The personal story: Otto e mezzo
iView Author: Salik Shah (New Delhi,India)
Email: kathspeaks [At] gmail.com
‘ The personal story : Otto e mezzo‘
Disclaimer: This is not a review of the film per se but a very personal post on its premise. I watched Otto e mezzo last night. It was supposed to be a ‘comedy,’ but I cried. I could see what Federico Fellini had achieved. How personal a film could be in film industries around the world today? Can we still be self-indulging and to what extent? Is a film a director’s medium or a scriptwriter’s? Who is the boss? The producer? I have many questions, questions that didn’t really matter personally till a few years ago. But as I prepare for my own journey to the Tinseltown, I am more brainsick than ever. This is about the cause of my inner turbulence.
I like intense films, serious cinema. I enjoy mental masturbation which can at time get very unpleasant: films like The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover or Eraserhead. 8 1/2 is brilliant for many reasons. Above all, I could absolutely relate to Guido Anselmi who is facing a director’s block and lack of ‘artistic inspiration.’ When personal life is more confusing and painful, and we don’t know how to heal the wound in our soul, the artist cannot produce any art other than personal. And therefore the personal art is more profound and moving. But how healthy is it to inflict pain to one’s own self just to stir the pain for the art’s sake?
A part of conversation from 8 1/2 which shows Guido’s ruined himself:
Claudia: I don’t understand. He meets a girl that can give him a new life and he pushes her away?
Guido: Because he no longer believes in it.
Claudia: Because he doesn’t know how to love.
Guido: Because it isn’t true that a woman can change a man.
Claudia: Because he doesn’t know how to love.
Guido: And above all because I don’t feel like telling another pile of lies.
Claudia: Because he doesn’t know how to love.
When I started writing poetry, I was barely into my teens. I don’t know from where I got the impression but I strongly believed I couldn’t write poetry without understanding pain. Numerous heartbreaks followed one after another. And before I had realized I was addicted to pain. I enjoyed Huzoon, the kind of melancholy of the soul that haunts creative people. The cost of being a great artist was then to sacrifice the most dear thing in life? I didn’t allow myself to be happy. I was afraid I will lose my artistic inspiration. Anurag, self-pity is not a brief clothing worn by sadists in India alone.
In one scene Guido confirms his fears when he describes his self-reflexive character for his film: “He wants to grab everything, can’t give up a single thing. He changes his mind every day, because he’s afraid he might miss the right path.”
In another conversation with his wife’s friend Rossella, Guido laments:
“I thought my ideas were so clear.
I wanted to make an honest film.
No lies whatsoever.
I thought I had something
so simple to say.
Something useful to everybody.
A film that could help to bury forever
all those dead things
we carry within ourselves.
Instead, I’m the one without the courage
to bury anything at all.
And now I’m utterly confused. . . .
I wonder why things turned out
this way.
When did I go wrong?”
Rossella answers:
“I’ve already told you,
your attitude is wrong,
Your curiosity toward them is childish.
You want too many guarantees.”
Maybe, Rossella is right. He wanted too many guarantees. He regrets the way things turned out because of that. But we all have to make our choices: The truth is we choose to be happy or unhappy. I know I am sad today because I did many stupid things. But I did them for different reasons. I found a girl who could give me hope and a happy life. Her only dream was to see the world. I wanted to know if she would come with me if I asked her to. So I asked her childishly, “Will you take me along when you go on a world tour?” I didn’t want to force her. I wanted to know, I just wanted to know what she thought of me. “Sure, I will if/when I go.” she said. That’s when I started to plan. And my plans were not for today. Things were too complicated at the time. I hoped with time everything would fall on place. I didn’t even want to tell her that I was already planning to spend my life with her. Because I wasn’t sure. I left it to the time as well. But, I could see she wasn’t happy anymore.
In a similar situation, a confused Guido asks his wife, “Do you want separation?” He thought that could make her happy and leaves her alone. I left her too. I left her alone thinking she was sad because of me and I couldn’t bear her pain. I thought it would make her happy. That’s why I did everything I did. I thought she’d be happy. That’s why I did everything I did. I thought she’d be happy. That’s why I did everything I did. But I was wrong. I have ruined our happy worlds. I am filled with guilt and self-pity. I wish I could explain. “Will you marry me?” I asked her once. She said I was too young. Indeed, I was just 20. She was 22. But I loved her. I had a job, a secure life, already. I was a precocious child and I could write my books slowly. And I dreamt of making my films someday. I didn’t feel any rush. I had proved myself already. I didn’t feel the urge to prove myself anymore. I didn’t feel it was necessary to let anybody know who or how I was.
When I saw Guido had done the same thing, I realized I had committed a mistake already.
Guido curtly asks his wife Luisa:
“What do you know about my life? What I hate and what I don’t.”
“I only know what you show me,” Luisa says. And it was at this moment, Guido is forced to think what he’s shown her and it becomes clear that he’s not revealed his intimate world yet. He should have told the simplest things to the one he loved and cared so much.
