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It was dream come true. I was approached for a role that is usually reserved for and assigned to AB. I was replacing Big B! I was ecstatic. On top of the world.

Before I go bananas let me brief you about the background.

The other night I woke up to grapple with a scene for my debut film script. Sanjay Gupta,Sanjay F Gupta,Anurag Basu,Vikram Bhatt,Apoorva Lakhia and hithertoo unseen duo of Raksha Mistry and Husain Hyderabadwaala approached me.I thought that these new era whizkids of Bollywood may have formed a kind of company to finance and produce films of wannabe filmmakers.So I went into flashforward and visualised the unfolding of my film with funds taken care of. But i was soon brought to reality.

They wanted me to fight a case on their behalf!

They were sick and tired of being mauled by media and condemned by critics for their creative practices that created lots of heart burn for their detractors.They just wanted to focus on the work they knew best-to flick,plagiarise,lift and steal anything under the sun but for the screen-whether an idea,story,shot, scene, sequence,structure,plot,building, complex or the whole twenty acres.They said they were a dedicated lot and they were doing everything for the overall health of Hindi Films (made to order for everyone except Hindi heartland) and for upholding the sanctity of one single motto: The show must go on!

I asked them why me to advocate their case?They replied they knew that I have a legal background and they wanted an inside job on this case! An insiders job -I thought they proabably meant.A job that is done by one of the fraternity. Anyway I did not harangue on the nitty gritties. Besides they were not satisfied with AB’s recent snappy performance where he went overboard shutting up encounter specialists including the producers of SAL!That’s how I was going to be in shoes of Big B.

Moreover their sense of intrigue,manipulation and scheming that was more sinister than Oceans 13, got to me.But I was still reluctant.They could sense it and to make me veer to their pov they gave me an offer which Danny Ocean also could not have thought of. They assured me to bankroll my debut project-with no questions asked.Complete creative freedom!Wow.
And that tipped the scales. I put on hold my script draft and drafted our PIL(Partners In Loot)appeal. I made it sure it would be hard pill to swallow for the court.

And ironically our PIL was accepted by the judge under the false impression that it was Public Interest Litigation. Anyway the case was taken in and we were summoned.
The D-Day came.
And boy what an opening statement I gave!I am a modest man but something unusal happened that day in the courtroom which I feel like sharing with you.When everybody was seated and Judge told me to proceed-Man, I got up and paced before the judge like a panther on prowl. In an eye for an eye scenario, I looked directly into his eyes and started in a booming voice:

Your Honor,There was a time when it was an unwritten code amongst pirates of the creativity that originality lay in not disclosing your sources. In the present day WiFi world that is caught in the net this has become almost impossible.Sooner or later some geek, some nerd is going to blow the whistle on ones claims to originality. So what could be an alternative for these poor CDs(copycat directors). Its question of their survival.It’s about their right to earn their livelihood.

They have no option but to keep the traditions of their trade alive-to copy and cut and paste.Therein lies their creative genius.And what’s harm in copying?The whole world has evolved due to copying behaviour.We learn by imitating.Charles Darwin traced our evolution to aping our ancestors.Origin of Species is nothing but story of copycat behaviour.

Your Honor if copying was such a crime and unethical activity, Xerox Inc.would not have become a mutibillion dollar MNC.And Xeroxing a generic name!Copying is prevalent everywhere.It is known by various names. It could be duplication in hardware and software industry.In biology copying goes by the name of cloning.

And if it is practised blatantly in entertainment industry and especially Bollywood, why such a ruckus? Why Your Honor, Why?

I was shifting gears and going top speed, throwing caution and contiguity of facts to the winds.
My voice thundered:
So what if Anuraag committed Murder of ethics, atleast he was not Unfaithful!
So what if Kaante was thorn in the conscience of all those advocates of clean and original cinema, atleast it kept Reservoir Dogs at bay in this dog eat dog industry.
So what if The Train Derailed?
Who is Cletis Tout to question Anthony Kaun Hai?
At least these CDs are keeping Zinda the Old Boys tradition of sharing their knowledge-whether borrowed or pilfered.
Let me assure you everyone of these guys is like a Man On Fire and not an Ek Ajnabi to Bollywood ethos.They are adept at Changing Lanes in Taxi No 9211 or in a truck full of Uzbeki,kazaki babes dancing as if there is no tomorrow.

I don’t know what possessed me. Arguments tumbled out like skeletons from a cupboard in some Woodstock Villa opened after ages.

Your Honor,as Howard Roark commented in The Fountainhead:each generation builds on the foundations of their predecessors;so if these guys have made their bungalows on the box office successes of their contemporaries or predecessors across the continents, what’s wrong in it? Life is a relay race. One has to keep passing on the baton.

Moreover these guys are into recycling business. In India even raddiwaalas have become millionaires by recycling paper and magazines(all those glamour magazines are grist for mouthwatering gol-gapaas ), why can’t these copycat directors recycle ideas, stories, plots, scenes, screenplays,even the whole movie-what the heck! Why can’t they do it Your Honor?

Atleast they give to the audiences something new and firangi but adapted to local tastes.In an era of Think local go global, they are avant garde with their strategy of Think global go local.And herein lies their originality.

