Writing a jhakaas scene
Most amateur, and many professional screenplays are dull, Dull, DULL!
Characters state the obvious, don’t really do anything but spout exposition, and “exchange soulful looks,” “have a look of great determination,” or my favorite, “sea of emotions washes across his face – denial, sadness, anger, resignation (can’t remember the remaining 8 stages) and finally a look of iron resolve.”
If you have the humility to accept that your writing sucks, but don’t know where you are going wrong, then read further. Who died and made me god of screenwriting? No one, but mere paas blog hai.
To prevent mad hordes from coming at me in the comments section with rocket launchers and dried fruit, allow me to clarify what your screenplay must do. Someone must read it, or skim through, and wanna break their piggy bank. And for that you gotta grab ‘em by their balls and squeeze till they say yes in that helium voice.
If you are so smooth of tongue, and swift of camera and money, that you can pitch, charm and shoot your movie before the batwaa can say, “Jai Mata Di,” teach me.
For the others, start by writing a good scene. Forget everything you know about structure, character depth, story arc, act breaks. Fuck that noise.
Every scene must serve a purpose. It need not always be a plotpoint, it could be a scene revealing character, or just be cool.
Imagine, just imagine, if you could accomplish all 3 of the above in your scene. Now, that would be a Jhakaas scene.
If you haven’t drawn that imagination well dry, can you write more than one such scene? To paraphrase Subhash C. Bose, “Gimme 10 jhakaas scenes, and I’ll give you a great screenplay.”
So what makes a scene cool? When you do something that’s been done before in a new and unique way, or you set up an expectation, and payoff with a reversal, or of course, if you just write a completely unique scene.
I’ll give you a few examples.
Company –
Vivek Oberoi wants to kill some guy cos he mistreated him (or some such). That’s a plot point.
He is very hotheaded, and is already threatening to kill the guy, but still he asks Devgan for permission. That reveals his character and the dynamic between him and Ajay. That’s the setup.
Ajay calculates the repercussions of this action in terms of who this would piss off, who would come after them etc., and finally says yes. This reveals Ajay’s character, and his later actions are a reflection of this character, but by having him calculate it right there for the audience to see while Vivek is going ape-shit and screaming, that’s unique and makes it cool.
Verdict – Jhakaas
Intacto (Spanish) –
Film is about the role of luck, and how there is an underground gambling network where people trade and bet on their luck. Hero survives plane crash, so is considered very lucky.
Somewhere 2/3rds into the movie, there is a beautiful scene, where as part of the competition to get in to the final stage, these guys have to run blindfolded through a forest. Whoever makes it first, goes on to the final round. That is the plot point and setup.
It doesn’t really reveal character except that he finally starts believing he is lucky and thinks he can win.
You the audience know the hero has to be in the climax, so you know he is going to win this round. But it is still such a strong visual scene with people ramming into trees at full speed and getting knocked out that you go along with it, with the suspense building as the hero inches to the finish line.
And guess what…hero rams into a tree just as he is about to win and is disqualified and bloodied! Take that lucky hero! Total fucking reversal.
Of course, the screenwriter can not write that reversal unless he has another way of getting the hero to the climax, and in the final competition without it seeming like a cheat. And he does!
Verdict – Super Jhakaas
Dostana –
Priyanka wants a promotion. We know she wants it because she says so, many times. I am not sure if this qualifies as a plot point because after giving it much study, I concluded that it (getting promoted) wasn’t essential to anything that happens or needs to happen in the story. It’s not like her father is Clerk’s ailing Ashok Kumar and the doctor is asking for Fees (Cue outrage!! and vaguely jingoistic song).
You may argue that the scene is about revealing character. I guess that’s the setup. Lele. Main de raha hoon.
So there’s a party, and she’s got her best cleavage revealing dress, and they are about to make an announcement. Guess what…she doesn’t get it, and on top of that, there’s a surprise! Bobby Deol enters the movie as the new bossman that got the promotion.
