Schrödinger’s Cat
This was the summer of 2003.
I hated the afternoons. Weekday afternoons were the times I would feel very lonely and frustrated. My wife would leave for office early in the morning and would come back late in the evening. The BBC World office was still at Nariman Point then and we lived in the suburbs. Though there were people in the house, it made no difference to my sense of desolation, especially during these stifling afternoons. For, I had reached a complete dead end. There was no new phone number in my dairy where I could still call and ask for an audience. I had no money. For, we were still reeling under the losses we incurred in a (tele)film we produced some time ago, something my wife had repeatedly warned me against (more about this, later).
And the sense of pity I saw growing in my parents’ eyes every time they peeped through the bedroom door to see if I needed something or my son needed something. My son was one and a half years old then and I would take care of him during the afternoons – Feeds to putting to sleep to changing nappies – the works. And in between, I would also sit on my comp and try to write – and most of the times doze off trying to think, which one to write. Stories and ideas would constantly pop in my head like pop corn, but I didn’t know what to do with them anymore. I would write some of them down, the rest I would forget in ten minutes and the ones I wrote down, I would never find them again because I would write them down on the edges of newspapers, or on the back of credit card bill envelopes… things like that – extremely messy and getting messier by the day.
When things began to get really unbearable, I started spending some of my afternoons at my friend, Shanker’s house. Many of you would know him as the DoP of the film, ‘Frozen’. My wife was then running the family, paying up for my expensive misadventure (the telefilm which I’ll talk about later) and also trying to settle down at the BBC World after she rejoined them with a pay-cut and position relegation after her intermediate start-up company job had suddenly gone as they shut shop like many others did, during the recession that raged then. So with her so pressed against the wall, I couldn’t think of even a trek in some wilderness to sort my head. I had to be there and do my bit and continue to do it and yet maintain sanity for myself and my family. Afternoons with Shanker were the only things I could afford – smoke endlessly and dream in his comforting, unobtrusive presence.
Shanker had just acquired a PD 150 camera then. He treated it like a toy. He would show me unbelievable images he’d capture from all around, and would also fill me up with hajaar stories about how people were making films with this thing, around the world. He wasn’t so busy those days. So one day, with a lot of trepidation I asked Shanker if he would agree to shoot a film for me with that camera. He knew my situation so the trepidation was not about him saying ‘no’ for a free job or for asking me money… It was because if he said ‘yes’, it would mean action, and I didn’t know if I had anything left in me to collect and begin somewhere again. Very guarded, he asked me, “What do you want to shoot?” I told him there were two options. One was a short about a bad day in a hooker’s life and another was a feature length film about the corporate burnout syndrome. He didn’t care about the stories but he was clear. “We’ll do the feature.” he said. And I didn’t know sitting there that moment then, that after six years I would be writing about that moment in a PFC blog here!
Shanker’s enthusiasm of that instant fuelled a film which finally got made and will forever be known as my debut feature.
But how did a BE, MBA, film greenhorn like me with no prior film education, appreciation or experience reach this point of suicidal (not in the real sense) dementia?
In my next post.
Tags: debut, Struggle
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Corporate Burnout Syndrome! Darn – you’re at home on PFC then! Welcome aboard
Wow!welcome to PFC Sarthak.It would be great to know about your journey.I can assure you that there are lots of people like you with a similar dilemma and it will be a big inspiration indeed.
hey sethu, thanks. if u are sure, the dilemma reduces a lot. but that said, it was a very foolhardy step that i took. from my next posts you shall know.
i could have completely lost the battle. i still don’t know if i have.
Keep it coming Sarthak.. Inspiring Stuff
thanks gotti. didn’t know u were following this too
Welcome aboard, Sarthak. A true heartfelt first post, and as all good posts, you have left me wanting for more…
BE, MBA, Filmmaker, Corporate burnout..all sounds fascinating. Give me more :-)
more is on its way friend. thanks.
Welcome to PFC and waiting for the next chapter!!!
sure vp. on its way. thanks
Me too B.E & MBA… your journey is inspiring and scary at the same time. Guess over-educated unfortunates like us suffer more while struggling coz we are constantly reminded of the opportunity cost..
Welcome aboard sir. I kind of remember interacting with you on Orkut few years back, (thanks to the taste in music we share).. Anyways, the question I asked then, perhaps, you’ll answer in your next post…. The Great Indian Butterfly… its been a long wait..
yes i remember the interation too. wassup with you??
Welcome and good luck.
Welcome to pfc!
Nice heartfelt post. Looking forward to your next post
Welcome to PFC, Sarthak. Waiting to read more about how you made your movie!
Welcome to PFC, Sarthakda! Do carry on with your story. Very inspiring.
Welcome to PFC.
thanks tushar, neeraja, arun, kenny and wb. how sweet of you to comment on my lil post.
Hey…if I remember correctly, I have seen the posters of ‘The Great Indian Butterfly’ in an office in Juhu (Janki Kutir)…and I was fascinated by the name as well as the posters of the film. That was in 2006 I think.
Where is the film? (Guess i should wait patiently for your next post.)
yes varun, you have seen it at the wsg pictures office. my film was stuck there for a year before it moved from there. will write about that ordeal too in the due course.
