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the hearts beating wildly
its been ages since i have written on passion….i feel extremely guilty about that, but i have been possessed with getting my film ‘confessions of a film-maker’ ready….and its done finally…and i had a show for the press and some members of the film fraternity….
i am writing now simply because i need an outlet…an outlet for all the emotions spewing through me since the show….
i have been ostracized and hailed….while i dont feel a thing when someone heaps praise…the criticisms have been hard to swallow…and you might ask, so whats the big deal?….everyone has to face it…but its different in my case…
a certain section of the industry and press have asked me ‘what right do i have to comment on the film industry?’ (incase people dont know, my film confessions of a film-maker is a no holds barred take on the telugu film industry)…to continue, i have been asked ‘what right do i have to comments on stars who utilise their money, to promote their kith and kin?’…..’what right do i have to ask these people to promote better cinema?’….etc etc etc…..this is just the surface…..
there are so many people who have taken this film way too personally….and have simply said ‘i have no right to criticise’……
….i understand how they feel and why they feel the way they do….but dont i deserve a point of view…cant i have a differring point of view….if i think the film industry in andhra is way below any standards….if i think stars are irresponsible…dont i have a right to comment?….dont i???….
why cant i have the freedom to say what i want to..without fear….the last couple of nights has been about fear and loathing…people have been calling me at 2 in the night to get their point across to me…my mind is so fucked…so fucked…i can barely think….i cant step out of my house….because i feel a million eyes staring me down….wanting me crucified for making my film….
one reviewer called my film….the boldest in 75 years of telugu film industry…..another the most honest and brave…
but all have said, i have no right to pass comments or raise questions….i have been told, that i shouldnt have used filthy language…
but my god…my protagonist..is a depressive,lonely,fucked up soul….he’s not going to be politically correct….
i have given up every thought of a theatrical release, because the censors will cut it to pieces….i never made this film, thinking it would or could ever play in a theatre….
but it has sparked more debate,more anger….more angst….more questions than any in recent telugu cinema history..and i am falling, grappling for support…sometimes thinking i am the most twisted fuck out there….maybe everyone is right….and i deserve this…maybe i broke every code of conduct there is about movie making (i wasnt aware there was one)…i wonder how all of this will end…i am scared….for my life. (the star-fans are going to get me; famous last words heh? :))……
but….i wont think about that aspect right now….
i thought my film spoke for a minority…and minority who felt a certain angst and anger at the nepotism,total business nexus,casteism,pathetic cinema,absolute vulgarity in telugu cinema…..i felt this affected children and their psyche…i was scared my children would have the wrong sort of idols growing up….i didnt want them feeling like they had to look or behave like a certain hero….or dress like them…or worse dance like them….i didnt want my children to watch a movie, where there was so much simulated sex….i didnt want them to learn about the birds and bees that way….i thought i was speaking for those millions who felt every once in a while that they have wasted 3hours of their lives on some trash they dont see the point to….i thought my film might speak to them…i know it will…
i dont ever say my film is some fucking piece of art…my film cannot even be judged as a film per se….its more like a radical uprising, asking tough questions from big people….please dont say, that i dont have that right?….dont i have the right? what does the constitution say?
i have come down on every star…i have been given so much grief about it….they say i am trying to get publicity and earn money by dissing out on the industry which has been my home….if that were my intention…this wouldnt have been made on such a shoestring budget and a hi-definition camera with no visions of a screening future,heck why put myself to all this trouble and heartache, what can be more worth than piece of mind…
heck, its just a personal film, my personal opinion on the telugu film industry….am i not entitled to a personal opinion…i have put my own money into all of this…i have no hopes of recovering it…..oh man, i wish i could communicate my fear,my insecurity….and my thought process….
i have become desperate for a show of support…and i have recieved every bit of it from hundreds, especially outside the industry…since saturday, my hearts been beating wildly, cus i know ill get a call anytime, giving me a lecture/abuse on what i have done and how i have committed professional suicide…….
i think i have…my epitaph should read ‘he thought there was a good cause’.
alvida.
(all reviews can be checked on my site: confessionsofafilmmaker.com, if you find any room for support…please leave your comments) oz, i’m sorry if my article is too personalised, i hope you dont mind…its a one off thing…i need some strength.
40 Responses to “the hearts beating wildly”
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you see the point is you were tryin to communicate with people who are dead to sensible cinema…i read the reviews but none were objective they were thrivin on the shock factor…..dude jus be indifferent…..oka manchi irani chai taagu…janalni lite teesko
exclude gunnam gangaraju bro he was at ur premiere
Hey did u read jeevis review of the film?
Anish
How does one get to see the film? Are you planning to put it on the net?
Anish: Nothing abt your comments etc on film ind.
