanks guys… working on sahib bibi …. hope it works out well.
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