Welcome at PFC Sarthak… but plz bring your next post soon bcoz you have create lot of curiosity that waiting would be a tough task. Your condition seems to similar with many other people, therefore it could prove to be a good inspirational tonic for similar people like you. Come back soon…
sir, my next post has been sent to pfc for uploading. thanks for ur interest.
hmmm…the great indian butterfly
waiting for the rest.
Oye…Sarthak…Sahi!!!
Guys apart from being a good filmmaker Sarthak is a gem of a person and a great friend.
The moments in last five years when both of us kept pushing and encouraging each other are always cherished by me.
Boss your time has come.
Congrats and Best of Luck!!!
thanks shivajee. those 5 years probably will never come back for us. should we be sad or happy?
Welcome to PFC Sarthak!
You have chosen a very intriguing name for your debut film and one of the greatest paradoxes has been chosen for the title of your first post. Seems to put you in a hatke league from the word go!
Waiting for your future posts to unfold.
thanks sudhir. we film makers are like god’s thought experiment. he leaves us in a box and as he wonders if we are dead or alive, we go through hundreds of deaths and rebirths. but we ultimately live to tell the tale. thanks for your interest.
Whats’ the meaning of the title ??
Schrödinger ki billi
Yeh google google kya hain yeh google google? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schr%C3%B6dinger%27s_cat_in_popular_culture
hansi aa to sakti thi par aayi nahi…
I read your post last night and then felt this extreme uneasiness. I couldnt stop thinking about it. I am sailing the same as boat as you were some 8 years back. BE, MBA and the corporate burnout is happening steadily too. I have the same questions as you sought. I simply cannot wait to see your next post. I am interested in knowing how your transition happened from being the corporate guy to being behind the camera. I know its tough, I keep thinking about making that transition happen all the time. I dont care about myself that much but care about the way my folks would react. Its tough see them worrying about me, leaving a good job and joining this revolution. Somedays, I feel I’d just pick up a camera and start writing a script or start assisting someone. I also know that it is easier said than done. I am looking forward to a lot of answers from your subsequent posts that would REALLY help me.
don’t assist. watch a lot and dream a lot. hope my subsequent posts show you some path. if they don’t u r most welcome to get in touch with me. it will be a pleasure to deliberate on your unique situation and find a way.
gawdawesome! it ended before it began… put up the next post pronto. waiting to hear more on this… please. welcome to pfc. congrats, best lucks n a lil more. chak de!
thanks magic. i didn’t know where to stop my first post. was worried that it might get boring.
I guess you must be thankful to your wife for the support when you needed it.
Looking for more- let the cat out of the bag of thought
oh she has taken a LOT of shit for this dream of mine to come true. without her i would’ve been nowhere.
Good post to kick start. Will be waiting for your next post!
A great beginning on PFC! Welcome and we await your next post!
thanks cherish and D&C
gawdawesome! it ended before it began… put up the next post pronto. waiting to hear more on this…
Abe Magik! Mere baad likh na! I think like you! Or you think like me!
hahaha! dunno aisa kyu hota hai hamesha!
http://www.linkedin.com/in/sarthakdasgupta
Sarthak was at SEBI, then ZEE. So ZEE was his entry into the media sector.
baapre. nowhere to hide on the www highway ;)
Yeah, as Vinay said, it ended before it started. Waiting for the next!
very soon, nirad. thank you.
welcome aboard sarthak…looking forward to your next post..jaldi karo
hi vinay. thank you so much. the next one has been sent to pfc hq. waiting to be uploaded.
Hi Sarthak, welcome aboard. Make yourself comfortable and tell us your story. We’re all ears. A word of advice though, try clubbing your replies in a couple of posts. Answering every comment individually makes it a little tedious for the viewer to scroll up and down
Sarthak!!! Mazaa aa gaya… kasam se!
Nice one bro:) Cheers
need 2nd part soon!
Welcome Sarthak!!
I had seen your feature film at the Osian last year and found it an interesting piece of work. Waiting for its release, all the best.
Waiting for your next post. It’s because of these stories that people like me find courage to dream and dream BIG.
I loved the story and a few wallpapers of TGIB available on net.
Quite promising. Looking forward to hear more from you.
Would not say it a post but a state of mind…aw…existence many like minded thrive in.Well compiled and the next bit awaited.
What does it mean by ‘Scrodinger’s Cat’? Can somebody explain
Hi Sarthak, I can co-relate your nostalgic post. Looking forward to travel with you in Space and time of how TGIB germinated from your grey cell to celluloid ( oops… we are in digital cinema so BITS and BYES)
Ah, at last I am able to read you. Having been away from a laptop over the past few days, it was not possible for me but…so very nice to see your adrenalin…rock on buddy!!
Hi Sarthak Sir, Keep the blogs coming… You are an inspiration for all of us, who still don’t have the guts to jump without a parachute……
Well!!! Very touchy… Every hurdle makes you love more your final-final thing… (I want my wife to read this.. Masterpiece!!!)
Wish u luck…
Next Project!!! we’re doing it together … And you don’t need to ask me for that…
Thanks to the change of audience behavior for the Indian cinema……Now, they are educated enough to welcome the masterwork like TGIB…..even the big producers’ are running after the scripts like TGIB. Now they are really crazy to take the Indian cinema to the global audiences. And, spade-a-spade speaking TGIB is going to be a milestone for it. Wish you a great success…..Dada.