The Torture Series 7 : Ashanti
Caution: Post contains sexual language and content.
It was a time when action had made its entry and was lapped up by one and all. The anger of the masses during the emergency, the entry of a Congress alternative for the first time at the helm of politics - the Janata Party and its subsequent fall out and the return of Indira Gandhi as our PM, the Naxalite movement, the unrest in Bengal, there was anger and it was yet to die down - this could be that one reason why everyone wanted to see someone beaten up. As long it wasn’t them, it was fun.
The degeneration of politics was on, and moving forward in top gear. Pranab Mukherjee, the then Minister of Economy, would come in each year to present the budget, with his trademark pipe sticking out from the corner of his mouth. (Sir Ramadoss, please note). It would take another 10 years for us to shift from socialism (even if we democratically elected our representatives) to a free capital market (of course when it comes time for lay offs the flags of socialism are unfurled in no time). It would take 10 years since Ashanti for Coke and Pepsi to re-enter our markets and for policies to open up our markets to make it easy for us, the then young engineers to finally venture out in the international markets, see & live & experience life in places we could only dream of… but we still remain a confused lot of people in this day and age just like those filmmakers who remain confused whether they have made a tragedy or a comedy. When it comes time to take (loans, cars, imported goods) we turn capitalist and when it comes time to give (lay offs, seeking help from politicians with the strongest muscle power) we in no time suddenly turn socialists. No doubt our filmmakers remain a confused lot, as they, but, represent the times we live in.
The middle class had perhaps not yet started moving out of the theaters. They would. Very soon. Perhaps after the Asiad Games that were were being held in New Delhi that year… 1982. And by the divine grace of the holy powers in politics we were granted Color Televisions. And the rumor mills in many of those gossip magazines had meat to chew for a few months. Color television causes eye cancer. Color televisions causes hallucinations. Statistics were produced from thin air or the writers’ ass… children watching black and white television fall less sick than those watching color TV… I guess not much has changed. Which is why I wonder why channels like Aaj Tak, Headlines Today and others have not started their own movie production house, as the script writers are right there employed by them. All they need to do is snip 3 hours of their daily (any day) news and convert them into movies. All the background score, shock effects, weird camera angles and bombshells (no idiot not bomb’s shells, I meant the curvy kind) who have no idea what they are talking already pre-exist in those snipped 3 hours. You even have double roles. On Headlines Today, they have this lady who opens up her hair when she is doing gossip sections on cinema and ties up her hair when she’s reading serious (?) news in another section. At first I thought they were twins. But actually this is called cost-cutting in business. And Headlines Today perhaps had seen the future of the dead markets that we have today. How couldn’t they see… they have half a dozen astrologers on their channel doing bhavishya-vani. How dumb is that! How stupid is it for technology driven businesses like the News Channels to have astrology shows every hour!!! Pathetic!!! So I simply switch off the television after watching the astrological forecast for Sagittarius every night.
Moving on… 1982 shall be remembered as the year color television finally landed in India. Perhaps that was the first step for the middle class to find an excuse to move away from the theaters, which were slowly and surely cutting back services to save costs. Like switching the air-conditioners off during months of intense Bombay summer heat. I guess they were trying to give us lessons… training… on how to watch a movie in a swimming pool… problem was the water in the pool was your own damn sweat and that of the person sitting on your left side. You were safe from the sweat of the person sitting on your right side cause you had pushed yourself as far as possible to escape the heavy bombardment of flatulence that darn guy was pumping out.
Hence you learnt, changed, adopted and got adept at the ticket window ” One ticket for Ashanti. Corner Seat please!!! ”
Now Umesh Mehra, back in those days was the new kid on the block. Completely commercial and loved the fast, action genre of movies. The problem was the treatment of his films was corny and like all the other films (until JP Dutta and Mukul Anand came into the scene) the technical quality was awful. But he was quite clear in what he wanted to make and he did keep making such movies. That is one thing I’ve loved about such people in Bollywood. There is no confusion. If there was any confusion, it was at our end, when you had to quickly make a decision to take any other seat in the theater if the ticket window told you that all corner seats were taken. Vaat lag gayi!
Umesh was the the son of F.C. Mehra who was the head of Eagle Films that was associated with films since ages, starting from some good to average ones like Aji bas shukriya (Geeta Bali, Johnny Walker), Ujala (Raj Kumar, Shammi Kapoor, Mala Sinha), Professor (Shammi Kapoor, Rajshri, Mumtaz), Prince, Amrapali (Sunil Dutt, Vyajantimala), Lal Patthar, (Rajkumar, Hema Malini,Rakhee, Vinod Mehra) and then the dopey ones like Salakhen (Shashi Kapoor), Manoranjan (Sanjeev Kumar), Sohni Mahiwaal (Sunny Deol, Poonam Dhillon), Alibaba Chalis Chor (Dharmendra), and whole post 70s see-film-suffer-migraine factory that included Ashanti (Rajesh Khanna, Mithun), Ek Jaan Hain Hum (Rajeev Kapoor), Jaal, Mujrim, Aakhri Adalat, bus bus bus!!!
Not much is heard about Eagle films in Bollywood these days, except that Eagle films operates a couple of studios in Bombay and Noida (close to Delhi) where television shoots take place.
Umesh started on a high with Alibaba Chalis Chor, (not recommended, so don’t get a DVD and start seeing it just because the name appears here and then curse PFC within 10 minutes of the movie, but I would recommend this movie in case you were going to pick up Arbaaz Khan’s Alibaba and 40 thieves - which is made by a team that I suppose were the students of this ganja team). The project was ambitious and truth be told the opening sequence of the 40 thieves doing stunts on their horses at that time looked really well done. It is claimed by Eagle Films and I’m not sure if it is true, that Alibaba Chalis Chor is amongst the all time top 3 hits in Soviet Russia ever. EVER?
We Indians need to quickly stop drinking “vodka” lest we make Drona or Karzzzzzzsnorezzzz the biggest hit in Indian cinema. I’m telling you this world of cinema would be so lovely without the wretched Vodka… and ganja (Remember Mawali?)
