The Adventures of Pappu and Pappi
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FADE IN
Text on screen reads: “10 years ago”
EXT – CINEMA HALL IN SUBURBAN MUMBAI – NIGHT
Pappu and Pappi are two amongst hundreds of people trickling out of the cinema hall. They light a cigarette and lazily stroll toward their bikes.
Pappu
Picture kaisi lagi re? [What'd you think of the film?]
Pappi
Sahi thi boss… gaane achche the, acting solid thi, heroine tho kya mast item thi. Paisa vasool ho gayela, tho dil khush ho gayela. Bas, aur kya mangta hai? [Loved it... nice songs, good acting, the heroine was hot. I got my money's worth. What more can one ask for?]
Pappu
Zindagi mein ek baar Switzerland jaana mangta hai. Saala baraf mein kabhi nahi khela hai yaar. [I wanna go to Switzerland, just once. I've never played in the snow.]
Pappi
Tho honeymoon ke liye chale jaana. [Go for your honeymoon then.]
Pappu’s eyes light up as he envisions playing around in the snow with a beautiful sari-clad wife, a la film-they-just-watched.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
Text on screen reads: “Present Day”
EXT – CINEMA HALL IN SUBURBAN MUMBAI – NIGHT
The same scene replays in present day, except Pappu is now walking to his Mercedes and Pappi to his Opel. They’ve just finished watching “Jazz Off?”
Pappu
So what’d you think?
Pappi
Dude, are you kidding me? What a fuckall film. You call that lyrics? How about the music? That ain’t jazz!! Talk about fake and fucking pseudo-intellectual assholes trying to stylize jazz like that. It was a slap on the face of jazz music.
Pappu
Really? What do you know about jazz and lyrics?
Pappi
That’s besides the point. I don’t need to know anything to critique it. I’m paying the money to watch the movie, aren’t I?
Pappu
Well, maybe they were trying to reach the masses. It’s hard enough to come by a film these days that’s barely a good watch in the theatres. I for one got my money’s worth. Isn’t that important? Isn’t that what it used to be about?
Pappi
You need to watch Faronofski’s and Bieslowski’s films. Drool worthy.
Pappu
You really love those foreign and independent filmmakers, don’t you?
Pappi
What’s not to love? They re-define cinema man. Unlike these Bollywood jerks churning out trash after trash.
Pappu
Pappi, you need a jaadu ki jhappi.
Pappi
Oh god. Don’t remind me of that stupid Choonabhai movie.
Pappu
You didn’t like Choonabhai?
Pappi
What was there to like? A martyr saves the day crap. Totally unreal. Sabko choona laga diya. What was the point?
Pappu
Why does there need to be a point?
Pappi
Of course there does. Otherwise, why am I even watching the movie?
Pappu
This may be a shot in the dark… but how about for the sake of entertainment? That’s what it used to be about back in the day. Doesn’t something like Jo Haara Wohi Bandar still pump you up today when you watch the final fatfatiya race? Or do you analyze the gears on the model of Panju’s fatfatiya and claim that that particular model doesn’t change gears that quickly? Or do you cry foul on the editor because he chose to slow down Paanchva Nasha and show it in slow motion?
Pappi
That was back in the day. Like Catman said in Catman Returns, “things change”.
Pappu
But they don’t have to. You can still enjoy a movie for its face value.
Pappi
Who the fuck cares about face value now dude? What year and country are you living in? This is the information age. I’m sharing my review with the world on my blog as soon as I get home.
Pappu
So you’re a critic for everything now?
Pappi
Let’s not go there. I’m better than critics. Critics can’t even critique properly. They’re a waste of space and time. I’m still at a loss for words on how they get paid to review films.
Pappu
Why do you care about them so much? It’s just another person doing their job. Nothing more than their opinion, really. Why so serious? Take light boss.
Pappi
They influence the public. Praise the shit films to the skies and burn down the good ones. Pseudo-intellectuals, each one of them, just like Unsaif Ali Khan for doing a film like “Being Papyrus” or Kaun Abraham for doing a film like “No Running”.
