Some Luck!
iView Author: Rahul Surendran (Cochin, India)
Email: withheld
Some Luck!
Prologue :
A laid back Friday afternoon at office.
Rather free of work and three of us, teammates, sat together,chairs arranged in a circle, chatting. A short film was on our radars for sometime now, and the discussion was centered around the idea.
Exceptional procrastinators that we are, the film hasn’t yet materialized. Even the script hasn’t. Even the story hasn’t. Ideas are galore – Dowry,AIDS,social equality,starvation, premarital sex, divorce. The cliched list of themes stretched out endlessly, spoiling us for choice.
While telling a tale, your own experience is the greatest resource to draw from. Software engineers are perhaps the species most cocooned from the social eye, and hence we have little or few incidents to draw inspiration from, to make a socially relevant film. Maybe we should go out into the open. Observe. Imbibe. I have lost count of how many times we have talked this out between us. Still, the talk kept on hovering over the oft-trod routes, when my manager suddenly rang me up.
There was a bug reported in the unit that I had developed. A bug on any day is a big scare, and a bug on Friday evenings is a scariest nightmare. The chit-chat fizzed out, the laid-back air lifted, customary tension reigned. I was almost a neurotic wreck by the end of the day, but somehow, a story-line had popped up inside me. Like a just-sprouted stray mushroom. Like a bright, bright lining in a dark, dark cloud.
We discussed it that night over dinner. I stayed up longer than usual and wrote it down. Discussed it over breakfast and the idea got passed. Almost unequivocally. Nothing great, maybe too far-fetched a story, but at least we had something tangible on our hands. A short 30-minute film, finally could be on. Moreover, the protagonist was a software engineer and we could draw deep from our vast, wretched, software experiences.
That’s how this post resulted. And here it is :
SOME LUCK!
Scene 1
4:30 PM
Sreehari’s Office
Sreehari sits facing the computer, tense, veins distending on his forehead, sweating in spite of the air-conditioning. The problem reported in his code had huge impacts and could incur huge financial losses for the client of the software firm for whom he was working for.
The client was one of the biggest privatized banks in the country.
The bank people had already kicked up a huge ruckus. The issue had already been escalated to the top management of the company.
And he was solely responsible.
Damn. What a horrible time for the issue to crop up, he thinks, with just a month more to go for the probation period to get over. The whole thing could even affect his confirmation.
Then, the cell phone rings. It’s Mom.
“Sreehari”, says Mom, endearingly. “That girl’s mother hasn’t responded yet….”
He was already into his third unsuccessful year of girl-hunting. This one suited him to a T; the horror-scopes gave in too. He wished her family would be as interested as he was.
Horrible day.
“Too bad. I’ll call you later Mom”, he tells. “Very busy now.” He disconnects the call.
Then, he nose-dives into the task at hand, frowning at the monitor, taking occasional sips of cold water, and furiously massaging his aching temples.
Scene 2
6:30 PM
Sreehari’s Office
Two tense hours whizz past, in a flurry of intense activity.
Then Sreehari goes out, has a smoke, comes back and strides confidently towards his Manager’s cubicle.
There is no tension now. Cool and composed, with an air of a person who was unjustly convicted, he starts to speak.
The issue reported has nothing to do with his code, which is working perfectly. Pucca.
All the fuss was a result of a mistake by some ignoramus dealer at the bank, who knows nothing about software. God help these fools!
The manager is happy. He realizes that he wouldn’t get the firing that he dreaded, congratulates Sreehari profusely and rings up the client, the Bank.
The manager waxes eloquent on the quality of his product, and on how unlikely it was for bugs to be found in the system.
Buoyed by Sreehari’s discovery, he even audaciously suggests to the bank that they employ people who are better trained so as to prevent such confusion in the future.
To which, the bank agrees and they also furnish their embarrassed apologies.
In the meanwhile, Sreehari packs his belongings and starts to leave home. The girl’s family must have called Mom by now, he hopes.
He rings up Mom, she doesn’t pick the phone. Must have gone to the temple, he guesses.
Feeling relaxed, he switches on the car stereo, and drives back home.
Scene 3
8:00 PM
Sreehari’s Home
A bit of shopping and Sreehari is back home. Mom has reached back as well.
“Did they call, Mom?” He asks.
Mom answers in the negative.
“Why don’t we call them up?” He pesters.
“I will call them now, then.” Mom consents, looks up the number from the directory as Sreehari waits by her side.
She finds the number and proceeds to dial.
Scene 4
8:05 PM
Sreehari’s Home
“We had come across your daughter’s profile in the matrimony site…” she says. “Wanted to know your reply…”
There is a click at the other end, and then the line goes dead. Mom places the receiver into the cradle.