The problem with Umesh’s film from my point of view was they were knee deeply stuck in mediocre entertainment. Of course from their angle, they weren’t targeting me but the masses who lapped up their products. I wish there was more from the guy.
And like the rest of the lot, Umesh too got lost and forgotten with the advent of Video and later on with the advent of new directors on the block, who could take that extra few steps to rise above mediocrity.
I think Abbas-Mastan, are one such team who know what they wanna make and attempt to make it well. Even if Race is crap, it’s hard to imagine, two guys over the age of 50 can just throw themselves to direct a story for teens and the college crowd such as Race. Don’t believe Abbas Mastan have it? Try watching the song “Khud ko kya samajhti hai, itna akadti hain” from Khiladi (Akshay’s Khiladi phobia started here). It was the early 90s (1992) and I’d never seen anyone do what they did to that song and for most part of the movie… besides Mukul Anand (Kanoon Kya Karega - the ice-cream melting over the girls hands as the audience watches the badminton game, the opening sequences of Sultanat that can give takkar to any Hollywood magnum opus, the rewind-fast forward scene in Main Balwan, Jumma Chumma in Hum etc. etc.), JP Dutta (the desert scenes in Ghulami, shoot out at the mosque steps in Yateem, the just missed becoming a gem - Hathyaar and then JP sir was gone… lost) and a few others like Rahul Rawail (Arjun - the chase amongst a sea of black umbrella in Bombay rains… to me is one of the five best creative picturesque shots caught on Hindi camera, Dacait - a technical ace!)
Unfortunately Umesh never made it to this league. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps my expectations were too high.
Ashanti (1982)
The only show available for booking the tickets in advance on a Tuesday, was the 12pm Matinee show on the following Sunday. Ashanti was to release on the following Friday. So the coming entire week was fully booked. The producers had slowly realized the formula for getting crowds on the opening weekend. Multi Heroes!!! Umesh-ji went a step ahead… Multi Heroines!!!
Perhaps Ashanti may be the biggest hit in the action genre that Rajesh Khanna ever gave. To begin the story, Shri Khanna is a cop, who was shown Dirty Harry a 1008 times during his stint at the police academy. That could only be the reason why he goes into kismet, bandook ki goli dialogue ala Harry-jee when he catches the bank robbers and their head (Monty, son of Prem Nath and younger brother of Prem Kishen - if you have no idea who Prem Kishen is… ummm… remember the movie Jai Vijay starring Jeetendra, the other lead was Prem Kishen… still no idea? well… remember the movie Humare Tumhare - he was in it… still no idea? ok, lets move on).
So Monty-jee put in Jail. Khanna goes home to…. MA… yes the lone cop always had a Ma at home… or a sister… or both or both and a handicapped kid brother… or all of them… or if none was available there was a widow staying always next door, who the lone cop took care of (and of course her family) and when the neighbours who had nothing else to do would gather and throw lalchan (Hinglish: False accusations) on the widow for having an affair with the lone cop (not true, it was never true)… leading to the widow’s ma-in-law, beating her with dialogues like “Mooh kala… mur kyon nahin gaye… hum mooh dikhane layak nahin rahay” perhaps clearasil may have helped had they known it. Anyways the lone cope would enter the scene… do blood donation with blood dripping over the widow’s maang and everyone would go back to their house perhaps just in time to watch Aamchi Maati Aamchi Mansa, Chitrahaar, Chayageet, Kilbil, Santakukdi - what can I say. It’s 1982 and those were the few programs that came on Bombay TV.
Anyways Khanna cop has Ma so the entire widow angle or sister (who will be raped) and brother (who will lose memory when sister is raped) is eliminated. But it is the Ma angle. So you know, this story will soon start showing some khujli towards the darn Ma. By the grace of God, Ma was not played by Nirupa Roy. Guess Khanna may have given strict instructions. Amitabh ki Ma kabhi meri ma nahin bun sakti. So the producers cooked their ma-buns at the doorstep of actress Ratnamala.
Brace yourself. This movie has twists so many that it would give the winding roads of my dear Kumaon Hills a complex. Enter Heroine 1. Shabana-jee who’s standing in Khanna’s apartment as he returns from work. Khanna’s momma, bholee momma, thinks Shabana is his girlfriend and she is happy - bahu mil gayee… little does she realize that it is actually meri lag gayee.
Khanna : Who you?
Shabana : Remove Monty from jail and take this cash
Khanna : How can I remove Monty. That darn guy tried to imitate Rishi Kapoor.
Shabana: Doesn’t matter. This is big cash. Leave him
Khanna: Fuck you. Adding two more Zs behind the ass doesn’t mean anything.
Shabana: Take this money
Khanna: Get out
Of course the conversation isn’t verbatim, but the gist is Khanna kicks out Shabana. Then goes to his balcony, glances at his jeep parked below, and jumps from the balcony to check that there exists a bomb in his jeep or something that he diffuses or something. It is not important. What is important he “JUMPED” from his balcony to check his jeep. No stairs. No elevator. And the idiot that I was, after watching this scene, I thought jumping from one’s balcony impressed women. It doesn’t. Trust me. Atleast not, if your balcony is on the ground floor.
So the fool that the hero is, that is Khanna, he will jump from the first floor because he suspects the goondas have done something hanky panky with his jeep, but he does not check his house.
Enter police in Khanna’s house. We have search warrant. Behind Khanna’s sofa is big bag of cash. Rishwat. Corruption. Khanna in. Three years imprisonment.
Khanna’s mother shocked. My beta taking rishwat. She joins the AAAAAA club… (All Ammas Achanak Aheart Attack Association). Say bye bye to world. Khanna at the age of 46 is anath. Who will adopt him? India Jails.
After 3 years Khanna jee steps out of Central Jail. Camera angle top to bottom. Khanna with Sun glasses, and full grown beard. Perhaps Topaz blades and Palmolive shaving cream were banned in jails during those Socialist days. Who knows.
