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An unidentified brown man (insert ethnicity/race you despise) was finally arrested in Manhattan’s Flatiron District after a bloodlust rampage that has left in its wake, 3 dead and 22 injured from serious stab wounds. The victims include 5 women, and two grade school children. He was brought down by another brown man (insert ethnicity/race you like) Striker, a soccer player, and actor. It is unclear if Striker knew the man, whom he referred to as “dabba.”

The cause of the attacks continue to remain a mystery, but everyone agrees that the assailant had emotional and psychological problems. Several witnesses in Murray Hill, fondly called Curry Hill for the Indian restaurants and stores in the neighborhood (the chicken tikka masala is to DIE for), noticed a man who they believed to be Navajo or Sioux Indian, wielding a blood-dripping ceremonial knife and saying some weird chant “Bhill come, bhill come.” They thought nothing of it as this was after all New York, and stranger things have happened.

The first victim seems to have been a clerk at a specialty video store that carried Bollywood movies. He was stabbed repeatedly in the chest. The assailant then ran out, slicing and dicing people along his bloody way. Even women and children were not spared by the mad man. Little Niko was on the way to his 6th birthday party, before he fell to this senseless act. His bereft parents, who could not stop the “knife-wielding banshee” are trying to make sense of what happened. Their repeated refrain, “Why Niko? What did he ever do to anyone?”

It seems Dabba was fuelled by rage, and moved so quickly that it was too late before passersby realized what was going on. In a chilling development, right in the middle of his butchery, he found time to stop by a bar for a drink and even flirt with the bartender. When questioned later, the bartender was surprised and said, “He was a regular. A little weird, but nothing out of the ordinary…this is New York. He always tipped very well.”

Shortly after the drink, the disturbed man attacked an Irish soccer team at the same bar, and inflicted deep penetrating wounds to 8 members of the team, one of which included the brown Striker. But this story has a happy ending.

While his team mates writhed on the floor in a pool of blood, Striker ran into the kitchen, clutching his stomach to stop the bleeding. He grabbed a cast iron skillet and a saucepan, and in a heroic turn of events, chased after the madman.

Passersby could not believe what transpired next.

“It was like straight out of Streetfighter 2. This one dude is swinging his knife like crazy, and slicing the air, and this other cat…he’s bleeding and his shirt is soaked, but he’s holding 2 pans, in a dojo stance,” said Alex Griffin, a resident of the neighborhood.

The assailant was browbeaten into submission, without the use of any force. Just the threat of kitchen pans! Dabba has been admitted to the Bellevue for psychiatric help.

As detectives investigated his motives, they traced back the timeline of the bloody rampage to posh Park Avenue, where Dabba helped an old Jewish lady, who could potentially have been his first victim.

78 year old Dorothy Sabinski dismisses that the man was dangerous and said, “He was a very sweet young man. So considerate.” Just as Dabba helped her cross the street, she said, “Thank You.”