#$%* you, Vishal and Shekhar
Early morning. Maybe 7 A.M or thereabouts.
White seagulls across the grey skies that melt into the grey sea. A continuum all around of grey tones, dark and dank. In the middle of the crowded city, a place of absolute, total, terrifying aloneness. The bus stop at Haji Ali, across the road from the famous mosque. A strip of land leading into the sea and instead of into nothingness, leading to the place where they say: whatever you ask for is given.
I only ask for one thing. And I don’t know if I am worthy of being given that, granted that wish.
So I wait. Every day. Because this is the only time when we can meet. Before she goes off to college, before I go off roaming the streets, making cold-calls at production offices, landing up at film shoots and asking people there to take me on as an AD, for free. Being shooed away, being politely and rudely asked to come back next year. But those few hours in the morning, when I saw the sky turn from dark to light, saw dawn and then saw the sun and then the girl who could make the sun itself hide and blush – those were the few hours that I was alive, those were the moments lived for. I was sleep-deprived, I was out of work, out of luck, out of money, but never out of love. Desperately, totally, incredibly and totally in love with this most amazing girl, unable to still believe she loved me too…did she, really? Me?
And for the life of me, being a writer and all that, I could not find the perfect words to say to her, to convey to her my feelings. I tried, wrote long poems, short essays, listed out every synapse, every red blood cell in my body and it’s rhythms that spelt out her name, but I could never really say it simply, say it straight. So I turned to music, turned on the radio. (Those were the days Mumbai had a radio station purely for english music). I thought ‘Sweet Child of mine’ said it all. Not really. I tried ‘Hole in my heart’ – not as good. ‘Broken arrow’, ‘Ruby Tuesday’, ‘Ariel’…She just was too good for those songs, they didn’t even begin to express what I felt about her. I had writer’s block like never before. She never knew, for I used to write to her every day, have something to say every time we met, but I never really had the perfect thing to say, the lilt of a few simple words that could make her realise how hopelessly and completely in love with her I was.
The only thing close to what I wanted to say was what I found in a few lines of the poem ‘Somewhere I have never really travelled’ by E. E. Cummings:
‘somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose…’
Years have passed and today as I sit back and listen to this track, I finally have it. This is all I had to say – all that I had to say to tell her how I felt, how utterly fragile my heart was, that it could break if she were to even gaze at me without love…to tell her that I had never ever felt like this in my entire life, and I knew I never would feel like this ever again. This feeling of being empty, as if my soul didn’t exist, and at the same, the feeling of being so full of joy and hope that there was no place for anything else…the feeling of being light enough to fly and weighed down by such incredible beauty that I couldn’t even walk, that made me cry at the slightest hint of happiness…This is what I wanted to say, and this is how I wanted it to be said…this was the music that my heart was beating to…the perfect notes, the perfect melody…not just the words, but how they’re said…
Hai naya yeh jahan…ke hua na yahan …
… itna kabhi bhi kisi ko kisi se hai pyaar…
No one really had loved anyone as much as this. Ever. And I assume everyone feels so, when they really utterly and totally fall in love (though that is the only way of falling in love – utterly and totally – everything else is relationships).
As I sit and listen to ‘You May Be’ once again, I remember those days of utter aloneness that would only wither for the few hours that I could be with her. The girl who was made for me. The girl with whom I wanted to spend my life. The girl who was my every wish, my destiny. I didn’t ask the crazy little thing called god for money, for a job, for a career or just a roof over my head in this bustling city. All I ever wanted was to be with her. And she was exactly like this. Just a little bit deewaani. Thodi thodi si crazy. But she was the one.
And I wish I could have made her hear this song then…
My wife looks at me now as if I’ve gone nuts, listening to the song on loop for the past hour, and I say you’ll never understand completely. This is the song I should have had when that girl was in college. And damn Vishal Dadlani and Shekhar Ravjiani for not composing it years ago. To which she says – well, at least now when a boy waits at the bus stop at 7 in the morning for the love of his life, he’ll have the perfect song to listen to and think of her …and maybe play for her if he can’t find the courage to say the words…
I concede that point, but I still hold Vishal personally responsible for not having written and sung this 7 years ago. (I can’t fault Sujoy Ghosh since he has gone on record to say he pushes and pummels the duo to do their best work when they resist, so he’s on my side).