So with hair on his face and revenge in his heart, Khanna goes looking for Monty (who as per last friday has taken punar janam. No one ever asked poor Dino Moreo how he felt being reborn as… Himesh Reshammiya.)
So Khanna beats one goon at Aunty’s tadi bar. Question. Why was it always only an “Aunty” or an “Uncle” running country liquor bars in Bollywood? Didn’t Chacha, Chachis, Mama, Mamis have the business acumen? This is so utterly degrading to say that Uncle and Aunties did all the stupid country liquor business in Bollywood in those days. Its like saying all bad drivers in America are Chinese. So not true.
Anyways, the goonda takes Khanna to a junk-car yard, where Monty is waiting and going “HA HA HA” - this was all part of the plan. Gun fight follows. Then one car is dropped by the crane on Khanna. Khanna goes “NAHIIIIIIIIIIIIN”…
Wake up.
Doctor: How are you feeling?
Khanna: Fine
Doctor: Good.
Khanna: Good.
Now Khanna drops his hand to his crotch. If you are a guy, you know when its time to scratch the balls, it is time. No aandhi, toofan, langur can stop a man from scratching his balls. When the call comes, a man has to go. So perhaps, Khanna’s call came in, he moves his hand to scratch. Then comes the SHOCK!!!
No dear reader, the balls are intact. The legs aren’t. You see Khanna loses his legs. He is pained. How will he jump from the balcony anymore!!!
Khanna goes to temple. To pray. Selfish guy. Till he had his legs, he never went to the temple. But now that he is in pain and trouble, suddenly, God ki yaad aa gayee. Pure Kalyug times we live in.
Twist. Twist in a temple? Yes twist in temple. I told ya. Umesh Mehra was good. But not great.
Shabana at temple. Khanna sees Shabana. Shabana sees Khanna. Shabana runs. Khanna chases. Wait! Didn’t Khanna lose his legs? Yes. He did. He’s chasing Shabana on his crutches. Tragedy strikes. Khanna falls. Crutches in the high kinetic energy in their motion continue their accelaration, dropping down the stars, THAK THAK THAK THAK and reach Shabana who is almost at the bottom of the stairs. Shabana looks at the crutches.
Shabana: Khanna you going langda?
Khanna: Bhain ki takki sub teri wajah say happening!!!
Shabana cries
Khanna gives shoulder.
And Bhain ki takki suddenly becomes potential lover.
Khanna asks. What is going on here? Who is behind my dukh?
Cut to.
Amrish Puri. Who was some King of someplace that was annexed by the government of India when India gained independence. Puri did not like this. So he went on total destroy India mode. His goal: To spread in India - Ashanti!!! And to enforce how bad Puri is, Umesh Mehra has Puri wrapping snakes around his neck and going mouth to mouth with snakes and even giving some tongue.
Lets move on to the two remaining heroines.
Kanwaljeet Singh. No he was not one of the heroines. Kanwaljeet works for Puri’s gang and in the process does some cheating. His girlfriend is Zeenat Aman, who dances with Kanwaljeet at the club. No dammit. Kanwaljeet does not do cheating in his dances. Its some drugs dealing or something like that. Its not important. What’s important is Kanwaljeet dances disco in this film. Yes he does for an entire song. Collector’s item.
So after the song “Dil diya hain, maine dil diya hain… YA YA Yaad rakhna…” you get to know in the conversation between Zeenat and Kanwaljeet the ghochi Kanwaljeet has done. Amrish Puri comes to know and sends his men to capture Kanwaljeet and Zeenat. When the goons are going to do that Shabana and Khanna hit Zeenat on her head without anyone realizing it and kidnap her.
Kanwaljeet runs to friend’s house whose sister is Parveen Babi. Enter Heroine Number 3. Goons reach and supposedly kill both Kanwaljeet and his friend. Goons run after Parveen Babi. So Parveen Babi is running on the beach, with the wafadar Bob Christo running after Babi. Beach. Night. Parveen Babi. Bob Christo. Time for a drunk Mithun Chakraborthy to enter the scene and inaugurate the following lines for the first time in Hindi Cinema…
Teri Jaat Ka Baida Maru
(Hinglish: Hit you with an egg made from your caste)
Babi faints… because of running, Christo, drunk Mithun or the utter undecipherable “Jaat Baida” dialogue… we shall never know… anyways Babi faints, Bob Christo horny. Enter Mithun. Bob confused. Erection or Maramaari. Mithun slaps. Bob quickly makes decision. Fight first fuck later. Too late. Mithun hits Bob to unconscious state with his Australian egg. Next morning Babi wakes up. Mithun wakes up. Babi rushes to house to check on her brother.
Brother dead. Zeenat, Shabana and Khanna arrive. Zeenat cries. Babi cries. Khanna offers shoulder. But withdraws once he catches Shabana’s nasty look at him. He may be lame… physically… not in the head. Good for him.
Khanna offers his hand to all three heroines. We have one common dushman. Amrish Puri. Lets join hands and I will help you get your revenge. All three girls shake hands with Khanna. Now starts their training. Within a few days they are Karate, Kungfu, Sharp Shooting champions… (why the fuck did no one send them to the Olympics?). A secret photo of their training was taken by yours truly for proof.
This is the story till Interval. Yes. All this has happened and the story is just half complete. Next half starts. Too many things happen. Most villains being thrown over earthen pots, pans, brick walls, windows, doors. Mithun joins Khanna gang. Not sure why. Why the fuck did he have to leave his beach house, his daaru to join three women who had no clue what the hell was happening and Khanna who was building weird devices between his bouts of getting horny on the three women. Please note: He stops going to the temple again, once he has three hot women living with him. One of Khanna’s invented devices is a soooper doooper gun in the shape of a crutch. Presenting the evidence of the device above right.
Goons die and more bad men die. More and more, atleast more than the number of mosquitoes you clap your hands around to kill while sitting on your toilet seat, and definitely more than the number of ants who are squashed under your lotta filled with water as your squat on your desi toilet, only to find all the water in the lotta popping out on the toilet floor, in your attempt to kill ants to pass your time. And the only water supply to refill your lotta with, is 20 feet “outside” the bathroom. Good Luck!