Just curious to know ur views, as u have made ur films. u write…
“but my god
Anish,
I think you need to shift your base to mumbai like Ram Gopal Verma
so Anish,will u sruvive all this ??? if not, pfc is there!! on a serious note,how r we going to c the film ?
Anish bhai, if people are taking your film personally, then you’ve made your point. Living in a democracy, it’s your right to push the envelope as far as possible, and say what you want to say. People may try to bring you down, but the question remains…will you connect with the audience that pays to watch this film? If you manage to do that, and if it is an honest film expressing your concerns, I am positive it will, then no insecure person seeing themselves reflected through your characters will be able to bring you down. Fuck the PC bullshit man…say what you want to say, how you want to say it…not how others may want to hear it.
Anish….As Vijay says you have made your point…you have said what you had to….let reactions come…take them…enjoy them….
I can totally understand why you are getting those kinda reviews? Its because people hate to come out of their comfort zone….show them heaven out of the comfort zone..they still will not take that extra effort to reach there….show them light, they still are afraid of facing it….
No worries bhai… If your product is good..it will be well connected…and kudos for making this happen. Eagerly waiting for the phillum Chichhaa…
Anish
If you cannot release in theatres in India, try as you planned, to release abroad…even if thats not possible, since the loss is anyway there, just post it on google or youtube…atleast if not money, your voice and views will be heard.
I would very much like to see it in a film theatre, but when a society like ours discriminates against truth, we have to resort to things like these.
I dont think you should be so scared about this fact. If Mahatma Gandhi was scared the moment he was thrown of the train in S.A, WE would never have been free.I am not comparing you to gandhi, but he always is an inspiration at times like these.
best of luck
Prashu
[comment edited: kiran, discrimination of any kind (racial, sexual, etc) is not tolerated on PFC, and repeated offenders will be banned. please refrain from making any discriminatory comments like the one struck out below.]
hi anish,
u did a great job….i am eagerly waiting to watch the movie…..fuck them all who abuse u…..
the ppl who abuse u are none other than gays…..…..dont care about them…….
Just hapened to come across an article about published today in sunita chowdary’s blog. below is the link
http://blogs.cinegoer.com/?p=1323
Anish, i saw an article on ur movie in the greatandhra website. How do we go about viewing it?
Please put it on the net yaar….please please please ;)
Anish, please check your email.
Anish..just coming back from your blog….it pains…it pains to hear the reviews you are getting….it pains to see that ignorant fucks are invited to get the “pleasure” of bringing you down….
Boggles me why those chuts are against what you have to say…may be coz like the dialog in Thank you for smoking ” Everyone has a mortgage”…maybe coz they didt understand the movie…maybe coz they cannot be as open to make a point as you did….Dude…i am all with you..keep up the spirits…
It would be really interesting to know what Sekhar Kammula’s and Gunam Gangaraju think about your movie….Keep churning miyan…vent your anger here..let the people know about it…..
Wishing you all the very best :)>-
Striker..check anish’s blog for printed reviews…some biased mo-fo’s have reviewed his movies….its not about the film being good or bad…one can pull the plugs on a bad movie…what baffles is…everyone is saying..its a very bold movie..but..then everyone again says…” the foul language..and why did u use the names?”
Fuck em all
thanks OM.. will do
some people(not many know about this, so still some) are appreciating anish’s guts for choosing a gritty subject material and speaking or well shooting his mind out with coviction
he seem to have got all the basic things right, but after reading the reviews (i always had a shadow of doubt on how he would approach the subject, how he drives his point) i’m convinced that he faltered in execution. blatantly criticizing anything and everything tfi is a little overboard. these kind of films should be made in a way which can be identified by most of the persons in his situation, instead he chose a radical path which cannot be endorced by many (again i have to contradict myself here, that kind of radical remarks are required to make a statement in the rut filled tfi and make atleast some people think)..
anish should have looked to cater to common audience instead of going all out for the kill. i saw the trailer and the explicit usage of curse words was very derogative and leaves one in bad taste( i got my dose from my dad, mom and brother when i was watching the trailer in youtube with full sound not knowing what 2 expect). he has some very valid points to make which many people would have seconded and appreciated for speaking on behalf of them, but seems to me he spoke for himself..
what more can i say, anish “oka manchi prayathnam”, i am trying my best to bring your attempt to light among my friends, all the best for u, i know u were prepared for anything about the fate of the film, i really wish that many many more people like you wl make a difference to TFI breaking the stereotypes..
and we are very interested to know what sekhar kammula has to say about this, he is desperately trying to balance both sides, he also has gr8 admiration for stars, doesn’t he..
Anish,
I just called you to your mobile. I think u r bit worried.. cheer up man..
