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Whatever the course, the end is the renown…
I guess a lot of things can knock you on your ass. The real test is how you get back on your feet.
The last few months for me have been quite the introspective journey. You see, a few months back my public service contract had expired leaving me unemployed. I had all the time in the world to do what the one thing I’ve been complaining I never had enough time to do: write. Stories, treatments, screenplays. The thing is, I didn’t really have a subject or story that I really wanted to write about.
The last story cultivating in my head, I had already written, revised & re-drafted to the point where I really don’t to touch it anymore. This process also used up much of my “creative juices”, leaving me almost dry.
A director friend of mine wanted me to develop a concept for him. So while the thought of having something to write did excite me, somehow I still didn’t have anything exciting to write. He even conceptualized a brilliant opening sequence, and narrated it to me as a starting point, likely hoping the script would only get better from there. Well… it didn’t.
As I’m sure many of you reading could very well relate, the writers in particular, when you “push” the story forward, forcing plot and character development, the end results usually aren’t very good. So we tried playing around with sequences, tried to get inventive and innovative with various plot twists and reveals. We even came up with a few really great scenes, some true “wow” moments came out of our brainstorming… but as I writer I wasn’t satisfied with how it was all coming together.
So the director dude, also a good friend, sat me down and gave me “the talk”…
“Tony… what are you doing with your life? Is this what you busted your ass in school for? Back then all you’d talk about where the 20 great original films you wanted to write and direct. Today I come to you, and you have jack shit. You haven’t even been able to develop anything substantial with what I gave you. What’s happened to you man… have you lost your creativity? Or worse… have you lost the drive to make your passion into your career… I’m your friend, so I have to tell you… I don’t see a whole lot of commitment from your end.”
Honestly, it wasn’t the lack of commitment. I tried; I put in the time, the thought, and the energy. I looked everywhere for some spark, something that would open up that creative flow. But for some damn reason, it just wasn’t there when I needed it the most.
And then, I read Anurag’s rant. It was titled “IN DEFENCE OF THE “I””. You know the one where he went off about how
“a lot of people right here on pfc who wants to be filmmakers but can’t because they do not have the heart to lose their sense of security…”
Well yeah, but…
“a lot of people do the mundane jobs they don’t want to but do not step out because they get insecure.. rahoonga kahan, khaoonga kya, paise kahan se aayenge”
Par yeh sab bhi to sochna padhta hai na… aakhir yeh zindagi hai, zimidaariyan hai, yeh sab dekhna padhta hai. Family hai, ghar chalana hai… Am I less of a man or less of an artist because I too have worldly needs and responsibilities?
“i can love them but not respect them..”
That really affected me. It shook me up. I don’t know Anurag, besides his films and his blogs. But it felt very personal. As personal as my friend questioning my passion and commitment to films. It depressed me. It made me think about how far off I am from the path I dreamt I’d be on by now. It made me realize that all education, the training, the experience on sets, working in media, on small indie productions, on student films, on documentaries, dramas, comedies & commercials… the countless hours dreaming, planning, plotting… the days spent writing, reading, getting frustrated, thinking, re-thinking and re-writing…
All of that, in the end, has equated to nothing. That my friends, is a very tough pill to swallow.
And then, sitting in some restaurant with that very friend, in the middle of some random conversation, I got it. Out of nowhere I had this concept for a story, and before you know it the ideas were flowing out. I began to simultaneously narrate the ideas, break them down, and build them into sequences.
That afternoon I feverishly made notes, just trying to get everything from my mind onto paper. This time I wasn’t forcing myself to “come up with something good”… the thoughts just kept flowing, the pieces falling neatly into place. Within 2 weeks we had a very solid beginning, middle and end, not to mention a group of complex, flawed and real characters that I’m genuinely fascinated with. Finally the wheels were moving…
That was 2-3 weeks back, and I’ve continued to develop the treatment since. Oh, and I’ve also got a new job, so yeah its back to work. Things seem to be getting back on track, which I have to say feels pretty nice.