Anyways, the Khanna gang reaches Puri’s palace after singing and dancing “Mirchi Kolhapurchi“. Khanna wants Monty (Puri’s son, if you haven’t guessed it now), Shabana wants Puri, Babi wants Puri’s goondas, Zeenat wants Puri, Mithun has no clue what he wants or what he is doing there. More twists follow. Puri had daughter who he never had. Khanna says he knows who his daughter is, but will tell him only after Puri hands over Monty to him. Puri suddenly wants daughter so gives Monty away. Khanna pulls his artificial leg out, drops crutches, and for some strange reason starts walking around and beating Monty with his artificial leg against the background score “Shakti de Maa… Shakti de Maa”.
Fighting erupts. Bad guys get killed. Kanwaljeet appears. Everyone happy. He’s not dead. Zeenat goes with Kanwaljeet. Babi with Mithun. Shabana with Khanna. Everyone walks away with somebody And we walk out of the bathroom with an empty lotta towards the tap-water 20 feet away.
(Pictures courtesy: Brns.com)
Filed Under
Thoughts , Humor, Standup, The Torture Series
Loading ...
70 Responses to “The Torture Series 7 : Ashanti”
Leave a Reply
(Ref smilies)
Our Comments Policy : The following kinds of comments are troll capped, blocked and/or commenter's identity reported publicly: Verbal abuse, personal attacks, hate statements, spam, trolls, advertising. Please assist us in keeping the comments clean. Use the contact form to let us know if you find unwarranted comments on PFC. Thank you.
-
Advertisement
-
- Nothing found
- PFCOne 2008 Day
- Dev.D Music Soundtrack Streaming R
- Dev.D the official we
- PFCOne 2008 Da
- Dasvidaniya ki dus kahaniyan…..
- A Big Con : Marketing of the Bollywood Blockbuster
- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest(1975)
- PFCOne 2008 Day Four
- Movie Marketing - The Telugu Cinema Way
-
Advertisement
Hottest Today:
Recent Posts:
this has to be the mother of all the torture movies..a collectors item
Bi Gaad ki kasam, I never in the name of Mithun understood what ‘Tere Jaat ka baida maarun’ meant?
Or, is it ‘Tere Jaat ka Paida maarun’? which is equivalent to, ‘I’m standing near the pregnant lady of your cast and would kill her offspring?’
Or, does it have some kind of symbolism which escapes me? Please, someone solve this for me?
I agree to that statement about ‘Arjun’. That shot is truly fantastic! Have you seen another sequence in ‘Arjun Pandit’ where there is a sword fight among praying monks. I like that one for its conception and thought.
You’ve survived tough times, Oz.
:-) :-)…
Mithun’s intro dialogue - what was that!!! ‘
‘The crutches still in kinetic motion reachin the bottom of the stairs’ - Super..
Ma angle…
‘Prem Kishen - if you have no idea who Prem Kishen is… ummm… remember the movie Jai Vijay starring Jeetendra, the other lead was Prem Kishen… still no idea? well… remember the movie Humare Tumhare - he was in it… still no idea? ok, lets move on)’…LOL…
KS in a disco dance in a Mithun film…Whoa..
Super pouring out of your angst, Oz. And yet you watched them all. Not one film that you mentioned here I have seen. Damn…
Excellent, Fantastic , Mind Blowing, Historyyyyyyyyyy………….!!!!!!!!!!!
Lovely oz!!!Great film.I dont know what hapenned to Zeeni baby in the 80’s.After Qurbani she started doing all kinds of inane films with Mithun and Dharmendra.Rajesh Khanna…if Ashanti was not enough he did Red rose….yuckkk.I still prefer him in Avtar even though it was super melodramatic.I guess Umesh Mehra stopped torturing us after Sabse bada Khiladi.Did he make any films after that?I dont know…Any ways keep it up….
“and everyone would go back to their house perhaps just in time to watch Aamchi Maati Aamchi Mansa, Chitrahaar, Chayageet, Kilbil, Santakukdi” Hahahaha - this line takes the cake !! Also the balls and lotta were funny. fantastic one Oz.
One word Oz..
Superb!!! I dint know that this was the film that had the famous (???) mithun da dialogue..
What was the stuff about “Khudko kya samajthi hai” song in Khiladi…i dint get it…
anyway ashanthi ka cheer phaad karke bahuth shanthi mili hogi appko…
I really want to see this movie.. M vry desperate.. Since i doooont have any imp work to do.. M goin to visit every possible dvd shop til i find this movie n watch it.. Superb writeup.. D best of ur torture series..
Amitabh ki Ma kabhi meri ma nahin bun sakti. Hahaha. Then why not Rakhi? Oh, it was 1982. So what? If anyone can give Nirupa run for her tears it’s Rakhi.
So what you have to say about HAHK, DTPH, KKHH and K3G. These are no good either.
Shabana: Khanna you going langda?
Khanna: Bhain ki takki sub teri wajah say happening!!! Priceless!!!
Btw, it’s lanchan not lalchan.
@Oxy,
Shakti (1982) Rakhi = Mother of Amitabh bachchan,
Though in Bemisal (same year 1982) she played the heroine
@ Oxy
add mohabattein to the list, 3.5 hours of torture.
@ RK, oh yes, I remember it now.. thanks.. I can never imagine her in any other role. Maine rakhi ki purani movies (as lead heroine) baad me dekhi. Whenever I see those old movies wherein she-tries-to be-glam-shlam my head turns away from screen automatically. She (Rakhi) was the eternal behen-ji and maa-ji of Indian cinema.
@ Ratnakar, Mohabbatien was a horror film.
@Ratnakar, Oxy: Oh come on, Mohabbatein for however bad it was, isn’t even remotely there in the same league.
@ Jahan: Mohabbatein was good in parts, i mean i liked the Amit-SRK scenes, the 3 love stories however were sheer torture, with Uday Chopra hamming it up, and Kim Sharma’s squeaky voice.