Pappu
What’s wrong with them for doing a film like that?
Pappi
They’re trying to make themselves saleable to the festival and parallel film crowds. Do they really think they’ve got what it takes to do pure, serious cinema? Nope. That’s why they’re fake.
Pappu
And where’s the harm in that? If I was them, I’d do it too. You criticized them for doing films like Saara Dum Dum and Naram Masala, and now they want a change of image so they don’t get slotted, and you’re bashing them for that too? Make up your mind.
Pappi
They need to know where they stand.
Pappu
And you’re gonna teach them that?
Pappi
I don’t care to. I just call a spade a spade.
Pappu
Maybe you should become their manager. Maybe then they’ll get the right roles.
Pappi
Dude, who are you to talk? You liked a film like Maane Tu Ya Maane Na.
Pappu
So? I never called it a pathbreaking film. I enjoyed the songs. It was a cute film. Took me back to my school days.
Pappi
It’s because of idiots like you that these films become hits.
Pappu
Maybe you just forgot how to watch a movie.
Pappi
Let’s just say that I’m wiser now.
Pappu
If that’s the case, what was the last movie where you just laid back and enjoyed? No analysis, just watched and enjoyed.
Pappi is silent. He ponders, but can’t come up with a name. They arrive at their cars.
Pappu
Don’t strain a brain. Think of one for the next time we meet. I’m off to my salsa lessons.
Pappi
You can’t dance, saala. You never could.
Pappu flicks his middle finger at him and drives away. Pappi goes back to thinking.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Pappu can’t dance ….. saala ??
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eheheh…feeel ya man…
btw welcome back :-)
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Beautiful!
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supercool dude. Catman! Papyrus! Choonabhai! and the grand finale of Pappu.
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Nice. Sets one thinking about a very archaic but, a fundamental question.
Isn’t you enjoying(the audience) also one of the goals of a good movie? A simple movie can be beautiful too and it is true the other way around also. Everyone has a space in this world and that’s what makes it even more interesting. Be it a Mukherjee, a Kurosawa, Lynch or an Imitiaz Ali.
I ‘enjoyed’ what you wrote. Sarcasm. Well pitched. Well directed.
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“Jo Haara Wohi Bandar” was a class act. It released in the summer vacations right after my +2. And I watched it all 7 days of week 1 at the Drive-In theatre in Ahmedabad.
And I completely agree with you Striker. I felt exactly the same way as you write when I read the PFC reviews of JTYJN. A light-hearted rom-com was trashed to bits here…unfortunately so.
Though at the same time, I do concur with Pappi when he says that the so-called critics can’t really critique at all. Not for any other reasons but for the simple one that they view works of different people from different prisms. I mean…a Raj Kapoor does it, its aesthetic eroticism whereas if a Ramsay did the same thing, it’d be gross vulgarity.
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:-)..Well-written. We’ve each been Pappi and Pappu at times to a certain level I guess. The arugment will continue. This is a never ending conversation…But the way you’ve written is quite funny.
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ROFL
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LOL .. Brilliant … like a breath of fresh air!
Now, when is Karzzz releasing?
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Haha.
:D That was hilarious.
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@Striker,
good one.
so this is all about males even Pappi is a male name like Bappi (Lahiri) and its not even Papi (sinner).:)
Likhte raho actorbhai
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@The Narcissist (6),
Its not always fault of critics to see different films (by differenbt filmmakers) with different viewpoints.
There is a hell lot of difference between the sensitivities of a Raj Kapoor and a RamSay.
RamSays need second birth to reach that level.
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so damn true,
the way the world is starting to view films, like wooden robots, soon hardly anyone would associate the word enjoyment with films.
this is why am such a pro-Hollywood/bollywood guy, i think the are the only people who still value the words “enjoyment” and “paisa vasool”
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thanks folks..
tanul, “everyone has a space in this world”. well said.
narcissist, i’ve lost count of the number of times i’ve seen “jo haara..”. between owning the DVD and watching it on tv whenever it’s been on in various stages of life, i think i’ve averaged at least once a year of my lifetime.