This technically counts as a reversal, and there was even a surprise. I knew it was not a good scene, let alone a jhakaas scene. It was actually a terrible scene. It seemed to meet my criteria. Would I give it a jhakaas verdict to preserve my god-status? I could not figure it out until this very second.
She never does anything to get the promotion. She wants. She expects. She does not get. That whole scene is bad exposition just to introduce Bobby.
Verdict – Definitely not Jhakaas.
So lets add another criterion. Setup plotpoint, DEVELOP scene to get to plotpoint, reveal character and make it cool through uniqueness or reversal.
My good deed for the year is done. And it’s only March.
Tags: ajay devgan, bobby deol, Company, Dostana, god, intacto, jhakaas, Priyanka Chopra, scene, Screenwriting, vivek Oberoi
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
i wonder why you picked up dostana for tht matter.
scene moments make films
great scenes and great moments make great films.
yup a bad scene but dostana is jus not a film to be discussed. i was pissed off watching it.
koi hindi film industry change nai hui us film se.
@ dabba: awesome! awesome!! awesome!!!
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A few years back, may be sometime when I decided to become a filmi, I started to observe GOD’s (The ONE up there) scenes. I am learning from him/her. What scenes s/he writes. TOTALLY JHAKKASS!!! Every single moment, every single scene that he writes, unbeatable… priceless.
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Example: Magik wants to go to office. That’s a plot point.
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He is late & very impatient, and is ready to pay the Auto Madar extra, but still he asks Auto Madar if he wil drop him for normal fare. That reveals his character and the dynamic between him and Auto Madar. That’s the setup.
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Auto Madar senses the urgency & quotes the INR value of Kohinoor (diamond not condom). Magik shows middle finger (in his head) & asks Auto Madar if it is birthday!
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that’s unique and makes it cool.
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this same scene happens in so many variations, every single time, that i have accepted it that GOD is entertaining someone up there at our cost, with his/her scene writing skills.
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I keep observing closely to every thing happening around me & adding / noting down such quirky scenes & thanks to that I am sure I will never need to do a DVD rip-off!
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Great post dabba. I am glad SWAT is in sound hands. More power to u!!!
@dabba – really nice.
You should do one more post on how seemingly 10 not so jhakaas scenes are suddenly made to appear as super jhakaas by a scene 11 in the climax changing how you saw the previous not so jhakaas scenes. The twist in the tale in the end types…
Misdirection – or what do they call it?
‘Every scene must serve a purpose. It need not always be a plotpoint, it could be a scene revealing character, or just be cool’
This sentence will take me through March……waiting for April’s tip.
Dabba – I think you will have way too many supporters here, mighty and powerful, so negating your post may spell doom for me in any collaboration but nevertheless.
This is the case of a classical physicist explaining how the world should work by throwing out all the confluence of events that are not in the applied physicist’s hand. Or in my world of work – the purist architect telling me the text book approach of building a system, that in the end may not serve the business need when all I freakin care is to solve the problem, purism be dammed.
How do you expect an amateur screenplay to be not dull? How without writing and re-writing hundreds of scene’s hundred’s of times, can I get to that nirvana called jhakaas?!?!
And is just having 10 jhakaas scene fill the coffers of the guy who broke the piggy bank in the first place?
I have been struggling with 2 screenplays for the last 6 months. There are very ordinary – they suck, for my stnd’s. They exchange soulful looks and they state the obvious. I would love a jhakaas but the only scene I could write that was jhaakas for my own self came after 12 or more rewrites.
The pt I guess I am making is the 3pt touch down is down right difficult. It really is. May be for a 3-5 min short but a 60min story – its a killing.
I am not looking for more pointers. I will probably have to create some for myself. I respect that this woks for you. I am saying, its a bitch – this process!
Too early for me to baato gyan, but I agree totally about a jhakaas movie being made of jhakaas scenes. If the individual scenes are not jhakaas, the movie as a whole won’t click.
Best example of a Jhakaas Movie made up of Jhakaas Scenes:
“RACE”
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@jaiganesh- RACE also fulfils your criteria of Twist(s) in the tale.
