The Bone Carnival Blues
Gene Loomis: Y’know, it’s hard to believe you’re a grown-up.
Ruth Corday: No kidding.
Lawrence Woolsey: You think grown-ups have it all figured out? That’s just a hustle, kid. Grown-ups are making it up as they go along, just like you. You remember that, and you’ll do fine.
– Joe Dante, Matinee
The ancients called it ‘The Valley of Lost Souls’. Before the roads were laid through the black granite desert sand, one can imagine the careless hitch-hiker looking all around and not knowing from where he came from and where to go. Burnt-desert all around and craggy mountains all across the horizon, in every possible direction. And there is more to it than the eye can see. There are more mirages reported in this valley per square mile than anywhere across the desert. Something to do with the slant of the sun and the breeze and the wild texture of the landscape. I ask Mr. Armand if all of it had something to do with his decision to set camp and live there. He laughs it off.
“Truth be told, it was only after I had completed work on the carnival that one of the masons told me about the desert. He was a native. And as for the mirages, I’m rather fond of them. A waking dream.”
Ivan Armand is an oddity, a sensational freak and proud of it. Ivan Armand, proprietor of the colossal totem to human eccentricity and weirdness, delightfully named ‘The Bone Carnival’. When this correspondent pulls in at dusk into its empty parking lots, the man cuts a distinctly gothic silhouette against the purple-red sky, a silhouette straight out of one of those bizarre comics with vampires and werewolves and mad scientists and invaders from outer space. He wears a cape- long, flowing, purple and silver embroidered with strange symbols like hieroglyphics of mystic pyramids long lost. His vest is a striking blood red and inside the shirt a shimmering black to match with his pants and pointy shoes. He has a large forehead only accentuated by his absolute baldness. An egg-like head sits uncomfortably big for that wicker man body and two pointed ears stick out. But you will not notice the most outlandish thing about this freak of a human being until you start to walk beside him. Ivan Armand doesn’t walk, under his fantastic cape he glides.
As we enter the massive iron gates bearing the stone murals of menacing mutant panthers on each door, the first sight of ‘The Bone Carnival’ is enough to give even the most hardened paranormalist heart more than a flutter. It is an awesome sight, horrifying and swooning with childlike wonderment at the same time. One is unable to decide whether to close the eyes or open them wide. A chill runs up the spine only to flower into a strange excitement in the head. It is only when Armand lifts up his arms and whispers,” Behold” that one begins to make a slight sense of that crazed place. Trees twisted grotesque, buildings slanted against the road and the sky, a huge clocktower that looks like it was made out of bones, lunatic totem poles, crooked roads, carousels and roller-coasters straight out of nightmares, all painted up and lit up in toxic shades of red, purple, green, gold and black. A jack-in-the-box music plays in some corner adding to the experience, pushing your emotions ever so slightly into a fever.
“Welcome to my world,” my guide intones,” Welcome to the valley of lost souls.”
It took more than a few moments for this correspondent to fight and pin his feelings down and shoot the first off his well-rehearsed, meticulously prepared questionnaire- Why?
Armand appeared slightly peeved with the question at first but then probably watching me continue to gasp and struggle, laughed a gruff snicker and answered,
“It started like most beautiful things- a child’s pipe dream. The world I saw through my eyes and imagination as a child I have merely constructed in brick, mud and metal. It may not be as glorious, but I think it will have to do. For me, as I am, I cannot live elsewhere. The world refuses me and so I, with a little help from my inheritance, built my own. And as far as I can see, it is not me who is delusional, it is the world.”
He gestures grandly and the cape lends grace and authority.
“Where, I ask, where in the world outside this carnival would you see this beauty, it may be grotesque but one cannot deny that in it, there is also a kind of charm. A kind of charm, perhaps kooky but, increasingly lost on the world. Look at the structures they build these days. They all look like outsized washing machines and refrigerators. They inspire nothing in the imagination, nothing to waltz the soul. It’s alive and yet dead. It’s silent yet it screams a pathetic scream. It is no place for man, least of all, a child.”
He has a furious coughing fit. He leans against me and coughs the bile in his lungs out. I offer a few pats in the back and he seems gracious for it.