Thanks a ton for posting this article….this has to take the cake, the cherry, the oven and even the entir kitchen.
It will be very difficult to beat this…
Love the way u brought the LOTA and the ANTS angle in this mess
@Oxy - agree with u 100%, mohabattein was plain torture, will try and put a article about the same,
@Anindya- i think red rose was a frame to frame copy of a KAMAL Hussan movie. KHANNA SAHAB even wore the same suit and the same glasses…. thanks 4 reminding that movie, it was hilarious!!!
@ Jahan, I would put Mohabbatein in the league of HAHK, DTPH, KKHH, K3G and KANK (forgot to add before).
@ Ratnakar, was that Kim’s VOICE? I though a parrot on a bad hair(voice) day?
@ OXY - what about Maine Pyar kiya
Hum Saath Saath hain
Vivaah?
@ Shreyansh.. bang on.. Haha, how could I forget them? Especially MPK as this one in particular spoilt our makers.
Actually Ashanti didnt do well as it was expected to. I think after the initial bumper week, it kinda tanked. It was a mind boggling experience even by the torture movie standards. I saw it in Bombay on the day of its release at Aurora theater :-).
@ Oxy - i still cant get the Bhagyashree’s laughter out of my head…my blood still boils seein alok nath acting the same way in a zillion movies, ditto with salman’s sidekick…he was same in SAAJAN and HAHK too
as for VIVAAH- it was junk and the way SHAHID murmurs his way thru the films makes me wonder wether he was preparing for a movie like BLACK made by Rajshree’s.
Wont that be hilarious????
@shreyansh- yes, Red rose was a copy of Kamal’s Sigappu Rojakkal, which was directed by Bharati Raja, and starred Kamal-Sridevi. The Tamil original was a great thriller, and one of Kamal’s best performances, with an equally good performance from Sridevi.
In Hindi it was a pain to watch Rajesh Khanna with his pot belly, masquerading as a serial killer, and Poonam “I cant act for nuts” Dhillon, in Sree’s role. The only thing good about Red Rose were the songs by RD.
Rajshri made some really good movies in the past like Dosti, Tapasya, Chitchor, Piya Ka Ghar, Saudagar, but their movies post MPK, have been real yawn-a-thons.
Shreyansh, Salman’s sidekick was Laxmikant Berde, one of the hammiest comedians.
@ Shreyans, Suman (her name in movie) was nothing but an irritating child. Moreover she was behen-ji types. Good that Himalaya took her away from us. I recently saw her on Zoom channel in somewhat revealing outfit and still she cannot create any oomph. Like Rakhi, she is the eternal behen-ji.
Haha, he was Laxmikant Berde. I still remember his ‘Pundit Nehru was the first Pm of India’ speech in HAHK and it gives me the best laugh.
Kaala Vivaah it would be called. Haha..
MPK, HSSH and Vivah are all much better than that monstrosity of a movie called, Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon, seriously one of the crappiest movies i had ever seen. Hrithik, Kareena and Himani Shivpuri, compete with each other in the hamming stakes, and Ab Jr was the only saving grace in that movie. Sad to see my favorite Pankaj Kapoor in such a 3rd rate movie.
Are the torture series patented? Can we add to them Oz? So many movies that can be added to this series!
Reminds me of another torture flick called Dil, starring Aamir and Madhuri. MPK and Dil, made me keep away from love stories for some time.
Fortunately it was Aamir’s Dil Hai Ki Maanta Nahin, which made me realize that decent, entertaining love stories can be made.
@ Ratnakar - I remember reading in a review ” there are 3 animated characters in MPKDH, the DOG, the PARROT and Kareena Kapoor” that was enough for me, didnt dare to see that movie anytime
@ OXY - Kaala Vivaah …..LOL
any guesses abt is star cast, based on BLACK?
@Ratnakar,
Would have it made any difference in the film if Hritik had played Abhishek’s character and Abhishek had played Hritik’s character?
Even in Archies poster’s exhibition kind of scenes, Hritk had played one scene in a very fine manner where Himani Shivpuri is distributing some sharbat or sweet kind of things to all the people and Hritik is avoided 2-3 times.
That one scene of his is only good memory of that film for me. Even good actors are helpless sometimes if Director is hell bent on following some synthetic treatment for his film.
@ Ratnakar, Lol… there are so many coming up now.. MPKDH surely wins amongst MPK, Vivaah and HSSH. What’s with Beaches, Dessert, Mountains all at one place. What was it called? Sunder-something? or something else?
but AB jr saving grace? U sure? He was hardly there. and in that hardly-there moment he did nothing but blush-sing-blush-get irate-leave.
Boom is a perfect addition for the torture series. 3 models who can’t act, AB Sr hamming away to glory, Jackie Shroff and Gulshan Grover looking lost. The only thing i liked about that movie was Zeenie Baby, who looked much more glam than those 3 bimbettes.
@Oxy for me he and Pankaj Kapoor, looked the only sane persons in that flick. Well AB Jr, did give some good performances before, and i felt that this was one. Not great but decent.
@ RK
I guess basic problem in MPKDH, tried to mix KJO-Yash Raj style with a Rajshri background, and it ended up neither here nor there.
For one reason, i felt Vivaah was a better movie, it stuck to it’s background, and did not attempt to be something else.
@ ratnakar —- in BOOM, there was a scene in which one of the three model is doing some kind of crappy dance for AB.
AB says” Yeh Yahaan Kab Aayegi”
That was AB at his best….
apart form that, a complete torture
@ Shreyas, how can u miss MPKDH… it’s a gem, a classic.. haha… for Kaala Vivaah will be based on Black, Shahid in Rani’s role while Saif will play AB. And for young Rani (played by Ayesha), we can take Kareena. Let Saif enjoy Kapur and Kapoor.
If you guys can include MPK, HAHK, Vivah etc in torture series then day is not far when whole Hindi film industry will look like a hell pouring down or throwing up material for this torture.
Great going Guys !
A consistent audience may have issue with some portion of these films but to call them torture series is stretching the matter too much.