“The girl’s brother says they are not interested.” Mom says with a tinge of sadness in her voice.
She feels for her son. She knows that her son had really wished that this proposal would go through.
Sreehari has a cup of tea, a quick bath and then climbs upstairs into his room, hiding his disappointment. He tries to get it out of his mind, but cannot.
He wonders what could be wrong, but he is not able to figure out.
He then locks the door, plays his favorite movie on the computer, and sits idly, smoking, cigarette after cigarette.
Scene 5
Ten Minutes Ago
Lakshmi’s Home
Lakshmi and her Mother looks up at her brother Vimal, who has come back from work.
He looks distraught.
They anxiously enquire and come to know that he was fired by the bank for which he worked as a contract employee.
“Initially I thought that it was the mistake of the software people”, he said, wiping the sweat off his brow. “Then they realized it was my mistake, and my contract was terminated.” He sinks into the chair, devastated.
The three of them sit around in a circle, immensely worried, pondering over what could be done. The job loss is a big blow. More so, in these times of recession. And he being the sole breadwinner in the family.
Scene 6
8:05 PM
Lakshmi’s Home
Then the phone rings, its shrill tones cutting through the silence of the room. Vimal gets up, and picks up the phone.
At the other end is the mother of the guy from whom Lakshmi had received a proposal last week.
“We can’t proceed right now”, Vimal mutters into the phone, in a dejected tone, “We are sorry.”
Then he disconnects the line.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Personal Story?
I wished the ending could have been a bit meatfull, was a tad abrupt. But, loved how the story changed moods throughout. Really liked the overall effort. Nice!
@OM :D It isn’t fully personal-Office/Marriage plans etc are there.. But the repurcussions of my work are fully fictional…
@Tanul : Thanks mate, the abrupt ending is an aspect of my writing that I am working on..somehow can’t improve :(
great effort. duniya gol hai. now shoot this. good news is that u can show the smoking scenes too… the union minister doesn’t mind. what i also think is that u can make a bloody dhai ghante ka film if u guys put ur heads together. something like the initial films of NageshK. Give it a thought! Of course Sreehari is wid u… am sure something great might come out. when r u shooting?
thnx magik.. Am Honored :D
We might give it a try in July – but honestly, I dont trust myself to be enterprising enough..
Btw, did you mean our PFC Sreehari? :P
What is the meaning of making a film without a story! Irony is a must in a story. But good work has to be rewarded not punished! Doesnt have meat! An article in a blog is awrite, but not meaty to make a film!
Hey am sorry. On second thots, its a very good story. Didnt mean to demoralize!
Vinay, What transpired between 11:09 and 11:10, for that volte-face ..? :D
np, No question of me getting demoralized..
i just meant it to be a 20-30 minute short film
and btw, irony is essential,yes. I thought there was irony in this too -
[The protagonist, in the process of saving his own face, inadvertently plotted the job-loss of the brother of the girl..]
hmm..did i get it wrong there? Somebody, advice!
A short movie Right Here Right Now.A tale of karmic redemption. Nice movie
It follows a longer path of how ones action affect the other and finally come back a full circle
you can watch it here.
http://www.rajshri.com/preview.aspx?cntid=3430
May provide some inspiration.
Good one
forgot to mention nice start keep trying.
@ Rahul- liked the concept- it can certainly make an impactful short film.
Hows this suggestion-
as scene 6 gets over( after Vimal disconnects the line ), split the screen into 2 frames – one one side you show Sreehari smoking away & frustrated and on the other- you show Vimal- slouched near the phone and completely low
@Sethu chettan – thanks..aa suggestion kollam..nice way to end it!
will pass on to the technical guy.. ;)
@Vikram – thanks mate for the comment
@Nick – thanks again..the link is blocked here at office :( will watch that later for sure..
@ Rahul-
hmm technical guy, appo veliya team aanelle?
Glad you liked the idea.
can get back with more inputs if you want later on.shooting evide aaayirikkum?
ayyyoo teamo..allaa..eniku camerayude/screeninte kundamandikal onnum ariyan mela, athu ariyunna oru friendine technical guy ennu vilichu athre ullu :D
we will be shooting ( if at all everything works out :P ) in cochin itself, where are u from?
@ Rahul-
aha!sambhavam pidi kitti
I’m an NRK ( Non Resident Keralite
)- roots are from Palakkad, but lived all over India.Currently in A.P but- in a transition stage now. if all goes well I’ll be relocating slightly later this month.