I’d like to think “All’s well that ends well”… but something tells me this is only the beginning…
30 Responses to “Whatever the course, the end is the renown…”
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Hi Tony,
Count me as being in a similar situation; that of flip-flopping between my less than ‘commercially viable’ passions (writing, etc) and making a living. For a few years I pretty-much gave up on writing, concentrated on ‘real work’ and was miserable for it. Still not back into it fully, but trying.
I too have been in situations with a story where no matter how hard I tried, all that came out was crap. Forcing plot and character never really works for me either. It’s sort of like someone coming up to you at a party and saying, “I hear you’re funny. Tell me a joke!” …Never works.
There are a hundred brainstorming methods out there I won’t get into (mostly because, when it comes right down to it, all of them can and will fail — Murphy’s law).
Time is a strange beast, and often it is the best thing for a story. If I look at most of the great story ideas I’ve had, every single one of them had suddenly gone though evolutions months and years after the initial spark, and has been the better for it. I’m sure that those ‘20 great original films’ your friend mentioned have also evolved over time.
My brother seems to get his best ideas — or at least crystallises his best ideas — when he’s having a bath. So, apparently, does Alan Greenspan. I seem to get great ideas on the Number 85 BEST bus from Fountain to Dadar. We each have a few places where ideas flow better. Maybe for you it’s sitting around in a restaurant having a random conversation.
V
“I guess a lot of things can knock you on your ass. The real test is how you get back on your feet.”
of coursssssssssssssssse…
saaala anurag ko bhi kuch kaam nahin hai…
bekaaar mein dialogue maaarke pareshaaan karta rehta hai :-)
but tony bhai.. good to see a ‘blog post’ after a while here
hi tony, i am also in the same situation….
having 4-5 ideas in mind…but none of them excite me to write something solid. hope time will give some solid material in mind to wtite.
btw… all d best for new project.
Hey Tony,
Buddy congrats man, i am glad you have found the new job and the new story/concept… I could relate to many many many things from your post… Don’t you worry, inshallah all will be well for all of us… lets just be at it…
tony, here’s one more in your shoes… i wrote my first script 2yrs ago, which i was thankful to have been selected for a festival and performed as a play.. and since then though i’ve had a few fleeting thoughts nothing substantial came to mind to put down on paper until earlier this year.. unfortunately the time to put it down on paper never came.. and i’ve been pushing it off.. but before i could even do that, another thought came to mind which was solely inspired by PFCone, so i made a short film out of it.. unfortunately i was a half hour late in submitting it so it didn’t get chosen, but if it taught me one thing, it was to get up off my ass and “just do it”. your post has come as a second nudge of inspiration, and so i know what i’m doing tonight. thank you for this, and congratulations on the re-flowing of the creativity juices.. i’m glad you recognized it as the beginning… here’s wishing you all the best :)>-
@ Tony -
Glad you are in a better place now. This is something most people go through. 20 original films is quite ambitious. I like your zeal.
The most important thing is the idea, for unknowns like us. Execution is also important but you may never have a chance. You will get one shot to get someone to listen to your idea. Bring your A game. The one scene, sequence, interesting character don’t work. It has to have everything, and you should show be the Master.
A screenplay takes me 6 months to write. I have no respect for my judgement when it comes to my own movie ideas. I pitch to random strangers. At the movies, at the bar, anywhere. All ages, all sexes. I pitch my logline. 3 sentence descripton of what my movie is about. Period. Not how I was inspired. Not how personal it is to me. Not how true it is or that it really happened. Not that there’s a market for it. None of that shit. Here’s what my movie is about. Boom. It’s called ——- .
I never pitch to friends. I ask the strangers if they will go watch it. Most people are kind and good natured, and will lie and say yeah, it sounds interesting. I read their eyes. If it sparks, I have something worth pursuing. If not, I move on. If more than 70% of the people I pitch to aren’t sparked by it, I kill it. I am the Butcher of Vilaspur.
The more you start doing this, the more you will realize about the strength of your ideas and stories and also what works and what is universal. I pitched a story idea for about 2 years, because I didn’t get the reaction I wanted. I knew that there was a filmable idea in there. I couldn’t find the right format/genre/story/protagonist for it.