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narcisisst, weirdly, didn’t enjoy JTYJN as much as i thought it would’ve, but i took it for what it was worth. a college romcom with good songs.
RK sir, yes, pappi is a male in this case, and he needs a jhappi. i think we as an audience should be wary of becoming like him and not analyze movies too much, lest we become paapis and kill cinema itself. ghor anyaay!
rick, it’s tough coming by people that still use the phrase “paisa vasool”. i think i’m the only one. maybe manisha koirala and sushmita sen too.
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@Striker,
Audiences are playing multiple role now a days. Earlier Audiences of Jallandhar were not knowing what Nagpuri audiences are thinking and saying about a Kalia or Jalwa, but now because of internet where written/typed opinions are present/published so everything look big in proportion.
Another thing earlier cinema was not understood as safe career and seldom someone from middle class people used to go to check his chances in film industry so people used to take cinema as some territory where they are always at recieving end.
Now information is too much and people belonging to all segments of society are thinking about any sector and there is no restriction on imagination as they see lot of opportunities and they know it also that its not tough to make films, TV programmes etc so there is a flood of opinions also. Cinema knowing people have increased in number and when they are able to watch good and better films then this sudden exposure is bound to affect their reaction towards average and below average cinema.
Past definitions are not going to work now. Filmmakers have to think at par with the thinking of new audience. There is no saving from this. Afterall a filmmaker also has opinion on any other product he is using in his life though fact may be that he is limited to information available through media only. and its not only about cinema. we can see the changes in sports also. e.g Cricket earlier commentators were not necessarily test players but after the retirement of Sunil Gawaskar, M Amarnath etc scene changed and Ravi Shashtri’s inclusion opened gate for cricket analysts also. Now along with pleasure of watching a game, now audience started having pleasure in the analysis of every delivery of a bowler and every stroke played by a batsman and every catch a fielder has caught.
We can not live away from these. In visual medium this has to come. Only reading is spared from this extra analysis because its very personal thing. But more and more use of DVDs may change the present scenario also.
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nice one…
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Striker: welcome back and nice bit of sarcasm. You’re right – may be we have forgotten how to watch a movie
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@RK(12)
Who judges the sensitivities here? If I’m a fan of no-brainer action flicks, I’d rate an Uwe Boll or Joginder higher than a Scorcese or a Gulzar. Shouldn’t the sensitivities part be left to the viewer?
What I meant by that Raj Kapoor-Ramsay analogy was that critics are never objective with their reviews. Tell me…had a JTYJN been produced and directed by a newcomer, would it have gotten the same reviews, provided everything else had been the same with it? I’m sure not.
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I could understand the craziness of the film makers rush for moolah, which prevents them making watchable cinema.
To an extent even the critiques who just dont want to get boo-ed, just cant establish their own brand in cinema criticism churn a random analysis. So the good and the bad doesnt always get their potential.
But I still cant understand the so called Sarcasm in such educative and exploratory forums. What does one want to prove?
Put yourself in film-maker shoes, its easy to scribble such 3rd grade comments..even a 10-min short movies on those so-called kurosawa, Kieslowski, lynch styles would take your entire life.
The heights is.. the rest of crowd welcoming the author, and praising the sarcasm.
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anhar, “what does one want to prove?”
stop being pappi yaar. i haven’t written out theorems, corollaries, and conclusions in an effort to try and prove anything at all. if you’re looking for something deeper than what i’ve mentioned in this post, which btw, is right in front of you to see, you won’t find it.
quod erat demonstrandum, appreciate a film for what it’s worth. bc really, the heights is.. you didn’t get this post.
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RK, agreed.. but like a good friend said recently, reviewer ke chakkar mein kahin viewer na kho jaaye. [in an effort to be a reviewer, the viewer must not get lost.]
gagan and subrat, thanks.
narcissist, you’re right. i don’t think so either. maybe some good reviews, but surely not the hype it got bc aamir mama was behind it.
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