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There was no-show of three recent releases at one of the multiplexes..The culprits for keeping the audience away from the multiplex were Anamika, MrWhite& Mr.Black & Pranali..I happened to be one such brave soul who had ventured to watch one of these movies but was turned away..I was informed , that the theatre management requires perhaps minimum of five people to run the show.. I waited for the remaining four to trudge in..Those absentees disappointed me..As I got up to leave I heard a voice ‘Play with me Twenty 20’!

I looked around to find out wherefrom the voice emanated..There was nobody in sight..I shrugged and ventured for the exit..Again a voice like from the Mount to Moses boomed ‘ I dare you to play Twenty20 with me’..This time I jerked swiftly in the direction from where the voice came..It was booming from the screen..Yes the multiplex screen was exhorting me to play Twenty20..It all seemed so ghostly..But the screen told me not to get shocked as it was doing something that was quietly accepted in Bollywood–Ghost filmmaking, that is! I overcame my initial shock and indeed understood what it meant.. I felt like a ghost myself.

I mulled over..I was spooked..As such movies are being weirdly titled Bhootnath..As such they have ghost writers and are directed by ghost directors who work as associates to wheeler-dealers..So what if ghost of a screen comes alive and wants to play with a ghost of an audience this ghost version of ODIs?

As such in present times only thing that seems to rock is Twenty20 cricket mania..

‘But how can we play Twenty20’, I asked .. ‘We can play a variation,’ it said.. ‘You bowl me the questions and I will bat them..maybe send them to the rope or over it’.

I did not like its arrogance—still I played along..And bowled it a burst of bouncers.

Q 1) What kind of films are you enjoying these days?

Ans) Enjoying my foot !—Feel like crying with the present crop of films.

Q 2) It can’t be all black.. has there been something that brings color to your whiteness.

Ans) Yes the sight of Popcorns in the hands of viewers make my eyes pop.

Q 3) What makes you squirm?

Ans) Anything and anybody concerned with Popcorn Entertainment!

Q 4) What kind of stories have you enjoyed ever since your birth almost seven years ago in
Mumbai?

Ans) 7 years and not more than 14 movies in all that held me enthralled and audience glued to
the seats.

Q 5) Can you name few of them?

Ans) I can name all of them— Munnabhai MBBS, Lage Raho Munnabhai, Chak De India, Khosla
Ka Ghosla, Bheja Fry, Black Friday, Company, Hera Pheri,Johnny Gaddar, Rang De Basanti,
Maqbool, Black, Taare Zameen Par, Koi Mil Gaya.

Q 6) And the movies you abhorred?

Ans) From almost 250 films being made annually around 200 films deserved to be caned once out
of the cans..Yes almost 75 percent of the movies made me twirl and twist.

Q 7) What have been your pet peeves?

Ans) Just to name seven of them— Mangal Pandey, RGV ki Aag, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom,
Saawariya, Salam-E-Ishq, No Smoking, Tashan—I squirmed and felt like folding up when
these movies unspooled..There was no love, not even labour and mega money was lost in
these ventures.

Q 8) How are you surviving then?

Ans) On ridiculously priced Georgia vending machine cappucchinos and my favorite popcorns—
cheese ones I like the most..And exorbitant ticket rates without any taxes.

Q 9) How about some pleasant experiences?

Ans) They are more outside the auditorium than inside..After the so-called preview show for the
invitees you have to see the run to gulp the champagne and scotch..Films may come, films
may go, its all hunky dory so long the liquour flows..During such times everything rocks as
the guests are cheering on the rocks..Or when I surreptitiously watch rocking and knocking
going in the recliner seats during the morning screenings.Wow..Paisa Vasool.

Q 10) Have you been moved by any of the films?

Ans) Not much by films but by film folks ..they make me mad with their hypocrycies.

Q 11) What are the changes you have perceived in Bollywood of late?

Ans) Corporates with no creative considerations except massive marketing might, that is making
mess of movie making.

Q 12 ) Who is the number one in stardom status?

Ans) Still looking out for no 1..But believe you me except the viewers no one is no 1.

Q 13) Then why these movie-wallahas are taking viewers for granted?

Ans) Granted, they used to take viewers for a ride..Now they themselves are running for
cover..See how they are grunting with no shows!

Q 14) If movies are so bad how come Welcome, Partner, No Entry, Heyy Baby, Sunday et al
click ?

Ans) You require jokers in the pack at times to win..Listen, cockroaches can survive nuke-
attack, it does not mean you can give them Dadasaheb Phalke award for long lasting
innings and achievements just for their instinct to survive.

Q 15) Now aren’t you condoning all this?

Ans) Dumbfounded I may be in these dumbing-down times—but I am not dumb—something is
better than nothing to play on..You see the show must go on.

Q 16) Who are your favorite actors?

Ans) I wish I was around, during times of Sanjeev Kumar, Amjad Khan, Madhubala, Nutan..I
would have loved to provide screen space for Dev Anand to romance, Shammi Kapoor to
prance and Dilip Kumar to lord over it all in their hey days.

Q 17 ) About the heroines?

Ans) Less said the better..The whole era is without a bra! I wonder why don’t these expiry-date
heroines retire gracefully—What’s this with comebacks?

Q 18) What do you miss?

Ans) Bidi twirling of Pran..Dialogue delivery of Raj Kumar..eye-popping presence of Amrish
Puri..The whole style-quotient I mean…As of now no one can light me up at the marquee
with his machismo except the Boss—Rajnikanth, it seems.

Q 19) What about those skimpily clad babes?

Ans) What about them?..They are wonder of wonders..Imagine them being suddenly playing
beach volleyball in a movie shot on locations in Ladakh/Rajasthan or them long legged ones
swirling around the long poles as they feel woefully short of heroes who are tall?Do you get
it all!…They have really killed the faculty of imagination and do you know when nothing is
left to explore—it becomes a big bore.

Q 20) What is the biggest conundrum in your opinion of Bollywood?

Ans) All filmmakers wanting to make a film that is different..Even it is plagiarized, inspired or
copied but it has to be different..And once a movie that has been copied or adapted
becomes a hit everyone tom-toms to make something like that..Now that is a challenge
worse than solving a rubic cube..How can you be original or different with a precedent? It
simply escapes my sensibility..But all sensible people in Bollywood love to blow hot and cold
with this nonsense to the hilt.

Q 21) Got any complex as a multiplex?

Ans) Hey,Hey,wait a sec. its twenty first question, if I am not mistaken.

I knew i had bowled a googly at it..Still it survived and replied:
‘though it’s a complex one—‘To multiplex or not to multiplex’ keeps perplexing me..Still i think
i will multiplex, i mean multiply as i see a rainbow in the sky..The future is rosy..’

Suddenly the lights came up—It was departure time..

I made a hasty exit wondering what to do? As a tagline of an orange drink on Indian TV screens screams, ‘Where is the Pulp ?’,I figure out its better to numb my senses with IPL’s Twenty20 and leave this kind of session for Paanchvi Paas grownups to play next time!