Ravptor- I am with you man. I think a natural instinct for all us amateurs is to write a dull scene. One way I have invented for myself is to write a scene and then think if I turned the scene on it’s head does it work better? Can the story still stay its course?
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I was writing one scene recently where a couple elopes in a train. I then thought this is shit. What if the guy changes his mind and dumps the girl at the last moment on the railway platform? I even worked out a justification for his actions in the story. So now am going with that scene.
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The problem with this approach is that your structure and plot points never stay on course. The story tends to go haywire and your hairfall dramatically increases…
One way to overcome the problem when you ‘turn the scene on it’s head’ is to do it twice within the same scene thus keeping the story on course. Let me call that a scene with a ‘double flip’ (I should patent that).
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Consider Ghajini. Jiah Khan is being chased by Aamir. Now we can guess while the chase is happening that he is going to forget that he is chasing her and she will escape. And that’s what almost happens. But he works it out. He says we are both sweating and panting for breath. I must have been chasing you!
Flip
She has the presence of mind to get him into a fight with other baddies lurking nearby and escapes any way.
Double Flip. A little too convenient but still almost a Jhakaas scene in my opinion.
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Consider Scent of a Woman
Al Pacino is having a great time driving that Ferari. But they are stopped by a Policeman and their great day is threatened.
Flip
But the great Al gets away with it without the policeman getting to know that he is blind.
Double Flip and truly a Jhakaas scene!
Even though what you are saying may be correct, scriptwriting shouldn’t be approached this way. At least it doesn’t work for me. And though it may be easy to say that you can have a jhakaas movie by writing 70 jhakaas scenes, the truth is slightly different.
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No. 1.. You cannot write 70 random scenes, all related to the plot point and make sure that they are all jhakaas. To make the seventh scene of your movie jhakaas, you need to have a fourth, fifth and sixth one supporting that. Maybe once or twice, you are allowed to insert a totally random thing for comic relief but if you base the whole movie on that and make too many random cuts your screenplay will be doomed.
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good stuff!!!!!!
setup, revelation, reversal…..i guess the conflict part comes in the setup….
also I think cueing for the next scene at the end of a scene is important for the smooth flow of the whole thing……like a jhakaas setup for the next jhakaas scene;-)
agree with dazed and confused too…scenes should never seem out of place…its very hard to come back to your story then..
Dabba,
This whole business of analysis just for the sake of analysis is okay for me. But, to actually incoroporate it into one’s writing style oks a tad ambitious to me. No one can actually have a checklist, and go on ‘manufacturing’ scenes after scenes and have a comparative analysis of what criteria each scene fulfilled. I am not negating that these factors aren’t important, but to let them overpower the impact of the emotions that would have come across naturally, doesn’t augur too well for the film. Then, it would just become a calculated, structured effort. And I do have a problem with that.
DazedandConfused,
“What if the guy changes his mind and dumps the girl at the last moment on the railway platform? I even worked out a justification for his actions in the story. So now am going with that scene”
I don’t quite agree with this logic here. So, just to spice up the scene a bit( okay, more than a bit), what you do is you alter the basic story so that one particular frame becomes interesting. Why? Not every scene in the film have to be a ‘Mere Paas Ma ha’ scene. There can be certain ordinary/common place scenes to make the real good scenes stand out. But, to play around with the basic soul of the story just to accomodate a couple of jhakaas scenes would take a lot away from the film you had envisioned initially.
DazedandConfused,
“What if the guy changes his mind and dumps the girl at the last moment on the railway platform? I even worked out a justification for his actions in the story. So now am going with that scene”
I don’t quite agree with this logic here. So, just to spice up the scene a bit( okay, more than a bit), what you do is you alter the basic story so that one particular frame becomes interesting. Why? Not every scene in the film have to be a ‘Mere Paas Ma ha’ scene. There can be certain ordinary/common place scenes to make the real good scenes stand out. But, to play around with the basic soul of the story just to accomodate a couple of jhakaas scenes would take a lot away from the film you had envisioned initially.
