What I learnt from Hollywood?
The best teacher in life has been Hollywood movies for me. No university on earth, could possibly equip me with the vast knowledge and information i got from Hollywood. It is not possible for me to put all the knowledge out here, but just sharing some tidbits. You are welcome to contribute your knowledge also.
So here are some of my lessons.
Never get too horny or too steamy, with your girl. Your moments of pleasure, could be disturbed by either a bomb blast in the adjacent room( Munich), or by snakes( Snakes on a Plane). Also in case of a chase, the guys somehow manage to crash into your room, disturbing your moments of bliss, or you could have aliens peeping inside( Mars Attacks). Also if there is a disaster or some animals attack, you could end up one of the first victims. Mind you this happens to only side characters or extras. Somehow the hero and heroine do seem to have all the time in the world to make love, and talk after it, without the slighest disturbance.
One can defuse a nuclear bomb, just by typing some keys on a computer, remotely( The Peacemaker). Actually my friend had the best answer for it “Come on yaar, she is Nicole Kidman, she can do anything”.
To date i have no idea, how a plane that crashes because there is no fuel, still manages to explode.
Generally whenever a flight is hijacked, the pilot, co pilot and flight engineer are the first to get bumped off. Unless of course the pilot is the hero, in which case he would be hiding somewhere in the flight. Even if you dont know flying, you can still fly the aircraft, just by sitting at the console, pressing some buttons, and listening to control tower.
You can blow up a plane that is taking off, simply by setting your lighter to the fuel that is leaking off. In defiance of all laws of physics and thermodynamics, the fire will go all the way up to the flight, and cause it to explode( Die Hard 2).
A machine gun, that falls down, will still keep firing bullets randomly, and those bullets actually hit the bad guys accurately. Maybe they have some extra sensory perception.( True Lies).
When the bad guys take over a train or flight or building, the hero will always be there, due to some reason, but for some reason, he manages to escape the bad guys, and then proceeds to kill them off one by one. ( Die Hard, Under Siege).
Be it sharks( Jaws), or snakes( Anaconda) or crocs( Lake Placid), their first victim will always be a female, and that too skimpily dressed. Hmmm
Arabs will always talk in a funny accent, most of the time they are terrorists or hijackers, wanting to blow up New York City. At times there will be good Arabs, but they need the help of the Great White Man, to save them from the opression of the nasty Arab ruler( Jewel of the Nile).
Japanese are usually bad evil soldiers or criminals in shadowy organizations and if they are businessmen its even worse( Rising Sun). Chinese are usually part of some shady drug rings, doing a lot of black magic, and all of them know kung fu, never mind that in real life, most Chinese are normal.
Generally when bad guys plant bombs, they give the timing in big letters, so that the hero knows how much time is left, and he can detonate it. Also the hero everytime just manages to detonate the bomb, when its 1 sec left.
It is possible to escape from a nuclear explosion, by running away in your bike( Chain Reaction) or in your jeep( Broken Arrow).
People driving in movies never seem to have trouble finding parking space.
During car chases, a fruit cart will be smashed, a sheet of glass will be broken, cars will drive on sidewalks and last but not the least, they brake just in time to avoid hitting a toddler or a mother with her small child.
The hero has an accurate aim, one shot, the bullet hits the petrol tank, and BOOM.
I certainly want to know what kind of cars are driven in car chases. They go on for so long time, over such long distances, and never seem to run out of fuel. Maybe i need to find out from GM or Chrysler, what is the secret.
It takes just 2 tries for a hacker to get into a computer.
Also i marvel at the agility of our movie computer professionals, who never seem to make a single error, while typing on the computer.
Yeah and i also wonder how people in New York City, manage to get those large roomy apartments, right on the top, and a lovely view of the city.
Characters take just around 5 seconds to talk on phone, but they turn out and tell the whole story to other persons in the room. Standard scene in most detective movies
Hero: Hello, Ok, Yes, Ok fine, Right, Thanks, Bye( On the phone).
Hero( turns around to room): It seems that the guy was reported last at Brooklyn Avenue 5, wearing a Dodgers Baseball cap, and a Arizona Wildcat Teeshirt. The suspect went down to the subway, and took the train on Line 1, and ……..
The Chief of Police is usually Black, and 8 out of 10 times, he ends up disagreeing with the hero, before comming in for the climax, and taking the bad guy away.
They say you hear nothing in Space, but how is that when spacecrafts or space stations explode, you hear a loud Boom sound.
You can easily walk into a Nazi camp, simply by saying Heil Hitler, and speaking some basic German.
Whenever the bad guy captures the hero, he will give him an entire low down, on his plans, strategies everything. Usually he turns out to be some one the hero knows. But the most sensible thing, is when you capture your rival, bump him off on spot.