I blabbered on..
Even Mcdonalds had to come out with Mcaloo and Mctikki for Indian customers. You can’t be in India and go with the blanket strategy of pushing the dubbed versions of Hollywood blockbusters. To bust the blockheads in Hindi heartland you have to give them the redesigned and recylced reality, where Heroes are Indian,smooching Indian Heroines(and no airey -Gere-Nathu Khaire) and where firangi girls are only adding fair share of color by dancing to Physical instructors-turned-Choregraphers’ commands.For this and this reason mainly, you need CDs who can give twist to global stories and screenplays and make them local,literally.

And it is not that my clients are thoroughly crooked. No Your Honor. No.

Main thing is to get going-to get off the block. In Bollywood first getting latched on to a star to agree to do a movie is a long,tedious,ingratiating process.And then to get the project rolling is really an achievement. These guys have the guts to do anything-to take on any role-whether of a lackey, a sycophant, a pretender to make a movie. With such stupendous risks if they borrow or steal that should not be held against them Your Honor.

David Ogilvy in Confessions Of An Advertising Man remarks at one point “First they get going, then they get honors, then they get honest.” These guys eventually do reluctantly become honest and acknowledge wherefrom they got inspired( see their creativity-they don’t say copy they say inspired)!

Your Honor there is another reason for looking at their cause with sympathy. In India,BPOs and Call Centres may be flavor of the season but the harsh reality is that literacy rate is still vey low.And in Bollywood specifically,it is all hidden under the layers of makeup and lure of lucre.As they say you have to treat the wards as per their IQ. EQ is not even an issue as most of people in Bollywood are just emotions. So what if the movies they are making are not in motion?

The point I want to make Your Honor is very practical-you narrate an original story/screenplay to a producer or a star-with all the panache and to the accompaniment of sound effects and music, still they may not be able to visualise what you are saying.No,no,no -they are not visually challenged but visualisation impaired. They may be hard pressed for time, hardly stressed,hence no time for imagination. They may be having their unreasonable reasons. Then what’s the way out? The show cannot be stalled. It’s showbusiness Your Honor.So you show them a DVD. They then immediately grasp and can even visualise for you! And tell you how their movie is going to look through your vision!

Therefore,these so called CDs are doing a yeoman’s service to the uneducated, undifferentiated masses.And all this rukus is raised by classes as they have nothing better to do. Just to keep themselves busy they pounce on these DVD(Direct Video Direction) directors. I have no objection against these unclassy classess since they also need an occupation.But I am truly concerned about the welfare and wellbeing of my clients Your Honor.

Martin Scorcese got an Oscar for copying. Even Motion Picture Academy Departed from its norms to honor Marty.Just because Marty and his Gangs Of NewYork took care of giving story credit to HongKong original Internal Affairs.

Your Honor, what I plead is to give my clients another chance. They may be shy and timid -who knows?They may have reservations in not accepting their responsibility for plundering the films and screenplays en masse, i assure you they will be generous enough to acknowledge the source of their inspiration henceforth.

With this grand statement I said. ‘The defence rests’. I knew we had an ace up our sleeve. I had been louder than Sunny Deol in Damini. More melodramatic than Anil Kapoor in Meri Jung. In fact it was such a cliched performance-but with a style that it surpassed Sunil Dutt, Ashok Kumar and Shashi Kapoor in their portrayal of a defence lawyer in some movies of yore.

Judge went to his anteroom. And we headed for the restroom.Suspense built up like Alfred Hitchcock movie mutilated by DVD brigade of Bollywood.And on the WC I mulled over my performance more than the verdict.I recollected I was so involved and impassionate in my plea that I forgot time-space continuum and whether it was for real,virtual or just a dream.Whatever it was, I decided there and then to take up law as a side profession and to fight for all those cops on screen who took law in their own hands off screen.Till my own debut as a filmmaker fructified i was determined to pursure law as an optional career. At least there was equality before the law!

We trotted back to the courtroom Judge returned and gave the verdict. Not guilty! For a while there was stunned silence. No background score to ruin the moment. Just silence like dead sea.It took time for the verdict to seep in.As things shifted from slomo to normal mode we heard judge pass the orders to make amendments to the Copyright Act so that copying became a right-right to copy.What the judge further said made me doff my imaginary hat. What an observaiton.Even Edward De Bono would have appreciated through his Six Thinking Hats. What the judge said was a gem .He remarked “Copying is not original but it is natural.We in judiciary call it a precedent. ”

This made my eyes go wide and reversed my belief that law is blind. It reaffirmed my faith in the judicial system much more than in Bollywood shenanigans.

After the judge left making such a historical statement life again went into slomo as there ensued series of celebrations that Sanjay et al are habitual of indulging in to self congratulate themselves for the box office success of their films even though there is nothing official about it. Eventually my clients left drunk- as usual.Leaving me high and dry.They had won their right but I was left out. They went on with schemes for their new projects and went back on their promise of funding my project. At times I feel like slapping a suit against them for cheating,lying and misrepresentation but then something from within tells me-let it be. Tomorrow is another day. You just finish your script. These guys will come back..And if they don’t and you are not able to beat them-just join them! Till then savor the memories of a case that could never be copied(one and only of its kind that was won with the opening statement! ).This time I let my head rest on the soft pillow and went off to a dreamless sleep.

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