“It pains for me to think that there is already a generation that sits in a cinema hall without realizing the dream, the awe, the magic, the joy of discovery. It’s not entirely their fault. Cinema halls don’t look like cinema halls anymore…washing machines and refrigerators, all of them.”
I ask him about his time at the cinema and those beady old eyes light up and the oblong head positively radiates.
“Oh! The cinema. Like Bogie says it- The stuff that dreams are made off. I don’t think even he knew what he was talking about but he was definitely onto a vein that lead somewhere. When I was a kid, I was always sneaking into the cinema every possible opportunity. Actually, that habit pretty much continued for the rest of my life. I had my own tastes, slightly peculiar. Not a very refined taste, mind you, but I always went with instinct and my heroes were Lugosi, Karloff, Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Yvonne de Carlo, Elsa Lanchester, Ida Lupino and Lou Chaney- both of them… amazing. My directors were Browning, Whale, Hammer and even William Castle, he was the prince of my world for all you know and Ishiro Honda- a true visionary. I had some beautiful years at the cinema.”
When I ask him about Tim Burton, he smiles. For a moment or two, he’s quiet perhaps thinking where to begin and then, launches in that terrific Transylvanian fashion.
“Tim… I love him. He’s one of a rare kind really. A genius prodigy. At his best he’s capable of channeling the masters but he also frustrates me at times. Like with ‘Big Fish’- it was a celebration no doubt, but it came across somewhat apologetic. I can’t really say I like it. And also that unnecessary remake of ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ when there’s so much Roald Dahl yet to be put on screen. ‘Charlie’ was a low point for Burton artistically- the day-glo colors, the shoe-horned dance numbers, everything about it… strangely antiseptic and safe grounds. But ‘Sweeney Todd’ was him in terrific form. He came back and bit a good chunk of the neck off. From a guy who’s done ‘Batman Returns’ and ‘Beetlejuice’, I’d come to expect no less.”
I ask him about the Burton-inspired rides at ‘The Bone Carnival’ and he asks me a question in return.
“Rather than me trying to tell you about it, would you happen to prefer a direct experience?”
It turned out to be the best decision I ever made.
The twisty twirly trippy but oh-so-loving-jiving ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ Goth Love Tunnel, The Batman Roller-Coaster-Toaster where you can coast on a Batmobile right through the Joker’s mouth and upside-down between Catwoman’s latex legs, The Edward Scissorhands Ice-Museum of Memory- not just the figurines but also a frozen landscape of suburbia and the ‘heart factory’, The Ed Wood Graveyard Experience where hands come from beneath the soil and grab your ankles and you have to watch your head as to not bump into the space-ships floating overhead, The Beetlejuice Bumpy Worm Ride through the sands of the mind’s-eye, The Sweeney Todd Barber’s Bloody Chair that dumps one into a fiery porthole only to come out off an oven, The James and the Giant Peach Maze of the Unknown where you have to find your own way out the Peach, The Vincent Kaleidoscope within which you look and see the imagination of Poe rendered in beautiful gothic paintings and my favorite, the Mars Attacks! Insane Arcade Shooter where you fight it out against the Martians and their spaceships and if you get the aim right you can get their heads to explode in green-goo, just like in the movie.
And at the end of the crooked road there is the glorious Tim Burton Cinematheque Freek- walk-in through the cobwebs and torn curtains and watch ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’ in 3D as smoke and plastic ghouls and eerie holograms pop across your rickety chair.
As this correspondent indulges in all the myriad attractions and fabulations, Ivan Armand stands quiet and calm, almost as if taking pleasure in my own joy. When I finished, I couldn’t resist but in my exuberance, inflict an embrace on the man.
“I trust you enjoyed yourself”
I assure him that there were only few times in my life when I had felt better.
“Now allow me to show you one last thing- the beginning.”
He disappears for a moment beneath the ticket counter at the cinematheque and in a minute, returns with an oddity in his hand that would out-odd everything else here at ‘The Bone Carnival’. In his hands is a magnificently demented piece of machinery, carved out of wood and strung together with strings and springs and gears. It runs along an odd spiral pattern and there are little doors all across.
“This is my Kitty Hawk, my falling apple, my green serum. My first invention- the Krysar clock,” he said and with a gleam in his eye added,” It also tells the time. Wait a few minutes. It will soon be mid-night and then you shall witness the dance macabre.”
I ask him what in the world would inspire such freakishness.