If you are in war, never carry a picture of your Momma/Girlfriend/Love in your wallet. Somehow the enemies bullet always seems to find such people accurately.
Well this is not an exhaustive list. More additions to this are welcome. Have fun.
PS: I still love Hollywood flicks.
Tags: Hollywood Cliches.
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
LOL!
according to Indiana Jones, hiding in a refrigerator is the best way to survive a nuclear attack. somehow the refrigerator falls a long way from the blast site and you can walk out of it. unscathed.
the parking bit is so true yaar. people in movies always find a parking spot right in front of the place they are visiting.
all the good looking guys/gals in the movie, except for the protagonist are very likely to be evil.
supercomputers in movies are most likely to be evil (eagle eye), and also they never have a main power supply switch. you have to take out a number of liquid nitrogen (or some other shit) filled vials to shut it down.
You speak of telephone conv. For me (hindi and eng films) the most irksome thing is whenever a character makes a call, he / she dials the first sec and immed the next its “hello..” Damn, atleast a ring duration wud be ok. Its worse if its a landline. And then what you you’ve said follows…:)
Then in this James Bond film, (I think the 007 series cud be a treasure trove of such learnings) Pierce Brosnan and Denise Richards defuse a nuclear bomb which has been pushed down a pipe (this is what i remem) and when there is blast, the pipe breaks and zooop…both of them come out into the open without a scratch and 007 with his customary setting his coat straight and walking away coolly..I guess these people are immune to the heat that generated in any expln…
What I learnt from Hollywood is;
Food Items are for throwing,
not for EATING!!!
So true Shekhar!!! Any such scene, the charac at max nibble a little and the get up n food goes into the sink n into the bin …
@Arthi
Yes, and in Comedy films, they ridicule food like anything,
Classic Hindi Movie scene no.420:
Raj Singhania (head honcho of company): Haan, tumhari job pakki. Kal se office aa jaana. (Gives indulgent and cheesy/sleazy smile)
Priya (shy job applicant): Ok sir, main aa jaungi (smiles coyly, fluttering eyelashes)
Raj: Sir nahi- call me Raj
Priya: Ok Sir
Raj: Phir sir..?
Priya: I mean, okay (with mild hesitation and embarassment) Raj (lips trembling)
Raj: Hahaha. See you tomorrow… Aur ek baat-
Priya: Yes si… I mean Raj?
Raj: Aur mukhe apni cofee mein cheeni zyaada pasand hai…
Gud post budy………..
hollywood is an inspiration..
Dont forget the pets of heroes
jhakaaaas in the mask the dogy as high as 8-10 feets……..wow i need a dogy like dat..
dont forget the rousing speech before the climactic battle :D
@ Ratnakar
Brilliant mate!!!and to think people think its bollywood alone which thrives on cliches!!!
and what about the fact that its always the Americans who are out to save the world ( whether its a superhero movie or not)???
what about the L-shaped bed-sheet? It covers the female till the neck and the males till his waist!
About the cars, y dont they ever lock them?
y does it take only 1 bullet , or sometimes even less than 1 to kill the sidekicks?
1 bomb can kill atleast 10 sidekicks.
u can bring down a chopper with a car (Die Hard 4)
Hindi Movies …
Coffee mugs & Suitcases with money
.. they are always empty (and so light) !
gr8 post ratnakar,
i always amuse that hero always know all telephone nos by heart, he never see the phone book even dialing to villain, friend or his boss
lolz
Good Post
After reading this post, i remember a funny thing in the movie “Twister” released in the year 1996.
The funny thing is that whenever the twister comes and with our hero and heroine, after that suddenly it disappears.. Really..Believe me..On all the occasion it happens the same.. First under the wooden bridge taking their truck, then after circling their truck and the cow flying scene,third.. on the road up the cliff-the tree or electric post bump off the machine “dorothy” and disappears and also in the final scene when helen hunt have the inside view of the twister of Category 5or 6 it simply vanishes.. U guys check it out.
Ratna,
Good stuff there. There’s an archive for cliches here- www.moviecliches.com/
My personal favourite is- The bedhseet/ quilt used after a steamy sex scene is always “L- shaped”, which can cover the woman upto the bust but ends at the waist level of the guy……hilarious.
Also, if ony we could get lockers at chest lever everytime, like they show in the movie !
Cheers!
~fe~
However, I don’t think the climax lighter & plane blow up scene of Die Hard defies laws of physics. However i would like to experiment that myself, once
Cheers!
~fe~
by the way it is seriously possible for you and I to fly a plane thats on auto anyway …with a couple of instructions… hope you get an opportunity to become a super hero !