If an audience is sent to watch a film whose genere he does not like then its a different matter but if an audience has been liking some films in that genre then HAHK, MPK and Vivah can not be termed as belonging to torture series.
Because this inclusion will demand narrowing down approach in every area of these films, music, story, characterization, performances, direction etc etc.
Even if films of a single director Suraj Barjatya are considered and any of you call them crappy films, then also there will be a difference among MPK, HAHK, Vivah and then HSSH and then MPKDH.
They all can not remain on same level.
If all of them tortured you then you are not an audience of this genre of films.
@ RK - the glass is always half full
For me, a movie is not only 4 entertainment. It is much more than that.
Its like people who only enjoy T20s wud find test matches boring. 4 me(us) the movies u mentioned are a real torture. but 4 many others those are good movies.
I am sure there will be many guys 4 whom the movies in TORTURE series are good movies.
Glass is always half empty
@ RK, well, in that case ‘Ashanti’ and others mentioned might have been loooveeeeed by many in that era. Why that era? I know of a person who loves Raj Kumar’s and Mithun’s movies to any kind of flick, be it any. If there is a Raj Kumar or Mithun movie (be it any) on Zee Cinema, dare we change the channel. Otherwise he is nice chap. So, same way the movies mentioned by me and others here are torture for us.. simple.
@No Shreyansh,
Why glass is half full. We may always fill it up to the top, Its filled completely:)
anyway,
if without explanation you guys continue ridiculing all the films then its an attempt to give a torture to the filmmaking team.
If you saw his films periodically and first saw MPK then you knew what kind of films he was going to make. Was MPK a torture to you at that time in 1989?
If yes then why you wasted money and time on HAHK in 1994-95. and its still admissible as one can do a mistake, why repeating same mistake again on HSSH and why doing horrible mistake of watching MPKDH?
and when all hopes were lost why to give a chance to Vivah?
watching to ridicule Suraj later?
You must take responsibility that inspite of knowing the fact what kind of Films Suraj has been making and you certainly did not like them but still you wasted your time on his films.
No?
Audience are always divided among several age groups and understanding levels so surely a film will pull or repel them in a different way.
Cant we find people calling even classic films as crappy films?
People are there.
But when we are making comments on a cinema related site then its understood that cine literate people are discussing things and they are able to back up their impressions about any film they are discussing and statements are not made aise hee.
No cine literate person will be able to search more than 25% suitable material in the films included in torture series.
People having joy in Mithun’s films like Gunda etc but they enjoy the follishness and not the cinematic merits. and this enjoyment is based on hidden ridiculing such films.
That is the point.
One may not like the treatment of films of so many big named filmmakers but only a foolish mind will discard their films in one sentence that they are crappy films.
One could not connect with the films, is a different matter.
A person loving Titanic in 1997 and hating it in 2007 is not a consistent audience. S/he may have some issues with the film in 2007 because her/his senses have developed but s/he can not call it completely a crappy film.
This outlook is not justified.
Now when senses are developed then one must have ability to dissect what are the things which are not appealing now.
Remember seeing this in a cinema hall…. clearly remember the scene where Amrish Puri tongue kisses a snake…..wonder why we don’t have such menacing villains anymore?
@ RK, while i wud not classify, MPK, HAHK or Vivaah as torture, they are just not in the league of Rajshri’s earlier movies like Dosti, Saudagar, Piya Ka Ghar, Chitchor, Tapasya or Kora Kagaz to name a few. Most of those movies had those powerful emotional moments, which i found sadly missing in the later movies, IMO.
@Rk
Even i dont agree that Suraj movies (MPK, HAHK) etc belongs to torture series…they quite simple and fun movies with some drama added…
I also like to say, that even i used to enjoy this kind of action movies when i was in school, used to rush to cinema when ever a brand new action movies released…mostly in 90-94 like yalgaar, tehalka etc…and used to hate soft movies…i dint see kabhi haan kabhi na fully when it got release (i saw it again after some time and liked it much ) but as i grew and gained more senses my taste of cinema actually changed and then i saw all these old classics like golmaal, padosan, chupke chupke, naram garam, anand to say few…so i believe that taste of an audience may change over time (atleast in growing years)
@Prashant N,
Yes taste may change over the years but cinematic understanding is also developed. We read comics in childhood and we leave them while we move over to Novels and some kind of serious literature but many of us read comics for what they are, we get an understanding to keep things in different compartments. We learn this thing as we grow more.
@ RK - i agree with u when u say that cine literate should have a valid point when criticizing a movie.
But 4 a movie to be good, it should pass the test of time, The argument that it was a good movie in that era, does not hold true.
Mughal-e-aazam,pyaasa,sangam, kaagaz ke phool, just to name a few, can be seen and enjoyed even today.
just like a good book, a good movie transcends time.
the likeness for a movie may vary according to a person’s age, but a general yardstick to judge movies don’t change.
A Satya will be a Satya, even in 2028.
@Oxy (38),
As I see, Oz had started this torture series to expose the facts before new bloggers who make hell lot of noise over a film. His intention was to express that such films were made in the past also and some people watched them and survived as an audience:)
Every post of his giving so many details and he has not posted a one liner comment that this film belonged to torture series. Why it was a torture for him, he has taken pain to record those things.
You also do that and things are fine.:)
Moreover back then Internet was not there and information was very limited and people did not have options and still they were able to watch films of great filmmakers (contemporary) also.
Being a modern audience when Internet is just 5 minutes away from you all the time, are you able to sort out what kind of films you have to watch?
Now best of National and International cinema is just 20 minutes away from you, then are you able to resist the temptation to watch a new released film which you know that would turn out as average or below average and in that precious time you can watch a wonderful film and can write about that to encourage the filmmaker if he is contemporary or can introduce to other people who have not seen the great film?
Why to attend films with no possibility with so much seriousness?:)
we have options today.
@ RK, but is it also not true that we always look for some improvement. And people around try to convince it’s better than the last and we end up watching it. MPKDH in promos was nothing like HAHLK n MPK. It was shown as something refreshing, something not-rajshree Fir kya hua.. End product was worst than aforementioned 2 movies. (this was in general, may be on behalf of junta)), but if you ask me personally then nothing gives me more kick than watching these flicks. I dig for them, I go gaga..