You made this film to communicate ur views on telugu film industry..but my doubt is.., how do you send ur message(or film) to common man like me. ur film is previewed only for some VIPs and media. If it is not released any where for common man, then ur effort is completely waste.
So please release it, as soon as possible.
Curiously waiting to see ur film on net.
–Govi
anish,
why the heck should he b worried..
f them if anyone one is trying to intimidate him…
Anish:
When you have taken some unusual route then some difficulties are bound to come before you.
Without seeing your film, we the audience cant say whether you have used, usually restriced abuses in proper way or have misused the words and for that film has to be seen by the people.
RGV also showed a look alike film maker in his Naach, who tries to propose Reva, Antara Mali. Gigyasa etc films are there where casting couch is shown. Then there was Page 3 where a director clearly asks his assistent whether actress will be ready to have physical relation with him?
Bandit queen was there which was not only full of abuses but just after the sexual encounter Nirmal Pande asks Seema Biswas in clear words ” how was the process” (though in hindi) which was unseen before, but film got released evantually.
Is it possible for you to publish your script here? Atleast people have a look whats there in the film which has made biggies in your film industry so fearful?
When Balwant Gargi had written his autobiographical novel” The Naked Triangle” then Rajnider Singh Bedi, Rama Vij and some others had gone to court and had taken stay on the book. Book was published anyway without any cutting.
Then whats the problem with ur film now?
Samresh Basu could publish his book, which bnegali
we kind of forgot mentioning the face of anish’s thoughts…kamal kamraj, the actor who carried the entire movie on his budding shoulders, he was appreciated allover for giving a knockout performance..
now have to wait and see what happens for this chap in tfi…
and anish why r u maintaining a graceful silence???
take care…
anish when you rock the boat its bound to happen but believe me nothing anyone can do.. people we criticize are will defend themselves.. like you have the right to criticize, they have the right to defend.. the real test is now.. what they can’t do is threaten and attack, then its gross violation of your democratic rights, file a complain..
i think what you have written here, you should do the same in some local publication, there is a little danger there, as the audience in the telugu industry is a bit of a fanatic about there heroes..
to them you are unreasonable.. to me, its the unreasonable ones that change the world.
Am all the way with you in the fight..
i am proud of being an andhraite and telugu bidda and i like our stars too…but to hear that some people are trying to threaten you is
terrible and shameful for me….but again people here are not such violent and they are just hissing and hiding kind…some people just do it to test your reaction, but some bigger stars may use their fans to offend and malice you…so pls. do take care and play safe…
Dear Anish,
When you make such bold statements on the silver screen, you just cannot sit back and wait for the tide to go your way some way. People, in general, are bound to feel offended when they see their ugly hind side mirrored on the screen.
having made the movie and premiered it for a select few in the industry and the papparazi, NOW should be the time for your PLAN B to kick into action. If you do not have such a plan its high time you come up with one and take the fight to the opposite camp. File complaints with the authorities, get some media attention on the ruckus (nationwide), issue a press release with excerpts from the script even , justifying your rights to freedom of expression etc etc…
They are gonna play by the book, hook and crook, make sure you have defenses ready for any which way the attack.
And yes!! I havent seen your movie, it may be one of the crappiest piece ever done or otherwise, BUT, regardless of that, I support your cause to get this piece of activism on the screen!!!!!!!!
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~G.B. Shaw
Anurag said it in #23, and without seeing your film, I’ll say it here … kudos for being unreasonable. I look forward to seeing your film.
First off to everyone who wrote, thanks for all those kind words of support.They have been the only reason behind me getting my confidence back.
Mr.Kashyap,I get a lot of strength and motivation from your work, especially the trials you faced with the non-release of Paanch. I took a lot of inspiration from that, when it came to making my film.
Things have considerably cooled down in hyderabad since the screening. I have been thinking about how to get my film across to people. And there are a couple of ideas. In the coming days, something should be working out. I am not giving up any plans.
Once again…I turned to PFC when I wanted to reach out. I owe it to everyone here. Man am I glad there is another place I can call home.
really good to hear that u r a bit relieved now…
Read the blog, I think its a very brave step that was taken on your behalf to bring on a subject that everyone is afraid to face in today
though we are a minority, we are with you.:)>-
hello anish, i could not understand the very purpose why this film has been made. I do not consider even the attempt to film it as bold because the confidence and courage you had while filming transformed into insecurity and fear now. And since you accept the truth that it is not a piece of art, then what the hell is it. If it is a personal film/opinion, why is it made public by exhibiting to the media. Why dont you try to approach the so called big people of telugu film industry with your personal opinions/suggestions. Everybody knows the lack of quality in Telugu film industry, but what have you done to address the issue. Just nothing. I saw a blog where Anurag Kashyap felt Metro was better than YRF’s TRRP. He has a point there. He made a very good movie ‘Black Friday’ to show people how good movies can be made. Please get some inspiration from him. To make it short, You have not even directed a movie in telugu. First of all try to be part of the film industry and then comment about it.