Great Story, but does not have potential for short film, if you are suggesting 20 mins , then rework purely base don personal experiences.
yaar… love ka angle daalo is mein… apna hero should be in love wid laxmi… after lot of maara-maari their love marriage shud get arranged and then this shud happen… hero loves heroine. affair chaaloo hai… they decide to get married… hero hasnt met wid heroine’s family… u gettin the drift… damn, the story is stuck on me… hey and i did mean our PFC Sreehari… isn’t he the guy? my bad! anyways… my filmi mind is ticking…
@Cinemaushar – bhai..magik’s suggestion I guess would go down well with you? :D
Hmm that will add a bit more spice..but haven’t we grown up seeing love triumphing? :P Arranged marriage means the bro of the gal would hav more of a say in things.. ;) na?
Revert..
@Cinemaushar – bhai..magik’s suggestion I guess would go down well with you?
@Magic – Hmm that will add a bit more spice..but haven’t we grown up seeing love triumphing? Arranged marriage means the bro of the gal would hav more of a say in things.. na?
Revert..
@ Rahul,Magik-
mere ek paas ek aur idea hai.
Let the love ka angle be there, but in a diff way.
Keep the story as it is and after scene 6 and my suggested 2 frames of Vimal & Sreehari, go on to then bring up situations where both Sreehari & Laxmi fall in love.maybe u can show it in such a way that they start loving each other and think that this is a new phase in their life ( ignore the photo/name etc ) anyways they had never met each other for a formal ladki dekhna ceremony right? and well into their romance they discover there is a connection from earlier- now @ this stage there has 2 be another twist.
Think of it- but of course all this will make it a full length movie of some 90-100 mins for sure.
love triumphing??? ghantaa!!! last mein waat lag gayi na hero ki… anti-climax hai na bhai… ok, lets try this… hero-heroine love is blooming, parents unaware… apna s/ware hero gets an opportunity to go on-site / videsh. due to this the urgency to marry comes. cut to girl drops bomb at home. heroine parents ask for horrorscope. so in that case hero hasnt actually met his hone-wala saala… u think, am thinking too! picture banao yaar!
Abe Magik tune mera wala comment pada hi nahin.
I think we both were probably thinking & typing @ the same time
begaani shadi mein abdullah deewana, but aise filmi talks mein i get too excited… a thought just passed my filmi khopdi-ki-jhopdi, if need be, i can be there while u shoot this. of course if u dont mind it. :-) also, hero-heroine ko south indian mat banao… it tends to become caricaturish, also you lose out on a huge market up north. to improve the connect the hero, rahul, raj or rohan can be a north indian who is in south india due to a job… just thinking aloud. soch soch, bheja kharoch!
to make matters worse, hero-heroine in same office, their boss maaroing chance on the heroine and arm-twisting office policies to keep the romeo-juliet away….
aur soch, aur bheja kharoch!
potential name: Love Mein Locha!
can u mail me ur id, i will make a dummy poster for you… it helps while developing the script.
damn y the hell am i getting all excited?
i like that.
nice short story.
gosh! Is my first baby becoming a joke :D
@Rahul,
Do not worry ,magik’s suggestion are better but then i think it would suit for a bigger bollywood film.
See i am point there was nothing wrong about the script, but the way it is written, the way itis a great short story.Just take a break for week, then read the story, try to visualise and think if you would want to see some thing like this.
@mAGIK,
Is the poster option open for me, i will mail you the promo of my short film to you then.
@cinemausher
Hehe yeah.. I am primarily a writer..my first passion is writing ..so ur comments abt it eing a good story gladdened me ..
I got ur point.. Maybe i will rework the idea based on feedback by my friends who are more into the film-line..
I really liked this one. But, just some things. I think progression in writing, or progression in expressing your thoughts is all about killing everything that you have loved hitherto. I used to be very “high” on irony at one point. But, later you realize that in life not everything has an end-to-end connectivity. Certain things are meant to float around merrily. But even these loose ends should say something; about human nature, about the way we perceive art or whatever. I think Truffaut was a master at that. Just watch those opening sequences of “Shoot the Piano Player” and you will probably understand what I am saying..
And yeah, “cinematic viability” should be your prerogative and not somebody else’s. That “artistic arrogance” is very important. You want to make a short out of it, go make it. Fuck everybody who think otherwise..
:D sreehari..i was waiting for ur comment..its so insightful as always, thanks..
It was an googleing of thoovanathumbikal, accidentally which led me to ur post and thereby to PFC.
That post, it just glued me on to this site.
And that’s why the hero was named Sreehari..now, isnt that flattering, mate? :P
Btw, yeah the story will of course remain unaltered(its my own baby),
but the short film side, I am open to suggestions…and feedbacks.. so maybe I wouldn’t fuck everyone who thinks otherwise ( atleast for this post, hehe)
oops. guess i went overboard with my filmi enthusiasm. will refrain henceforth.
It is a neat little story. But if you are filming it, please make it just 10-12 minutes (max). There isn’t enough here for 20, let alone 30 minutes.