“Krysar is one of my five favorite films of all time. Directed by Jiri Barta, the Czech puppet-meister, it told a strange spin on the ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ tale, one of human corruption and decadence. For Barta, the rats were symbols of greed and avarice that was eating up humanity from its roots. The language of the film is articulate gibberish and the visuals, unforgettable. Hamelin and its population are carved out of different kinds of wood and dead rats were animated as rat puppets. It is not just a visual feast, you see. Barta’s savage storytelling turns a well-known fable into a searing flame that will burn into your soul. You will see in it the folly of man but also beauty and redemption. These are the depths; I hope and pray Burton will plunge into one day. He has the aesthetic, he has the flourish, he sometimes seems to lack a core,” Armand sighed.
Midnight comes upon us, it doesn’t strike hard like it usually does but rather, haunts. Out of the spiral Krysar clock pops a wooden figure in a hooded cape, a pipe in his hands, playing a strange tune of darkness and melancholy. We stand silent till the tune is done and the figure turns and disappears back into the clock. For a few moments, we retain the silence, each lost in his own thought. Then I ask him how business is doing.
“These days people seem to have a very dim notion of beauty and joy. Doesn’t matter. I am at the center of my universe. At this age, I have one sure thing to count on- my carnival. Atleast I worked out some meaning in this life.”
He escorts me out. As I get into the car, I ask my final question as to how the place runs and keeps on running. Electricity? Then what about the bills?
“A tradesman never reveals his secret. Just call it ‘magic’. Even ‘voodoo’ has a nice ring to it.” He grins.
As I drive away, his silhouette no longer seems as bizarre and alien like it first seemed. Now it fades into the distance like something out of an old imagination which I had kept locked up and unseen. I see my first mirage in the black sands of the desert called Valley of the Lost Souls. It’s me as a kid or as I imagine I would have been, a towel tied across my neck for Batman’s cape, running, screaming with horror, joy and adventure.
An hour later, the city lights appear. A strange feeling washes over me as I enter the limits. I park my car at a curb and decide to take a little walk and reconcile with myself. I look around- washing machines and refrigerators, all of them. I can’t seem to decide where I stand, in what scheme of this life. I realize, perhaps too late, that I am lost. The city passes by, it rages, it lurches, all of it with or without me. The correspondent, it seems, is merely a ghost.
(’The Bone Carnival Blues was first published on May 23rd, 2021 in the The Daily 9. The Daily 9 acknowledges Tsutpen and Six Martinis for the images)
The correspondent also asked Mr. Ivan Armand on his expectations of the upcoming film ‘9′, Directed by Shane Acker with Tim Burton also featuring big in the credits
So what are you’re expectations of ‘9′?
I love the aesthetic. It is refreshing to say the least. I adore the short film and am curious as to how Acker is going to stretch it into a full length feature without losing the essence. I pray it translates. And if it does, Oh boy! are we in for a ride.
What do you think of the ’stitchpunk’ aesthetic?
I love the fact that it is grotesque and still retains an odd never before seen beauty about it. That’s my kind of film. It’s resolutely old school bizarre and yet new.
Who would you say is your favorite character?
The one eyed guy- 5 and the caped twins- 3 & 4 for obvious reasons.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Wow. Nice trip to the Unknown. Lovely rides. Favorite was Ed Wood. Time we got back to Sweeney too. I am still trying to figure the Dahl & Carrol phase. As for the Talisman, DID YOU FIND IT?!!!
On a serious note, life is no fun without the keys.
By the way, this took me back to that old theater in Trivandrum.
Arz kiya hai(from archives which I just meticulously found):
Its a beach in Argentina and its Carnival Time. Everyone is in the mood for a miracle. Randy characters, packing for picnic, looking for relief and redemption.
Grandiose loud acts of madness as faith crosses path with commerce. Magicians, stand-up comics, cheap bands, and all that used to exist when in the quieter times, the media monster didn’t exist. Trick dogs, boomboxes, disco balls(really obscene ones, like the one I would buy for a birthday gift), acrobatic perverts, cheap trick counters, candy stalls, blind musicians, negro nudes, psychedlic VHS tapes being played for kids(Oh! What a way to grow!), dark acts in the light,music that more often than not sounds like noise, and Gael Garcia Lookalikes.