Hi Pradhyumna,
Thanks for taking to time to make your comments. Let me try and answer some of your questions.
“i could not understand the very purpose why this film has been made. I do not consider even the attempt to film it as bold because the confidence and courage you had while filming transformed into insecurity and fear now.”
ANS: 1.you WILL UNDERSTAND the VERY PURPOSE of this film when you SEE IT YOURSELF.and if you dont then its my FAILING AS A DIRECTOR.
2.I never called my film BOLD myself. Its the press who say it is. I think its plain speaking. Thats what I have maintained throughout.
3.My confidence and courage took a beating when I got calls threatening dire consequences.Have you ever taken a calls like that.If you are human then it will frighten you.Thats what happened to me and I wrote this post when I was low.
4.Insecurity and fear was momentary. I am getting ready for an international release in a month, knowing whats at stake for me.
“And since you accept the truth that it is not a piece of art, then what the hell is it. If it is a personal film/opinion,why is it made public by exhibiting to the media. Why dont you try to approach the so called big people of telugu film industry with your personal opinions/suggestions”
1.click google and you will find that this film is called the boldest in 75 years of telugu cinema history.every review however ruthless, has praised it for being honest,brave and revolutionary….you are right, I was BEING TOO MODEST…I should keep calling my film a work of art and not let the film speak for itself.Thanks for the lesson in arrogance.
2. I didnt know a personal piece of work has no place in public. Thanks for bringing that to my notice. Stanley Kubrick should have heard your words of advice. He would have spared us “2001, A SPACE Odyssey” (I am waiting for you to say, ‘look he calls himself Stanley Kubrick!)
3.I dont give have the time to meet the BIG PEOPLE OF THE TFI. So I made a film.
“saw a blog where Anurag Kashyap felt Metro was better than YRF
What language is “Confessions of a Filmmaker” in? I’m not south indian and don’t know the language, and well we all know how great subtitles can be. But I really want to see this film…
Tony, It’s in Telugu and will have English subtitles… more news on it will be coming soon… very soon.
Is ko bolta hai PFC ki speedy service! Sawaal saala kiya nahin ke jawab bhi mil gaya! 10 mins or less and always free!
Kya mast deal hai! LOL!
Thanks Oz bhai… Main abhi coming soon ka intezaar karta hoon…
[...] music for COAF comprises of two tracks by Exabyssus, a band based out of [...]
Anish,
I can understand the frustration you had gone through all the years of your association with the hypocratic film industry.
Eventhough I’m just a silent spectator of some movie websites and enthusiast of analyzing behind the scenes stories, some times I my self feel frustrated about the statements made by film personalities( how hypocratic the sound).
I completely agree with your views on the movie industry, film media etc.
But I feel refreshed and see a ray of hope when I watched movies like Anand and Godavari recently Dollar Dreams too. I was happy to learn that you’re associated with all those films.
My only concern is that you should not be distracted by your frustration and cause harm to your self.
One candle is enough to light hundred others.Sounds very familiar and beaten quote. But true.
You should never get disappointed or discouraged.
Continue to make good movies.
It’s not difficult to get lot of support, in this arena of advanced communications world.
You’ll definitely see a sea change.
I’ll definitely watch COAF. But continue making only films which encourage positive attitude in people.
Anish,
I didn’t seen your movie but i understand the script, I can understand your frustration, the reason for frustration will be you worked under some syco director’s, but onething instead of targeting only telugu industry u shd have target on whole indian cinema bcoz this problem is everwhere, i heard you even targeted chiranjeev, boss chiranjeevi has done some good movies too.. and he came from zero to star..
can you seen the hype of sivaji, plz dont letdown telugu industry.
Anish,
Infact you can make a series of movies on Questioning (usually called rebels who walk out of line and who can talk their minds).
why cant we speak our minds, why is there a fear induced in people to control thoughts, to not take take risks.
As a society we are pushed (by parents to teachers to offices) to control our anger and other emotions and feelings so that we do not want to harm/offend others and this leads to giving up our creativity and independence other than pressure of being successful financially rather than self-satisfied. We might be creating lakhs of individuals who are doctors, programmers, researchers, engineers but where are the visionaries, innovators and solutions that people actually need. We got to kill the “Yse Sir” attitude.
what do you think? If you need another idea for a small film let me know. I do have one, meanwhile all the best for your film. Is the release delayed?
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