@magik..noo pls dont stop..u were the livewire.. :D
@shripriya – this is jst the skeleton story, this isnt the entire script as such..
vimal ke bhai ka role magik bhaiya ko de do !!! lol
To me the script started taking pace.. individual characters tend to come into focus but before they actually blend with the plot they just lost somewhere..
Its a nice start or skeleton(as u put it), but may need to refine it even for a 15mins shoot…
Rahul- You can’t shoot what you have written; atleast the way it is written currently. You have to write it better to be able to communicate via actions and dialogue.
.
There are huge problems in Scene One. How will you communicate everything you have written there via action and dialogue? Is it going to be a Voice-over or two colleagues discussing about Sreehari’s problems? Plus why would his mom call up to say the girl’s parents haven’t responded? The dialogues need to be fleshed out.
.
The story has a lot of potential to be fleshed out into a full length script. All the best! One humble suggestion- Maybe you can start with an email from Vimal telling Sreehari that there’s a problem in his code or something…that ties both Sreehari and Vimal together…
@dazednconfused
Thanks mate for ur interest..Good questions.
I just wrote this story down.Yeah there have to be dialogues with some additional characters to tell the viewer about Sreehari’s problems.
Regding the Mom’s call, she mite hav called for something else, the way moms call..:D..and then Sreehari asks abt the proposal and then Mom replies. Could be that way..
This is why i maintained that this is just a skeleton, not a screenplay..
Expansion and working-on wud be required of course..this is the story, as i wud like to publish may be in a book..
Regarding tying up Vimal and Sreehari, I felt that it would give audience a sniff of what is to come..maybe dilute the suspense..i dont know..jst felt that way..
@Rahul…good that you wrote down what you needed to say…I would not call this script exceptional..but it takes some conviction to put down thoughts in a structured manner…and definitely seeks encouragement and constructive criticism…
I like the basic idea, though it is not entirely new.. ‘unknowingly plotting ones own misery’..Karmic cycle..reap what you sow..
Some basic things that make this one a bit less interesting is that…
1) Sreehari is morally correct when he points out Vimals mistake with the software user bungling up..so he does not take gain any undue advantage at the cost of Vimal…
2) There is no reason why Sreehari should be so interested in Lakshmi’s proposal
3) Why should Vimal not proceed with the proposal if he is not employed…loosing a job is not a big thing in todays world..Moreover, I dont know if marriages will be fixed and conducted a week’s time…He can always search another job…and meanwhile continue the proposal…Moreover, as Sreehari’s mother called this side..means they are really interested and might even go ahead despite Vimals position
I understand, you took up a setting which is contemporary and comfortable to you…but would have preferred if more research, reading and observation was seen in what is written…
A great start …I would definitely expect much better and detailed stuff from your side next time around…
:D Great comment ..Ram sir..
Ya, the point-1 is something I also wondered about..I even thought of saying that Sreehari knowingly transferred the blame to Vimal..But that would leave Vimal totally innocent..so dropped that..That is a flaw there..I agree 100%
->But points 2,3 i tend to disagree
-if I was Vimal, i would have surely not gone ahead..call it unreasonable pride or whatever..i wouldnt go on if i wasnt sure that i cud do everything myself..without support from another person..;)
-And Sreehari is so interested coz its the first time that everything matches,and he too likes the girl fully..btw..:D..I am currently in this situation now with a proposal, cant proceed due to some personal reasons..
and tnx again..I feel good that this humble first post received this attention :D
Loved it!
Have you thought about how you will bring out things like “He was already into his third unsuccessful year of girl-hunting” on the screen?
@neeraja — thanks a lot buddy, cant it be thru a dialogue b/w sreehari and his friend ( who is not in this story of course, while they smoke after fixing the issue :D)
err I didn’t have any suggestion in mind when I wrote that
Conversation with friend sounds alright.
Rahul.. great story.. nice suspense..
maybe cud have been a bit more detailed..
good start, keep going..
arre bhaiyya kya hai isme ? max 3 minute of screentime. some cliched marriage conversations between one southie mom & one southie son. minor twist. twist is nice. but that’s all. aur ye kaisa naam hai sreehari vimal ? suiting shirting ka naam character ko de diya ? arre bhaiyya pickchar log kaiko dekhte ? to think about bank software finance bug ?? ye to roj ka boring topic hai na ? nakko re. tu tv serial mentality se door bhag mere baap. pickchar banane ka. hero heroine villain lifeanddeath stake tashni locashun glamour babe fast car usko bolte pickchar. ye to aise hi rojmarra conversation hai na ? usko koun dekne wala hai ? youtube main 3 minute ka free main dekne wala clip hai ye to. zara sochne ka.
hey!
Loved it. nice story. :D i would like to see the screenplay here on PFC as well , soon..