Damn you Vishal and Shekhar…how incredible it would have been back then, if only…this is the love song I’ve always been waiting for…
For all those wondering, there is, unfortunately, no sad ending to the story. That breathtakingly beautiful, incredible girl is now my wife and we’ve been together almost 6 years now. And she’s the one – paraphrasing the song – sapnon ko mere tha jiska intezaar …
But even today, as I listen to ‘You May be’, I’m suddenly the boy waiting on a bus stop, not knowing anything about the future other than one thing – she’s the one…and that if she was with me, the rest of my life would take care of itself. And I feel the tears start in my eyes as I realise – I’m glad I stood by what my heart said, that I told her what I felt no matter how the words came out and sounded…and that this is how I feel about her even today. And I’m glad Vishal has written a song that will, until he writes another one, remind me of where we started and how I felt and will always feel about her, the little bit deewani, thodi thodi si crazy girl – my wife…
And all those of you waiting, all alone, at bus stops and coffee shops and theaters and apartments and anywhere else, all those of you who feel vulnerable and scared because she is the one, but you don’t know if you are the one for her – go ahead, say it. Better still, take the song and play if for her. And leave the rest to the magic of Rock n Roll. For, as Meat Loaf so rightly said:
There’s always something magic, there’s always something new
And when you really, really need it the most – that’s when rock ‘n roll dreams come through…
Mine did. Go get yours.
And on the way, thank Vishal and Shekhar for the music.
P.S – I know technically I’m part of ‘Aladin’ and I may be accused of ‘plugging’ the film, but then objectivity be damned – I love the song. Heard it in the final mixed version 2 days ago after the music hit the stores and just had to write this. If you still think this is not objective enough, or not ‘ethical’ – well, sue me 
Anurag Kashyap
Abhay Deol
Dibakar Banerjee
Hansal Mehta
Khalid Mohamed
Kundan Shah
Anish Kuruvilla
Jaideep Verma
Manish Gupta
Navdeep Singh
Bhavani Iyer
D. Santosh
Onir
Ashvin Kumar
Ramu Ramanathan
Sudhir Mishra
Pankaj Advani
Revathy
Saurabh Shukla
Shilpa Shukla
Sujoy Ghosh
Suparn Verma
Santosh Sivan
Shashank Ghosh
Shivajee
Pavan Kaul
Partho Sen-Gupta
Prroshant Naryannan
Sam Langoria
Satish Kasetty
Tis a good thing that this post was written in a simple and lucid manner. Therefore managed to skip paragraphs and come to the point. I wuz actually hoping for a big controversy with Vishal & Shekhar.
brilliantly written .. music does make a very strong connection sometimes. You feel as if .. hang on . .did someone spy on my life ..to write this ? how can it be so related ?
“well, at least now when a boy waits at the bus stop at 7 in the morning for the love of his life, he’ll have the perfect song to listen to and think of her ”
Feel good .. u got ur girl.. Hope every true lover gets what they ask for. heartbreak is bheri bheri painful.
untill another ‘true love’ appears on the horizon.
‘Ring the bells that can still ring – forget your perfect offering…
There is a crack in everything – that’s how the light gets in…’
– Leonard Cohen
A fellow listener of Meat Loaf and Extreme! Sahi!!!
Now if only I could find that someone with whom I could have a happy ending as well…
Cry to be found. And don’t drive with your brakes on ;)
well your story reminds me a lot of the part in Jhankaar Beats where Shayan Munshi waits for Riya Sen everyday in the bus stop just to get a glimpse of her, until finally Sanjay Suri encourages him to approach that girl. Isn’t yours just like that!!
Plus, look at the irony, Vishal-Shekhar were the ones who gave the music for that film too, guess you should have gone with the song Suno Naa at that time… ;)
Very well written. From the promos the movie looks awesome, haven’t heard the songs. I do listen all new music (but restricts myself to ARR, Vishal Bhardwaj and sometimes Pritam). I was about to write that i havent heard much of vishal sekhar music besides Jhankaar beats, did imdb search and found (hell yeah, i too am a fan of his music, since i loved music of many of his movies).