And yes, I completely agree that his series have been of top class. So much of detailing is not an easy task. And as you said You also do that and things are fine.:), to be very straight and honest I cannot put it the way he has done. But not a bad idea. I will try to write something on similar lines.
@Shreyansh (44),
“Time” thing is not always true. What if a great film is lying there but you dont know about it?
If you have not seen before will you become agree with me that Hrishikesh Mukharjee made his best film in family dramas in the form of Anuradha?
Only few films cross boundary of 20 years and they can be counted on fingers.
and even contemporary great films dont appeal to general audience. I am not sure how many can watch Do Beegha Zameen with an interest,
I am not sure how many modern audience can understand Teesi Kasam for what it actually is?
Has it transcend the time? Perhaps not but this remains as finest film of Basu Bhattacharya in so many manners.
—
But cine literate audience is a different species.
These people watch old films for their merits and they know very well that they have to give energy to start watching and only after accepting the film in the very begining mystery behind these old films can be revealed to a new or first timer.
In so many years so many films have been following good films of past and they improve some weaknesses of old films and audience who has seen these new versions may not sit to watch oldies but a cine literate audience can get the merits which were new at that time.
and sometimes people just sit on fame and name of director or film.
No Satya will not remain the same film in 2028 as its not same in 2008 as it was in 1998 when it was released.
But at same time its possible that it will not be finished completely and though average audience may find it difficult to sit through it in 2018 but cine literate audience may watch it for its merits.
Did Mughal-i-Azam witness same kind of success in 2006 0r 2007 whenever it was re-released in coloured format as it had got in 1960? or even all those years it has been earning money in many cities in many cinema hals all those years but still re-release did not see that kind of response as it had seen at the time of its first release.
and cinematic merits remain same, only new audience may not like the genere now and old format of the film and they might have given more money to historical films made and released in modern times. But this BO collection does not reduce the brilliance of MIA. We have to develop our skills at that level where we can understand those merits.
@Oxy (46)
I guess you are saying filmmakers claim its different this time so you go to watch and you go consciously and you enjoy watching them and later you doubly enjoy making jokes about them.
And you are saying that you find MPKDH was worse than MPK and HAHK.
If you know some film is going to be bad and you spend 100 Rs on that film then you are encouraging that director also to make same kind of film again and on the other hand a good director’s better product is avoided and then market can send him in to despondencies.
You are ready to spend hours on writing on bad films while so many good films have been existing which need more footage and focus
This thing I dont understand.
Surely your writings will be improved and you may develop a skill ion sarcasm etc but its not going to help cinema a bit. Good cinema needs enocouragement from all sides, economically and philosophically. Why not to spend limited energy we have got on encouraging good efforts?
Its a proven fact that even discussion brings bad products in to life.
@Oxy though Rakhee was the eternal behenji I liked her in Doosra Aadmi,Tapasya,Kabhie Kabhie,Daag,Basera and Reshma aur Shera.Actually her choice of films was much better than most of her contemporaries specially hema.Also she got more heroine oriented roles than anyone else at that time(’78-’81) except Rekha who was the numero uno.
@RK
i think a very good movie rajhshri’s made was Nadiya Ke paar which they later remade as HAHK…
@Ashwin (50),
Yes thats their best film till date as far as true characterization and right treatment to a plot is concerned. I have never seen Ram Mohan performing at that higher level. That localization effect on the whole film makes it a simple but wonderful film.
@RK thanks for reminding me of Teesri Kasam,Anuradha and Do Beegha Zameen, three classics by three great filmmakers.In fact it reminds me of two more films by Basu Bhattacharya Anubhav(brilliant music and swan song of Geeta Dutt with Sanjeev Kumar and Tanuja in the lead) and Grihapravesh(a lesser known but brilliant film starring Sanjeev Kumar,Sharmila and Sarika).Actually we miss filmmakers with such sensitivity..
@Anindya,
yes all those Basu Bhattacharya’s films were good.
He made another film with minimum dialogues Avishkar. Rajesh Khanna was the lead actor and it should be bit brave on his part to do this film at the peak of his commercial career.
Re: Rakhi, you quoted some of her good films.
If any newcomer ever can give the scene she had given in Reshma Aur Shera when she finds out that her husband Ranjeet has been killed and she has been made a widow on same day when she was married, then actress should be awarded. Her spontaneous crying scene piece of amazing performance.
Those who have to see glamorous Rakhi they should watch Sharmili and to some extent Blackmail and Heera Panna, banarasi babu. Her good performance can be seen in many of 70s films when she did some parallel cinema also.
—-
I have often wondered what this word Behanji type means? It should be interesting to see when actually they started using this word in hindi films and roots will not go beyond the starting of economic liberalization era.
If an actress is playing a sister of lead characters, will she be called Behanji type or not?
Or a simple looking woman character will be called behanji type because she is not sending male minds on phantasy tour?
is there any clear cut definition of behanji type?
@ RK (48), I did not say anywhere that I knew that some film (MPKDH) was going to be bad. I meant MPKDH was definitely shown in promos as something else (read not 20 family members singing n dancing together and many other things that were in MPK n HAHK), it was a refreshing change compared to Rajshrees earlier works. so of course I went out and checked the movie. But after watching I found it worst than his previous works (if I compare his works). Thats what I meant.
And by kick and gaga I never expected you to construe that it’s some way of getting a hold on sarcasm. And as you rightly said good movies are lying there to get focused and covered, I feel bad ones too are lying there to get covered so that if any one reads it knows what not to do.:)
@Oxy,
seeing your ethusiasm on covering such films which you consider as crappy films, I had guessed that you wish to earn a control over writing a satire.
and you rightly have taken this huge project in hand to cover bad things so that they are not repeated. This is also a great social service.
Hope to read great pieces filled with high class satire.
All the Best.
