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This could only happen in Bollywood..Song & Dance is not the only unique feature of our Hindi Film Industry..There is this very unusual and peculiar syndrome prevalent in the industry that I think has no parallel anywhere in the world..

You join a director to assist..A hot shot one or a shot-down version..You are all excited and full of enthusiasm to learn, to get an exposure and to be part of real film-making..You have heard a lot about the director..Or you are one who is desperate enough to join any unheard of director because the real,arrived ones won’t hear you out, let alone take you as an assistant..So you join the director–any director.

You want to absorb his vision..To bask in his creativity..To contribute your own two bit..And you are in for a rude shock..Because the director concerned is not the only one who is captaining the ship..During the numerous story sittings, music sittings, screenplay sittings, dialogue sittings there is someone who is sitting at the back and driving the show..And that one is none other than director’s wife, fiance’ or latest fling..Fiance’ or Fling can be handled but God help you if you have to deal with the director’s wife..Because she is not what she is..She is madam, she is adamant and she drives the man mad.. in colloquial parlance she is referred to as Bhabhiji..

Now Bhabhiji can really become pain as the things progress..In a proverbial manner she is given an inch and she takes the whole tent..Her interference will be in every department of film making, except for Action Direction ( Action Directors rejoice!)..Anything approved by the director may be coming okayed from dear Bhabhiji..And her interference is reverentially referred to as her contribution and valuable opinion.

Just because she can shop for her director husband’s shirts and pants, gives her a licence to take up the mantle of costume designer for the whole film..And if you have some reservations or objections to her talent and training, then like a prospectus for any public issue you do it at your own risk.

When it comes to song selection, many a music directors (especially the wannabes) have lost their vocal chords trying to explain and express their thoughts on their own compositions to Bhabhijis..But if Bhabhijis don’t like a composition, they don’t like it..Ask them what exactly is not going with the essence of the story or theme, they don’t have any rationale..It’s just that they are not happy with it..And if you are a mule enough you could stand a risk of losing your music-composing opportunity..Because Bhabhiji could be a bull in a china shop and literally bully you to tow her feelings.

Behind every great man there is a woman, nagging him that he is not hot enough..In Bollywood since every director aspires to be great, his wife becomes his greatest inspiration..Or so it is portrayed in this very hypocritical environment..A director may be cursing his wife, her interference, her presence, but during the process of film-making he will bear with her..tolerate her unreasonable demands..I wonder why?..Even ADs wonder and have their own take on these Bhabhijis..And it has been observed that most of them curse Bhabhijis for all the ills plaguing the movie-making process and how their presence is spoiling the whole movie as a whole..They also wonder at the end of their chai and cigarette session as to why their idol-of-a-director is bearing with such a dominant presence and sitting idle without taking any action in this regard!Is it a bed or bread issue! There could be numerous viewpoints..

I have a theory to explain this..To me it seems,it works out well for the director in an ultimate analysis to tag along his wife in film-making…He can wear the mantle of a tortured soul in his chase to manifest his passion..’Poor me’, that’s what he wants to tell his ADs..He is a victim..He could have scaled great heights, achieved excellence but for this stone around his neck..

Or it could be a ploy where both the director and his wife are playing a game of good cop-bad cop..Either the director is a goody-goody guy with shrew for a wife..Or the director is the devil and the ‘Bhabhiji’ acts as a soothing balm to stretched-to-their-undies’ elastic ADs..But it seems this game of good cop-bad cop is more conducive to producer and his wife..Where the producer is a goody-goody guy and dear Bhabhiji is handling the finances..Then just try asking money from her..For one, you can’t threaten her..You can’t yell at her and scream and shout about the sweat and sleepless nights you have given for the project..If you do that, you stand a chance for being accused of an assault..Or you could be subjected to that hydro power before which your demands for your hard earned money will just wash away..

The directors and producers will cheat,two-time, betray but when it comes to giving sound bytes to media on the release of their film, they will thank their mother and their wife for all the inspiration they gave them to attain their vision..And you could just pray whether to ingratiate yourself to Bhabhiji to get your ideas across or payments made..

Or you could redo a Veeru’s water-tank scene and just blabber : ‘Sab kuchh achha thha lekin Bhabhi ne beech mein aakey bhaanji maar di’ (All was going well but Bhabhiji messed up the whole thing)!