Tanul,
I agree with you and I hope to have made that choice keeping in mind the trade-offs. Of course, the jury will be out on this for a long time…And don’t worry it didn’t alter the ’soul of the story’
And Tanul @ 14,
I guess dabba can respond better but the fact is, IMHO, that screenwriting is as technical an effort as it is a creative one. There is no escaping that.
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You have to tell a story in 120 odd pages and in a way that it can be used by a gazillion other people to shoot and act with.
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People may be born with a natural gift of writing, but screenwriting is an acquired art. And that why there are so many people (good and bad) telling you ‘how to write a screenplay’. You won’t find many people telling you ‘How to write a novel’…
Guys Guys Guys read my scene below… :D and tell me if I can do the same ;)
My Scene- Do Comment :-))))
The sun was streaming through the windows as he woke up from his deep slumber.
He tried to shake away the dull ache by stretching his limbs and noticed another pillow to his right. He noticed he was in a spacious room. The walls were decked in a faint lilac color and there was a painting adorning the wall facing him, of mountains which surrounded a lake and depicted a setting sun with the crimson colors flaring up at the top right corner. A woman draped in a dark blue saree was sitting on the lakeshore gazing intently towards the sunset with her back towards the viewer. It was a non-descript piece of art, the one’s that you got for Rs.50 on the roadside but it was intricately woven in the narrative of his life. He though did not know that at this point.
He moved his body across the sheets and drank in the faint smell of Chanel, and the realization dawned on him that perhaps he had company last night. The surroundings looked distinctly familiar, but he couldn’t place it accurately.
The only thing that he remembered was the statement “I will make this a night to remember”, that and the subway train that he took with Susan from Grand Central Station.
He grappled for a bit with this realization as he had no recollection past “that” moment in the train ride. The evening, the walk across Brooklyn Bridge, the tequila shots at Coco bango, the slight tremor that he felt when she first held his hand and the tremor which intensified when her lips pecked him on his cheek and the way she leaned back on his shoulders after that, teasing him with her radiant smile. The images were still frozen in his mind.
So tell me friends, does this fit a scene? Shall i continue in my quest to write that one jhakaas screenplay which sweeps all the awards from filmfare to oscars? he he he
@ saurabh – u are a very brave man to put up a scene on my post. If you would like me to answer your question, I will do it truthfully, with the intention of helping you. People ask for criticism but all they want is praise.
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If ur ego can take a thrashing, let me know.
@ all –
my post was directed at people that write entire screenplays where they string words together. don’t waste your time. write a few stand alone scenes. see if you can come up with good ideas for scenes. once u get in the habit of writing interesting and dramatic scenes for a given situation, u can think about coming up with a great idea for a story, and then write great scenes to turn that into a screenplay. multiple re-writes of the same tired screenplay, and scene will not get u anywhere.
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the reason ur dialogue is stilted and wooden, is becasue ur scene is poorly constructed. ur scene will not improve by employing colorful turns of phrase. u need better ideas for ur scene. if u can load a scene with ideas, now ur talking.
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most people write one note scenes becasue they think a guy professing his love for a girl is enough for a scene. that is an idea. when u have 3-4 more ideas to incorporate, then u have a scene. and if u can do the above well, u have a jhakaas scene.
@Saurabh – Maybe I missed something (like humour or sarcasm) but your scene does not read like a screenplay – more like a novel/story/prose.
A scene should be filmable – the smell of Chanel is not. As isn’t a lot of the other stuff in there.
triple jhakaas..
a counterfeiter is chased by police..
drives the car into the basement of a hotel and crashes the power circuit board..
short circuit ensues and a lady’ painting exhibition is gutted…
enter a fireman.. saves the lady and some paintings .. the lady is impressed.. the guy is happy and a deam duet ensues.. culminates into a scene where a debtor (pathan) is threatening the fireman if he doesn’t pay the money. Fireman tris to pacify the pathan by offering him dry fish.. pathan is disgusted and throws the plate cntaining fish outside – the fish lands in the pocket of a brahmin cook who proceeds to a marriage and mayhem ensues…
michael madana kamarajan – not one or two – but an entire jhakaasland is created for 25 riotous minutes.
