why some film-makers get horny!
Its been 24 hours since my first post and not an hour has passed without me thinking,whether I really deserve equal footing as the folks on top of me. I mean Sudhir Mishra,Anurag Kashyap…jeez, I am just diddly squat compared to these giants.I dont know. Been feeling kinda guilty, but I have decided while I may not have their under-ground,grindhouse appeal, I do have loads of experience in this business. I want readers to understand that, they have me when it comes to that….little stories about life in the business and outside it too. So lets see, what do I want to write about today?
WARNING—WARNING,THE FOLLOWING ESSAY HAS SENTENCES WHICH MIGHT OFFEND SOME. SO PLEASE STAY AWAY IF THE POST HEADING SEEMS OFF-PUTTING.
Alright so, I was thinking about writing about why film-makers (k,Ill cover my ass and say ’some’) get horny. yeah. I thought that would be interesting to talk about. And no this isn’t supposed to be funny and all…just my observation. You see film-making, specially the production (shooting) is the most strenous, the most stressful, the most chaotic, the most life-altering, the most stomach crunching, time in any unit guys life, especially the direction team.
I mean the human body is never, ever,built to take these kinds of stress.But it does, somehow or the other. To your utter dis-belief, you eventually find yourself being able to sleep 3 hours and stand on your feet for 16 hours, day in and day out, day in and day out, until the director eventually calls it a wrap.
And until that happens your body and your mind has without your knowledge decided to make some sacrifices, like eating at obscene hours, like showering when the flowers around you beging to wilt, like finally changing out of your jeans when they begin to look like your legs, like having your underwear cry out for fresh air, like when you begin identifying fellow unit members with their body odour, so on and so forth. Before I continue let me clarify that this doesnt happen all the time and in every film shoot, instead it all depends on the complexity of the project itself and the insane hours that it requires to get everything right. Its a cosmic combination of all these factors, and at the end of their careers, every film-maker will remember one or two such projects which had them feeling hornier than a rhino.
sigh, look I know this is not exactly everyone’s favorite topic/cup of tea (and we can talk about films or movie stars some other time), but really, if you really have worked your butt off in this business, you will know exactly what I am saying. This post especially goes out to all those young film-makers who have just started out in the business. Wait a minute, I lost my way on the post here…let me read what I have been writing, will be back with you in a minute…
Ok yes, so how does the direction team get horny? Well, to begin with even if the shoot is happening in the city or better still, some damned remote location, before they know it, they begin to loose touch with the outside world. I mean literally.Try asking an on production asst.director, which day of the week it is?, or what the date is? no way,jose! your’e never going to get an answer from him/her.
He/She has no idea about the riots that broke out in Ghatkopar or the latest election result in Delhi, or the cricket score or the fact that John just left Bipasha. All he knows is that, he needs to make sure he gets up in time and get on that wagon which will take him to the location, so that he can run around, getting things done. Yep, thats all he is going to care about.
So yes, lets get to the point shall we. In all this structured chaos, he has somewhere forgotten about his/her virility. Somewhere, sometime,during a union holiday (second sunday) break, while taking a shower he/she suddenly discovers a long lost friend. And lo and behold, that discovery leads to a climaxe, and those climaxes makes one yonder for the real deal….and thats why in every unit almost everyone is coupled off. And thats great,because it keeps them motivated to work…and not that great cus, some of them start missing the early morning bus to the studio/location.
This essay goes out to all those A.d’s (I am fond of them cus I started out as one), who think they have missed out on all the action and fun in college. Well folks. Let me remind you. This is where the action is. Admit it! 
I promise I will tackle more serious issues on my next post. I just need to warm up, and for that I need to get a little dirty.
ciao for today,
THE CM
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
“when you begin identifying fellow unit members with their body odour”
LOL!!! That was one hell of a warm up, CM.
“I need to get a little dirty” :p
Bring it on!
Kuruvilla sahab ki jai ho… welcome to pfc Janaab.
Anish Kuruvila: “or the fact that John just left Bipasha”
Its a fact or just one of the line to cover the examples? had read in past that they were “made for each other” kinda couple.
This is not less serious matter.:)
CM…ha ha ha. Bring all the dirt!! We r here for every kind of dirt!!
Chaddi baniyan lines r too funny!!!
Great post, Anish, I think these issues are serious as any other. Part of the whole experience, keep ‘em coming!
Read it twice and I’m STILL laughing my ass off!!
Oh man… that reminds me… (shit, really hope my wife doesn’t somehow read this…)
This was 10 years back, I was 17 years old and was working as an A.D. on this Indo-Canadian Hindi mini-series “Khwayish”… we were shooting scenes for the last 4 episodes (normally we’d shooting 3 scripts at a time) so it was just that much more strenuous.. we had shot until 3am the night before and woke up 7am to get to the set at 8am (a townhouse belonging to the Producers sister which we had taken over).. by lunch we were all just drained… the producer (won’t name him here) and I sat exhausted on the couch… after several minutes of sitting there quietly, he looks over at me, 100% serious, and says “Don’t you wish we were out getting our d!(k$ $u(ked somewhere?” I just burst out laughing so hard… some of the others on our unit, including one of the actresses, had overheard, and to my surprise instead of being disgusted she was like “Aw, poor guys”…
That was back in the summer of 1997 and I still remember it clearly…
Anish-saab, it took 10 years but finally someone gives me a clear explanation of what happened that afternoon… Thank You Cinema-Man…
“brave men tell the truth
the wise man’s tools are analogies and puzzles
a woman holds her tongue
knowing silence will speak for her
and everywhere I go
there’s always something to remind me
of another place and time
of a love that travelled far and found me”
@ Anish,
“And lo and behold, that discovery leads to a climaxe” =))=))
Awesome post…liked it when you say…let me go back read and comeback on what i was trying to say….Suna tha aapka Sense of humor..zabardast hain karke..abhi padh bhi liya….Bring the mud-slinging….:d
Absolutely loved it. Need more stuff like this…
Welcome to pfc!
Keep ‘em comin… can’t wait… lol.
I really didnt get the answer about why we get so horny clearly….
But it did take me back to my AD days…Man we were literally taken to another world. A world of make believe. We worked 16 hrs every fuckin day like slaves. I remember after a month or so I was sitting with Ajay Devgan waiting for the lighting. And he asked me something very very similar to TONY’s experience. He asked me ….I dont think i should type that here…it was in hindi & really funny….
And yeah i remember so disconnected from the world… WORLD CUP was on & we were clueless except for the INDIA PAK match.
mainak,please please..what did he ask? want to check what DEvgans senseof humour is like?
Anish: that was a totally different dimension of making movies…
Anish: Nice Post !! tit-bits like this, makes reading more interesting. Thank you