@Rk ya avishkar was good too.In fact Rajesh Khanna got the filmfare for it.And yes the scene that you quoted from Reshma aur Shera was simply mindblowing.and well behenji actually refers to a woman which a man no longer fantasizes about.Rather he looks upon her as a sister,mother,aunt,chachi,mami but never thinks of possessing her as a girlfriend.
@ RK, No my lord, u guessed it wrong. I do intend to write on them but I never considered earning a control over satire. And it’s not that I have taken any project in hand; writing on them comes easy so I said it. Thanks.:)
A simple mention of Avishkar and Anubhav rekindles my emotions. its been a few yrs when i watched both the movies and became a fan of Basu da.
Anubhav : its a simple movie, one of the best focusing on husband wife relationship. It had some beautiful songs which i still keep in my playlist. Meri jaan mujhe jaan na kaho and eternal classic Phir kahin koi phool khila makes my day.
Avishakar: again theme is husband wife relationship. i still remember as soon as i put the VCD in my comp and got to listen another classic from Mannadey (hasne ki chah ne itna mujhe rulaaya hai) , i knew i was going to see another faboulous movie.
Dear Oz
Insightful comments on Rawail, Mukul Anand, JP etc. You missed out on Raaj N Sippy there. His INKAAR and SATTE PE SATTA were cool. But he thereafter degenerated to MR BOND and worse, JIMMY !! Another sad downfall in the 80s was that of Vijay Anand. RAJPUT, RAM BALRAM and such stuff wasn’t what was expected from him.
Thanks RK@36. You put it perfectly. I believe that they were good , feel-good films. Much better than the great “dark” films that we see today, highly praised by many.
Hathyaar was a “gem” Oz..rated or unrated, I don’t care..it was tops for me…what characters..Dharamji, Rishiji and Baba with his dopey eyes..underworld’s first smooth film IMO..
OZ Bro,
LOL.. LOL (Hindi : Hanso bahar zor se!! Hanso bahar zor se!!)
A bug in your program…
The word is Laanchan and not lalchan ……….
Hi Guys,
Oz keep it going, though i feel Dino would be very happy being Himesh, at least Himesh has some talent.
One thing that i feel very strongly about passion for cinema guys is that you can equally be passionate without unnecessarily talking stupid.
Ashanti though is a good case for tortures series i agree with Oz.
Maine pyar kiya as torture series was too much.
OZ, This one would not have matched the Rolling on the floor laughing laughter that I had earlier in your posts but for the lines which you wrote for:
*first Shabana -Khanna dialogues
*Bhain ki takki
*Men has to go for it when it comes. The legs werent there
*Kanwaljeet danced
*Bob - mithun Babi face off
Keep it coming …
P.S. : I think the late 80s and early 90s have some equally good classics that I could remember. would someday like to wrie something similar about “Shiv-Ram”, “Paap ki Duniya” ” Jeete Hai Shaan se” ” Ilaaka” ” “Khatron ke khiladi” “Rakhwala” “lootere” ” Benaam Badshah”, Ram Avtar, “Banjaran”, “Sooryavanshi”, “Army”, “shankara”, “Elaan-e-jung”"Zalzala” ” paap ka ant” “Hifazat” …..
will request you to write one on atleast one of these
Gawd! i took too long to finish this one…cudn’t lauff and read at the same time
Neva watched this movie, don think I eva will either..
A gun in the form of a crutch..hahahhaa..thank ye god we don have a gun in the form of a leg..hahah..howlarious!!
What a perfect mid-week crisis healer!
Hello Oz Sir, I just finished other articles of this ongoing series of yours. You clearly have hit the ‘new age bloggers’ with all the vengeance. I in a way agree to it but then what do you have to say about the reviewers like Taran, Raja Sen, Rajeev Masand et al? They pretty well seem to be the learned ones of Indian Cinema. But what they say/write/speak of a movie is most of the times stinks of bias. Also for sure they were born much before 1985. Wouldn’t it be then fair to put them too in ‘new age bloggers’ category? As I and few others got into discussion above, we were told that what we call a torture is not actually a torture compared to the torture you and others underwent in 80s. I completely agree. You also mentioned the conditions of theaters then and how it was a pain to go through the torture on-screen and at the same time off-screen. I agree. But is it really our mistake that we weren’t born in late 60s or early 70s to share the same torture? I am 81 born and I do not know which exact year in your terminology is the year after which everyone belongs to ‘new age blogger’. I presume anyone who is born after 80. The movies in the series are those which we did not see in theater but on a comfy sofa at home. However, there were movies which were released in 90s and we fid them equally torture. How does it matter then whether we watched them in theaters full of bugs or in PVR and INOX. However, let me tell you that a 81 born has more or less similar experience as a 60s or 70s born has as there were no good theaters till late 90s in most parts of the country. And particularly in my case, it would be 2001 to be exact when I first entered an AC theater and 2005 for PVR or INOX. With due respect to your torture series, I would like to say as teenager in 90s I found HAHK, HSSH, MPKDH, Hindustan Ki Kasam, Kohraam, Laal Baadhshah and many other mindless flicks of David-Govinda torturous enough. Internet too was not 5 mins away like now to decide to go or not. RK Sir advised why unnecessarily spend time watching a movie with no possibility and instead watch a wonderful one and write on it. I agree, though it’s the current situation. Way back in 90s the situations were more or less similar to 80s. Those were my thoughts. I am ending it as I do not really know what to add more to make it not look an abrupt close.
trust me, cinema would have been much better in the 80’s if they were on ganja and vodka
Please saar, don’t write peaces like this. Please saar, When I am at work, I read, I laugh, I die cos stomach burst into pieces.
-yours Gratefully Dead.
This is screamingly howlarious!!! I remember I had seen few bits and pieces of this great movie “Asha Aunty” and was so impressed in my impressionable age of 10 that I swore I will grow up one day and watch “Deshdrohi”.
Kaka and Dev A were never the Last action Heroes but I guess they were pushing the envelope and pushed it too far in few movies like these.
That gun in the crutch thing is also used in a movie ‘Vijaypath’ with Ajay devgan in the lead……Nice Article