But I had started to feel so dependent on her for emotional support, for love. I was afraid she could destroy me. I would not be able be able to live if she left me. That’s why I didn’t allow myself to love her the way she wanted me to. I always tried to get away. I was always so restless. This film taught me so many things.
Rossellena warns Guido:
“They say you’re free,
but you must learn to choose.
You don’t have much time.
And you have to hurry.”
I know I don’t have much time to win her back. But I don’t want to. I can’t. That’s the way I am. I love her but I can’t express my feelings. I’m have a Simian hand, that’s why I am like this. I wish she could understand this. I am struggling to change myself. I thought she could help me achieve this. I thought she could be the pillar to which I would bind myself. I wish life was not like it is. But I will make her a film. I will show her how I am and how much I loved her. I know she will forgive me for everything I did. I know she’ll love me. But I have to fight against the world to bring my personal story to the screen in the most honest manner. I don’t want to sell my soul. I want to do a simple story. My only fear is I might not be able to do that on time. I cried when Guido and Luisa reunited at the end and joined other people and they danced together and decided to celebrate life. Luisa accepts him the way he is and he’s realized it was “so natural accepting her, loving her. And so simple.” I am writing my screenplays. I am working on many stories that I had left for future. If it were up to me, I’d have left everything for my dream already. I tell myself every other day, don’t worry, don’t worry you’ll get there. I want to recreate everything, every scene. That will be my salvation. I know what I am capable of, damn the world. It’s just a matter of time, isn’t it?
Tags: 81/2, Eraserhead, Fellini, Guido Anselmi, His Wife and Her Lover, The Cook, The Thief, World Cinema
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
This is a wonderfully personal piece about one of my most beloved films! I truly wish that film reviews read more like this, these days. I hate it when the reviewers pretend to sound like they are speaking in general terms, and end up giving away the whole plot of the film in the process!! But this, this I would read, because if I had never seen the film, it would make me want to watch it, and it would give me the general feeling and intentions of the director.
I never understood why Otto e Mezzo has been categorized as a comedy. To those in the arts, in any way, shape or form, it is anything BUT. It’s about struggle and a loss of one’s art and confusion. And placing in others the power that really should only be recognized in ourselves. I know this will sound a bit strange, but the first part of your article made me think of Deepak Chopra’s Book of Secrets, how we think we seen in others what is only truly our own reality.
Great piece!
Nina, thank you for your wonderful comment. I must admit I was telling myself no comment is of course better than any bad comment. Like no review is better than bad reviews.
‘But this, this I would read, because if I had never seen the film, it would make me want to watch it.’
Yeah, I agree that has always been my intention. The majority doesn’t like works of Kim-Ki Duk or Anurag Kashyap. They don’t even want to understand these works. When I see a good film, I want the whole world to see it and expect them to
LIKE IT, LOVE IT the way I do!!! But that leads to disappointment. However, it also makes you compassionate. I have not actually read Deepak Chopra (except a few audio books) but I know Buddha — the awakened one — would help these people to discover themselves and lure them to the right FILM. 
Being famous makes this task easier in the modern world. I want to help people to understand and appreciate works like Otto e mezzo not because it’s considered a classic or anything but because it’s good cinema, a very good film.
Well, Sudhir Mishra once quoted somebody, ‘Some nights the audiences have genius.’ But those nights are a rarity anyway.;)
Reviews SHOULD make people want to SEE the film. If they don’t, then it’s like making people impotent, making them incapable of taking/denying them their right to decision-making. Let individual decide what his/her reaction to any work of art would be, not anybody else. Well, this is all about good and bad writing. I try to write a review (or any other journal stuffs) with a purpose in mind, preferably a good purpose.
Salik, I am sure you anticipated some mean commentary on your writing. I feel the same way every time I reticently open an email with a comment on my blog… But I really, really enjoyed your writing and now discover that you also find AK’s films wonderful! Hey, I think if you like the kind of cinema that you seem to like – and understand! – you can’t help love Kashyap’s films. No Smoking to me read a bit of Fellini which is the reason I own it on DVD and watch it from time to time, always discovering something new. And yes, the audiences have genius on some nights, which was the case with Dev.D. But those same audiences passed on the wonderful Luck By Chance, which was disappointing to me… Anyway, keep writing and yes, keep inspiring people to see films, even if you just move one person at a time…
I watched Living In Oblivion last night, it shows difficulties faced by a director and his/her crew in a very realistic way. The personal, financial, technical and ego problems all come in the way of filmmaking. One thing that I really didn’t like about Luck By Chance or Billu Barber is how they give the false impression that Indian actors are really smart but have been forced to do the silly roles as if producers/directors/scriptwriters are to be blamed/praised for everything. Obviously, this is the reason why we have very few characters actors in Bollywood.
I hope he’s not taking lessons from Abhay Deol.
BTW- I was missing Kunal Khemu all of a sudden yesterday! Where is the chap?