A world that is potent inconsistent inadequate at expression and perversion of form. Decadent desires, The Holy Ghost, wheels of fortune, Anne Maria,dirty and doomed traditions, bad whiskey, sloppy hair-do’s, the spider women, face readers, latino bodies grown at all the wrong places, the proverbial Red Bus that noone took.
Then enters The Old Man with Giant Wigs….
Wait, I ll make a drink.
I picked this one to sleep.. i’d pass it off as a dream but the truth is i was as dead as dracula.. refresh me the director’s name please?
Fernando Birri, your majesty.
Ya man, it was the perfect moment and mood and day to sleep to.
Awesome bro. fantastic read, as always. Some trivia here: Vishal Dadlani, apna VnS fame, will be seen in the credits of 9. the punk has recorded an electronica-rock blend of a track! The track is called “THere will be nine” and will be featured on the film’s soundtrack. Howzzat now!
Wow. that made my day.
magik, that’s some new bra
Krysar sounds awesome. Have you seen the films of Wladislaw Starewicz? A true genius and a forgotten pioneer. I so hope Burton pays a tribute to him… (or has he already?)
I believe Starewicz has been a bigger influence on Terry Gilliam. He rates Starewicz’s Mascot as one of his favorite animation flicks.
Yes Ratnakar, I’ve read that article. It’s really good to see Gilliam recalling the master. My favorite animation film of all time is The Cameraman’s Revenge, which beats The Mascot by a whisker.
Yes Ratnakar, it’s really good to see Gilliam recalling the master. My favorite animation film of all time is The Cameraman’s Revenge, which beats The Mascot by a whisker.
well.. i really want burton to whack one out the bloody court.. he was attempting something like in ‘Sweeney Todd’.. and while i do have hopes up for ‘alice’, the first trailer was a real downer. I need to check Starewicz. Thanks for the reco.
Krysar is terrific. I got too bogged down by the time i switched to talking about the film. It’s really something. It’ll smart on your consciouness for days to come.
I’m really superficial on the prague-warsaw animation scene. I started with Svajmaker. Jabberwocky and Little Otik are all time favorites. I like they way they play dangerous games in the labrynth of the mind. these days the words- ‘fucked up!’ are tossed around too bloody often.
Some how Burton has not been too good at literary adaptations, Charlie and Planet of Apes were disappointing. Only exception was Sleepy Hollow, great homage to Hammer Films.
I actually don’t really mind ‘Planet of the Apes’.. it hardly ever asks you to set your expectations high.. maybe it was meant as a middle-brow, unfunny, B-grade blunt instument.. i somehow respect the fact that it leaves nothing to irony
ya man, with this kind of Burton-heavy-in-the-head I can take anything now. I don’t know where we go from here. Ab yahaan se kahaan jaayein hum…
Oops, forgot to subscribe to comments…
hey man.. you can get the Deep Focus at any BFS screening and for BFS screenings check http://blogbfs.blogspot.com.. if you need something specific let me know in advance
Fabulous post as again. BTW speaking of freak shows at carnivals, reminds me of childhood days, at my Grandma’s place. Small town in Andhra Pradesh. There was this exhibition and we had this 2 headed female, and another female with a snake body. These kinda travelling fairs i think are still popular at least in small town India, and the hinterland areas.
well i have seen maut-ka-kuas and all that but two-headed females and a female with snakes body.. dude.. you’re blowing some mind here
Oh it was there dude, and that show was a big attraction that time(the 70’s when i was a kid).
wow man. another reason to feel bad being born a decade late.
@Ratnakar…you are a real big fish…two headed females/ snake woman….
that too in Tim Burton fest…
But actually we did have our own desi carnivals, equally colorful and crazy. Again am not sure, if they still are there around. But in the pre Internet, Cable TV era, they were one of the biggest sources of entertainment.
heh heh…like I wanna go too to a boner carnival o somethin’..
Trippy.
One more thins I always wanted to know that who came up with the idea of withces travelling on brooms?
Whatever fuck you smoked, I love your trip! Your posts make me escape from madness and drown me in lunacy. I like “And as far as I can see, it is not me who is delusional, it is the world.” and the Pied piper take by Krysar. Didnt look at it in that phillosophical tone.
Whatever happened to returning my Colt 45