I massaged it, and re-pitched it. Over and over again. I knew there was a story in there. I just had to find it. I went from drama to horror to black comedy to satire to finally a sports comedy.
Another film, i started with a comedy, went into action comedy, then buddy comedy and finally realized I had something. I started developing and writing it. 2 months in, they announced a similar movie in the trades with the exact same title. the story was a little different, but same idea. probably would have had the same jokes. I felt the idea wasn’t strong enough to sustain two movies. The Butcher brought out his knife.
Good luck.
Correction to the above - Not what the movie is about, but what the movie is. I don’t pitch theme and subtext. Not like “it’s a movie about a girl finding herself” or it’s about “man’s quest for meaning through music” or tripe like that.
A cabbie drives around an assassin to his marks, and must survive the night.
or some such…
Even though writing should be the easiest part, I often find turning on the creative juices hardest when it comes to that part of it. Shooting and editing, while technically more complex, just feel more like fun. Perhaps it’s the expectation that gold will flow from our fingertips on every outing.
Dabba, your thoughts are very valuable. Keep posting.
Good to hear from you Tony and I am one of those who actually don’t believe you ONLY have to become a writer and stop living the “other mundane” aspects of your life. And it is not about being a “phatoo,” aactually it gives me an immense sense of pride that I can take care of my own financial needs and those of whom I care about.
I’d hate to win a writing award and have someone I care for, being on the streets cause I could not look after their financial needs.
Also a sense of self respect and keeping your independence, I think, is an essential quality of a good writer.
So keep working, keep playing ice hockey, cause sports teaches you to win some lose some and keep writing/doing creative things.
“Oh, and I
Tony Dude,
I can totally understand what you must have gone through. I only say as a fellow traveller on the same journey that “Manzil aaj dhur lagte hain par hosle aur ek lakshya ki saath, kuch bhi paa sakte hoon”. Good to know that you broke through that dirty writer’s block and got to where you want to be.
Its good that you have gotten a day job too since its all nice and good to say you will only follow your pursuit but when the pickings are thin and nobody can get what you want to say, then its best to earn and do what you want to do with your own money instead of telling some idiot of a guy who does not know his arse from his elbow your stroy and try to make him finance it.
Best of luck from another aspiring filmmaker.
Deepak
Thani congrats to you too dude…
Striker - Kahaan ho aap sir???
Thanks for all the kind words and the encouragement.
Writers block sucks. Its this vicious cycle of frustration leading to added pressure leading to more frustration… Of course its happened plenty of times but it never was this bad…
Thankfully this new project is developing very nicely.. I should have a full treatment (1st draft) done by the end of next month… the one-page should be finalized by this week… that’s what I meant by things are finally progressing nicely..
Its funny… this new story is actually an amalgamation of 2 previous stories that I had been working on… this one sort of combines them and adds a totally new element (which is what made it all come together so well)… the thing is, there was never that train of thought to merge these stories or even use them at all… I never thought of going that route… its odd how these things materialize in your head sometimes…
Vishal… yeah the balance is tough to maintain… but with something like writing or planning a film it shouldn’t feel like work if your really passionate about it… so it makes putting the time in much easier to do…
As for the Joke analogy… YES, I hear you on that… lol…
But you’re right… give a story time to evolve and it can sometimes take on a life of its own… start developing in your head even if you don’t realize it… that’s kind of what happened here with this story…
As for getting ideas at a certain place/time/setting… I dunno about that… I think we all get ideas from everywhere… we might not really be in the mood maybe what your doing at the time doesn’t allow you to think them through or write them down or whatever it is.. but the ideas are always springing up…
Dpac bhai…. LOL… mujhe nahin pata ke Anurag daant raha tha yah dialogue maar raha tha… main pareshaan zaroor hua tha… lol…
Shailesh… thanks yaar… you know like a few ppl have commented here… you should write down the ideas you do have… you never know when you might find that missing link or take-off point from where you could take one of those stories into a totally new direction…
Surya bhai… I’m glad you could relate so much.. seriously, makes me feel a lot better… I guess we all go through these phases from time to time… you’re right, we just gotta keep at it…
And thanks for the well wishes… :)
Striker… wow man that’s awesome.. your 1st script did wonders dude! So when you say it was selected for a festival… did you shoot it or did you pitch it to someone and they made a film off your script…
Striker man… don’t make the same lame mistakes I made and procrastinate and get distracted and all.. just put the time in… I mean like actually block out a certain amount of time for your projects… that’s the only way shit gets done…
You should post your film on PFC… or have you done that already?