Comedy jhakaas is the most difficult to create..
@dabba- i’m willing to take criticism cos’ criticism is more important than praise.
However again it boils down to the one who is a critique. If the critic does his work with passion chances are that the writer will be rewarded in the end :- )
Waiting for your dissection. please start
Saurabh, I hope you don’t mind me throwing in my 2 cents. Your scene consists of a guy waking up in a bed. We know its not his bed, as he wouldn’t examine his own room this way. But we have not established whether or not he knows who’s bed or room this is. It seems a bit familiar – to who? Why? and how? If its a mystery, then be clear that he does NOT know where he is. Also, there’s a large portion of that scene devoted to a painting. Well, if that painting has some great relevance to the overall story, than good. Or else its a big waste. The scene has a distinguishable beginning – but no real direction and thus is inconclusive. Perhaps I’m a bit old school but I believe that there should be things “happening” in a scene. It doesn’t have to all be on the nose, it could be subtle. but something should happen. In this case, I’m unsure of what’s happening.
Dabba – Great selection of that scene from Company. Its a fantastic example of a cool scene, where stuff happens and it further develops plot, character and inter-character relations. Like I said, I’m old school and I prefer, more often than not, to have developments throughout rather than random events. And yes, to me a setup is a development, whether its leads to a big payoff or reversal or a twist.
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In that respect, the scene in Dostana is also a good selection (though there is a big basket of “bad writing” to pull from). The setup is lame and obvious, the scene has no tension or development which could set up tension later, there is no revealing of character (introducing Bobby reveals nothing about him or Priyanka) and overall none of it matters anyways.
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Again, if none of it is of any importance then why should the audience care?
Magik: LMAO @ that story! Funny stuff man! And yes, God is a screenplay writer with a very vivid sense of humour!
Ravptor: I see where you’re coming from, its not always easy and yes, your right, a “jhakaas” scene isn’t always whats needed or even warranted, but I still say that even the most ordinary scene can be made interesting. In fact that should be a writer’s primary objective. It doesn’t have to be over the top or dramatic, just interesting. And if it blends into the flow of your story, then its worth keeping. Then again, I’ve gone through many a rewrite where I find 2 or 3 scenes that serve the same, or very similar purposes, and so if I can I’ll usually reconstruct them into 1 or 2 scenes where mores happening in less screen time. Always makes things crisper.
Dazed, I dunno, if you have to re-construct your entire story to fit a dramatic twist, it might be a bit too much. Don’t know your story or how the scene was originally to fit into it all, but surely there’s other ways to make it all interesting and relevant to the story to wanted to tell in the first place? Maybe someone sees them eloping who shouldn’t have? Maybe they go to elope and one of them have second thoughts doubts that linger on even after they go ahead and elope.
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I’m still like to “brainstorm” ideas when I’m stuck on a certain scene. See how different outcomes of that scene will affect the story and the characters in different ways.
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As for the double-flip, I think its great. Or even an oblique, where a character reacts differently than expected and that changes the dynamic of the entire scene.
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Again, it all should make sense. Twists for the sake of twists are cop-outs. Someone mentioned Race here… there’s a prime example of bad writing. Where stuffs happening just because it changes the entire direction of the story. Well, that’s how you get stories that don’t have any direction…
ahh… I love criticism you are right Tony, let me spruce up the scene and present it here again
Good stuff Saurabh. Nice to see someone take criticism in stride. We all need it and therefore we all need to know how to take it. And at my end I sincerely hope I didn’t overstep any boundaries by with anything I wrote. Was just trying to be constructive.
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Look forward to reading the scene again Saurabh
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Speaking of critism, one of those who commented here once helped structure one of my screenplay treatments, though I never really told him how much his comments meant or how much it helped me out for future screenplays as well. If you’re reading this, you know who you are and thank you very much