Eagerly looking forward to watch this movie in theater in philadelphia, pa (which is 2 hrs drive from my place).
Its a shame that PFC is being used by some people to promote their own movies/music.
Any chance of releasing a song online or giving PFC readers free ringtones?
Let me see what I can do – as you know, that was the plan. But now, with the release approaching and too many cooks wanting to add ’special flavours’ to the broth – as someone very famous said – ho gaya kalyaan :p
great flair!! words of gold nikhil!! you took to me to my days of courtship!! something similar to what u ve written!!
woohoo! 2 posts on just one song! now that’s magik! loved the post! lets see how the movie does… wishing you the best & do convey my respects to V&S, if you can. that would be nice.
Nice post, as always Nikhil,But the soundtrack is a below average, the song you mentioned in the post,is not so great.
omg..
when I first saw the title I was surprised to see and said.. wtf.. what happened.. and then i run through this article. I was just lol.after reading it.. for the title ..
but truly the article seemed very catchy and made the right point
.. probably if that song was done a little earlier..i cud have told somebody the same :( .
nice one..
pretty ordinary song
Nikhil bhai to be frank even after hearing the song a few times I wasnt smitten by it.But then I saw the video of the song & then the connect happened.I dont know how, maybe it was the AB effect,maybe the picturisation,whatever.In the end I’m now starting to like it.Along with Genie Rap this is the other good track from the album.
Glad your story turned out to be postive.
As the man said – ishq mein jaldi, bada jurmaana… ;) Let love songs grow on you, slowly and silently
I don’t know about the track, but this write up is great!
I think we all find our own stories in some songs we hear. And that makes even an ordinary song special. Will wait to hear this one, haven’t so far.
Personally the music of Aladin has been disappointing!!! I hope the movie is better…though the trailers dont give me any comfort feel. Wish it does not turn out to be another Ajooba or Rajkumar!!!
Hey Nikhil,
something off-topic but still about Aladin and you. I was at Oberoi Mall Goregaon and outside PVR, there was a huge hoarding of Aladin – the typical 10-foot ’standees’ we have in vogue now-a-days. As is my habit, my eyes darted straight to the credit list at the bottom and it was shocking, almost heartbreaking to notice that your name was NOT there.
There was only a ‘STORY’ credit which had Sujoy Ghosh’s name and no credit at all for screenplay or dialogue.
I know it’s not surprising as far as Hindi films go (the ‘Blue’ standee had no credit even for story! Though that’s understandable.) but seeing the kind of involvement you have in this project, it was definitely sad and almost a reminder of the ‘aukaat’ of writers.
I am not asking for an explanation from anybody (i know the standard reply anyway – “Producers botched it up”), just thought will let you and the world know.
Hey Varun,
thanks so much for the heads-up and for the concern but unfortunately, my name will not be in the credit list since I didn’t write the film!:) Neither story, dialogues, nor screenplay. Sujoy Ghosh wrote it, alongwith Ritesh Shah and Suresh Nair… And you probably saw the first batch of standees where the credit list was not printed properly – Sujoy threw a fit and the ones going out now have proper writing credits – that’s the last thing Sujoy will compromise on. If you go on imdb you’ll even see an ‘additional story’ credit for Suresh Nair since Sujoy himself is a writer, respects writers and knows everything starts with a story and screenplay before anything else. His production company is called ‘Boundscript’ – writers come first here:) Otherwise I wouldn’t be working with him ;)
My previous reply isn’t showing so am just writing the precis of it – I haven’t written ‘Aladin’ hence you won’t see my name on the posters
In that case, my sincere apologies for that dramatic comment. I don’t know why I was under that impression. Just checked the website and found Ritesh Shah to be one of the writers (again uncredited on the big posters!).
And in what capacity are you associated with the film then? Just curious.
I appreciate your feelings and maybe it works for you but it didn’t work for me but after readin your I’ve got a bit more optimistic about love
Hi Nikhil,
This is off-topic again, but since you have access to Sujoy -
any chance of his engaging story / blog on Aladin ‘genesis’ at Boundcsript / PFC being resumed?