Dabba… thanks… yeah, the 20 original films… I actually had 20 synopsis written out.. lol… that was like 8-9 years ago… If I look at most of them now, they’re honestly not that great… I could do much much better now, but we all gotta start somewhere…
You’re right about execution man… a lot of times that windows pretty damn small… you have to have a one-page and an interesting one-liner ready…
BTW thanks for all the interesting insights and advice…
LOL @ “I pitch to random strangers” … thats awesome dude! I gotta start trying that…
Yeah I know what you mean about pitching to your friends and relatives and all… “Ghar ka jogi joga, bahar ka jogi sid” … they won’t always take you seriously enough…
“I knew that there was a filmable idea in there. I couldn
Evelyn.. I really believe that the writing is THE most important part… you could shoot it very well and then enhance the project further in post… but if the writing isn’t that great than neither will the film be… I find the reverse is true.. if you’ve got a screenplay that genuinely excites you, that exciting carries through to shooting/editing it…
Vivek bhai… kahan ho yaar? Teri makki di roti thandi aur lassi garam ho gayi hai paaji!
Yaar I’m a lot like you where it comes to needing that balance of having filmi interests and a more “normal”, grounded sort of lifestyle… is mein phatoo-shatoo hone ki koi baat nahin hai… we all have our priorities…
Besides, and I know you’ve said this here many a time as well… the more grounded in reality you are, more believable your stories/characters/scenes will be… there’s far too many hindi films I watch and think “Don’t these guys have a frickin clue about the average persons life? or “That’s totally not how shit actually happens”.. that “average-joe” lifestyle of ours will end up being our biggest strength… people will always be able to relate, on some level, to what we’re presenting…
Thani… wait wait wait, I know what you’re gonna say… “Ab saale ke paas story hai aur yeh kaam pe chaldiye…” Isn’t that how life is though? If something goes up on one end its sure to go down on the other.. BUT don’t worry, I won’t let that happen this time… I’ve been working, even if its for 1/2 hour a day, on developing it every day… just needed to have something worthwhile to develop… so there’s no stoppin me now… thanks for the well-wishes bro… and for keeping me in check… lol…
Deepak, thanks man… and I totally agree, its always better to stand on your own 2 feet… makes you much more secure and much less vulnerable… and yeah, you don’t have to deal with the idiots if you don’t want to…
OZ BHAI.. sorry for posting like 1200 comments in a row… seriously I was not trying to take over the whole comments section… mereko marna mat… next time I’ll try to reply back as sooner…
tony, there was a call for scripts for which mine was one of 20 submissions.. and 4 of these (including mine) were chosen to be performed as 1-act plays as part of a south asian theatre group..
have already started putting down the thoughts on paper for my next short.. and nope, haven’t put up my PFCOne short on here yet, but will do that in due time as well..
[admin note: Vishal, we would appreciate if you would not set a trend of putting website links in the "Name" field. your name already links to your URL]
Tony,
I wonder if every writer has eventually merged two of his previous stories into one and come up with a perfect fit, like it was meant to be all along. I even get that on a smaller level within a story, when I’ll just throw out a line about something unrelated — just filler to keep up the rhythm — and later that throwaway line will just happen to find its way into the plot and tie it up like a beautiful bow.
One of the many reasons I love storytelling. Nowadays I specifically ‘freestyle’ and put in random things that occur to me, even when I’m trying to be succinct, because these ‘contingeny plots’ have a way of being useful later, and if they don’t ever go anywhere you can always edit them out.
As for the 20 story synopses, I don’t mean to brag but Beta, you have soooo far to go. I started writing fiction in 2000, and since day one have always kept a little pocket diary. Like you said, I get ideas everywhere — at least the initial sparks, and I write them down in the book. Just a paragraph, the date, and what I think the story might eventually end up as (novel, movie, comic book, videogame etc). So far I’ve been through five books, and have probably come up with over a hundred viable movie ideas (and let’s not even get into the novel and comic ideas that could also be movies).
A lot are crap (and like Striker, I too have independently arrived at a great premise on to see it in theatres three months later), but even the crap ones can be moulded into gold. I guess we come back to the same thing: the ideas are all well and good, but doing them is key.
V
//I wonder if every writer has eventually merged two of his previous stories into one and come up with a perfect fit, like it was meant to be all along///
I think that statement has some truth in it, but it also needs further introspection. What wud u define as an “untold story”?? I mean, in your head u cud be playing with ideas.. U might walk in2 a supermarket and think to yourself,”Wow, if only I cud set a story based in here”… At the same time there cud be another story taking shape in your head.. that of a couple who have lost that zing their marraige.. Somewhere down the line, u realize that your first idea consisting of just the setting ( the supermarket) but no plot and your second idea with a plot minus the setting, can actually be merged to give to the plot and the setting an entirely new flavour. the resultant story that u tell merging your first two stories is actually a completely new tale in spite of the fact that it has been essentially borrowed from two different stories ..
But, you shud know that those two stories, you havent told either to an audience or to your subconcsious totally.
Shreehari,
I understand your point completely; once the two stories are melded they’re a new, third thing. As for them being untold because nobody except you (the writer) ever knew of them, well, that too is true except if those separate stories (before they were fused into the third) someday find their way back into your mind and ‘re-develop’ — I’ve experienced that too.
Other projects go through massive evolutions. One of my ideas started out as a simple revenge flick, became a period spy movie two years later, then became something else entirely a few months ago that was both its own thing and an amalgam of those previous two ideas. Those ideas, in turn, are sitting somewhere in the back of my head. Who knows, maybe years from now I’ll be sitting in some restaurant, like Tony, and suddenly I’ll remember them anew and come up with a whole story that’s good.
There’s a view held by some that every writer only has one story which they keep retelling in various ways. I’m not sure I believe that, but even if I did, I’d say that all those various retellings too can be entertaining and satisfying, and that end result is what we should be striving for.
I’d rather watch a stale plot told well than a ‘hatke’ film done badly.
V
PS Re-read my previous comment, and realised it was Dabba not Stalker who had the story that got made by somebody else independently thing. My apologies.
Charlie Kauffman and Co.
Vishal,
Gr8 directors/writers often find one concept or one theory extremely alluring and worth introspecting in detail. All thru their life they spent their working years trying to sharpen their understanding of that concept or that theory and hence their works, even while basing itself in varied themes and settings often end up as manifestations of that same theory..
There r others who attracted to a certain feel, a certain social issue, a certain regional setting and hence a sense of monotony wrt their fave setting might creep in.
But, there are also others who are so driven by a deep desire to create something new, something untraced, something abstract every single time that they write something, that they try hard to achieve their expected end-result every time they sit down to create something..
People like Charlie Kauffman succeed in doing so, because they are not exceedingly attracted to a particular theory or concept, can easily de-coagulate themselves from a story they have previously told and are driven by a constant zeal for rejuvenation..
Amazing…reading all these comments.
There’s a storyteller in every one of us..getting those stories out of your mind and finding time to put in on paper is the most weary thing…for me,atleast.
I’ve got my best inspirations while driving around…waiting at traffic signals….also immediately after a bath:d .
There are lots of script ideas floating around in the labyrinths of my mind.Need to take a vacation to develop the complete script.
Tony, I think, there’s no point in carrying all these ideas in our heads.Someone else is going to get a similar idea and sooner than we realise it’ll be out in the theatres:(
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